The need to be liked and accepted

[Ben Collyer]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

 

[rockytopva]

Here is a sermon where the young associate pastor spells out three things people are addicted to...

1. Attention
2. Appreciation
3. Acceptance

And how we can deal with these things in our life...

 

[gennypearl]

i think that at some points in our lives, we feel such need. i feel you brother as i have been subject to discrimination before and even up until today. on my end, i think that work and life at home have been keeping me busy and it keeps my mind off of my insecurities. also, having goals also helps for me. i believe you've read a lot of things about insecurities like count your blessings, you are wonderful and an awesome person, so i won't be saying that. i pray that you'll surpass this mountain before you and come out a renewed being. God bless!

 

[christianforumsuser]

Most people act happy on the outside but are totally insane
They say all the right things and make sure to look nice but the world has so many curses.
At least you might lose hope on what they still cling to, so in that regard I hope you might not be too arrogant and strong to listen, as someone in desperate need doesn't refuse food with so much discretion does he

 

[christianforumsuser]

I'm not just telling you some tips what to do carnally to have happy emotion or approach the world smiling. Of course I didn't say to be miserable everyday either. But even if you have a Bible you can't just read it like a carnal person who doesn't tell you that they'll make sure they get the bigger portion of whatever gains you make
It's an aggressive world where everyone considers a healthy happy man a threat or one to beg from but nobody's so nice and generous and rich and smart

 

[christianforumsuser]

Where's love when sin still remains there

 

[RC1970]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

Everyone basically feels the same way that you do. The best you can do is to be the kind of person that you want others to be to you.

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." ~ Romans 12:9-18

 

[christianforumsuser]

You can't just wake up rich and happy with all those supports can you
How can anyone compete with the blind obedience and garbage...unless you...or

 

[Ben Collyer]

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

 

[RC1970]

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

Abiding sin, possibly.

 

[christianforumsuser]

Realizing the problem is an important step. I don't mean that to sound too clinical and not worldly. I can't stand some places and folk, but I've had some experience.
The Law is the knowledge of sin. Mankind is wicked and evil. Since Adam, man has been godless sinners. Moses had a brother and that's the lineage that handled sacrifices.
The Old Testament was the shadow of things to come. Jesus Christ was baptized by John the Baptist and this by no means is something to skip as some meaningless ritual. Born 6 months prior to Jesus, John the Baptist's lineage is described as descending from Aaron's lineage. I should get the verses. I actually have free literature that goes over this and much more.
Christ means Anointed One, referring to the positions one is anointed for "High Priest" "King" "Prophet"
And the Elijah to come, John (the Baptist, not the author of the book of John) was baptizing in the wilderness until the coming of Jesus and refused to baptize Him but then recognized the purpose "fitting [for us] to fulfill all righteousness"
Even the next day the man shouted "Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world"
It was a free gift and people weren't even aware that the Savior was to be killed. But Peter didn't realize the plan when he tried to persuade Jesus against it (if my memory is right) but even what seemed like a good thing to say was rebuked by Jesus because after taking the sin on his flesh He needed to die AND be resurrected and ascend to Heaven.

Some years ago I ended up doing a search for "Free Christian Books" after failing to get the free Bibles I'd hoped someone somewhere would give freely
I didn't want more endless debates in confusion but decided to search for anything I could get my hands on at that point
The first search result was the New Life Mission and I didn't read the books in order at first. I read Book 7 and it kept saying "gospel of the water and the Spirit" and I thought it was the weirdest thing I'd heard so kept ignoring that reference and reading but saw it reference the first book so many times I really found something I didn't think was possible.

 

[rockytopva]

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

If E = mc2 then we can divide and conclude that...

Mass (m) = Energy (E/c2)

And there are three varieties...

Natural E/c2 - All mass is basically cooled plasma
Mental E/c2 - Mentally, A mathematical formula, but this has chemical and spiritual properties as well.
Spiritual E/c2 - E (motivation, warmth, love) / c2 (faith, hope, charity, joy)


Since spirituality is not knowledge it cannot be taught
Since spirituality is not material it cannot be purchased.

To catch the waves of spiritual light you must go where it exists.

Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. - 2 Cor 3:17

A true atmosphere of spirituality is a great help!

 

[Ben Collyer]

Realizing the problem is an important step. I don't mean that to sound too clinical and not worldly. I can't stand some places and folk, but I've had some experience.
The Law is the knowledge of sin. Mankind is wicked and evil. Since Adam, man has been godless sinners. Moses had a brother and that's the lineage that handled sacrifices.
The Old Testament was the shadow of things to come. Jesus Christ was baptized by John the Baptist and this by no means is something to skip as some meaningless ritual. Born 6 months prior to Jesus, John the Baptist's lineage is described as descending from Aaron's lineage. I should get the verses. I actually have free literature that goes over this and much more.
Christ means Anointed One, referring to the positions one is anointed for "High Priest" "King" "Prophet"
And the Elijah to come, John (the Baptist, not the author of the book of John) was baptizing in the wilderness until the coming of Jesus and refused to baptize Him but then recognized the purpose "fitting [for us] to fulfill all righteousness"
Even the next day the man shouted "Behold! The Lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world"
It was a free gift and people weren't even aware that the Savior was to be killed. But Peter didn't realize the plan when he tried to persuade Jesus against it (if my memory is right) but even what seemed like a good thing to say was rebuked by Jesus because after taking the sin on his flesh He needed to die AND be resurrected and ascend to Heaven.

Some years ago I ended up doing a search for "Free Christian Books" after failing to get the free Bibles I'd hoped someone somewhere would give freely
I didn't want more endless debates in confusion but decided to search for anything I could get my hands on at that point
The first search result was the New Life Mission and I didn't read the books in order at first. I read Book 7 and it kept saying "gospel of the water and the Spirit" and I thought it was the weirdest thing I'd heard so kept ignoring that reference and reading but saw it reference the first book so many times I really found something I didn't think was possible.

what on earth did any of that have to do with my question? x

 

[christianforumsuser]

You might expect me to tell you how to deal with your social life and not consider how other advice applies and assume or question if I'm just rambling about some agenda of mine and not trying to help
What on earth...well I hope to not be so obsessed with worldly values. But then maybe that's just me.
Good luck in any case

 

[ToBeLoved]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

I hope it brings you solice to know that God loves and accepts you as His child exactly the way you are. Maybe knowing how God accepts and loves you just as you are will make you see, that you yourself are worth loving and that people liking you because you do things to make them like you, is something you will always have to maintain. You may miss some of the really, good, loving people in your life, true friends while searching to make friends of all people and you will only find out who 'really' was your friend when they are not there for you. That sounds not good and that dissapointment may make you more depressed.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

I would say that you need to love yourself and know that you are worthy of real friends and real happiness.

View yourself as important and loved as our Father tells us we are.

What can you do, for yourself that is just for you, because you are loved? Do something nice for yourself. Go to a movie and buy popcorn and soda pop. Each day try to do one small thing for yourself.

Then give back and make others smile and know they are loved.

 

[christianforumsuser]

Entitlement might not work so well in the world. Watch out where it leads
The Bible on the other hand has free things people should see value of. I'd hope the humble get exalted and rewarded soon
Don't stop halfway. Such a world hasn't been so kind

 

[Halbhh]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

It's natural to want to be loved by others! But, also you will need certain things inside, and let me point you to a post about that (even though we are each unique with unique backgrounds, there are certain helpful things for all), and what finally worked (long, but it gets to a good point in the end) --
post #8

 

[jacks]

Any idea what the core of the problem is? there must be a spiritual problem here

A book we have been going through at my church is "The 33 Series" currently we are on the 3rd part "A Man and His Traps". You might be able to find it on-line or a local church men's group may be putting it on. It says there are 3 core idols that are the root cause of most of our sin. These are Control, Significance and Comfort. What you describe would fall under "Significance". i.e. looking for approval from people instead of from God. Put another way you value their opinions over the Lords. This of course is a impossible situation, you can't please everyone and will always fall short. Also you're putting your self worth in the hands of other weak, flawed people. Rather it is God's love for us that truly matters and it is Him we should try to please.
I'm probably not doing a good job explaining this, just remember that God's love and acceptance of you is boundless, regardless of what those around you may think.

 

[Ben Collyer]

I hope it brings you solice to know that God loves and accepts you as His child exactly the way you are. Maybe knowing how God accepts and loves you just as you are will make you see, that you yourself are worth loving and that people liking you because you do things to make them like you, is something you will always have to maintain. You may miss some of the really, good, loving people in your life, true friends while searching to make friends of all people and you will only find out who 'really' was your friend when they are not there for you. That sounds not good and that dissapointment may make you more depressed.

I feel you make a good point, seeking to be liked is very intense and draining, especially if your actively pursuing it rather than allowing the right friendships to come as they will. Unfortunately even when I relax and just try to enjoy my current friendships, Im still keenly aware of others real/percieved rejection.