The need to be liked and accepted

[christianforumsuser]

If someone holds a Bible they still might be on the sly even unknowingly feeding you their ideas and traditions.

 

[Sarah G van G]

I have never been a popular or well-liked person but I don't mind because I see it as a symptom of not being conformed to the world. Sure, it can hurt and feel lonely to always be an outsider but I am different and that's okay. I tend to like other outcasts rather than popular people as well.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

 

[Cyprezz]

You and I are in the same boat here haha.

This sounds weird but we had a career coach (who turned out more like a life coach) at work that I had a chat with. We got into how I feel I need appreciation and how I go above an beyond to get people to like me, so much so that it's a detriment to myself.

Ask yourself this (2 weeks later and I still haven't got an answer)


Why is everyone so much more important than me?



I understand wanting to be liked by everyone and wanting to be appreciated and acknowledged; lately I've been dealing with it by telling myself "Well hey, God knows I did this to help xxxxx" and IMO that's better than any worldly acknowledgement ( though that would be nice too )

 

[faroukfarouk]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

Hi, Ben. For the believer, it's good to be able to take the perspective of looking up, 'looking unto Jesus' (Hebrews 12.2). The surrounding passage there is very encouraging, actually.
As far as thinking about how one is perceived by others, and whether one is perceived positively, it's good when what the believer is in Christ radiates out to others. (Many won't like any form of Christian attitude, because their hearts are at enmity with God because of sin.) So really, whether people think well of us if we are believers, is not the first concern; instead, it's whether the believer's testimony is God honoring that really counts.
At a more superficial level, we can always change our haircut, wear something different, get new earrings, or whatever, right? It's the heart that really counts.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I have never been a popular or well-liked person but I don't mind because I see it as a symptom of not being conformed to the world. Sure, it can hurt and feel lonely to always be an outsider but I am different and that's okay. I tend to like other outcasts rather than popular people as well.

Romans 12:2 (ESV)

2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

"Woe unto you, when all men shall speak well of you!" (Luke 6.26) Popularity contests are not Scriptural!

 

[Ben Collyer]

Great answers so far! Question: Did God create man with a need for social acceptance, or is our need of acceptance only satisfied in the acceptance of the Lord himself?

put another way: Is the driving need for people to like me a result of my unbelief of Gods love

 

[christianforumsuser]

Your flesh sees desirable things it recognizes in the world and naturally wants to enjoy them
Adam and Eve did
Of course the flesh wants all these nice-looking things
Where would you present your members if not for spirit use by God's Word
But someone who doesn't have can't do good work to give and lead to what he hasn't accepted

Two trees can have extremely different ends...

 

[Deadworm]

Ben,
There are 2 essential points for you to wrap your mind around:
(1) Jesus' command, "Love your neighbor as yourself," is bad advice for a [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]--or for someone with low self-esteem like yourself. His command assumes that you love yourself and have healthy self-respect. This point is reinforced by Sirach, a book in the Catholic Old Testament, which is not canonical for us Protestants, but which helped shape some of Jesus' teaching--like the Lord's Prayer (see 28:2):

"My child, honor yourself with humility and give yourself the self-esteem you deserve.
who will acquit those who condemn themselves? And who will honor those who dishonor themselves (Sirach 10:28-29)?"

"If one is mean to himself, to whom will he be generous?...No one is worse than the one who is grudging to himself (14:5-6)."

(2) This teaching finds corroborating in modern experimental psychology. In a study of 205 Catholic high school seniors, it was found that those with high self-esteem perceive God as "kind, loving, and forgiving" and those with low self-esteem perceived God as "cold, distant, and impersonal."

 

[MyGivenNameIsKeith]

Personally going through very similar things, it took me a long time to reconcile the fact that since my mom had left when I was young, I took to doing things that I thought would keep people around, things to keep people from leaving. I always thought that things were my fault. So I tried to fit in, do the things that other people did to get them to like me, and I became a hot mess. I've had more jobs than anyone I will ever meet, never finding my way. I've been saved since I was 8, so it's not like it was a non-salvation thing, but when you get out of tune with your relationship with the Lord, it makes everything else go haywire. Rather than trying to fit in somewhere, go to the Lord first. He made you the way you are. Just like you are, the whole barrel of monkeys and all. The things that you currently do are manipulating and poisoning your mind and your heart. There are things that you won't let go of and things that you fear to seriously address. Spiritually, you seek the Lord, but you won't let him have control. Seek ye the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Simply put, put God first in everything, and to hell with everyone and anything else, and everything will fall into place. Cast away fake friends, quit going to places to smoke weed or drink or whatever you do. Go to church where people not only like you, they love you. God made you to be a certain person with skills and talents that only you have. You are special to the creator of the entire universe, and he loves you, hot mess and all, and that's the only one you should truly care about liking you. Open up to him. He knows everything about you, he just wants you to say it.

 

[christianforumsuser]

That's not wrong per se

 

[friend of]

Hebrews 13:6

 

[Pilgrim]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

I'm praying for you brother. God loves you. Many other's—God's people—love you too. Remember God's greatest command, love God above all else and love your neighbor.

The answers you seek are in God's Word. My Christian advice is read (and hear) about God's love (1 John); God's joy (Philippians); God's heart (1 Samuel); and God's encouragement (1 Thessalonians). Use God's Word as a lamp post and light to guide in all things.

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: —2 Timothy 3:16

Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. —Romans 12:12

 

[friend of]

If you praise yourself and if others praise you doesn't matter. In the end the only one who matters is what God thinks of you. Seek his will and pray fervently to be used by Him, even if He desires your life, ask to give your life for Him to further His kingdom. Then you will be saying to God, "I will die for you as Jesus died for me"

 

[christianforumsuser]

Hebrews 13:6

I could find other verses that connect to that so he can apply it
Who wields what/who though
In other words while quoting God is good, Satan and his followers tempted to worldly values prophesying. So have the Holy Spirit. In this case "tempted" is past tense and I didn't say "tempt".

 

[dcamero]

Deleted

 

[lastofall]

[for me anyway] one thing is needful, namely to Hear His Word, which is the only place from where faith comes; and if we lack faith, then we must more abundantly Hear His Word: by the way hearing is not mere listening or reading; rather it is to submit to and rely upon the Word of God, which is a matter of trust; if we trust Him, then we will trust what He tells us.

 

[Kelly McArthur]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

First off, if you haven't accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and saviour do so, just ask him to come into your heart and mind and be Lord of your life, on purpose.

Secondly, know the Holy Spirit is with everyone who asks, receives. Ask Jesus for help.

Stop praying to God on your right hand side, he's got your back and the accuser is with him. Know you're forgiven your sins through Lord Jesus who is on your left, cross over to him within the mind, everything is with him, the kingdom is within. The Holy Spirit is on your right. You're seeking the Truth and Jesus is the Way to the Father and the path is Light straight to our Father who is not a God at all, he's called Immeasurable One who is in perfect peace and rest continually. You can't get there on your own you need as saviour and Jesus is. his name.

The pendulum swings left and right and left and right and you glide forward, no going back, no more sin is counted against you, straight to the father, takes about 9 months and 100 days when the solution is understood correctly.



Confess to the Lord Jesus Christ and know you're not dealing with sin rather strengths and weaknesses, only your inner intelligence will hear him, all else will be left behind, this is how the mind is renewed. No drugs or alcohol, straight walk.


Jesus loves you.

 

[StillGods]

Great answers so far! Question: Did God create man with a need for social acceptance, or is our need of acceptance only satisfied in the acceptance of the Lord himself?

put another way: Is the driving need for people to like me a result of my unbelief of Gods love

We were created to be in community. God is in community Father Son and Holy Spirit. So it's normal for us to want to be in community with others but if we don't believe God loves us we are in disagreement with God or disbelief as you put it. I would ask God to help you know His unconditional love for you for real. Let God minister to those hurt places in you that keep you seeking others approval because once you know Gods love and approval in all His incredible compassion and power others approval won't be so necessary to you, what they think about you will pale in comparison to what God thinks about you. You may need to repent of not believing God too and seek to fully believe what God says about His Love for you His dearly loved and cherished child.

 

[ToBeLoved]

Great answers so far! Question: Did God create man with a need for social acceptance, or is our need of acceptance only satisfied in the acceptance of the Lord himself?

put another way: Is the driving need for people to like me a result of my unbelief of Gods love

Probably not. This is how you dealt with some hurt or trauma in your life, by deciding that you wanted everyone to like you.

I think everyone likes to feel socially accepted, but you have to realize that all people are not good for you or your walk with Christ.

 

[joshua 1 9]

Hi all, I am 26 years old and am very insecure within myself, and my happiness hinges on weather people like me or not, I was rejected and bullied extensively growing up and well into my adulthood.

I believe that a lot of my thought patterns are distorted or maladaptive. and im trying to work on that but its so much effort and it doesn't seem to work.

it also doesn't help that I don't even believe God loves me ...I know it in my head...but not my heart...and so I'm always seeking approval from others...reading self books on social anxiety, looking up articles on being more likeable, feeling happier temporarily until something happens that makes me think i'm not liked and then i sink into a severe depression for which im on medication and have therapy.

I wish I knew what the core of this issue is so I can work on it. I pray that God will give me the answers through this post.

When we become born again we become a new creation in Christ. We become transformed into the person that God wants and intends for us to be. We have our own set of gifts and abilities and it makes us happy to work on developing these skills.