Support thread for ED/SI/etc ... come on in! *poss. trig* (2)

[MyaShane]

Hey Littlevoice - let us know how it going when you have a minute and if you made it to your appointment. Great job on get one scheduled - that's an accomplishment in itself!

 

[MyaShane]

Well, I’ve gone 4 days now without weighing myself (which has been excruciating btw!). Even though I know it’s not all about the number, that’s my weakness in all of this.

I keep telling myself to just throw the stupid thing away!! (yeah right…sigh…………………)

 

[Soulwings]

Kerin, do you hide your scale at all?? I've found that it helps to not have it in a prominent position in your house. I do have my own scale, in my room, but when I'm not using it, it stays in its corner, under an Old Navy bag and my wastebasket. So I don't really see it that often, so I don't think about it as often. Does that make any sense?

Oh, and great job on not weighing yourself for 4 days!! I know how hard that can be, especially when you are used to weighing yourself daily or multiple times daily.

 

[MyaShane]

Hey April!

Never thought about that actually. I have it in the bathroom where, of course, it’s only too easy to hop on it just before getting in the shower (and I make sure the water’s running so hubby doesn’t hear me using it, d’oh! :o ). Maybe if I moved it into the basement….that’s an idea. Can’t imagine I’d want to strip down and hop on it down there, especially since my sister and nephew are staying down there right now. Could make things a lil awkward.

I really have wanted to buy an expensive one that’s super accurate, but have held out, that would not be good for me at all!

Thanks much!!

Now…I must drag myself back to work!

 

[Soulwings]

I wanted to get an expensive one too. Mine only measures to the closest 0.5lb, and I wanted the one that did to the 0.1lb. But no. Too expensive, and pointless. It doesn't matter what you weigh, especially to that trivial'ness!! And the accuracy would only drive me more crazy, I think ("oh no, I have gained 0.2 of a pound!!"). Ack.

Yeah, putting your scale in the basement sounds like a great idea.

 

[Quiddler]

I am really not doing well right now.

I'm making plans to restrict tomorrow.
I don't care about anything anymore.
I just want to be thin. Or at least, in control.
I know that weight doesn't matter.
And I know that it shouldn't define me.
But it does.
And I know that I will probably be okay when tomorrow morning comes (even though I will stick with my plans of restricting).

I'm just so tired of following everyone's directions. "Only XXXX amount of calories, or else you aren't going to lose the fat weight" .... "you have to take XX amount of pills per day to function" .... "I don't know if meds are the solution to this problem; you may just have to live with it" ....

I'm just sick of it. And I don't know what to do about it all. Do I just keep living and pretending that things are fine? Because that is apparently my only option. I don't want to worry anyone more than I already have. My treatment team knows what's up and they're all worried about how I've regressed.

And the most stressful part of the semester is coming up. I have no clue how I'm going to handle it, seeing as right now I have 0 motivation to get things done. I just don't care. I expended enough energy at the beginning of the semester and now I'm just exhausted.

I just don't know anymore.
I'm not suicidal.
But I can't help wondering, Is this life worth it??

 

[beckybooiloveu]

huge hugs quiddler... life is worth it... its all a learning experience...
i know how your feeling

 

[Quiddler]

Life is a learning experience, yes... Bec.... but I don't know if I want to be learning what I'm learning.

Well, okay, that's not true. I know I'm getting "stronger" - or at least, more able to rely on my Abba for strength - because of all the stuff that I have been/am going/will go through. But I'm tired of growing like this. I want a break, a pause, a time when I can catch my breath and gather together whatever resources I have mentally to keep going.

I don't know.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

huge hugs... we all get tired of learning... with everything... we get tired of going to school/uni/work wateva... but we still keep going

 

[Soulwings]

Yeah, I know what you mean, Q and Bec. It's like that song by Superchic[k] ... oh drat, I can't remember which one, lemme see if I can find it... here we go:

And the view will never change
Unless you decide to change it
Don't feel like it today
Just show up anyways
And though life will take you down
It only matters if you let it
Get up, go through, press on
Today's your day,
it's on, it's on, it's on,
so come on,
bring it on!

And a wise person once said that "the only way out is through." Actually, I think that's from another song - Alanis Morissette if I remember correctly? - but anyway... yes... must keep going. Maybe someday it'll get easier for all of us??

 

[oneandlonely]

Oh I love that song April, "It's On". Good song.

*hugs for everyone*

 

[Soulwings]

It is a good song!

How are things going with you, Bethers?? I read your journal, btw... and I still love you. ♥♥

I am not feeling great right now. Wiped out all of a sudden.

 

[oneandlonely]

I'm not doing good today. I just broke my contract with bev and cut .

*hug back* I love you too sis. I'm sorry if I sounded heartless.

 

[Soulwings]

/me huggles her lil sis's owies.

You didn't sound heartless. She's the one that sounded heartless.

You'll be okay. Just keep hanging in there.

It's worth it. Life is worth it.
And one day it will all become clear. Why you're going through this now.

 

[kathleenmary]

im crying right now. i cant go to my st paddys day party or all nigth worship tonight. my life seems like its ruined. this is what got me through the week. im really upset.

 

[Soulwings]

Kath. Hang in there, sweetie. Why can't you go? And aren't there other fun things that you could do for yourself? Like... oh, I don't know - take some Kath-time and curl up with some chocolate and a good book, or a bubble bath and your favorite music, or make something crafty, or go out and play in the snow (that is, if you have snow where you live now! ) and don't care what people think of you - let the little kid in you come out.

I'm not doing great right now. Crashing. Again. I am so tired of this, but there is nothing I can do ... I am so tired of not sleeping well at night, but there is nothing I can do ... I am so tired of having so much work to do, but there is nothing I can do ... I am so tired of missing Jarrod, but there is nothing that I can do ... I am so tired of recovery, but there is nothing I can do ... I am so tired of how easy it is to slip up, but there is nothing I can do ...

 

[beckybooiloveu]

huge hugs...
im not doing too well either...
we can get through this together

 

[Soulwings]

We can get through this... and what's more important to remember is that we will. I hate what's going on in my life right now, and I'm sure that most of you hate at least parts of your life too ... but it'll all pass ... things will get better ... and yes, I'm trying to talk myself into believing that.

What's up, Bec?

One good thing - I got through last night without doing anything "stupid" .... and I actually slept for about 10 hours. So I'm capable of coherent thought/speech today. Hehe.

Time to quote another Superchic[k] song (I know I've posted this one before, but it still holds true!!):

We all fall sometimes
We all let ourselves down.
Sometimes there's nothing left but to live with what's been done
And know you're not the only one who falls.
We all fail sometimes
We all let someone down
Sometimes there's thing left but to promise to ourselves
That next time we won't be the one to fail.
I want to tell you you can go on
That beginnings come from ends.
I still believe in you
And so does God
He's the one who still believes in those who fail
He's the one who still believes in us who fall...

(Emphasis mine)

I love you girls.

 

[beckybooiloveu]

ummm.. jsut everything is too much for me... uni, work... everything... not sleeping well and being sick isnt helping things either... my SI feels out of control... its not bad but i just feel like its out of control...

 

[Soulwings]

Is there anything that you can cut out of your schedule, Bec? Because that might be the best thing... cramming too much stuff in makes stress skyrocket... and then SI and ED stuff gets worse, as I think you are learning now. And as I'm learning too. Can you decrease work hours, or quit altogether? And are you involved in a lot of clubs and stuff on campus? Because I really think that, for your own wellbeing, you need to get some Bec-time in there - and I don't mean overexercising. I mean just time to sit back and relax and breathe.