- Dec 22, 2017
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Greetings, fellow humans! I announce with mixed emotions that I will be stepping away from Christian Forums for awhile, along with all my daily e-mails, and other "extras" with my spiritual life. Much of the following is most of a copy of an e-mail I sent to my superiors on the Angels Team:
Have you ever read the book Blue Like Jazz? It's an interesting description of a guy's modern spiritual journey. There is one point in it where Don, the author & main character, describes his rise in Christian prominence, as he becomes a high-profile pastor of a group on the West Coast. I don't remember details on this background, but what it leads to is my reason for mentioning it.
He talked about a time when he looked amazing from the outside, saying he'll pray for people & doing good Christian things, but on the inside, he felt lost. This was very difficult to describe to people, and it led to a confusing conversation with the head pastor of his church, as he was trying to say that he needed to take a break from what he's doing to try to figure things out, without being sure of what it was that he needed to figure out.
One line in particular sticks out to me, and I'll quote it as best as I can remember it. This is while Don is talking to his pastor about needing to take a break from his duties:
"I just said to a guy, 'The Lord bless you.' What does that even mean? Am I really meaning what I say, or am I just saying it to sound good? I know people appreciate it, but I don't know where I am on the inside."
The reason this sticks out now is because this is kind of how I'm feeling on the Prayer Wall. I feel that I can write some pretty good prayers; short, simple, but friendly & encouraging. But I really don't feel like I'm doing much. Frankly, I feel this way about a lot of this forum. And it's not the forum, but I've been feeling more & more like I should just step away for awhile, get better track of what I'm doing, without really being sure of why I feel this way.
I've actually been cropping out several things like this; I'm unsubscribing from Catholic daily e-mail lists, doing less specific devotions, and just really trying to focus on God. All these things, Dynamic Catholic e-mails & Christian Forums & the like, have been very good for helping me focus on God, but for reasons I don't understand, I'm feeling overwhelmed when I have this input.
All this is to say: I would like to step away from all my online devotions, including Christian Forums, for awhile. Please know that I will continue praying for you & for everything that happens on the Prayer Wall, even if I'm not reading what's posted on there. God knows it's there, and I can pray that He reads it a little closer than I do.
I will also make a public post, requesting prayers as I step away from a lot for awhile, but I wanting to ask my superiors first. Obedience to authorities is a running theme in Scriptures, especially relevant for me, with the Catholic Church being so hierarchical.
I guess what I'm wanting for awhile is a simpler spirituality. All these things are very good, praying for people on these forums, seeing inspirational Christian quotes in my inbox, and so on, but I just want to cut out these "extra" things for awhile. I suppose I'll have a better explanation of why I feel a need to do this, after I do this.
Due to my prolonged absence that is soon to come, the Angel's Team tag has been removed from my name until I return. I would like a few others to take my place; I do feel as if part of the reason for me to step away is to get a few others involved in the wonderful prayer ministry on these forums. There are more details on it here: Apply for CF Angels Team I suppose if you read all the way through this post, that shows a good dedication to the people on the Prayer Wall, and that will serve you well on the Angels Team.
I cannot say when I will return; all I can say is that I am in God's hands. I am not having a crisis of faith, just a simpler way to live it out. I think reading good books will be good for me; spending more time investment in a book sounds more appealing than reading a lot of little e-mails & online posts right now. Whatever direction God may be calling me, I pray that he may bring me there, and bring all of you where you need to be, as well.
Have you ever read the book Blue Like Jazz? It's an interesting description of a guy's modern spiritual journey. There is one point in it where Don, the author & main character, describes his rise in Christian prominence, as he becomes a high-profile pastor of a group on the West Coast. I don't remember details on this background, but what it leads to is my reason for mentioning it.
He talked about a time when he looked amazing from the outside, saying he'll pray for people & doing good Christian things, but on the inside, he felt lost. This was very difficult to describe to people, and it led to a confusing conversation with the head pastor of his church, as he was trying to say that he needed to take a break from what he's doing to try to figure things out, without being sure of what it was that he needed to figure out.
One line in particular sticks out to me, and I'll quote it as best as I can remember it. This is while Don is talking to his pastor about needing to take a break from his duties:
"I just said to a guy, 'The Lord bless you.' What does that even mean? Am I really meaning what I say, or am I just saying it to sound good? I know people appreciate it, but I don't know where I am on the inside."
The reason this sticks out now is because this is kind of how I'm feeling on the Prayer Wall. I feel that I can write some pretty good prayers; short, simple, but friendly & encouraging. But I really don't feel like I'm doing much. Frankly, I feel this way about a lot of this forum. And it's not the forum, but I've been feeling more & more like I should just step away for awhile, get better track of what I'm doing, without really being sure of why I feel this way.
I've actually been cropping out several things like this; I'm unsubscribing from Catholic daily e-mail lists, doing less specific devotions, and just really trying to focus on God. All these things, Dynamic Catholic e-mails & Christian Forums & the like, have been very good for helping me focus on God, but for reasons I don't understand, I'm feeling overwhelmed when I have this input.
All this is to say: I would like to step away from all my online devotions, including Christian Forums, for awhile. Please know that I will continue praying for you & for everything that happens on the Prayer Wall, even if I'm not reading what's posted on there. God knows it's there, and I can pray that He reads it a little closer than I do.
I will also make a public post, requesting prayers as I step away from a lot for awhile, but I wanting to ask my superiors first. Obedience to authorities is a running theme in Scriptures, especially relevant for me, with the Catholic Church being so hierarchical.
I guess what I'm wanting for awhile is a simpler spirituality. All these things are very good, praying for people on these forums, seeing inspirational Christian quotes in my inbox, and so on, but I just want to cut out these "extra" things for awhile. I suppose I'll have a better explanation of why I feel a need to do this, after I do this.
Due to my prolonged absence that is soon to come, the Angel's Team tag has been removed from my name until I return. I would like a few others to take my place; I do feel as if part of the reason for me to step away is to get a few others involved in the wonderful prayer ministry on these forums. There are more details on it here: Apply for CF Angels Team I suppose if you read all the way through this post, that shows a good dedication to the people on the Prayer Wall, and that will serve you well on the Angels Team.
I cannot say when I will return; all I can say is that I am in God's hands. I am not having a crisis of faith, just a simpler way to live it out. I think reading good books will be good for me; spending more time investment in a book sounds more appealing than reading a lot of little e-mails & online posts right now. Whatever direction God may be calling me, I pray that he may bring me there, and bring all of you where you need to be, as well.