I think I like "assertive" much more than "aggressive". I feel like I'm aggressive sometimes though, because I have so much pent up anger inside of me now. I broke 3 coffee mugs because I don't know what to do with all of this frustration. My husband even used THAT as an excuse to BLAME me for not opening up to me! He said that he's too afraid that he'll throw me into a "fit of rage", so he makes some kind of rational decision that I can't handle whatever he might have to say. I'm too "unstable" to handle his feelings, so naturally he withholds them, and that's my fault, according to him. He's never once seen me get angry, and he's certainly never seen a "fit of rage" come from me. The only reason I am even in any kind of "unstable" state right now is BECAUSE of him!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
If he saw you break mugs in anger, that would be enough reason to try to tread lightly. It sounds like he hasn't seen that, but if you are either seething or frustrated under the surface, he can probably pick up on that.
If I could tell my wife was angry or upset about something (especially within several months after childbirth), I just might decide not to talk about heavy topics or discuss my feelings until she seemed to be in a better mood. Post partum blues hit my wife pretty hard the first time-- that, coupled with the lack of sleep from a new baby, staying with in-laws for a while, living in a foreign country (for her) out in the country when she'd been in the city, having to make new friends, and my being unemployed was a lot of stress for her. I guess we hadn't anticipated the stress involved when we moved back to the US to have our first child. We were both very willing to make the move, and I sure didn't know anything about post-partum blues or depression, and I don't think she did either. You don't know what it is like before you go through it, either experiencing it first hand, or experiencing what it is like to be the husband.
For a while there, it seemed like she'd just sit around thinking how bad things were, thinking of things that were wrong with me, and thinking too deeply about the motives behind others' motives or actions. It was easy to hurt her feelings or make her upset just talking with her, over basically nothing. Eventually she snapped out of it. After the next child was born, I was hesitant to talk too deeply about certain topics with her, probably too much so.
When my wife was like that, she thought she was upset because of me. I didn't feel like I'd done anything to her except have a conversation with her, and suddenly I was the bad guy in her eyes. Fortunately, as far as I can tell, post partum blues didn't seem to hit as hard with the other children. It wasn't accompanied by the same degree of culture shock of living in a new country (the first time it hits hardest) and lots of time with her in-laws with our other children, either.
At times, it sure seemed like she blamed me for her feelings. She had all this hormonal stuff going on and stress, and I say, hey honey, why don't we let my parents see the baby for more than a few minutes a day, and she'd up crying and going on and on about how I was torturing her emotionally over that. She didn't seem very rational. Anything bad she felt was my fault in her mind at the time. It's a tough situation to be with as a husband. You don't know how to comfort her or make her feel better.
Your husband is not responsible for your feelings. He's only responsible for his own actions. If you blame him for your feelings, he'll pick up on that, and he'll be very careful, maybe too careful, what he shares with you. He may buy you flowers to try to cheer you up, hoping that will fix things, or at least make them better. It's hard to stop having feelings like this, but you can 'bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ' by the word of God. You need to be aware if you are thinking of him in a very negative manner, attributing negative motives to his actions (like bringing flowers) and other things like that.
Try to think good thoughts about your husband, pray for him, give thanks to God for him, and pray for the Lord to help with his weaknesses and faults. if you have a young baby, now is a time where you would want people you know to come offer to help you. But since you are far away from them, you and your husband will have to make an effort to get involved in activities where you can meet people, some of them believers who can speak good things into your life and encourage you. It would be good for him if you eventually had some friends around you to talk to about your feelings instead of only talking to him about them, especially if he feels like you blame him for feeling the way you do.
