Some advice or thoughts please

[RBPerry]

I’ve always been the one people came to for advice and counseling, but now I think I need some advice, or maybe someone to just listen and give feedback. I’m 71 years old, my wife will turn 70 in June.

We all know that tomorrow is not guaranteed, not even today. For my age my doctors says I’m in excellent health, however my wife isn’t. She is diabetic and now has heart regurgitation (simple meaning heart valve is not closing). I can deal with the health issues, what I’m having difficulty with is she won’t eat right, exercise, and basically doesn’t follow her primary cares advice. She is supposed to check her blood pressure twice a day, if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done, same with her blood sugar, and of course she is depressed, she has all the signs of deep depression but insists she isn’t. In simple terms she is suicidal, with her behavior I would say she is 5150.

I have tried every technique, argument, and reasoning, I have suggested counseling, the response I get is that’s what you do, and we all know that don’t work.

Her background is law, worked as assistant DA, focused on sexual assault and domestic violence cases, and of course many others she seemed to get all the above mentioned cases because she took them on as personal, and I always told her that wasn’t good, she needed to let them go, she didn’t.

 

[Broken Fence]

Greetings RBPerry,
We all have a supernatural enemy. She needs encouragement, you have to find a way to inspire her. The only thing I know to do is seek God, pray, praise His name. Put your armor on and get in the battle, which sounds like you are.

 

[splish- splash]

I'd say, just keep doing what you're doing according to 1 Corinthians 13v4-7 which reads, love is patient and so on. But also pray or maybe find other fellow Christians who can support you with prayers, inorder for your wife to find deliverance.

 

[childeye 2]

Don't make her worry about you, for she knows you love her. Continue doing what you need to do in hope she will live as that is your proper course. But don't try to force her to hope with you which can cause you to become a weight which in turn might cause her to withdraw. Consider that what you see as being suicidal, could be seen by her as trying to be at peace with dying. You may need to talk to her in her terms.

 

[ReesePiece23]

It's difficult, because as a 29 year old you're LEVELS above me in terms of wisdom and awareness. So any advice from me is probably going to be a bunk.

But everyone needs hope, and everyone needs a goal to chase. Talk to her about what she might like to do and draw up a plan. Just be optimistic, eventually (hopefully) it'll rub off.

You ultimately become the people you associate with. Acrimony begets acrimony, positivity begets ... You get the idea.

 

[maintenance man]

It sounds like she is feeling defeated by her health issues and is ready to give up.

I think this is all on you now brother. I'm praising God that you are there to take her blood pressure and check her blood sugar. From my point of view, it's going to be up to you to get her to eat right. Start making healthy meals that the two of you can share. I think that, along with exercise will go a long way toward helping her get beyond the depression. You're going to have to encourage her to take a walk with you every day. Obviously, I don't know all the details, but that's what I'm seeing from what you've shared. I'm praying for both of you.

 

[Richard T]

Someway, you need to discuss her depression with her doctor. Hopefully, she would be willing to do this, otherwise, you might have to get the ball rolling and have that conversation yourself.

 

[RBPerry]

Thank you all for your input, it is greatly appreciated. Reese, I have learned that age is not a factor ins wisdom. You are correct, and I have attempted to have her set goals, find things of interest and that just hasn't worked, she always loved attending church, she has even lost interest in that, would watch Christian programming on TV, but no more.

Childeye, no she doesn't worry about me, and at this point has no need to, she knows I'm here for here 24/7.

Her primary care and mine are the same, and believe me I have, but as you know your primary care can only do so much, we have a fantastic doctor and we have known her for many years. One of the few physicians that makes regular calls to check on her.

Thank you all for your thoughts and encouragement

God Bless

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I’ve always been the one people came to for advice and counseling, but now I think I need some advice, or maybe someone to just listen and give feedback. I’m 71 years old, my wife will turn 70 in June.

We all know that tomorrow is not guaranteed, not even today. For my age my doctors says I’m in excellent health, however my wife isn’t. She is diabetic and now has heart regurgitation (simple meaning heart valve is not closing). I can deal with the health issues, what I’m having difficulty with is she won’t eat right, exercise, and basically doesn’t follow her primary cares advice. She is supposed to check her blood pressure twice a day, if I don’t do it, it doesn’t get done, same with her blood sugar, and of course she is depressed, she has all the signs of deep depression but insists she isn’t. In simple terms she is suicidal, with her behavior I would say she is 5150.

I have tried every technique, argument, and reasoning, I have suggested counseling, the response I get is that’s what you do, and we all know that don’t work.

Her background is law, worked as assistant DA, focused on sexual assault and domestic violence cases, and of course many others she seemed to get all the above mentioned cases because she took them on as personal, and I always told her that wasn’t good, she needed to let them go, she didn’t.

What's most important is her standing with the Lord.

My wife also trys to encourage good healthy behavior. Wretched ones like me you can only push so far before causing resentments.

Love her while you got her and plan on seeing her in heaven someday. I think that's where my wife's at, although she still won't let me eat a half gallon of ice cream.

M

 

[jacks]

I think you are right when you said she is depressed. Having health issues and feeling mentally unwell go hand in hand. She needs something to get excited about and look forward to and to give her purpose. Shake things up, go on a trip, get her a puppy (maybe just a gold fish), engage her in some issues she knows about (sexual assault for example, maybe she needs that sort of stress, it is better than apathy.) i.e. get her interested in life again. Tell your doctor what is happening, ask if there is some drug or therapy that might help, which there probably is if she will cooperate. In the meantime keep doing things for her until she begins to do them herself. That's hard I know. Make sure you take care of your own needs too. Praying for you and her.

 

[com7fy8]

diabetic

won’t eat right, exercise

Well, this is not only about what you or your doctor want. She needs to care about obeying how God would take care of her. We are accountable for how we take care of ourselves or not.

But you can be her good example to encourage her, by taking care of your own self right. This includes submitting to how our Father rules us in His peace to care for ourselves, and how His peace has us praying and relating with her >

"And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful." (Colossians 3:15)

"casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)

God uses good example >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

Does she understand she will answer to God? Right now, she can answer to Him and do better.

focused on sexual assault and domestic violence cases, and of course many others she seemed to get all the above mentioned cases because she took them on as personal, and I always told her that wasn’t good, she needed to let them go, she didn’t.

Possibly, she was operating in a controlling spirit which could take her down. But God's word says how to lead in authority >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

I have seen how controlling and make-it-happen people can be deeply degraded with stress and raging control emotions, and this keeps them weak so they are not sharing with Jesus in His love's "rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-30)

So, she has been investing for some time, in how she would become now. We do reap what we have been sowing . . . so much more than those little seeds we have dropped at different points along the way.

"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life." (Galatians 6:7-8)

And if we submit to how Jesus teaches and guides us in His yoke > "you will find rest for your souls," Jesus guarantees if we obey Him. This should be motivating if she considers Jesus to be her Groom.

It looks like it is time to do better investing. You can be her example of doing this. And whatever is really going on in you can spread to help to make her the same way.

 

[HatedByAll]

I am the primary caregiver of my Mom who is in her nineties and has dementia. Thanks be to God, my mom is cooperative, but even still, being responsible for one who is unable to be responsible for their self for whatever reason is a real toll on the caregiver. I just want to offer my encouragement.

And one simple bit of advice. If the blood pressure cuff hurts her, a wrist type blood pressure machine is much more comfortable. And if you shoo for one, check the descriptions. Some measure as they inflate. Those are the most comfortable. The old style ones are a small amount more accurate, but what is the value of a little moe accuracy if the user refuses to use them.