Hi everyone,
No real question here, just a post to vent because I just can't talk to anyone else.
It's literally been years since I've posted on CF, and at that time I was well and truly single. In October 2021 I married my wife, who I loved and love. And counted my blessings. She was married before (from early 20's to early 30's). Me, not, and I've only had two other GF's and she's my only sexual partner. But since we got married, life has been down the darn toilet. Whereas most couples have a relatively easy marriage with some hard times, out started out hard from the outset. When we married, it wasn't the wedding we wanted (though still fun) because she had an injury and her dad cancer. Because of her injury we also knew we couldn't go on a honeymoon. That sucked, because though I never told her (as not her fault), I was a bit jealous that she got to have the wedding she wanted, go away on honeymoon and holidays with her first husband. But I let it go, because it's the big scheme of things irrelevant, because her operation for muscle tears were just two weeks after we got married, she'd heal up, then life is ours, for kids, family, honeymoon etc. Well, that's we're things went downhill:
- Operation happened, just for surgeon to say the real issue was a completely busted hip bone, and she'd have to wait at least a year to heal, before having a surgery to fix it. Aftermath of that:
- Over 2 years on, no honeymoon or even any holidays with my wife. Sex is/was also vanilla due to her injury. All of these things increasingly grated on me, as she got to do them with her ex-husband.
- Social life went downhill for both of us, as she'd feel too unwell and pained to see friends or my family. (Though we'd see hers often).
- She lost her independence as couldn't drive (or barely walk) and unable to work. So I became to sole earner since wedding day.
- Wife had (understandable) gradual mental/emotional decline, leading to depression and anger (including lashing out at me).
- We've gone financially backwards.
- Past two years, has me being the worker, and also essentially a carer for my wife and doing the vast majority of chores.
- I use to be fit and healthy due to exercise routine which I had to give up because too exhausted. And I'm also finding (through no fault of hers due to the past 2-3 years of injuries, pregnancies and treatments, not finding my wife as attractive to me as before we got married).
- Then at the beginning of last year, at the hip surgeons suggestion, we started trying for kids (he recommended before the surgery so to preserve implant). It happened very quickly for us. Suddenly everything (all of our struggles/trials) made sense, and we knew what our future was. We thought our child was a miracle. Then at 7 weeks in the womb, they died. To make matters worse, the obstetrician said it was an ecptopic pregnancy, and one of my wife tubes had to be removed (decreasing further fertility). Just for after the operation, for the doctor to say, they diagnosed wrong, and the baby was in the uterus the whole time.
- That just created a lot of extra grief and stress for us. So we went on the IVF wagon twice last year. Losing one baby and the other round not successful.
- After that, we got my wife's surgery, as she couldn't delay it any further. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. The surgeon said that after the implant/replacement, we could still have kids. The surgery did go well and showed real promise.
- In November last year, we had a "nice night". And fell pregnant. Very surprised as 6 weeks after surgery, and based on the obstetrician advice, our time had passed for that. We're now 11 weeks! This had made us hopeful again.
- Last week, my wife had an accident, and she believe she's fractured her operated hip implant. The pain is unbearable. Our first appointment with the obstetrician, is Thursday. Has been for over a month and looking forward to it. But no also, as imperative, we're also seeing the hip surgeon on that day. They have said that scans (that could hurt the baby) have to be done (and they know about the pregnancy) and that if it is a fracture, for my wife's health that needs to take priority. Rightly so and I want her to survive (she can't carry a child with a fractured/broken hip replacement). But they've made it clear that will likely kill the baby too. So for our second "miracle" baby, who we've seen a heartbeat for and little hands, things are not looking like they're coming out of this alive either way and both of us belive by the end of this week or next, they'll be dead. And with my wife losing everything past (nearly 3 years since injury), and how bad the pregnancy has been for her and with fertility level as well, it's unlikely we'll get another shot. My wife does need to rebuild herself and she feels nears the end of her tether.
I love my wife. She's been a darn superwoman with how much she's done. But we're also feeling life nothing good has been shown by God to us in this marriage. Whereas friends are either having kids, or if not (because of age) are getting rich and having romantic holidays together. If another operation needs to be done, that would also be another year of the wife having to recover. And honestly, after 2 years of getting the brutal end of her depressions, including calling me a loser and a failure (despite a good job and working hard at it and at home and my career suffering because of being a carer to her as well), once it's confirmed our baby is dead, I just don't see what God has given us through this marriage and for me to continue at it. I've just felt so let down past two years with a lot of sadness, and now I feel like the crescendo is about to happen.
Sorry for the long post. I don't actually expect anyone to really read it. But I can't talk to anyone about my true feelings, and this is the only way I felt like I've got room to express my feelings, anger, pointlessness and disappointment at my/our life married. Constant sacrifice by both of us for nothing. Particularly as it's all but confirmed to help my wife we'll have to kill out baby, that seemed like God's miracle to us (at last).
No real question here, just a post to vent because I just can't talk to anyone else.
It's literally been years since I've posted on CF, and at that time I was well and truly single. In October 2021 I married my wife, who I loved and love. And counted my blessings. She was married before (from early 20's to early 30's). Me, not, and I've only had two other GF's and she's my only sexual partner. But since we got married, life has been down the darn toilet. Whereas most couples have a relatively easy marriage with some hard times, out started out hard from the outset. When we married, it wasn't the wedding we wanted (though still fun) because she had an injury and her dad cancer. Because of her injury we also knew we couldn't go on a honeymoon. That sucked, because though I never told her (as not her fault), I was a bit jealous that she got to have the wedding she wanted, go away on honeymoon and holidays with her first husband. But I let it go, because it's the big scheme of things irrelevant, because her operation for muscle tears were just two weeks after we got married, she'd heal up, then life is ours, for kids, family, honeymoon etc. Well, that's we're things went downhill:
- Operation happened, just for surgeon to say the real issue was a completely busted hip bone, and she'd have to wait at least a year to heal, before having a surgery to fix it. Aftermath of that:
- Over 2 years on, no honeymoon or even any holidays with my wife. Sex is/was also vanilla due to her injury. All of these things increasingly grated on me, as she got to do them with her ex-husband.
- Social life went downhill for both of us, as she'd feel too unwell and pained to see friends or my family. (Though we'd see hers often).
- She lost her independence as couldn't drive (or barely walk) and unable to work. So I became to sole earner since wedding day.
- Wife had (understandable) gradual mental/emotional decline, leading to depression and anger (including lashing out at me).
- We've gone financially backwards.
- Past two years, has me being the worker, and also essentially a carer for my wife and doing the vast majority of chores.
- I use to be fit and healthy due to exercise routine which I had to give up because too exhausted. And I'm also finding (through no fault of hers due to the past 2-3 years of injuries, pregnancies and treatments, not finding my wife as attractive to me as before we got married).
- Then at the beginning of last year, at the hip surgeons suggestion, we started trying for kids (he recommended before the surgery so to preserve implant). It happened very quickly for us. Suddenly everything (all of our struggles/trials) made sense, and we knew what our future was. We thought our child was a miracle. Then at 7 weeks in the womb, they died. To make matters worse, the obstetrician said it was an ecptopic pregnancy, and one of my wife tubes had to be removed (decreasing further fertility). Just for after the operation, for the doctor to say, they diagnosed wrong, and the baby was in the uterus the whole time.
- That just created a lot of extra grief and stress for us. So we went on the IVF wagon twice last year. Losing one baby and the other round not successful.
- After that, we got my wife's surgery, as she couldn't delay it any further. Both physically, mentally and emotionally. The surgeon said that after the implant/replacement, we could still have kids. The surgery did go well and showed real promise.
- In November last year, we had a "nice night". And fell pregnant. Very surprised as 6 weeks after surgery, and based on the obstetrician advice, our time had passed for that. We're now 11 weeks! This had made us hopeful again.
- Last week, my wife had an accident, and she believe she's fractured her operated hip implant. The pain is unbearable. Our first appointment with the obstetrician, is Thursday. Has been for over a month and looking forward to it. But no also, as imperative, we're also seeing the hip surgeon on that day. They have said that scans (that could hurt the baby) have to be done (and they know about the pregnancy) and that if it is a fracture, for my wife's health that needs to take priority. Rightly so and I want her to survive (she can't carry a child with a fractured/broken hip replacement). But they've made it clear that will likely kill the baby too. So for our second "miracle" baby, who we've seen a heartbeat for and little hands, things are not looking like they're coming out of this alive either way and both of us belive by the end of this week or next, they'll be dead. And with my wife losing everything past (nearly 3 years since injury), and how bad the pregnancy has been for her and with fertility level as well, it's unlikely we'll get another shot. My wife does need to rebuild herself and she feels nears the end of her tether.
I love my wife. She's been a darn superwoman with how much she's done. But we're also feeling life nothing good has been shown by God to us in this marriage. Whereas friends are either having kids, or if not (because of age) are getting rich and having romantic holidays together. If another operation needs to be done, that would also be another year of the wife having to recover. And honestly, after 2 years of getting the brutal end of her depressions, including calling me a loser and a failure (despite a good job and working hard at it and at home and my career suffering because of being a carer to her as well), once it's confirmed our baby is dead, I just don't see what God has given us through this marriage and for me to continue at it. I've just felt so let down past two years with a lot of sadness, and now I feel like the crescendo is about to happen.
Sorry for the long post. I don't actually expect anyone to really read it. But I can't talk to anyone about my true feelings, and this is the only way I felt like I've got room to express my feelings, anger, pointlessness and disappointment at my/our life married. Constant sacrifice by both of us for nothing. Particularly as it's all but confirmed to help my wife we'll have to kill out baby, that seemed like God's miracle to us (at last).
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