Slow dancing with someone who is not your spouse.

[unfinishedclay]

"Is there no care for what the Bible says?" That is where I always start from and finish at. How about "judge not less ye be judged"

You pushed Scripture off on her as if her concern is the problem for her suspicion and not his questionable actions staring her right in the face. Where is the discernment?

 

[Ancient of Days]

"HALF is all the story anybody needs to validate her feelings"

Is that how you make decisions? By only hearing half the story? Really?

So the next time someone accuses you of something we only need to listen to the accusers side and not yours?

 

[unfinishedclay]

"HALF is all the story anybody needs to validate her feelings"

Is that how you make decisions? By only hearing half the story? Really?

Well, how did you make the decision to answer her in your post? By how many stories?

 

[Ancient of Days]

I addressed what was inside of her and her alone based on what she said and that is ONE story. I never said a word about her husband. If he chimes in and gives an account then that may be different.

 

[Ancient of Days]

"You pushed Scripture off on her"

I did? Please provide evidence for your accusation.

 

[unfinishedclay]

I am fearful of my husband not respecting my boundaries.
I am fearful of not being respected.
I am fearful of trusting people.
I am fearful of being betrayed.

I am so sorry. You didn't use Scripture at all. You used your own assessment to point out that her whole problem in this is her own alarm/suspicion, which you hyper-analyze as fear.
Edit to add: But you're not the only one doing that. There are a bunch of people making her out to be the problem for expressing genuine concerns of a wife. Just wow.

 

[Vicomte13]

"HALF is all the story anybody needs to validate her feelings"

Is that how you make decisions? By only hearing half the story? Really?

Last time I read the Bible, I don’t recall any prohibition on dancing.
Nor do I recall any prohibition on having a good time at a party.

 

[Ancient of Days]

"I am so sorry. You didn't use Scripture at all. You used your own assessment to point out that her whole problem in this is her own alarm/suspicion, which you hyper-analyze as fear.
Edit to add: But you're not the only one doing that. There are a bunch of people making her out to be the problem for expressing genuine concerns of a wife. Just wow."


At no point did I make her out to be the problem for expressing the genuine concerns of a wife. Again, just to reiterate, she wanted to know how to deal with her own anger. Dealing with anger begins by recognizing the under lying fear. You are having a field day with the whole victim status. Passive aggressiveness is not a direction towards healing. When dealing with a problem within, one needs to comprehend the statement "If I'm not the problem there is no solution" We can only fix ourselves and are powerless over the actions of others.

Helps to emotional stability

 

[unfinishedclay]

Okay. Please excuse my ignorance but I guess I need to be schooled on some things where the Bible is thrown to the wind for analyzation that that would require introspection in place of confrontation.

whole victim status

Who's a victim? Just because a wife is alarmed seeing a photo of her husband up close dancing with somebody else and is dismayed as a result, she's a victim? She's more validated than that.

Dealing with anger begins by recognizing the under lying fear.

That's just not necessarily true. If somebody steals from you, are you going to say, "Oh, there's this fear in me that I need to deal with before getting angry. Otherwise I wouldn't be justified in my anger."
Fear is not a blanket over anger. Jesus overthrew money changers with a whip yelling that His Father's house had been turned into a den of thieves. And He was angry. Had nothing to do with Him fearing.

We can only fix ourselves and are powerless over the actions of others.

I agree. But does that mean throw confrontation to the wind? Does that mean suspicion should just become a non-issue and she should blindly look only within and never question questionable behavior?

She told us that her husband and the other woman both expressed regret for their actions. They knew they were wrong. Otherwise, there would be no regret. If a spouse has no right to become angry over inappropriate actions, there can be a serious domino affect among those whom we keep company with - especially in church.

Please forgive my passion. But there are secular websites that draw a thicker line between right and wrong than we do on CF, and sadly even in our Christian circles. I just don't get it.

 

[Ancient of Days]

Okay. Please excuse my ignorance but I guess I need to be schooled on some things where the Bible is thrown to the wind for analyzation that that would require introspection in place of confrontation. Is it not written " And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" That means for us to FIX ourselves. No one threw the bible to wind. Should I have just thrown a bunch of scripture at her that she already knows and understands since she is a sister in Christ?


Who's a victim? Just because a wife is alarmed seeing a photo of her husband up close dancing with somebody else and is dismayed as a result, she's a victim? She's more validated than that. I said YOU are having a field day with the whole victim status. NOT the OP. AGAIN, she wanted to know how to fix herself. It is YOU that is mixing two issues into one.


That's just not necessarily true. If somebody steals from you, are you going to say, "Oh, there's this fear in me that I need to deal with before getting angry. Otherwise I wouldn't be justified in my anger. Sure, the fear would be: losing something I own
Fear is not a blanket over anger. Your right, anger is a blanket over fear. Jesus overthrew money changers with a whip yelling that His Father's house had been turned into a den of thieves. And He was angry. Had nothing to do with Him fearing.
Sure he did its the fear of his fathers house being turned into a den of thieves. He became human so he could feel and understand ALL that we go through. There are healthy and unhealthy fears, What he felt was a healthy fear and acted accordingly.


I agree. But does that mean throw confrontation to the wind? Does that mean suspicion should just become a non-issue and she should blindly look only within and never question questionable behavior? Nope, and I never said she should.

She told us that her husband and the other woman both expressed regret for their actions. They knew they were wrong. Otherwise, there would be no regret. If a spouse has no right to become angry over inappropriate actions, there can be a serious domino affect among those whom we keep company with - especially in church. I never said she did not have the right to be angry. That is her choice.
She wanted to know how to move past the anger which is a very healthy attitude to have when getting ready to deal with confrontation.

Please forgive my passion. But there are secular websites that draw a thicker line between right and wrong than we do on CF, and sadly even in our Christian circles. I just don't get it.You are powerless over the actions of others why do you take it upon yourself then. Sounds like you have a resentment.

 

[dqhall]

Hi friends,
What are your thoughts regarding one spouse slow, romantic dancing with someone who is not their spouse? Add into the mix, the spouse was home sick, completely bummed that she(me) could not attend the event that she looks forward to all year. I happened to check into Facebook and found a picture of my husband of 35 years holding a friend up tight & personal to his body, with a comment that "others were stepping in to take my place" with the two of them having silly grins on their faces. I should also point out that I had sent him a text asking if he was planning on dancing, which he never responded to. I was fine with him fast dancing the night away, but would have reminded him that slow dancing was off limits, but he disregarded my text, stating later that he didn't want to be controlled. I'm so angry at the two of them and am struggling to forgive them for having bad judgement. Any thoughts of what I can do personally to eliminate the anger I feel towards both of them?

People can dance with partners without forming intimate relationships with them. It would be different if you were well and he did not take you dancing.

When a spouse moves out to live with another partner, then it is over. Sometimes it is over before then, depending on the situation.

Hi friends,
What are your thoughts regarding one spouse slow, romantic dancing with someone who is not their spouse? Add into the mix, the spouse was home sick, completely bummed that she(me) could not attend the event that she looks forward to all year. I happened to check into Facebook and found a picture of my husband of 35 years holding a friend up tight & personal to his body, with a comment that "others were stepping in to take my place" with the two of them having silly grins on their faces. I should also point out that I had sent him a text asking if he was planning on dancing, which he never responded to. I was fine with him fast dancing the night away, but would have reminded him that slow dancing was off limits, but he disregarded my text, stating later that he didn't want to be controlled. I'm so angry at the two of them and am struggling to forgive them for having bad judgement. Any thoughts of what I can do personally to eliminate the anger I feel towards both of them?

In a square dance partners held hands as they went from one partner to the other. At the end of the dance they ended up with the partner they were with at the beginning. If you husband had not returned to you after the end of the dance that would have been real trouble. I suppose one has to forgive rather than punish, if one is to remain in love. If he had gone to live with his new dance partner, the marriage could not be fixed.

 

[RDKirk]

Well, here is the pertinent scripture:

Husbands, love your wives.

He shouldn't have gone off to have a good time, leaving a sick wife by herself, in the first place.

 

[unfinishedclay]

Well, here is the pertinent scripture:

Husbands, love your wives.

He shouldn't have gone off to have a good time, leaving a sick wife by herself, in the first place.

Amen. And he wouldn't answer her text, stating he didn't want her controlling him. Look what he did instead of answering the text.

Short passage but such a sound answer. Ephesians 5

 

[Zatek]

Amen. And he wouldn't answer her text, stating he didn't want her controlling him. Look what he did instead of answering the text.

Short passage but such a sound answer. Ephesians 5

Believe it or not there was a time before smartphones existed and people weren't in instant contact with each other. I have a few people who are setup to bypass my phone's silent feature when they call, not text, and everything else can wait until I get around to checking my phone on my own schedule. Anyone who expects you to be constantly checking your phone is someone you should avoid like the plague.

Well, here is the pertinent scripture:

Husbands, love your wives.

He shouldn't have gone off to have a good time, leaving a sick wife by herself, in the first place.

Why shouldn't he? She has a simple illness and just needs to rest for a day or two, for what reason should he put his life on hold while she says at home and rests? There is nothing the husband can do to make her better faster. Sleep and rest help you get better faster. Sounds pretty selfish to me for a wife to expect her husband to sit at home while she sleeps, how is that love?

 

[unfinishedclay]

Believe it or not there was a time before smartphones existed and people weren't in instant contact with each other. I have a few people who are setup to bypass my phone's silent feature when they call, not text, and everything else can wait until I get around to checking my phone on my own schedule. Anyone who expects you to be constantly checking your phone is someone you should avoid like the plague.


Why shouldn't he? She has a simple illness and just needs to rest for a day or two, for what reason should he put his life on hold while she says at home and rests? There is nothing the husband can do to make her better faster. Sleep and rest help you get better faster. Sounds pretty selfish to me for a wife to expect her husband to sit at home while she sleeps, how is that love?

you are single. In the faith, singleness is a blessing. Don't let that status trap you into short-sighted thinking. These types of marital discussions are but a playground for you if you treat a concerned spouse in the words you choose.

 

[Zatek]

you are single. In the faith, singleness is a blessing. Don't let that status trap you into short-sighted thinking. These types of marital discussions are but a playground for you if you treat a concerned spouse in the words you choose.

I'm confused. You quoted my post but didn't respond to anything I said.

 

[unfinishedclay]

I'm confused. You quoted my post but didn't respond to anything I said.

It doesn't merit response.

 

[Zatek]

It doesn't merit response.

I'll take that as an admission you have no counter argument.

 

[RDKirk]

Why shouldn't he? She has a simple illness and just needs to rest for a day or two, for what reason should he put his life on hold while she says at home and rests? There is nothing the husband can do to make her better faster. Sleep and rest help you get better faster. Sounds pretty selfish to me for a wife to expect her husband to sit at home while she sleeps, how is that love?

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
...
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
...
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
...
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself

Here is the tough thing about being a husband: That happy-go-lucky single guy who only needed to care about himself must die. The husband must become a symbiotic creature with his wife. Thus, he thinks of the welfare of his wife just as he thinks of the welfare of part of his body.

Let's say a man falls asleep in the wrong position and wakes up with that terrible feeling of pins and needles in his arm. He looks at his arm; it's perfectly fine. There is nothing at all wrong with his arm. Yet, it's giving him grief.

Even though he sees nothing wrong with his arm, even though his arm is complaining for no reason he can see, what does he do? He changes his position for the sake of his arm.

If a husband's wife is sick, he should remain near to give her comfort. "Aw, she ain't gonna die," may be okay for the single guy, but that's not where a husband's head ought to be.

 

[Zatek]

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her
...
In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
...
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
...
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself

Here is the tough thing about being a husband: That happy-go-lucky single guy who only needed to care about himself must die. The husband must become a symbiotic creature with his wife. Thus, he thinks of the welfare of his wife just as he thinks of the welfare of part of his body.

Let's say a man falls asleep in the wrong position and wakes up with that terrible feeling of pins and needles in his arm. He looks at his arm; it's perfectly fine. There is nothing at all wrong with his arm. Yet, it's giving him grief.

Even though he sees nothing wrong with his arm, even though his arm is complaining for no reason he can see, what does he do? He changes his position for the sake of his arm.

If a husband's wife is sick, he should remain near to give her comfort. "Aw, she ain't gonna die," may be okay for the single guy, but that's not where a husband's head ought to be.

You didn't answer the question at all. No one said anything about a husband not loving his wife. You gave no explanation as to how you started at "love your wife" and then ended at "your wife is asleep in the other room resting but you're not allowed to do anything fun because she'll be jealous and get upset with you".

You analogy fails because an arm can't move itself, where as women can take care of themselves. I'm not married, but I have dated women before. Women are not stupid or helpless, at least not the ones I dated. They were happy to take care of themselves the rare times they didn't feel good because they're not selfish people. I've had women show up for dates even when they were sick because they didn't want me to think they weren't interested. They didn't expect me to waste my evening to do something they can easily do for themselves, nor do I expect them to do for me what I can do for myself. That's just how normal, empathetic, unselfish behave.