Slow dancing with someone who is not your spouse.

[Prphan2]

What this a pause in a regular dance, or was it really a slow dance?

It was a slow dance.

 

[Prphan2]

It sounds to me lie you're being childish. Dancing and having fun is not sinful or sexual in and of itself. I train BJJ\MMA and I am touching other guys, occasionally they are teenagers, between their legs (closed guard). But it is not sexual or gay at all and neither is dancing sexual just because their bodies are close.

You were sick and needed rest, but that doesn't mean you need to ruin his night too. You should be happy that he had some fun. You weren't suffering from a severe illness, just a normal illness that takes you a few days to recover.

My biggest concern is how you only talk about your feelings. If this is your husband you love s why don't his feelings matter? Can't you be happy he had fun? Why not say "I saw the pictures and it looked like a lot of fun, lets go together when I feel better"? There is nothing wrong with dancing and it jus makes you look insecure and selfish when you only talk about your own feelings.

 

[Prphan2]

Making a lot of judgements? Wow! This was a slow, romantic dance. I am not the least bit jealous, but believe in boundaries. When I asked how he would have felt if it was me in another man's arms (without his knowledge or okay) he told me that he would have felt that I betrayed and disrespected him. He had a hard time looking at me, which broke my heart. I let him know that I understood the misstep and that we both know that neither one of us will step over the line intentionally again.

As a sidebar...I watched an entire church implode when I was on staff, because the married head pastor and a much loved & respected married member of the church overstepped boundaries. Long story short, it was a very bad time.

 

[*LILAC]

If you were sick, your husband should've been home to take care of you instead of going to some dance. JMO

 

[RDKirk]

You didn't answer the question at all. No one said anything about a husband not loving his wife. You gave no explanation as to how you started at "love your wife" and then ended at "your wife is asleep in the other room resting but you're not allowed to do anything fun because she'll be jealous and get upset with you".

One writer has said: "Love means your own happiness is incomplete without the happiness of the person you're in love with."

I guess that's something that someone who is actually in love with another human understands that can't be understood otherwise.

 

[Endeavourer]

Your husband has crossed boundaries that are troubling. You stated:


#1: "but he disregarded my text, stating later that he didn't want to be controlled." That response to the observance of normal marital boundaries is VERY troubling. Something is off at a deeper level than the face value of his response.

#2: "When I asked how he would have felt if it was me in another man's arms (without his knowledge or okay) he told me that he would have felt that I betrayed and disrespected him. He had a hard time looking at me, which broke my heart. I let him know that I understood the misstep and that we both know that neither one of us will step over the line intentionally again."

I would find this very troubling - it points to your husband being so attracted to this woman that he was able to rationalize taking it that far. If that were my husband, I would NOT ask him if anything else is going on (if it is, he will deny it and will just be alerted to hide his tracks better). Instead, I'd quietly (without his knowledge) try to confirm from his digital life that something is not going on further than what you think it is.

One of the country's leading marriage counseling and recovery experts says this:

"One of the most destructive and painful acts that one human can do to another is to have an affair with his or her spouse. I've been told by women who have experienced both their husband's infidelity and being gang raped that the infidelity was far more painful. I've been told by men who have experienced both their wife's infidelity and the loss of one of their arms or legs that the infidelity was a greater loss. That's why I am so much opposed to affairs, and why I try so hard to help couples prevent them."

He wrote several articles about the mechanics of how an affair starts.

What do you think of these articles?

Coping with Infidelity: Beginning (Part 1)
Escaping the Jaws of Infidelity: How to Avoid an Affair Letter #1
Are "Friends" a Threat to Your Marriage?

 

[Zatek]

One writer has said: "Love means your own happiness is incomplete without the happiness of the person you're in love with."

I guess that's something that someone who is actually in love with another human understands that can't be understood otherwise.

Another non-answer. Why can't the wife be happy her husband is having fun while she rests? I know if I was sick I would never tell my girlfriend she needs to come over and sit in the other room while I sleep, but then again I'm not a selfish helpless jerk who cares nothing about other people's time.

I guess respect is something that someone who is actually respectful to another human understands that can't be understood otherwise.

 

[Zatek]

Making a lot of judgements? Wow! This was a slow, romantic dance. I am not the least bit jealous, but believe in boundaries. When I asked how he would have felt if it was me in another man's arms (without his knowledge or okay) he told me that he would have felt that I betrayed and disrespected him. He had a hard time looking at me, which broke my heart. I let him know that I understood the misstep and that we both know that neither one of us will step over the line intentionally again.

As a sidebar...I watched an entire church implode when I was on staff, because the married head pastor and a much loved & respected married member of the church overstepped boundaries. Long story short, it was a very bad time.

I'm not making any judgements, just observations based on what you wrote. Like I said, you wrote almost entirely about your own feelings, which is selfish. I'm not saying that one forum post is an accurate reflection of who you are as a person, just that the post you wrote was selfish.

Obviously if he felt it was wrong it was wrong. Even if something isn't a sin itself, it is sinful for him if he believes it so. However you did not mention this in your original post.

Also, I'm not sure what your definition of romance is, but romance is something involving or building a sexual relationship. Physical touching is not always romance. I get up close and person with men and women constantly while training mma\bjj, but it's not romantic even though some of the positions are identical to sex positions. Intention is what makes something romantic, not physical touching.

 

[Dave-W]

Slow dancing is a kind of touching that goes further than a handshake. I do not see how a man would do that with someone else than his wife. That just transgresses the boundary towards fornication right there.

Correct. And that was the reason that ALL dancing was considered sinful by the Holiness crowd back 50 and more years ago.

 

[1stcenturylady]

Hi friends,
What are your thoughts regarding one spouse slow, romantic dancing with someone who is not their spouse? Add into the mix, the spouse was home sick, completely bummed that she(me) could not attend the event that she looks forward to all year. I happened to check into Facebook and found a picture of my husband of 35 years holding a friend up tight & personal to his body, with a comment that "others were stepping in to take my place" with the two of them having silly grins on their faces. I should also point out that I had sent him a text asking if he was planning on dancing, which he never responded to. I was fine with him fast dancing the night away, but would have reminded him that slow dancing was off limits, but he disregarded my text, stating later that he didn't want to be controlled. I'm so angry at the two of them and am struggling to forgive them for having bad judgement. Any thoughts of what I can do personally to eliminate the anger I feel towards both of them?

Wise woman.

My ex husband is now married to that "friend." Marriage is to be protected at all cost. Lack of boundaries is the first thing to go...

 

[PeterDona]

Wise woman.

My ex husband is now married to that "friend." Marriage is to be protected at all cost. Lack of boundaries is the first thing to go...

*living in adultery with that woman. He is married to you. Jesus words are quite clear.

 

[1stcenturylady]

*living in adultery with that woman. He is married to you. Jesus words are quite clear.

Yes, I believe they are living in perpetual adultery. That is why he is the last man I kissed, let alone anything more... I don't date and he divorced me back in 2002. I never even signed the divorce papers or went to court to get alimony or anything. I let him do ALL the sinning in our family.

 

[Zatek]

Correct. And that was the reason that ALL dancing was considered sinful by the Holiness crowd back 50 and more years ago.

That also happens to be the same generation of people who's votes started unfunded government programs that have forced 20 trillion dollars in debt onto their great-grandchildren and their children. How can a generation of people so blinded by greed and selfishness possibly have an opinion on what is sinful that is even remotely credible?

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I had chills running up my arms reading about what he did. Just felt creepy and disrespectful. I'd never slow dance "romantically" with another woman, only my wife. Even if she was away at something and I was alone at the event. Lets pretend for whatever reason I did do the dance, I'd not have the woman up against me like that. That makes it even worse. Ugh. I'd be seeking marriage counseling.

 

[RDKirk]

That also happens to be the same generation of people who's votes started unfunded government programs that have forced 20 trillion dollars in debt onto their great-grandchildren and their children. How can a generation of people so blinded by greed and selfishness possibly have an opinion on what is sinful that is even remotely credible?

If you go back and read 1 Samuel, you'll see that all kings do that.

 

[bluegreysky]

Hi friends,
What are your thoughts regarding one spouse slow, romantic dancing with someone who is not their spouse? Add into the mix, the spouse was home sick, completely bummed that she(me) could not attend the event that she looks forward to all year. I happened to check into Facebook and found a picture of my husband of 35 years holding a friend up tight & personal to his body, with a comment that "others were stepping in to take my place" with the two of them having silly grins on their faces. I should also point out that I had sent him a text asking if he was planning on dancing, which he never responded to. I was fine with him fast dancing the night away, but would have reminded him that slow dancing was off limits, but he disregarded my text, stating later that he didn't want to be controlled. I'm so angry at the two of them and am struggling to forgive them for having bad judgement. Any thoughts of what I can do personally to eliminate the anger I feel towards both of them?

Take a deep breath, dont attack him it will only start a fight and whatever you do, dont get bitter. That's what I did about alot of things my husband did and wound up seperating from him for 3 months down the road which only caused more problems.

 

[All4Christ]

Question...is he someone who is a ballroom dancer? Was the slow dance something like a waltz that has form and steps to follow?

 

[Zatek]

If you go back and read 1 Samuel, you'll see that all kings do that.

All kings do what?

 

[RDKirk]

All kings do what?

Create debt that future generations must pay.

 

[PaulWouldSay]

Wives who go to nightclubs, bars or wherever make it dangerous for marriage . If it's going to a club, bar, or meat market wherever to get drunk with men trying to hit on you, I believe without a doubt its wrong. Some woman will say, no we're just dancing with ourselves, ect excuse. But many times we see with our own eyes how many times there will be single men or especially divorcees egging a wife to push her boundaries and limits. Imagine how that husband would feel coming into that club to see his wife and probably mother of his kids behaving in such a manner. To many women say, it's not cheating if all she did was getting felt up on the dance floor and even possibly making out with a complete stranger when the husband is not around. I've seen it and read about it so many times. This is why wives should honor God and there vows and solely make dancing special for only the spouse, if a women needs to find attention from and with another man or women to dance body to body contact rubbing touching ect, especially sexually and call it just dancing then 9 times out of 10 she has no honor or respect or love for her husband but far most for God and needs remember marriage is a sacred thing and she should be pleasing to God first by pleasing her husband, he should be her priority and consider his feelings as well, if its anything less then she is just being selfish and setting up her marriage and herself for failure, Love is selfless and a wife should help her husband as she is called to do so by God to help him see that meaning of selflessness by how she carries her self with or without him present especially if it bothers the husband and if dancing is done in both a sexual gesture or body to body contact. after all her body is no longer her own but as a promise before God to be given to her "Spouse Only" to death do her part, anything done sexually whether just dancing or not is wrong. Grinding or dropping it low rubbing body parts, feeling someone else's body is wrong and very unhealthy for any and all marriages, the wife should try to dance more with her own husband and make it there own sacred special thing they both enjoy as a sign and commitment to each other and God.