I can understand needing to learn how to be content single b/c you are single. But it seems contradictory to me when people tell me you'll never be happy married if you're not happy being single:
If you're happy being single, there's no point in getting married. All these people who got married wouldn't have if they liked being single. Me who's been single their whole life knows how to be content single more than someone who got married at 22 or 18 did.
I've been very content the past 5 months. What did it get me? Nada. If anything being content hurts my chances getting married because I'm less likely to work for it. I'm less likely to want it. If I don't want it, I'm not going to pursue it. If someone doesn't work towards their dream, they're not going to get it. To me saying not to worry about it is the equivalent of saying give up.
Here's the thing. Happiness comes and goes. It is largely dependent on circumstances. It is NOT the same as contentment.
People don't get married because they're miserable, and want to become happy. If they do, they're doing it for the wrong reasons, and the marriage is likely doomed from the outset. A spouse is not the solution or cure to a single person's inner damage, scars, baggage, and issues. All you'll do is become a drain on the other person, because you didn't come into the relationship as a whole, healthy, functional, strong individual, with enough well-being of body, mind, and soul to take care of not only yourself, but another human being. Marriages are partnerships, not "SAVE ME, I'M LONELY". Well, ideally, anyway. Lots of people get married because they're lonely, desperate, and needy; and they usually end up divorced and then they have the trauma of that on top of everything they started out with. If you think finding a woman when you're a depressed, lonely, insecure single person is hard, try finding one when you're a depressed, lonely, insecure divorcee, possibly with children and custody issues in the mix.
Here's another truth that countless men can't seem to grasp (for reasons I've yet to understand): Women aren't robots. We aren't computer programs. We don't have an algorithm that you just need to figure out in order to push the right buttons in the right order, and BAM! a girl is in love with you. We're individual people, and we're all attracted to different traits in men. I see sooooo many men who aren't looking for a partner, they just want "a girl" or "a woman". As if they aren't even looking for an entire human being, with a personality, a past, dreams, needs, flaws, hopes, habits. Just this sort of animated thing with the right body parts, who'll laugh at their jokes and make them feel good all the time and never require anything in return. Get that thinking out of your head ASAP. You don't want "a" woman, you want the right woman who will not only complement your life, but YOU will complement HERS. Think about what YOU bring to the table. No, not your jawline or your bank account. Your decency. Your honesty. Your self respect. Your treatment of other people. Your inner strength. Your work ethic. Your ability to be selfless without being self pitying. Do you have these things, and in enough quantity that you can give them away to another person, every day, for years and years? When you can answer "yes", then start thinking about a serious relationship, and not with just "a woman", but someone who likes you, respects you, appreciates you, and who feels easy and natural to be around. If it's awkward or forced, it's not the right person or time.
"I've been very content the past 5 months, what did it get me?" Well, if this is how you're looking at it, you weren't actually content, were you.
"If anything being content hurts my chances getting married because I'm less likely to work for it. I'm less likely to want it. If I don't want it, I'm not going to pursue it." This is wrong thinking, my friend. You don't work for "marriage", you work for the person that you like and fall in love with. If you haven't met her yet, then of course you don't need to worry about working on marrying her or anyone else. You need to work on YOU, and becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. So that when you do meet her, you're in the best possible place - physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and financially - to present yourself as a potential, long-term partner. So just live your life. That's how we meet people - by simply living. And don't be constantly eyeing every woman who passes by and grilling yourself internally on how to assess her as a potential interest. That's gross. Just live. Be a happy, chill, content single dude. THAT is what's attractive to women.
