Single and lonely.

[Tony Ramirez]

Instead of being crushed she isn't single, you should focus on the fact you had a conversation with her, and build on that.

I do feel proud I was able to at least talk to her. I am just bummed that all woman I talk to are in relationships.

 

[mojoboy31]

I'm not sure this would help, but after reading through the last few comments, I have a suggestion. Perhaps, one of you could start a private group chat for those who do struggle with making conversations/socializing to get to know each other. I think you can improve your social skills just by talking to others regularly. If you aren't getting the chance to do that in your daily life, this could be a good option. Plus, it might be less threatening and easier to put yourself out there if you know the others in the chat also struggle with the same things. It won't solve the singleness issue, but it might help to make some friends and gain some confidence. Just a suggestion.

I have created such a group. Message me if you would like an invite.

 

[pen_and_poetry]

Well, I guess it's my turn to be lonely. Went on a date with a man last weekend, and I think we were both kind of uncertain (we're both divorced). No second date that night, but I was texting him through the week to be friendly and chatty but he didn't really initiate. Well, week and more has gone by and I don't think he's interested in another date. Pretty discouraging--try being a 35-year-old divorced woman out there. I know in a few days I'll get over it, but right now I'm feeling pretty screwed. This is when I hate the whole thing and just want to drink.

I'm really trying to keep an open mind and not just look for that magical spark and fall head over heels because I've been through it. I think my dealbreakers are pretty reasonable. I try to be practical and focus on being at least good matches on paper. Online dating does suck in a special way because photos are terrible for determining if someone is attractive.

It's one of those things where, other than my ex-husband, I always struggled with guys staying interested in me after a first date or two. Obviously, after striking out enough, one starts to feel like the common denominator is one's self but I've thought a lot about it and if I have any glaring problems, no one--not a girlfriend, not a family member, not a guy--has told me and I can't see anything obvious (and we aren't counting my ex saying all kinds of nasty things to me). I like men and I want to be in a relationship. Men don't really see me as marriage material, I guess (this is based on 15 years of life experience, not just this one guy). But I'm an upstanding, mature, honourable woman so colour me confused.

Oh well. I should stop complaining.

 

[public hermit]

Well, I guess it's my turn to be lonely. Went on a date with a man last weekend, and I think we were both kind of uncertain (we're both divorced). No second date that night, but I was texting him through the week to be friendly and chatty but he didn't really initiate. Well, week and more has gone by and I don't think he's interested in another date. Pretty discouraging--try being a 35-year-old divorced woman out there. I know in a few days I'll get over it, but right now I'm feeling pretty screwed. This is when I hate the whole thing and just want to drink.

I'm really trying to keep an open mind and not just look for that magical spark and fall head over heels because I've been through it. I think my dealbreakers are pretty reasonable. I try to be practical and focus on being at least good matches on paper. Online dating does suck in a special way because photos are terrible for determining if someone is attractive.

It's one of those things where, other than my ex-husband, I always struggled with guys staying interested in me after a first date or two. Obviously, after striking out enough, one starts to feel like the common denominator is one's self but I've thought a lot about it and if I have any glaring problems, no one--not a girlfriend, not a family member, not a guy--has told me and I can't see anything obvious (and we aren't counting my ex saying all kinds of nasty things to me). I like men and I want to be in a relationship. Men don't really see me as marriage material, I guess (this is based on 15 years of life experience, not just this one guy). But I'm an upstanding, mature, honourable woman so colour me confused.

Oh well. I should stop complaining.

I'm sure you're perfectly fine. Who knows why some folks match and others don't? Love is a mystery, but you had a date, which is much more than what most of these poor sots on the forum keep whining about. Good for you. I bet you'll find one. Keep your head up. You're a strong, beautiful woman, and God is keeping you for something good. Whatever you do, don't judge yourself by this experience. It will happen.

 

[mojoboy31]

I am pretty involved with my church. My new life group I joined possibly has three girls who are single I said possibly as they never mentioned a boyfriend or husband.

Group settings with multiple girls is a great start. But again, focus less on if they're single, and focus more on getting to know them, and having successful conversations.

 

[LoveDivine]

Not to mention, the more people you meet, the more likely you are to be introduced to someone who is single. Once you make a good impression on others, they are more likely to think of single friends they could set you up with.

 

[mojoboy31]

@pen_and_poetry , and @YankeeGirl , it's true though! There are many benefits to being friends with women. While super close friendship can be problematic, for a guy to have a few girls he's friendly with, but not interested in can do wonders.

 

[mojoboy31]

@YankeeGirl no but seriously, please tell us what we're doing wrong! We need the information

 

[LoveDivine]

@YankeeGirl no but seriously, please tell us what we're doing wrong! We need the information

Seriously, my advice is to be yourself and not try too hard. I think trying too hard to make a good impression is going to scare off a lot of women. It doesn't make a person seem authentic. From my perspective, I want to see that a guy has his own interests, convictions, standards, etc, even if I don't agree with everything he thinks/believes. Desperation is also a big turnoff. I'd rather go out with someone that I sense is looking for a woman who will be a good match for him; not someone who just wants to be in a relationship. That holds almost no appeal to me (and I think many women feel the same). I don't really sense a connection with someone like that. They might be happy with anyone. You want the guy to be asking you out because he sees some potential for compatibility.

 

[mojoboy31]

Desperation is also a big turnoff. I'd rather go out with someone that I sense is looking for a woman who will be a good match for him; not someone who just wants to be in a relationship.

Take notes, guys. Women are smart, and they can sense desperation. And it's an immediate turn-off.

 

[mojoboy31]

@YankeeGirl , I assume that goes for like early interaction/getting to know you phase, but after you're sorta friends, and the context comes up, is it okay then? Or still something to stay away from until you're more closer in a sense?

 

[pen_and_poetry]

I'm sure you're perfectly fine. Who knows why some folks match and others don't? Love is a mystery, but you had a date, which is much more than what most of these poor sots on the forum keep whining about. Good for you. I bet you'll find one. Keep your head up. You're a strong, beautiful woman, and God is keeping you for something good. Whatever you do, don't judge yourself by this experience. It will happen.

Thanks, friend. I'll try to stay positive.

 

[LoveDivine]

@YankeeGirl , I assume that goes for like early interaction/getting to know you phase, but after you're sorta friends, and the context comes up, is it okay then? Or still something to stay away from until you're more closer in a sense?

Yeah, I would agree with that. I think you want to give the other person a chance to form a good impression of you. The impression probably gets formed so quickly (within minutes possibly). You don't want to waste the opportunity to show the woman your interesting qualities by taking up the time to complain about how much other women didn't find you interesting/like you. It's kind of like going for a job interview; employers rarely want to hear about what you didn't like about your last job. In fact, complaining about your previous employer is almost always a strike against you.

It's probably better to be positive and engaging and then share stories after the woman asks "how is a guy like you still single?" haha

 

[mojoboy31]

Yeah, I would agree with that. I think you want to give the other person a chance to form a good impression of you. The impression probably gets formed so quickly (within minutes possibly). You don't want to waste the opportunity to show the woman your interesting qualities by taking up the time to complain about how much other women didn't find you interesting/like you. It's kind of like going for a job interview; employers rarely want to hear about what you didn't like about your last job. In fact, complaining about your previous employer is almost always a strike against you.

Cool. I've always kind of wondered. lol

It's probably better to be positive and engaging and then share stories after the woman asks "how is a guy like you still single?" haha

Once upon a time, I would have answered that question with some sad, dumb sounding answer like: "Because girls don't like me." Big mistake.
Now I answer that question with: "You know, it's honestly because I never passed along those chain posts on facebook back in 2009."

 

[Citanul]

It's one of those things where, other than my ex-husband, I always struggled with guys staying interested in me after a first date or two. Obviously, after striking out enough, one starts to feel like the common denominator is one's self but I've thought a lot about it and if I have any glaring problems, no one--not a girlfriend, not a family member, not a guy--has told me and I can't see anything obvious (and we aren't counting my ex saying all kinds of nasty things to me). I like men and I want to be in a relationship. Men don't really see me as marriage material, I guess (this is based on 15 years of life experience, not just this one guy). But I'm an upstanding, mature, honourable woman so colour me confused.

I've entertained similar thoughts whenever I've failed to garner any interest on dating apps or one of my attempts at dating has fizzled out, that maybe I'm a man who women just aren't interested in.

But this past year has given me hope. I went on more dates than I have in quite some time, and every first date led to a second. So even though there wasn't always a third, I must be getting something right. And I did get to spend one-on-one time with some women who I were quite attractive (in both looks and personality), which I can't really say was a bad thing.

The two best connections I had didn't end because they lost interest in me. In both cases we still liked each other, but there were specific reasons why it didn't work out with either of them. Each time it was disappointing that it didn't work out, but still encouraging in its own way.

So I get how much it can suck to go through this sort of experience over and over again. I know that it can sound like a bit of a meaningless platitude to say this, but try not to become disheartened. You've got a lot to offer the right guy, and even though you haven't met him yet, it doesn't mean that he's not out there.

 

[DragonFox91]

It's hard to meet girls in general. Groups it's dominated by guys. It's like girls are afraid of getting hit on by guys they wouldn't like so just stay home or only do things w/ their girl friends. Just as I know many large circles of guy friends, I'm sure there are large circles of girl friends.
Plus girls in relationships (married or dating) just do things by themselves or w/ other couples.

It's a problem.

 

[Citanul]

It's hard to meet girls in general. Groups it's dominated by guys.

I haven't encountered that problem as much as I have a lack of women my age (late 30s/early 40s). I've been to plenty of events where there are more women than men, but they tend to be early 30s (or younger) or over 50.

 

[DragonFox91]

I haven't encountered that problem as much as I have a lack of women my age (late 30s/early 40s). I've been to plenty of events where there are more women than men, but they tend to be early 30s (or younger) or over 50.

That's a problem for me too. Way too young or way too old.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My friend Justin who is married and meet his wife at an life group at the same church says I have tunnel vision when it comes to woman and I should focus on improving myself and my relationship with God.

 

[Lost Witness]

My friend Justin who is married and meet his wife at an life group at the same church says I have tunnel vision when it comes to woman and I should focus on improving myself and my relationship with God.

Sounds like good Advice to me.