Single and lonely.

[Andromeda00]

I was praying to get married for many many years. I was praying to God to give me a husband and a family. But God gave it to all my friends. Husbands and children. I still keep their marriage's invitations, have pictures of their babies. When I see them I am crying. All I ask is what I 've done wrong. I spoke with them for their advices, I asked pastors their opinion. Their answers where different but also same. You are not ready. Your time has not come yet. Your past relationships delayed your blessings. Friends of mine argues with me when I say how sad and lonely I feel. They never been through this but this is how married treat singles and as years passing by it is getting worse.
Family and friends think that something wrong is going with me. They keep pushing to find someone because I am getting old. For years I was crying almost every night asking God to give me strenght and hope when loneliness was drowning me.
One night a thought came to my head, why are you asking God to help you? You ask His help all of this years and nothing happend. That night changed my life. I stopped praying. I stopped hope. I stopped waiting for a miracle. God doesn't care for me. He wants to see me in pain, loneliness and shame. I don't believe in Him anymore. I don't want to. I don't find a reason to do it. I stop calling my friends and share my thoughts. Many of them didnt care if I have days to call. They have families. They hung out with other families. I am nothing to their eyes. I am single. I don't understand them because I am single.
This is my life and I can't change it. No one cares, no one will ever love me. I am getting used to this new reality in my life and I am crying less now. Hugging my new revelation gives me more comford. But inside me I became dead cold. I don't feel anything. I see myself becoming cruel and bitter. You gonna ask me why I write all these? Because I haven't heard my voice for a long time. I have no one to listen to me. Maybe someone here will do and understand how really feel. Sorry for any mistakes in english language.

 

[Saucy]

Hello and welcome to CF!

I am sorry to read you are suffering so much being single. Being single doesn't mean God doesn't love you and I don't believe it's a good reason to suddenly stop believing in Him. There is no shame in being single. My best friend and I are both single, and we know so many married people who are completely miserable. Marriage doesn't equal happiness or fulfillment.

You should be focusing your identity on being a child of God, not on whether you are married. You are becoming a self-fulling prophecy by pushing everyone aside and saying, "see, no one is here and no one loves me." You're even giving up on yourself. This attitude and self-destruction may be why God has withheld this specific blessing from you.

Instead of pounding your fist and stomping your feet, bow yourself completely to His will, whether you are single or not. God is not a genie you can make a wish from and get angry if He doesn't deliver to you. It is YOU who is making this situation worse.

 

[timewerx]

I was praying to get married for many many years. I was praying to God to give me a husband and a family. But God gave it to all my friends. Husbands and children. I still keep their marriage's invitations, have pictures of their babies. When I see them I am crying. All I ask is what I 've done wrong. I spoke with them for their advices, I asked pastors their opinion. Their answers where different but also same. You are not ready. Your time has not come yet. Your past relationships delayed your blessings. Friends of mine argues with me when I say how sad and lonely I feel. They never been through this but this is how married treat singles and as years passing by it is getting worse.
Family and friends think that something wrong is going with me. They keep pushing to find someone because I am getting old. For years I was crying almost every night asking God to give me strenght and hope when loneliness was drowning me.
One night a thought came to my head, why are you asking God to help you? You ask His help all of this years and nothing happend. That night changed my life. I stopped praying. I stopped hope. I stopped waiting for a miracle. God doesn't care for me. He wants to see me in pain, loneliness and shame. I don't believe in Him anymore. I don't want to. I don't find a reason to do it. I stop calling my friends and share my thoughts. Many of them didnt care if I have days to call. They have families. They hung out with other families. I am nothing to their eyes. I am single. I don't understand them because I am single.
This is my life and I can't change it. No one cares, no one will ever love me. I am getting used to this new reality in my life and I am crying less now. Hugging my new revelation gives me more comford. But inside me I became dead cold. I don't feel anything. I see myself becoming cruel and bitter. You gonna ask me why I write all these? Because I haven't heard my voice for a long time. I have no one to listen to me. Maybe someone here will do and understand how really feel. Sorry for any mistakes in english language.

I stopped getting online on Facebook and stopped seeing all my friends and their happy families and all the fun things they do.

After several years of it. It actually helped, it really helped.

Quitting facebook did much to lift my spirits and feel content, inner joy, and complete despite being single.

It also changed my perspective on things. When I see these "happy" families, now all I see are just people pretending.

Those married people with children are only pretending, putting up a "happy façade" to bury their insecurities and try to out-do their friends but utterly miserable deep down inside

 

[IceJad]

I was praying to get married for many many years. I was praying to God to give me a husband and a family. But God gave it to all my friends. Husbands and children. I still keep their marriage's invitations, have pictures of their babies. When I see them I am crying. All I ask is what I 've done wrong. I spoke with them for their advices, I asked pastors their opinion. Their answers where different but also same. You are not ready. Your time has not come yet. Your past relationships delayed your blessings. Friends of mine argues with me when I say how sad and lonely I feel. They never been through this but this is how married treat singles and as years passing by it is getting worse.
Family and friends think that something wrong is going with me. They keep pushing to find someone because I am getting old. For years I was crying almost every night asking God to give me strenght and hope when loneliness was drowning me.
One night a thought came to my head, why are you asking God to help you? You ask His help all of this years and nothing happend. That night changed my life. I stopped praying. I stopped hope. I stopped waiting for a miracle. God doesn't care for me. He wants to see me in pain, loneliness and shame. I don't believe in Him anymore. I don't want to. I don't find a reason to do it. I stop calling my friends and share my thoughts. Many of them didnt care if I have days to call. They have families. They hung out with other families. I am nothing to their eyes. I am single. I don't understand them because I am single.
This is my life and I can't change it. No one cares, no one will ever love me. I am getting used to this new reality in my life and I am crying less now. Hugging my new revelation gives me more comford. But inside me I became dead cold. I don't feel anything. I see myself becoming cruel and bitter. You gonna ask me why I write all these? Because I haven't heard my voice for a long time. I have no one to listen to me. Maybe someone here will do and understand how really feel. Sorry for any mistakes in english language.

Hi Andromeda00, sorry to hear of your struggles in finding a life partner. I can relate to the thoughts that run in your mind. I know the feeling of wanting something and asking God for it without noticeable results. While I see others getting what they wanted in life leaving me unable to relate much to them. Even when I seek advise from others and my Pastors, I got the same replies as you which are absolutely unhelpful. Those were not advise but judgements made on what they saw about me. They don't guide me any closer to getting what I wanted. This ate away in me for a long time.

I don't know how it happened but one day I just came to the realization that everyone has their own burden to carry as I have mine. We can't always depend on others to get what we wanted. Not to say that they are bad people for not helping us. It is just that their priorities are not us. I told myself after that realization that if I wanted something I will go get it myself. I started with some simple goals like exercising to have a better body. Go out for hiking. Soon I was in a better state than before. I know than God has been with me the whole journey. He blessed the things I do for myself. I still fail here and there. But that is fine I can redo it again. God picks us up when we fall but after getting up we must continue to walk on our own.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Same here. All my friends are married. My life group is all couples and one single guy. I am losing interest in God and now question his existence.

 

[DragonFox91]

It sounds like you need some girl friends who are also single. You feel as miserable as you do b/c you're surrounded by what you don't have. I am in my 30s & single & always have been & hate it, but I have single guy friends & we are going thru it together. It makes it a bit easier. God may not have blessed me w/ a wife yet, but he has blessed me w/ good friends. Unfortunately, God may not use what you want to get you right w/ him, but he may use other single ladies to help. There are other single ladies going thru the same thing as you & would be your friend & you can go thru your struggles together.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Too bad all my friends from the Church are married. I tried to meet other people when the park had a social event but just like last month and this I was completely ignored no one came up to me.

 

[Andromeda00]

Hello everyone. Thanks for your answers. Thanks for whoever understand me because it shows me that I am not paranoid with these thoughts. I wish I could have any news or at least feel better. Actually I am crying more these days. Loneliness is a heavy burden. You think and hope that one day everything will change. I can't go to church because I live with my family and my father doesn't let me, my friends left to their husbands cities. I am walking all alone in the city and I see all these people with their friends and families, laughing, talking. I miss talking and laughing. A situation that lasts many years. I am sick and tired. It is not in my hand. I can't pressure someone to be friend with me or love me. When I was younger I thought it would happen to me so simple like everybody else. Today I am wondering what did I so wrong. And as years passing by and nothing changing, these thoughts and sadness growing up and now I am a huge black hole who's thinking why can't I be like other normal people, with friends, family, job. What have I done so wrong in my life. I never wanted big stuff, I am content with what I have. Years ago my family and I lived poor, some days with little food and since then I kept trying to do my best for my family and me. But apparently it doesn't matter. Anyway, thanks again.

 

[linux.poet]

I can't go to church because I live with my family and my father doesn't let me,

This is a bigger problem than being single. Does your father let you leave the house at all?

I'm asking because I went through a similar experience were I was denied transportation by my family as punishment and socially isolated. I've never had it affect church though.

 

[Andromeda00]

This is a bigger problem than being single. Does your father let you leave the house at all?

I'm asking because I went through a similar experience were I was denied transportation by my family as punishment and socially isolated. I've never had it affect church though.

No, I don't have this kind of problem. I belong to the Penticostal church but my father forbid it.

 

[linux.poet]

I belong to the Penticostal church but my father forbid it.

Does he have another church that he wants you to go to? Or is he against Christianity altogether?

 

[Andromeda00]

Does he have another church that he wants you to go to? Or is he against Christianity altogether?

My father is in the Orthodox church like every Greek.

 

[linux.poet]

My father is in the Orthodox church like every Greek.

Why are you in the Pentecostal church, then?

 

[Andromeda00]

Why are you in the Pentecostal church, then?

Because I chose to. What kind of question is that?

 

[linux.poet]

Because I chose to. What kind of question is that?

It just seems that your choice of church is contributing to your social isolation.

The question is just to get to the bottom of your situation and try to understand it. For example, if something painful happened to you in the Greek Orthodox church and you were fleeing that by going to the Pentecostals instead, I would ask you about financial resources and how well you can get away from your father. If you had a theological dispute with the Orthodox Church, I would encourage you to talk through the difference in theology with your father to allow the two of you to come to a resolution. Your answer helps me help you. I'm trying to help you, and not make assumptions about your situation.

If you are Pentecostal just to be different and exercise your freedom of choice, that's not the route to marriage. You're alienating your potential husbands and friends by being different, and you need your father to approve your potential marriage partners anyway. Essentially, you're becoming your own worst enemy by sabotaging your chances.

Marriage requires conformity and submission to a lot of people - husbands, hospital doctors, school teachers and officials, etc. The days of housewives tend to look the same. Being a rebel and iconoclast will not help your chances to secure a marriage partner, especially if you're female.

 

[timewerx]

Marriage requires conformity and submission to a lot of people - husbands, hospital doctors, school teachers and officials, etc. The days of housewives tend to look the same. Being a rebel and iconoclast will not help your chances to secure a marriage partner, especially if you're female.

Ironically, that is why Apostle Paul said it is better to be single than to be married if you intend on following the Lord. Because if you're married, you'll have to submit to the worldly cares of your spouse.

And as a matter of fact, you'll have to submit to the worldly cares of everyone around you as well if you want to get married or if you're married as you have said!

I don't see rebel as bad thing as long as you are rebelling for the right reasons and doing it for a righteous cause.

 

[bèlla]

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re only 27. Stop beating yourself up, blaming God, and listening to naysayers. You’re okay.

Here’s the way forward:

Confess your hurt and doubt.
Forgive yourself, the failed opportunities, and negative things you’ve said and heard.
Release the past and don’t look back.
Affirm your divinity. You’re fearfully and wonderfully made.
Acknowledge your desire for marriage and children.
Ask Him to prepare you for your husband.
Thank Him afterward.

Start speaking the word over yourself. Pray it out loud everyday. Walk in the certainty of its fulfillment. Cast the care and leave it in His hands.

Everyday you rise greet yourself in the mirror and say aloud good morning beautiful. Do the sane before retiring. Live your days expectantly. Take advantage of the waiting period. Don’t neglect your appearance, health, or anything else.

Prepare your mind and heart while you wait. Deepen your prayer muscles. Read books on marriage. General topics and problems too and take note of the solutions. Spend some time in Proverbs. A good devotional will bless you. You’ll avoid a lot of hardship if you heed its words.

Marriage is a ministry. The more you love him as unto the Lord the more gratifying it becomes. Learn what that means in this season.

God bless you.

~bella

 

[Sketcher]

I was praying to get married for many many years. I was praying to God to give me a husband and a family. But God gave it to all my friends. Husbands and children. I still keep their marriage's invitations, have pictures of their babies. When I see them I am crying. All I ask is what I 've done wrong. I spoke with them for their advices, I asked pastors their opinion. Their answers where different but also same. You are not ready. Your time has not come yet. Your past relationships delayed your blessings. Friends of mine argues with me when I say how sad and lonely I feel. They never been through this but this is how married treat singles and as years passing by it is getting worse.
Family and friends think that something wrong is going with me. They keep pushing to find someone because I am getting old. For years I was crying almost every night asking God to give me strenght and hope when loneliness was drowning me.

Are these Pentecostals?

One night a thought came to my head, why are you asking God to help you? You ask His help all of this years and nothing happend. That night changed my life. I stopped praying. I stopped hope. I stopped waiting for a miracle. God doesn't care for me. He wants to see me in pain, loneliness and shame. I don't believe in Him anymore. I don't want to. I don't find a reason to do it.

Were you following God in order to get a husband? Or do you believe there is more to the Christian faith than that?

 

[timewerx]

Pentecostals are fine. Easier to get along with than Evangelicals

When I used to go to Pentecostal church, I remember seeing the singles get married left and right with each other.

All of them are serving in ministry. Like the music ministry, youth ministry. I just didn't want to be part of the ministry. Not because I'm shy. Just not my thing. Never been comfortable with religious herd behavior because it looks and feels so similar to a cult as an "outsider".

 

[Andromeda00]

It just seems that your choice of church is contributing to your social isolation.

The question is just to get to the bottom of your situation and try to understand it. For example, if something painful happened to you in the Greek Orthodox church and you were fleeing that by going to the Pentecostals instead, I would ask you about financial resources and how well you can get away from your father. If you had a theological dispute with the Orthodox Church, I would encourage you to talk through the difference in theology with your father to allow the two of you to come to a resolution. Your answer helps me help you. I'm trying to help you, and not make assumptions about your situation.

If you are Pentecostal just to be different and exercise your freedom of choice, that's not the route to marriage. You're alienating your potential husbands and friends by being different, and you need your father to approve your potential marriage partners anyway. Essentially, you're becoming your own worst enemy by sabotaging your chances.

Marriage requires conformity and submission to a lot of people - husbands, hospital doctors, school teachers and officials, etc. The days of housewives tend to look the same. Being a rebel and iconoclast will not help your chances to secure a marriage partner, especially if you're female.

I think you are projecting your father onto mine. My father is a traditional Orthodox Greek. Something else than Orthodox is considered heretical. He is closed minded in such matters and I won't change his mind about it. He doesn't know that I belong to the Penticostal church, but when mother did and he knew they nearly got divorced. No one made me go to Penticostal, no one hurted me in Orthodox church, it's just not fit for me and done. The topic about the church I chose is closed.

Also my social isolation is not because of my beliefs and my father, is because I have very few friends, all of them married and the most of them live to other cities. I tried to make new friendships and I failed.

You should stop drawing your own conclusions about my situation. I don't have nothing to prove or I don't judge my potential friends or partners acoording to my beliefs.