Single and lonely.

[bèlla]

When I used to go to Pentecostal church, I remember seeing the singles get married left and right with each other.

I experienced the same at the synagogue. When older women learned you were single you could see the gears churning in their head. They love matchmaking. I developed a bond with a middle-aged woman who was a fountain of knowledge. She taught me about marriage and home (from a Jewish perspective) and provided insight on men and the family unit.

I wasn’t thinking of marriage until we met. She was an integral part of its development (desire to marry) and certainty of my readiness. I wouldn’t be in this place without her.

~bella

 

[timewerx]

I experienced the same at the synagogue. When older women learned you were single you could see the gears churning in their head. They love matchmaking. I developed a bond with a middle-aged woman who was a fountain of knowledge. She taught me about marriage and home (from a Jewish perspective) and provided insight on men and the family unit.

I wasn’t thinking of marriage until we met. She was an integral part of its development (desire to marry) and certainty of my readiness. I wouldn’t be in this place without her.

~bella

I've noticed that among older women in small Protestant churches. It's a nice touch.

On much bigger churches, it's a lot harder to get to know someone unless you're in ministry or already knew some of the members personally. Within ministries, they usually get to know each other by themselves, without matchmakers!

Ironically in big churches, I don't like to join ministries, I felt the members tend to be over-zealous in a bad way that it blinds them from the big picture.

I prefer ministries in small, churches in a small town setting. I've lived in the big city my whole life but it seems my mind is for quiet small town setting.

I suppose a small church is a good way and probably one of the least complicated way to meet someone.

 

[bèlla]

I prefer ministries in small, churches in a small town setting. I've lived in the big city my whole life but it seems my mind is for quiet small town setting.

So have I and I’m ready for a different environment and cadence. Nothing rural but definitely smaller. That’s what I love most about France. It’s a different lifestyle and mindset.

I suppose a small church is a good way and probably one of the least complicated way to meet someone.

Probably. I’m drawn to older sects now. Like the Mennonites and Quakers. I don’t see myself elsewhere. What about you?

~bella

 

[linux.poet]

I suppose a small church is a good way and probably one of the least complicated way to meet someone.

Idk, at my small church the atmosphere is practically frigid. I can walk in and out without doing much social interaction at all. Most people there are already married. "Small churches cater to families."

Meanwhile, all of the social events are strictly gender-segregated, making it hard for singles to meet each other. And the few guys that are there are younger than me, still in college, and/or failures. My brother, who is a guy and thus was actually able to go to the men's ministry, was able to introduce me to them.

I've noticed that among older women in small Protestant churches. It's a nice touch.

I wish I could encounter an older matchmaker. Unfortunately, they might judge me as unmarriageable due to my past and current life situation.

 

[timewerx]

Idk, at my small church the atmosphere is practically frigid. I can walk in and out without doing much social interaction at all. Most people there are already married. "Small churches cater to families."

Meanwhile, all of the social events are strictly gender-segregated, making it hard for singles to meet each other. And the few guys that are there are younger than me, still in college, and/or failures. My brother, who is a guy and thus was actually able to go to the men's ministry, was able to introduce me to them.


I wish I could encounter an older matchmaker. Unfortunately, they might judge me as unmarriageable due to my past and current life situation.

It must be a Pentecostal and/or mixed race church thing, the one without gender-segregation.

 

[timewerx]

So have I and I’m ready for a different environment and cadence. Nothing rural but definitely smaller. That’s what I love most about France. It’s a different lifestyle and mindset.



Probably. I’m drawn to older sects now. Like the Mennonites and Quakers. I don’t see myself elsewhere. What about you?

~bella

What I like most about small town are the people and the place. Love the great outdoors, the mountains, forests, thus, small town suits me better.

There's a nice appeal to the older sects and find the classical period in everything quite attractive. Glad some communities allow use of bicycles! I could ditch the car entirely but not the bike! Although I find some of the Amish riding on E-bikes somewhat ridiculous!

Otherwise, I really like their shunning of worldliness and materialism. Less distractions and could bring us closer to our spiritual roots.

 

[bèlla]

What I like most about small town are the people and the place. Love the great outdoors, the mountains, forests, thus, small town suits me better.

2020 was the turning point for us and the spiritual current accelerated my desire for a calmer setting. I’m ready for land and the things that accompanies it. Growing our own food, increasing our sustainability and providing a nourishing atmosphere for family and friends.

There's a nice appeal to the older sects and find the classical period in everything quite attractive. Glad some communities allow use of bicycles! I could ditch the car entirely but not the bike! Although I find some of the Amish riding on E-bikes somewhat ridiculous!

What sect would you choose? I’ve always felt a kinship with the Amish. I don’t know why. But maybe it isn’t so odd after all. The Beachy groups ride bicycles. Including three-wheeled trikes!

Otherwise, I really like their shunning of worldliness and materialism. Less distractions and could bring us closer to our spiritual roots.

I don’t think I can work in the industry and be a Mennonite unless I consider a liberal sect and some are too progressive. I lean conservative to some degree. Save plain dress of course. But I could adopt the practice for shabbat. I hadn’t considered that. I think you inspired me.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

Reading engagement stories make me upset (sad).

 

[timewerx]

2020 was the turning point for us and the spiritual current accelerated my desire for a calmer setting. I’m ready for land and the things that accompanies it. Growing our own food, increasing our sustainability and providing a nourishing atmosphere for family and friends.



What sect would you choose? I’ve always felt a kinship with the Amish. I don’t know why. But maybe it isn’t so odd after all. The Beachy groups ride bicycles. Including three-wheeled trikes!



I don’t think I can work in the industry and be a Mennonite unless I consider a liberal sect and some are too progressive. I lean conservative to some degree. Save plain dress of course. But I could adopt the practice for shabbat. I hadn’t considered that. I think you inspired me.

~bella

Glad to be of positive influence! Not sure about sect. You never know unless you look real closely.

But I do like the Amish way of life. It find it more agreeable with my goals than modern living even if I lived in small town. I have very little use of electronic gadgets other than for work and if I had a choice, I'd rather work the land like I've always dreamed of owning a farm. I just never get around to it.

I like the fact, some of the Amish are doing long rides on bikes. That's really the only fun and leisure I need and look forward to and sometimes hiking on the mountains. Even though my dad left his car to me, I rarely drive the car anymore. I'd rather use the bike even on 60 mile trips and just about everything else, even for groceries. It's less stressful, more fun, and good for health and I simply don't see cars in a positive light anymore. I used to like cars but not anymore and I even think they ruin the scenery. So I guess I'm Amish at heart now, in some ways.

I agree, I don't like the dress for ladies either. A more or less minimalist Victorian style would look a lot nicer and if they allowed pants as well. But I do like their old-school fashion style for the
Amish men.

 

[bèlla]

Reading engagement stories make me upset (sad).

Don’t despair. God sees your heart and faithfulness has its reward. Your commitment to marriage and a Christian spouse hasn’t gone unnoticed. In spite of the hardships you haven’t wavered and that’s admirable.

~bella

 

[Sketcher]

I experienced the same at the synagogue. When older women learned you were single you could see the gears churning in their head. They love matchmaking.

So do women of all ages. Unfortunately, experience in stable relationships isn't as much of a help with matchmaking as one would expect.

 

[bèlla]

So do women of all ages. Unfortunately, experience in stable relationships isn't as much of a help with matchmaking as one would expect.

I have mixed feelings about it in all honesty. My personal preference is preparation and betterment. That’s what I did with the women I worked with. I didn’t set them up with anyone. The goal was increasing their attractiveness and well-being which resulted in partnership.

I’ve never been on a blind date or acted on a suggestion. The last time my friends sang someone’s praises they were wrong and I told them. It taught me an important lesson and I stopped listening to them. I learned to sit with myself to hear my mind and heart. That’s when things began to change. I didn’t have them in my head and learned to trust myself.

~bella

 

[sampa]

My prayers are with you dear. I have experienced some questions like the ones you listed.

All I ask is what I 've done wrong. I spoke with them for their advices, I asked pastors their opinion.

I'm sure you know the answer to this one, love relationships don't work like a formula. But you are not alone in the pain that you feel asking this question.

You ask His help all of this years and nothing happend.

the Lord is not a genie in a bottle. Think of all the mothers that have prayed for their son's salvation for 30 years and don't see any results. Why do they continue to pray?

stopped waiting for a miracle. God doesn't care for me.

I'm sure that you know that God does care for you and that he sent his son to die on a cross. And I am saying this out of genuine care for you as the Lord does care for you. We are in a fallen world and that is the problem.

He wants to see me in pain, loneliness and shame

This is untrue. There's nothing in this life that can offer us in the physical form happiness. A relationship does not guarantee that you won't feel lonely.

believe in Him anymore. I don't want to.

I hope this is not your final reason for considering walking away from God. I actually did once when I was in college because I was so upset and frustrated that I packed up all my books and bibles and put them in a bag. My roommate looked at me in shock and asked what I'm doing. I pretty much said I was running away from God and she said that I could not. And it hit me that I could try to run away but He would always be there. My prayers are with you dear. This life will always have heartbreaks and hurt. *Hugs*

 

[Saucy]

My church demographics is strange. The previous pastor is older (near 80) and in a way chased out all the younger people who wanted to try and create ministries for younger people. So now you have 95% older people, 4-5 kids between 4-7. One 12-year-old girl, me, and another guy in our 20s-30s. There's virtually no one to match me with, even if some older single ladies act flirty with me.

 

[bèlla]

But I do like the Amish way of life. It find it more agreeable with my goals than modern living even if I lived in small town. I have very little use of electronic gadgets other than for work and if I had a choice, I'd rather work the land like I've always dreamed of owning a farm. I just never get around to it.

Are there groups where you’re located? If not, Old Order Mennonites may be present. They’re more plentiful primarily due to their missionary work.

I used to like cars but not anymore and I even think they ruin the scenery. So I guess I'm Amish at heart now, in some ways.

I’ve never owned a car. It wasn’t necessary. I walk everywhere. Beyond the monthly trip for bulk purchases I’m never in them. And yes it seems you’re going plain!

I agree, I don't like the dress for ladies either. A more or less minimalist Victorian style would look a lot nicer and if they allowed pants as well. But I do like their old-school fashion style for the Amish men.

It’s too ornate and requires a corset. They’re not meant to stand out or draw attention to their silhouette. The lone option that comes to mind is the prairie look or pioneer. Something along these lines.

~bella

 

[bèlla]

There's virtually no one to match me with, even if some older single ladies act flirty with me.

I laughed about the kid. But in all seriousness, what’s your age range?

 

[Saucy]

I laughed about the kid. But in all seriousness, what’s your age range?

Oh, I'm not even sure. I want to have a family, but I'm getting to an age where I wonder where that line is when it becomes creepy starting a relationship with someone younger than me. Probably 25-26 is the lowest I would go. I wouldn't go older than me because of the family thing. So 25-35 is my preferred range.

 

[bèlla]

Oh, I'm not even sure. I want to have a family, but I'm getting to an age where I wonder where that line is when it becomes creepy starting a relationship with someone younger than me. Probably 25-26 is the lowest I would go. I wouldn't go older than me because of the family thing. So 25-35 is my preferred range.

Dating around your age is a modern concept. Men have always chosen younger women. I used to feel the same to some degree but experience changed my mind. If 24 fits like a glove marry her. She may be the best thing that ever happened to you and not laden with the should's miss 30 has.

~bella

 

[Saucy]

Dating around your age is a modern concept. Men have always chosen younger women. I used to feel the same to some degree but experience changed my mind. If 24 fits like a glove marry her. She may be the best thing that ever happened to you and not laden with the should's miss 30 has.

~bella

Yeah you're right. I'll leave that up to God. But I don't know that her family will be happy if she's dating someone much older.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah you're right. I'll leave that up to God. But I don't know that her family will be happy if she's dating someone much older.

Maybe so maybe not. But the covenant stands nonetheless and she has to cleave. When in doubt pray it in. Acknowledge your openness and ask Him to smooth the path.
…

I have an odd feeling this is pointed. I felt it when I replied and once again now. Darn you Saucy!

~bella