Should i tell this guy the truth?

[NothingIsImpossible]

I never stretches the truth...its just you don't put everything out there when you just start talking to someone. Like someone I'm talking to for the first time, I'm not gonna tell them I have anxiety off the bat, you know?

While some agree. I found you can put tons of time into getting to know someone and eventually when you tell them they dump you. So much wasted time and lots of hurt because your involved to much. Or they dump you because you weren't honest up front and think they can't trust you.

Its easier to be upfront about it because better to be hurt right away while not much is invested. Also if you fear telling someone right away about problems, then they aren't worth being with if you think they won't like you because of said issues. Its why when I dated (well mostly online) I told people up front. This way it saved us both time. I knew they weren't very Christian like to judge based on a disability. More so it was listed on my profile.

In the end the only person that responded ended up being my wife. She accepted my stuff from the start on the profile page. And she said she also loved that I put it out there like that and was willing to wait knowing many wouldn't bother with me. She said I was very full of faith, hope and braveness.

BTW not saying you have to be like me of course. Just saying be honest and you will find someone who loves you for who you are.


---EDIT---
To be fair I was just tired of the dating game and didn't have time for games and what not. I wanted someone serious and up front about themselves.

 

[Saucy]

Yeah, you seem very afraid of being yourself. YOU feel the way you do about yourself. That doesn't mean it's true. You should want him to get to know the REAL you. Getting to know the fake you is dishonest, unfair to him, and a waste of time. Honesty is always the best policy. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then it's best he finds that out at the beginning.

 

[JingshenBianxi]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

Then continue to be a coward.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Then continue to be a coward.

Wow.. That's very rude. I don't find that funny at all. Placing a smiley at the end doesn't make it okay.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Yeah, you seem very afraid of being yourself. YOU feel the way you do about yourself. That doesn't mean it's true. You should want him to get to know the REAL you. Getting to know the fake you is dishonest, unfair to him, and a waste of time. Honesty is always the best policy. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then it's best he finds that out at the beginning.

I already said I live with my mom, don't drive ect. That's all I didn't really say. Yeah, my self esteem isn't the best.... I can see that now.

 

[GabrielTheWorshipper]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

It's definitely best to be honest and see what he thinks after getting to know you better. No need in letting him think you're something you're not. And you aren't a loser at all.

 

[Saucy]

I hope my posts don't come across as stern. I'm beyond tired tonight But I'm really happy for you!

 

[GabrielTheWorshipper]

And it's also true that still being with your parents doesn't make you a loser at all, or disappointing in any way. A lot of people in the Bible stayed with their parents until they got married. It is more of a recent thing that people expect their children to leave the home so early. Some parents even force them out, it's crazy! :O My brother is 26 and still lives with the family.

 

[GabrielTheWorshipper]

(Sorry for so many posts lol)

I believe it's best to become friends and just take things slow. Your best Christian bud is the best longterm option you will ever have! Many people see friends and dating material differently, and they end up with someone they can't get along with. It's gotta be a guy you love being around as a friend, and only then will there be a good chance of it being right. It also takes a lot of time to straighten things out and see what he believes, and setting up a date and bringing in the idea of a relationship so early can throw things off. I met a girl I liked online once and things got too lovey dovey too fast. That stuff is all fine and great someday, but letting it loose too quickly can get in the way of building your bond with them, checking them out further and actually setting up the building blocks of a relationship. I broke up with her a year later, and if only I took things slower and focused more on God and her beliefs, I would have never been in the mess at all. I'm glad to be free from that for now. haha I've learned from it. I hope for the best! I'll be praying for you.

 

[GabrielTheWorshipper]

My final statement is about my experiences with girls, and I can see how you might do the same thing to men if you aren't careful. I was only ever even close to being in a relationship once, but there were two girls I was interested in at one time or another.

The case with both of them was that I would be totally honest about myself, and their forefront would turn out to be false about a year later. It would have saved me a lot of time if they displayed a more honest version of themselves like I always did right from the beginning. One girl suddenly dropped the fact she was in a relationship with a girl the entire time I knew her. It was a total shock! The other was agreed with me for an entire year, and suddenly one day disagreed on everything and we never got along ever again. She went through gradual changes but didn't speak up for months.

My brother once knew a girl who he thought he would marry someday. They were together for five years, everything was great. Then all at once in a single day, she told him she wanted to leave. She tore so much time from him and then crushed him in the worst way possible. She then went on to talk bad about him and spread his secrets online.

I know that some of these examples of girls do things you're unlikely to ever think of doing. But the point is, just keep in mind what it does to someone if you keep things back and don't tell the truth up front. It will save both you and him time. It isn't worth all the heartache to hold in there for no reason. I hope this helps!

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I hope my posts don't come across as stern. I'm beyond tired tonight But I'm really happy for you!

No, you're fine.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

My final statement is about my experiences with girls, and I can see how you might do the same thing to men if you aren't careful. I was only ever even close to being in a relationship once, but there were two girls I was interested in at one time or another.

The case with both of them was that I would be totally honest about myself, and their forefront would turn out to be false about a year later. It would have saved me a lot of time if they displayed a more honest version of themselves like I always did right from the beginning. One girl suddenly dropped the fact she was in a relationship with a girl the entire time I knew her. It was a total shock! The other was agreed with me for an entire year, and suddenly one day disagreed on everything and we never got along ever again. She went through gradual changes but didn't speak up for months.

My brother once knew a girl who he thought he would marry someday. They were together for five years, everything was great. Then all at once in a single day, she told him she wanted to leave. She tore so much time from him and then crushed him in the worst way possible. She then went on to talk bad about him and spread his secrets online.

I know that some of these examples of girls do things you're unlikely to ever think of doing. But the point is, just keep in mind what it does to someone if you keep things back and don't tell the truth up front. It will save both you and him time. It isn't worth all the heartache to hold in there for no reason. I hope this helps!

Wow That's deep, the only thing I kept back was my anxiety, staying at home with parents, and not driving is the worst of it.

 

[stuart lawrence]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

Be yourself, it's too stressful to put on an act, and in the long run too hard to keep up.
And be honest, there's no love without trust.
If he will reject the real you, better he does so immediately than later, you get hurt less. And if he does reject the real you, you are better off without him.

I doubt you are as much a loser as you think you are. Possibly you believe that due to others expectations of you that were unfair( my problem in my youth)

 

[GabrielTheWorshipper]

Wow That's deep, the only thing I kept back was my anxiety, staying at home with parents, and not driving is the worst of it.

Haha well like I said, I know you would never be like them. But the point still stands. If he doesn't want a girl like you, then you don't want him. Keep things honest and it'll be great. I know it seems like a drag to wait around for the right person. God has someone prepared for you!

 

[Presbyterian Continuist]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

I once read a book called "If You Really Knew Me, Would You Still Like Me? I forget who the author is. Maybe you could Google it and see if you can get a copy. We all have faults and failings. Because you are a Christian believer, you are blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places. You are not a loser in Christ. You are a winner as far as God is concerned. It is just that you don't have the awareness of it right now. So you might not have the strong faith that comes with a settled assurance in your standing with God, so you settle yourself on "trusting" faith, in that you are trusting that what the Bible says about you is true, and you are a child of promise and blessed of God because you have faith in Christ. It might be just a spark of faith but that is all you need to have good standing with God so that you don't have to be ashamed or have any sense of inferiority before Him. So, use that trusting faith and allow the meeting to happen. Don't let him know your faults, because they are personal to you.

By the way, I have two masters degrees, and yet I don't look down on anyone who does not have that level of education. I know it was the Lord who helped me get those, so I have nothing to be proud in myself about them. The bottom line is what is our attitude to Christ? Does he love Christ? Then he will treat you with dignity and respect. Just make sure that you treat yourself with the same dignity and respect.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I once read a book called "If You Really Knew Me, Would You Still Like Me? I forget who the author is. Maybe you could Google it and see if you can get a copy. We all have faults and failings. Because you are a Christian believer, you are blessed with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places. You are not a loser in Christ. You are a winner as far as God is concerned. It is just that you don't have the awareness of it right now. So you might not have the strong faith that comes with a settled assurance in your standing with God, so you settle yourself on "trusting" faith, in that you are trusting that what the Bible says about you is true, and you are a child of promise and blessed of God because you have faith in Christ. It might be just a spark of faith but that is all you need to have good standing with God so that you don't have to be ashamed or have any sense of inferiority before Him. So, use that trusting faith and allow the meeting to happen. Don't let him know your faults, because they are personal to you.

By the way, I have two masters degrees, and yet I don't look down on anyone who does not have that level of education. I know it was the Lord who helped me get those, so I have nothing to be proud in myself about them. The bottom line is what is our attitude to Christ? Does he love Christ? Then he will treat you with dignity and respect. Just make sure that you treat yourself with the same dignity and respect.

Thank you...you are so sweet and you're right. I'm defintely going to pray bc I defintely feel inferior.

 

[SarahsKnight]

Yeah. I told him how I felt...so I'm waiting for him to respond. If he's cool with me not having a degree or license...than we'll see where it goes.

I will hope the best for you, then, Miss Far Side. On one hand, it is good that you were honest about how you feel, even if that feeling seems to be negative like a low sense of self-worth, and like someone mentioned above, hopefully this guy will be compassionate and at least accept this about you without judgment, if not be willing to stay friends with you and meet up as it appears you both were originally planning. I am sure you are not a loser in the Lord's eyes, however.

 

[anna ~ grace]

I would not base your value on how well a meeting with a guy you have met online goes. It almost sounds like you are desperate for validation, and are looking for it through a possible boyfriend. Loneliness is a terrible way to feel. But please, use caution. Be wise, don't rush, and please take time out for yourself before rushing into something emotionally intense.

 

[mukk_in]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

Maybe you don't need him at all. If you get alone with the Lord Jesus you'll realize that He's all you need. Should it be God's will for you to be together, He'll bolster your confidence and help you to be completely honest as well .

 

[Tolworth John]

Go for it Far side, fix a time and a place to meet. Take the usual precautions that its a public place and you know how to get there and get home.
As far as you can relax and have a coffe and a chat with a guy.