Should i tell this guy the truth?

[dhh712]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

Please don't feel that way. If he values you as a person what you have and don't have won't matter to him. Worldly people value things like degrees and jobs and having possessions. If this guy is worth anything and should be someone whom you're pursing (a godly man) then those things won't matter to him. A godly man (or woman) values the spiritual life over the physical one.

Okay I told him and he says he doesn't judge me... He's so nice,. I'm nervous,

Glad to hear!

 

[AlexDTX]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

If you are a new creature in Christ, you are not a loser. But if you say you are, then that is what he will see.

Pro_23:7 For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he: ...

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

the only thing I kept back was my anxiety, staying at home with parents, and not driving is the worst of it.

you need to drop this line of thinking sometime between now and yesterday. i'm deeply sorry for the fact that such bilge has been drilled into your head. a woman saying she's a loser because she doesn't have a job is nonsense.

at the risk of offending the christianforum feminauti, you are a female, and the men you are seeking will see these things as irrelevant as you are not called to be the breadwinner.

proverbs 31:10-31
titus 2:4-5
1 timothy 5:14
ephesians 5:25-29

it is the man's job to seek a career and a way to provide for his family. you are called to be a keeper of the home. you don't need a degree or career for that.

as far as your anxiety, part of truly being loved by someone is that they love you for who you actually are and not based off some persona that you made up in order to lure a man. if you're not gonna reveal this health issue to this guy on the initial meet up, you're gonna need to do it rather soon after while he's not so emotionally entrenched. people try to run the 'elephant man' game on others and it doesn't work as well in real life as it does in the fictional story. taking such risks will be extremely hurtful to you and him in the long run.

I do understand that you are desperate to find someone who likes you and will except you but making decisions out of fear is never a good idea.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I would not base your value on how well a meeting with a guy you have met online goes. It almost sounds like you are desperate for validation, and are looking for it through a possible boyfriend. Loneliness is a terrible way to feel. But please, use caution. Be wise, don't rush, and please take time out for yourself before rushing into something emotionally intense.

I'm not desperate, I was considering not meeting up . if anything i feel I tie my worth to achievements like finishing school, getting my license ect, these are all good things that help propel you forward in life...

My issue is having self esteem until I get those things.

 

[pdudgeon]

Sounds like you are in dire need of an "I AM" list.

The list begins with "In Christ, I AM......" and then you list your good qualities.
as for the rest of it, those things can be easily explained, and I'm saying that from the perspective of one who has been in those same shoes and lived to tell the tale.

There was a time when I too lived at home, went to college, and didn't drive.
I lived in the city where everything I needed was only a mile or less away so I either walked, rode the public transportation, or rode my bike.
I even moved from one furnished apartment to another using just my bike.
(that was an experience!) LOL

It wasn't until after I was married that my husband taught me to drive,
so right there is a possible way that the two of you working together can get through this problem.

Him teaching you how to drive will also help build mutual communication and empathy, and become a shared experience for the two of you.
It also helps to put him in his natural role of protector and provider in the relationship,
and can help him build those skills. (bet you hadn't thought of that!)

But first he needs to know that you need help, and that you recognize in him his ability to
provide that help.
Just start out with "There's something I want to learn (key word there--learn)
and I need your help to do it."

Saying it that way puts everything in a positive light,
and knocks out the "T" in the word can't, changing it to "I can".

And God helping you, you WILL learn how to drive and become a person who drives.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Sounds like you are in dire need of an "I AM" list.

The list begins with "In Christ, I AM......" and then you list your good qualities.
as for the rest of it, those things can be easily explained, and I'm saying that from the perspective of one who has been in those same shoes and lived to tell the tale.

There was a time when I too lived at home, went to college, and didn't drive.
I lived in the city where everything I needed was only a mile or less away so I either walked, rode the public transportation, or rode my bike.
I even moved from one furnished apartment to another using just my bike.
(that was an experience!) LOL

It wasn't until after I was married that my husband taught me to drive,
so right there is a possible way that the two of you working together can get through this problem.

Him teaching you how to drive will also help build mutual communication and empathy, and become a shared experience for the two of you.
It also helps to put him in his natural role of protector and provider in the relationship,
and can help him build those skills. (bet you hadn't thought of that!)

But first he needs to know that you need help, and that you recognize in him his ability to
provide that help.
Just start out with "There's something I want to learn (key word there--learn)
and I need your help to do it."

Saying it that way puts everything in a positive light,
and knocks out the "T" in the word can't, changing it to "I can".

And God helping you, you WILL learn how to drive and become a person who drives.

I know. I do need an I Am list and I need to read it off every morning and night. My friend and I were talking about how to gain confidence and we both didn't have much of a clue where it comes from .... He's feeling the same way I do, its like our roles are reversed.... He's the guy with the amazing girlfriend..and like me still at home working on his degree(but he's much better than me and more capable) and has an amazing girlfriend...

But anyway, back to our conversation about confidence, I said I think confidence is a combination of a positive mindset and achievements. I don't know how anyone can have confidence without both of these..

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Sounds like you are in dire need of an "I AM" list.

The list begins with "In Christ, I AM......" and then you list your good qualities.
as for the rest of it, those things can be easily explained, and I'm saying that from the perspective of one who has been in those same shoes and lived to tell the tale.

There was a time when I too lived at home, went to college, and didn't drive.
I lived in the city where everything I needed was only a mile or less away so I either walked, rode the public transportation, or rode my bike.
I even moved from one furnished apartment to another using just my bike.
(that was an experience!) LOL

It wasn't until after I was married that my husband taught me to drive,
so right there is a possible way that the two of you working together can get through this problem.

Him teaching you how to drive will also help build mutual communication and empathy, and become a shared experience for the two of you.
It also helps to put him in his natural role of protector and provider in the relationship,
and can help him build those skills. (bet you hadn't thought of that!)

But first he needs to know that you need help, and that you recognize in him his ability to
provide that help.
Just start out with "There's something I want to learn (key word there--learn)
and I need your help to do it."

Saying it that way puts everything in a positive light,
and knocks out the "T" in the word can't, changing it to "I can".

And God helping you, you WILL learn how to drive and become a person who drives.

Thank you....

 

[Midnafan97]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

Truth is a good thing. Tell him what you do instead of what you think makes you a loser.
But you aren't a loser. If he stops talking to you because of what you call "loser quality" then he's not that wonderful.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

Truth is a good thing. Tell him what you do instead of what you think makes you a loser.
But you aren't a loser. If he stops talking to you because of what you call "loser quality" then he's not that wonderful.

I think , I'm going to pass on him.. After talking with a friend... I don't think my self esteem is where it should be to be dating...

And I finally see that now.

I have so much work to do on my Self.

I think I'm also going to take a break from CF, its nothing anyone's done... But I think everyone here needs a break from my low self-esteem and threads bashing my Self.

I'm sorry you guys had to read all of that garbage.

 

[Midnafan97]

I think , I'm going to pass on him.. After talking with a friend... I don't think my self esteem is where it should be to be dating...

And I finally see that now.

I have so much work to do on my Self.

I think I'm also going to take a break from CF, its nothing anyone's done... But I think everyone here needs a break from my low self-esteem and threads bashing my Self.

I'm sorry you guys had to read all of that garbage.

What's most important is yourself. You do you and don't worry what other people think.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

What's most important is yourself. You do you and don't worry what other people think.

Yeah, I think I'm going to pass. My self esteem is messed up and he deserves someone better than me ,that can at least meet him half way.

 

[Midnafan97]

Yeah, I think I'm going to pass. My self esteem is messed up and he deserves someone better than me ,that can at least meet him half way.

Don't think you're not as great, you have the talent for many things and you can do what ever you set your mind to do.

 

[Rhonda Loeblein]

I'm 25, still with my parents,no degree, license no life ,friends..ect.

You are royalty in Gods eyes and His opinion of you is what matters most so find your identity in Him and always be true to that.

 

[Sketcher]

You did right by telling him the truth, honesty is the best policy. I may be willing to work with a certain issue that a woman would be insecure about, but I will not abide lying about it.

 

[writewords]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

My brother,

Are you meeting him to share the gospel? Remember, if you know Christ, He is with you.

Do not worry about your or his accomplishments or status, etc.
From the limited physical descriptions we have of the Apostle Paul in both Scripture and other early literature, traditions, he was not a physically impressive person. Yet the greatest evangelist, missionary ever. Chosen by God.

D.L. Moody, also a powerful evangelist, estimates of his converts I have read, reach into the hundreds of thousands. Yet an uneducated man.

Take heart my friend. Do not lie, even if the outcome of being truthful may not turn out good for you.
Blessings

 

[Angel Wings 1288]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

I presume you're talking about a date.

What men want in women and what women want in men are two very different things. For example, a woman may want a man who has a good career and income, but that doesn't mean a man wants the same thing in a woman. For men, appearance in woman is far more important when selecting a girlfriend or wife than her job or credentials. Personally, I'd much rather marry a woman who is poor, uneducated, and pretty than a feminist who is rich, highly educated, and ugly.

Basically, if you want to score a top-notch guy, you don't have to be university educated or even have a good job; you just need to be pretty.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I presume you're talking about a date.

What men want in women and what women want in men are two very different things. For example, a woman may want a man who has a good career and income, but that doesn't mean a man wants the same thing in a woman. For men, appearance in woman is far more important when selecting a girlfriend or wife than her job or credentials. Personally, I'd much rather marry a woman who is poor, uneducated, and pretty than a feminist who is rich, highly educated, and ugly.

Basically, if you want to score a top-notch guy, you don't have to be university educated or even have a good job; you just need to be pretty.

Yeah but for the person I love I want to do so much for them and give them so much of myself and then more... But my friend told me about her friend who got a great man,she didn't finish college and is a stay at home wife, that's good for her but I want to do so much for my future husband.

I was looking at a self esteem article and it said to write 10 positive traits... I could only think of 3 ... And now my friend is going to help me by telling me what he sees in me.

 

[Far Side Of the Moon]

I presume you're talking about a date.

What men want in women and what women want in men are two very different things. For example, a woman may want a man who has a good career and income, but that doesn't mean a man wants the same thing in a woman. For men, appearance in woman is far more important when selecting a girlfriend or wife than her job or credentials. Personally, I'd much rather marry a woman who is poor, uneducated, and pretty than a feminist who is rich, highly educated, and ugly.

Basically, if you want to score a top-notch guy, you don't have to be university educated or even have a good job; you just need to be pretty.

And that's another thing, I don't want to be "just pretty" bc what happens, if god forbid..I get hit by a bus? You know? I'm not a shallow person...

 

[Bluerose31]

This guy wants to meet up and I want to meet up with him more than anything...

But I'm afraid he'll find out how much of a loser I am..

He's younger than me. And has a degree, drives ...I just don't want to put him off.

I don't want him to stop talking to me,..

But I also feel like I won't measure up.

I'd say pray about it but he sounds like a nice guy. You should express to him that you feel nervous about meeting up and pray that God protect you and give you peace when you two do meet up.

 

[dazzle102475]

Sister you need more confidence. You are a daughter of the most high God. That light that God placed in you when you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior is what this man sees in you. You're young, just because you haven't a degree like him doesn't make you less.

Jesus had glory but put that aside to become a servant to die for our sake . Have you never heard the scriptures?

1 Corinthians 1:27 ►

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ►
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Do not look to yourself for strength, but strength in Christ that his power may rest on you.

Do not let the devil steal your peace. Pray and walk in the power of Christ in you.