Relationship Advice

[katie124]

Hi everyone! I just created my account today and I have been looking for a good outlet to get some unbiased christian-centered advice on my relationship. I feel odd bringing it up to people in my life (as a lot of people in my life are secular or are very judgmental in practicing their faith).

I am currently in a relationship with a man who is undoubtedly the love of my life. I have had a few relationships and talked to a few men before him but right off the bat everything just felt different in the best way. It really is true that when you meet the person of your dreams you just know. We both share the same beliefs and fervor for God and try as hard as we can to keep God at the center of our relationship (which is the best).

However, there has been something that has been weighing on me lately. my boyfriend used to be a part of the LGBT community. He has dated men and women in the past and at one point even wanted to undergo a male to female transition.
He got saved semi-late in life (at about 19) and once he came to the faith he gave up his desires, including bisexuality and transitioning, to God (as much as any of us can, of course). He’s also had a really, i mean really, insane past with sexual immorality. (and i’m a virgin!).

I’m not sure why it has JUST started bothering me but sometimes i will just get sad thinking about his past. I know that he’s repented and that God has forgiven him and I’ve even expressed my forgiveness to him as he’s asked for it. And I mean, I do forgive him (even though i feel it’s not my place to “forgive” him of these things). Theres just a looming thought that his desire to be with a man is going to come back with a vengeance one day and he’s just going to leave me. Or he’s going to want to be a woman. Or i’m not going to be, excuse my language, “wild” enough sexually for him.

My family and friends have no idea about his past and i feel like if they found out he would, metaphorically, be crucified. And i feel like i would be looked down upon too. And the funny part is he wants to write his testimony into a book! (which i don’t want to hold him back from - but it also terrifies me)

I was wondering if anyone else has a similar situation/experience and what you did to help trust your partner more and not hold their past against them. Or even just any advice that would help me let it go. I feel like a terrible person for not just being okay with it as he has turned away (but obviously temptation never goes away).

Thank you guys, anything at all would be appreciated.

 

[splish- splash]

Hi everyone! I just created my account today and I have been looking for a good outlet to get some unbiased christian-centered advice on my relationship. I feel odd bringing it up to people in my life (as a lot of people in my life are secular or are very judgmental in practicing their faith).

I am currently in a relationship with a man who is undoubtedly the love of my life. I have had a few relationships and talked to a few men before him but right off the bat everything just felt different in the best way. It really is true that when you meet the person of your dreams you just know. We both share the same beliefs and fervor for God and try as hard as we can to keep God at the center of our relationship (which is the best).

However, there has been something that has been weighing on me lately. my boyfriend used to be a part of the LGBT community. He has dated men and women in the past and at one point even wanted to undergo a male to female transition.
He got saved semi-late in life (at about 19) and once he came to the faith he gave up his desires, including bisexuality and transitioning, to God (as much as any of us can, of course). He’s also had a really, i mean really, insane past with sexual immorality. (and i’m a virgin!).

I’m not sure why it has JUST started bothering me but sometimes i will just get sad thinking about his past. I know that he’s repented and that God has forgiven him and I’ve even expressed my forgiveness to him as he’s asked for it. And I mean, I do forgive him (even though i feel it’s not my place to “forgive” him of these things). Theres just a looming thought that his desire to be with a man is going to come back with a vengeance one day and he’s just going to leave me. Or he’s going to want to be a woman. Or i’m not going to be, excuse my language, “wild” enough sexually for him.

My family and friends have no idea about his past and i feel like if they found out he would, metaphorically, be crucified. And i feel like i would be looked down upon too. And the funny part is he wants to write his testimony into a book! (which i don’t want to hold him back from - but it also terrifies me)

I was wondering if anyone else has a similar situation/experience and what you did to help trust your partner more and not hold their past against them. Or even just any advice that would help me let it go. I feel like a terrible person for not just being okay with it as he has turned away (but obviously temptation never goes away).

Thank you guys, anything at all would be appreciated.

David offered a prayer of inquiry before God, so should you. You need the confirmation so you can be reassured.

 

[Jaems]

I was healed of a past like that. It is possible.

 

[Osmotik]

You seem like an understanding person, maybe voice your concerns to him and allow him to understand you. And of course prayer and meditating with God.
Welcome to the forums.

 

[Deade]

Hello Katie,
welcome to CF.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay here.

 

[ESwanson74]

Part of building a relationship is learning to trust your other half. If you have no evidence that part of him will return, you also have no reason to suspect it will. Lots of communication between each other and loads of prayer will show the way forward. You said semi-late was 19, well I was saved at 40 after a long atheistic, drug-filled, inappropriate content-addicted, ever violent, and drunken lifestyle. Five years down the road and I am working toward prison ministry and youth outreach. No desire to return to a life of constant battles against myself. God can wash it away in a moment.

 

[Jaems]

Thanks for this. I was saved at 44 and also an alcoholic and addicted to many other unhealthy things. I did basically everything I could to get God mad at me but the hardest thing has been to accept that He loves me and forgives me and that I need to live "up" to that. My desire to sin has been taken from me. Now I just need to figure out when I am sinning. That's pretty tough.

You said semi-late was 19, well I was saved at 40 after a long atheistic, drug-filled, inappropriate content-addicted, ever violent, and drunken lifestyle. Five years down the road and I am working toward prison ministry and youth outreach. No desire to return to a life of constant battles against myself. God can wash it away in a moment.

 

[kvolm]

Hi everyone! I just created my account today and I have been looking for a good outlet to get some unbiased christian-centered advice on my relationship. I feel odd bringing it up to people in my life (as a lot of people in my life are secular or are very judgmental in practicing their faith).

I am currently in a relationship with a man who is undoubtedly the love of my life. I have had a few relationships and talked to a few men before him but right off the bat everything just felt different in the best way. It really is true that when you meet the person of your dreams you just know. We both share the same beliefs and fervor for God and try as hard as we can to keep God at the center of our relationship (which is the best).

However, there has been something that has been weighing on me lately. my boyfriend used to be a part of the LGBT community. He has dated men and women in the past and at one point even wanted to undergo a male to female transition.
He got saved semi-late in life (at about 19) and once he came to the faith he gave up his desires, including bisexuality and transitioning, to God (as much as any of us can, of course). He’s also had a really, i mean really, insane past with sexual immorality. (and i’m a virgin!).

I’m not sure why it has JUST started bothering me but sometimes i will just get sad thinking about his past. I know that he’s repented and that God has forgiven him and I’ve even expressed my forgiveness to him as he’s asked for it. And I mean, I do forgive him (even though i feel it’s not my place to “forgive” him of these things). Theres just a looming thought that his desire to be with a man is going to come back with a vengeance one day and he’s just going to leave me. Or he’s going to want to be a woman. Or i’m not going to be, excuse my language, “wild” enough sexually for him.

My family and friends have no idea about his past and i feel like if they found out he would, metaphorically, be crucified. And i feel like i would be looked down upon too. And the funny part is he wants to write his testimony into a book! (which i don’t want to hold him back from - but it also terrifies me)

I was wondering if anyone else has a similar situation/experience and what you did to help trust your partner more and not hold their past against them. Or even just any advice that would help me let it go. I feel like a terrible person for not just being okay with it as he has turned away (but obviously temptation never goes away).

Thank you guys, anything at all would be appreciated.

Welcome Katie, there seem to be 2 parts of this that you are working through: 1) the "what if" questions related to your future marriage and 2) the family/friends finding out.
Regarding the "what if" questions, there are potential risks in every relationship. Asking God to provide confirmation regarding His will for the future of this relationship would be important. Ultimately you have no control over what a (future) husband does or does not do at any point in your relationship (marriage).
But you absolutely do have control over your worries about how you will be judged because of his past. If you are worried now about other people "finding out", how will you handle it when they do? Is this an area that God is leading you to grow in your maturity as someone who doesn't care what others would think if they found out? I would suspect that if God has laid on his heart that he is to write about his past that this will be a ministry that God plans to use and if you can't find peace with it, that will be problematic for both of you.

 

[Sophrosyne]

I would be cautious with him. It might well be he is "cured" of his former sinful nature that drove him to his sexual issues but there is a chance that there is some underlying issues that caused/drove him to do/think what he did and if this is what his identity is based upon it is quite possible if this is not dealt with or overcome he will falter and fall back into that life style. At 19 he is still very young at that age wisdom is often a property in short supply of men his age many of us at that age are driven by desire and the flesh even as a Christian some seemingly get high on the Holy Spirit so to speak and when this "high" dissipates there often comes a crashing of identity and that can be very serious with someone with his past if his foundation is not rock solid firm.
IMO I wouldn't consider a serious relationship for 6 months at least and definitely not marriage for a year or two giving both of you time to concentrate on a more mature relationship with God that will be the foundation of a permanent relationship between you two if you decide upon that route.