hello everyone,
i was not raised christian. my grandparents sometimes took me to Catholic Church, but my parents did not believe so God and everything related to Christianity were not something i was interested in at all in my life. I did not believe much at all. The only thing I believed in was spirit, ghosts, demons, the devil- things like that. My dad was raised Mormon and heavily believed in the devil, as well as attended church sometimes when things were a little off in his life. I remember going to community church with him once and participating in communion for the first time, since I was not a confirmed Catholic and therefore did not participate there. i have always thought about that day ever since. I felt so connected to my dad and it was honestly such a special moment. My mom cheated on him a lot growing up, so i think it was related.
i believed in many different things growing up. in middle school, I thought greek mythology was real. I nailed my orchestra playing test in 6th grade after praying to the Greek gods. i am bipolar, so now i think i may have just been in a bit of mania lol
the first time i considered that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit were real was in my freshman year of college (2022). i was really struggling to find myself, and i had started to really struggle with my mental health for the first time in my life. I did not fit in at my school, in a different state with many Christian organizations and people who grew up in much richer families than me. I wants to find my place. one of my friends was christian, and i drafted a message to her about wanting to go to church with her. I never sent it. I also drafted a message to a christian influencer. I have included it below. I feel it is very important to understanding my view on Christianity.
here is the message I drafted: “hi! i have been watching your videos recently and some of the things you have been saying (like how Christianity is a relationship not a religion and how beautiful life is after you turn to God) have been making me consider going to church and getting more involved with Christianity. i would have never thought that I would want to do this a few years ago, but after coming to college where some of my friends are Christians and watching your videos I feel drawn to it. I always find myself trying not to sin, even though I currently do not practice. I always try to dress modestly even though I have never been forced to and I always turned down prospects of any sexual relationships. I felt like it would be doing something wrong, but I didn’t really know why. I feel like I could use some guidance in life right now, and that turning to God might be what I need to do. I don’t know if this would be an awakening of sorts or something, but it is something I really think I want to do. I am thinking about asking my friend if I can go to church with her and joining her student organization. the only concern I have is that I am a part of the lgbt community and I am not sure whether that would be okay. I just want to know your perspectives on this and what other people think about it
”
I remember this time in my life. I started reading the Bible. I prayed to God, or Jesus, (im still not sure) one night and I felt the most insane wave of light, happiness, euphoria come over me. I felt so happy, relieved- I cried. I felt a love like never before. I have never forgotten that feeling. I have struggled with addiction in the years since then, but nothing any drug has ever induced has ever given me the feeling that i got that night. I was completely sober. I had never consumed a drug in my life.
i am no longer part of the lgbt community, but i was for a long time, and some of my best friends are in the community. i love them with all of my heart. the only reason i am no longer a part of it is because i found my boyfriend, my life partner, and i do not see myself ever being with anyone else!
i got into a relationship with a woman (i am also a woman) slightly after this message was sent. we stopped being friends with the girl i drafted the message about going to church with because of unrelated reasons. all of my ideas of God and Jesus completely faded, left my brain, or got tarnished. My ex-girlfriend had a rough relationship with religion, so i could never blame her for this, but it is likely the reason i turned away. Her parents raised her very religious and were extremely unaccepting of LGBTQ+ people, so she was always afraid they would disown her for being her true self. I think she is out to them now and they still love her the same- i am very happy for her! I am glad she is living a good life, just as i am. We were not meant for each other but i learned a lot from that time in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason, so i am thankful.
but to tell the whole story, during this relationship, my mental health tanked. i always had anxiety, but it was now through the roof, as well as my OCD (which i have had my whole life) and my depression (which i had never struggled with before). I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t find enjoyment in anything. I could not eat. I thought everyone hated me, i was a disappointment and a failure. I got on medication a few months later and life started to look up.
After a few very bad situations I will not dive into, my girlfriend of over a year and I broke up during my sophomore year of college (2024). i had never been so hurt in my life. I cried until my eyes were raw. My friends brought me food and took me to Starbucks to help me. I am so thankful for them. I had suicidal thoughts a lot during this time, but my friends being there for me gave me a reason to keep going. I reached out to high school friends again, started talking to my family more, and i became much happier. The breakup was rough, but overall connected me with more people and showed me where my true friends and support system were.
I went to Italy in spring of 2024, after the breakup, and realized i really wanted a boyfriend. It was so weird to me, because i thought I was a lesbian. Soon after, i met a boy from my school, who ended up being the most compatible person to me that ive ever met. We had all the same interests, he was kind, sweet, and i had never felt the way i felt towards him with anyone. I never really wanted to get married. The idea of kids was horrible. But with him- it was different. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to have kids with him. I told him that before we were even dating and he agreed.
We started dating soon after. It’s been almost two years now, and we are still going strong! He is the kindest, most caring man i have ever met and I am so thankful that he came into my life. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and him coming into my life SAVED my life. we have so many similar interests. He has shown me so many shows, games, movies, etc. that i enjoy. I am so lucky. I want to marry him. He is going to medical school starting in July to become a DO!!
there is one problem- his ex-girlfriend became very christian while they were dating and it destroyed their relationship. I am worried he would not be supportive if i became religious, but i have a very different view on it than his girlfriend, so i think it would be okay. He was raised going to church and youth group, and the only reason he isn’t really religious now is because he believes heavily in science. I do too, but i think some things can’t be explained by science. We have discussed small things such as my belief in ghosts before, which he does not agree with, but we kind of just laugh about it and move on. I don’t think it’s a big deal!
A whole lot of words to get to this point: I think i am starting to believe in God and Jesus. My life has been looking up a lot lately since i graduated college, and i have prayed a few times. I think i am okay if my boyfriend doesn’t believe, because i personally believe that being a good person with good morals will get you into heaven even if you were not really a believer during your life
I guess i am just looking for a little guidance! I would like some suggestions of places to start exploring my faith, or testimonies from people as to why they started believing. It can be a little hard for me since I didn’t grow up religious.
thank you in advance
i was not raised christian. my grandparents sometimes took me to Catholic Church, but my parents did not believe so God and everything related to Christianity were not something i was interested in at all in my life. I did not believe much at all. The only thing I believed in was spirit, ghosts, demons, the devil- things like that. My dad was raised Mormon and heavily believed in the devil, as well as attended church sometimes when things were a little off in his life. I remember going to community church with him once and participating in communion for the first time, since I was not a confirmed Catholic and therefore did not participate there. i have always thought about that day ever since. I felt so connected to my dad and it was honestly such a special moment. My mom cheated on him a lot growing up, so i think it was related.
i believed in many different things growing up. in middle school, I thought greek mythology was real. I nailed my orchestra playing test in 6th grade after praying to the Greek gods. i am bipolar, so now i think i may have just been in a bit of mania lol
the first time i considered that God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit were real was in my freshman year of college (2022). i was really struggling to find myself, and i had started to really struggle with my mental health for the first time in my life. I did not fit in at my school, in a different state with many Christian organizations and people who grew up in much richer families than me. I wants to find my place. one of my friends was christian, and i drafted a message to her about wanting to go to church with her. I never sent it. I also drafted a message to a christian influencer. I have included it below. I feel it is very important to understanding my view on Christianity.
here is the message I drafted: “hi! i have been watching your videos recently and some of the things you have been saying (like how Christianity is a relationship not a religion and how beautiful life is after you turn to God) have been making me consider going to church and getting more involved with Christianity. i would have never thought that I would want to do this a few years ago, but after coming to college where some of my friends are Christians and watching your videos I feel drawn to it. I always find myself trying not to sin, even though I currently do not practice. I always try to dress modestly even though I have never been forced to and I always turned down prospects of any sexual relationships. I felt like it would be doing something wrong, but I didn’t really know why. I feel like I could use some guidance in life right now, and that turning to God might be what I need to do. I don’t know if this would be an awakening of sorts or something, but it is something I really think I want to do. I am thinking about asking my friend if I can go to church with her and joining her student organization. the only concern I have is that I am a part of the lgbt community and I am not sure whether that would be okay. I just want to know your perspectives on this and what other people think about it
”I remember this time in my life. I started reading the Bible. I prayed to God, or Jesus, (im still not sure) one night and I felt the most insane wave of light, happiness, euphoria come over me. I felt so happy, relieved- I cried. I felt a love like never before. I have never forgotten that feeling. I have struggled with addiction in the years since then, but nothing any drug has ever induced has ever given me the feeling that i got that night. I was completely sober. I had never consumed a drug in my life.
i am no longer part of the lgbt community, but i was for a long time, and some of my best friends are in the community. i love them with all of my heart. the only reason i am no longer a part of it is because i found my boyfriend, my life partner, and i do not see myself ever being with anyone else!
i got into a relationship with a woman (i am also a woman) slightly after this message was sent. we stopped being friends with the girl i drafted the message about going to church with because of unrelated reasons. all of my ideas of God and Jesus completely faded, left my brain, or got tarnished. My ex-girlfriend had a rough relationship with religion, so i could never blame her for this, but it is likely the reason i turned away. Her parents raised her very religious and were extremely unaccepting of LGBTQ+ people, so she was always afraid they would disown her for being her true self. I think she is out to them now and they still love her the same- i am very happy for her! I am glad she is living a good life, just as i am. We were not meant for each other but i learned a lot from that time in my life. I believe everything happens for a reason, so i am thankful.
but to tell the whole story, during this relationship, my mental health tanked. i always had anxiety, but it was now through the roof, as well as my OCD (which i have had my whole life) and my depression (which i had never struggled with before). I struggled with suicidal thoughts. I didn’t find enjoyment in anything. I could not eat. I thought everyone hated me, i was a disappointment and a failure. I got on medication a few months later and life started to look up.
After a few very bad situations I will not dive into, my girlfriend of over a year and I broke up during my sophomore year of college (2024). i had never been so hurt in my life. I cried until my eyes were raw. My friends brought me food and took me to Starbucks to help me. I am so thankful for them. I had suicidal thoughts a lot during this time, but my friends being there for me gave me a reason to keep going. I reached out to high school friends again, started talking to my family more, and i became much happier. The breakup was rough, but overall connected me with more people and showed me where my true friends and support system were.
I went to Italy in spring of 2024, after the breakup, and realized i really wanted a boyfriend. It was so weird to me, because i thought I was a lesbian. Soon after, i met a boy from my school, who ended up being the most compatible person to me that ive ever met. We had all the same interests, he was kind, sweet, and i had never felt the way i felt towards him with anyone. I never really wanted to get married. The idea of kids was horrible. But with him- it was different. I wanted to be his wife. I wanted to have kids with him. I told him that before we were even dating and he agreed.
We started dating soon after. It’s been almost two years now, and we are still going strong! He is the kindest, most caring man i have ever met and I am so thankful that he came into my life. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and him coming into my life SAVED my life. we have so many similar interests. He has shown me so many shows, games, movies, etc. that i enjoy. I am so lucky. I want to marry him. He is going to medical school starting in July to become a DO!!
there is one problem- his ex-girlfriend became very christian while they were dating and it destroyed their relationship. I am worried he would not be supportive if i became religious, but i have a very different view on it than his girlfriend, so i think it would be okay. He was raised going to church and youth group, and the only reason he isn’t really religious now is because he believes heavily in science. I do too, but i think some things can’t be explained by science. We have discussed small things such as my belief in ghosts before, which he does not agree with, but we kind of just laugh about it and move on. I don’t think it’s a big deal!
A whole lot of words to get to this point: I think i am starting to believe in God and Jesus. My life has been looking up a lot lately since i graduated college, and i have prayed a few times. I think i am okay if my boyfriend doesn’t believe, because i personally believe that being a good person with good morals will get you into heaven even if you were not really a believer during your life
I guess i am just looking for a little guidance! I would like some suggestions of places to start exploring my faith, or testimonies from people as to why they started believing. It can be a little hard for me since I didn’t grow up religious.
thank you in advance
