The final barrier is historical barriers--our history, our roots. It’s our baggage from the past and some have more than others.
There are family upbringings which produce different values. There are differences in geography whether it is from another country or someone from the city or the suburbs. There are communication styles. In my home, everyone talked at the same time and no one listened. At her home, no one talked.
I can still remember we were early dating when we had this car drive together. I’m in love with this gal and we have this forty-five minute drive and I thought, wow, this is going to be great. My love language is meaningful conversation.
So, we’re going to have this great talk and we’re driving through the country and I noticed she was quiet now and then. I just thought to myself, I tend to start the conversations. I’m going to let her start this time.
So, I’m driving. It’s been five minutes and no one’s said anything. She looks at me and smiles. Looks out, you know, and there are cows on the hill that I didn’t notice and a blue sky and trees and…
What’s the deal here? She must be mad at me. Here’s my insecurity, right?
Okay, now its ten minutes of driving—then, 15 minutes, then, 30 minutes, 35 minutes—and I’m about to bust. I’ll tell you what, the moment she opens her mouth…
Man, I thought we were going to have this good…man, I tell you what. She, you know, I bet she doesn’t like me, she doesn’t…I mean, there’s a big problem. Why is she’s stone walling me. I can’t figure…
It is 45 minutes later; we round this bend and get out of the car. I’m thinking, this is the worst 45 minutes of my life. I’m going to give her a piece of my mind. I’m going to tell her, if you treat me like this, I thought, you were, you know, the right one and now I kind of have my doubts.
She gets out of the car, turns to me, and she goes, “Chip, wasn’t this a great time?”
You know, I’m biting my lip. “Wasn’t this a great time?”
And she goes, “You know, it’s just so good. Nature so refreshes my soul. Thanks for just being understanding and giving me some room on this trip.”
She goes, “Did you notice the cows and look at those trees and the wildflowers as we came.” She goes, “This was such a neat time together.”
Ahhhhh! I’m thinking, are you kidding me? I mean, my blood pressure’s up to here. I’m just waiting for one little move so I can pound her for being so insensitive and then the little light went on. I realized we are REALLY different.
Now, we don’t have those same 45 minute drives anymore, but I have learned when to give her room and she’s learned to initiate conversation.