Hello, and welcome to CF and to TAW.
(Yes, because it’s in the debate section, you may see a lot of posts from others outside of Orthodoxy who generally don’t understand what they are talking about - I hope this doesn’t add to your pain btw as they don’t address your concerns.)
The Church is not looking to tear families apart, no. The dynamics are always different, and always considered. Often if it is part of a nuclear family, the priest will urge those wanting to convert to take more time, so as not to cause divisions in the family.
Often when the family sees the effect living the faith in the way that we are given tools through Orthodoxy to live it - results in such a transformation in the person that they more easily begin to understand.
Yes, there are nominal ones born into families that maybe they don’t pursue the faith. That doesn’t diminish what it can be though.
When priests counsel newcomers about visiting other kinds of fellowships, the reasons matter. If that person misses something about the old fellowship and just wants to straddle two worlds, it’s usually a bad idea. However, if it’s a matter of keeping family connections, the priest can advise differently. Everything is tailored to the best good of the salvation of each person (and sometimes by extension others’ lives they touch). The rules are there for a reason, but realize they were often codified many many centuries ago when “another fellowship” might have referred to an officially condemned heresy. There were no evangelical Protestants then. So it may well not be true that he would never go to Church with you.
When I converted, my husband was Protestant (still is) and he wouldn’t come to the Orthodox Church and didn’t want to go to his without me. My priest advised at that time for me to alternate and go with him half the time. That was probably a very unusual situation but in our case it was what the priest thought best.
As for prayers - we can’t really pray prayers that go against what we believe, so sometimes the prayers others pray are a problem. In cases like that, I pray with them, but silently pray my own beliefs. In some cases we do share - the Lord’s Prayer is prayed by almost all Christians, isn’t it? Or what if he prayed - there is no reason you can’t join in HIS prayers.
All of this is guided by a priest and may depend on the particular circumstance. But I think you are looking at ancient canons? They should not be lightly set aside by us, certainly. But it has always been the case that wisdom and love are used in the interpretation and application of those canons.
I hope some of this helps a little. I can understand your distress, certainly. But it isn’t as bleak as you are probably understanding it to be.
God be with you.
I know this is the debate section, but I wasn't sure how my post would be responded to elsewhere (Cause it is bring typed with considerable anguish, I apologize it is a rant in pain)
I have an 18 year old son, who has become interested in Orthodoxy.
(He has promised to work through scripture and the early church documents with me)
My family are evangelical protestants.
Do I have it correct that if he commits to Orthodoxy it would mean:
He cannot take communion with his family.
He cannot attend a church service with his family, except for weddings and funerals
He cannot pray with us (we have had a 5 min together nearly ever night since the boys were infants).
So that the next time we will be in church together would when I'm dead, and only then begrudgingly.
Of course I have the hope that we both (with the grace of God) be together in heaven.
I get the need from your perspective to defend truth, however it is said of God "that your kindness leads to repentance".
All the Orthodox that I have meant in person are so nominal and uncommitted to being a disciple of Jesus, it is largely just a cultural things they do once or twice a year. So my son could pray with utterly luke warm, apathetic orthodox people but has to effectively spiritual shun his own family.
This seems on par with the JW's and the Plymouth Exclusive Brethren.
I believe the separation of his body (the church) from each other causes great sorrow for Jesus, and I for one would wish that we could live out the ones of Ephesian 4. But if my son joins Orthodoxy, I will get some idea of what being a "man of sorrows" means, cause at the moment I cannot feel that a day would pass but the sorrow of the separation would not hurt.
Now I get you will say it is for vital truths, and of course despite that I ascribe to both Nicaea/Chalcedon, baptism as a saving sacrament, even the theotokos, unless I choose to "enthnicize" to your ethnically drenched churches, the separation with my son must but be maintained. Given your churches cut communion over if Estonia could have its own church, and now over if Ukraine having its own church, to rank outsider I'm just not that it is anything to do with the love of Jesus.
I apologize if this is an uncharitable rant, we all need the mercy and love of God. I'm just not sure tearing families apart is the best way to live Jesus message out to the world but these are your churches. I can only hope that the LORD hastens his return to minimize the pain we cause another.