Pastor gets standing ovation for sexual sin against a woman, she is appalled

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Phil 1:21

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Maybe she had some traumatic experiences left after having been sexually abused by her youth pastor?
Well, I guess we've officially trivialized sexual assault to the point where we include regretful consensual sex in that category.
 
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That's an excellent verse. Following that initial mishandling, he confessed what he did to his church, her family, his potential wife, and his new church and their leadership. And when she reached out to him, 20 years later, instead of asking her to stay silent he publicly confessed again to his congregation.
What a big jerk! ;)
 
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Favourofone

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Well, I guess we've officially trivialized sexual assault to the point where we include regretful consensual sex in that category.

But according to some we have all molested underage children at some point so it is ok, boys will be boys.
 
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A71

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Ok, reading this requires more than a 2 minute attention span. It is pretty grim, unless you think sexual assault is part of American rites of passage.

This is Jules' story in her own words. [*warning: contains graphic content]

One evening, in the early Spring of 1998, I was hanging out with my youth minister, Andy Savage, at my church, Woodlands Parkway Baptist Church located at 10801 Falconwing Drive. I was 17 years old at the time and a senior at The Woodlands High School. There had been multiple kids there at the church after school, but as the night got later I was the only student left, alone in the church with Andy. I did not have a vehicle at the church, so Andy offered to take me home to my Mom's house.

It was dark outside. As he was driving me towards my home, he passed the turn he should have made to go to my house. I asked him where he was going. I don't remember his exact response, but it was something along the lines of ‘you'll see’ or ‘it's a surprise.’ I know for sure he did not tell me where he was taking me. I remember feeling special and excited, as in my mind, he obviously wanted to spend more time with me before taking me home. I assumed we were going to get ice cream.

*He turned onto a dirt road and continued to drive. There were trees all around. I could not see the main road anymore, from which he turned from. I asked what was back here. He told me they were building a church. I thought, maybe that’s what this was about, maybe he has some secret to tell me, like perhaps he was moving to another church. We reached a dead end and he turned the truck around before putting it in park. We were stopped, and he turned the headlights off. Suddenly, Andy unzipped his jeans and pulled out his penis. He asked me to suck it. I was scared and embarrassed, but I did it. I remember feeling that this must mean that Andy loved me. He then asked me to unbutton my shirt. I did. He started touching me over my bra and then lifted my bra up and began touching my breasts.

After what I believe to have been about 5 minutes of this going on, he suddenly stopped, got out of the truck and ran around the back and to my side before falling to his knees. I quickly buttoned my shirt back up and got out of the truck. Now I was terrified and ashamed. I remember him pleading, while he was on his knees with his hands up on his head, ‘Oh my god, oh my god. What have I done? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You can't tell anyone Jules, please. You have to take this to the grave with you.’ He said that several times. My fear and shame quickly turned to anger. I had just been manipulated and used. I swore to him I wouldn't tell anyone just to get him to stop. We both got back in the truck. As he drove me home, I don’t remember there being any conversation. I was in shock.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed. I couldn't fall asleep fast enough. Please God, let this all be a bad dream, I thought. Yet the hurt I was beginning to feel soon snapped me back into reality. This was no bad dream, this was a living nightmare. The secret quickly began to eat away at my soul. I couldn't concentrate at school. I couldn't think about anything else. The fear, shame, anger and hurt consumed me. As embarrassing as it would be for me to tell all the ‘dirty’ details of this horrible secret, I had no other choice. What happened to me was not right nor had it been my fault. I had to report this. Little did I know, the very people I was about to entrust to protect me and help me would not only victimize me all over again but would also engage in a cover up to protect my abuser and the image of the church.


Larry Cotton was the Associate Pastor of Woodlands Parkway Baptist Church at the time. Steve Bradley was the head pastor. I mustered up the courage to go tell them what happened. For some reason, Steve wasn’t available, so I only spoke with Larry. I remember asking him if I could speak privately with him and he said yes. I started out by saying something awful had happened to me. I was already crying. Somehow, I felt brave enough to tell Larry every detail of what had happened with Andy. I was mortified but I thought I was doing the right thing as both Larry and Steve were over Andy in the church and I was way too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone else, especially my own parents.
Just as I had finished telling my story, Larry immediately spoke up and asked me to clarify. He said something to the effect of, ‘So you’re telling me you participated?’ I remember feeling like my heart had just sunk to the floor. What was he asking? More importantly, what was he trying to imply? This wave of shame came over me, greater than I had ever felt before. I had just gotten done telling him everything that Andy, my youth pastor, asked me to do. I didn't say that I screamed no, jumped out of the car and ran into the dark forest because I hadn't. I told him that Andy had asked me to perform oral sex and unbutton my shirt and I did. Every ounce of courage I had gathered, to walk in there and tell Larry the truth about what had happened to me, left in an instant. Not only did I suddenly feel this immense guilt for doing what Andy had asked me to do but I also started to feel that this was my fault somehow because I didn't stop him.


As you might imagine, I was beyond overwhelmed at the myriad of emotions I was feeling. I remember Larry telling me that he would have to share with Steve all that I had told him. I asked what was going to happen next and he said that him and Steve would be talking to Andy and that the church would be handling the situation. He told me not to speak with Andy and said that he would be telling Andy not to speak with me as well. Through the tears, I told him that I was too embarrassed to tell my Mom what had happened. He said not to worry, that they would talk to my Mother as well. He then told me not mention anything that had happened to anyone else. It was very clear to me that I was not to say a word to anyone.

As days passed I remember feeling more and more hopeless. I was confused as it seemed that Andy got to go about his day to day life, within the church and outside of it, as though nothing had ever happened. In fact, he led a 2-day event at the church, known as True Love Waits, promoting sexual purity not only in abstinence from intercourse before marriage but also abstinence in any physical contact, actions and thoughts which might lead to sexual arousal. The irony had not been lost on me. Yet, here I was sinking deeper and deeper into this pit of depression. I had no where to go, no one to talk to. After all, I was given one job by the person I had sought help from (Larry,) and that was to keep my mouth shut.

Not long after, I was meeting at the church with my all female discipleship group. I hadn’t had much interest in even being at church since everything that had happened but, deep down, I think I was just seeking some sort of solace in my faith for all the pain and hurt I was going through. Something came over me that night. I remember feeling disgusted and frustrated. What happened to me was not right! Why were my pastors not listening?! As if a final breath of courage filled my lungs, I opened my mouth and began to share some of what had happened to me. Looking back now, I know without a doubt, it was a cry for help. Tears ran down my cheeks. I remember feeling a slight sense of relief as this was no longer just a secret between myself, Andy, Larry and Steve. However, I too remember feeling as though I had just played my last card. I knew I had broken the rules of silence and that there would be consequences to my actions.



Word got back to Larry and Steve, almost immediately, that I had shared some things with my discipleship group. Now they had to do something. The youth group had a ski trip coming up and they announced to the families that Andy would not be going. Rumors were starting to spread that something had happened between myself and Andy. People thought/assumed that we had exchanged an ‘innocent’ kiss. The church, however, never came out with an official statement addressing what had happened and/or what was being done about it. Instead, they held a going away reception for Andy at the church in which he was allowed to simply say that he had made a poor decision and that it was time for him to move on from our church. Many people came to love on him, support him and say their goodbyes. There were hugs shared and tears shed. No one truly knew why he was leaving except myself, Andy, Larry and Steve. The gossip amongst my church family only continued to flourish. No one could imagine Andy doing anything bad or immoral, much less illegal, and so, it somehow became my fault that Andy was leaving.
I couldn’t have been more grateful that it was the spring of my senior year as all I wanted to do was to leave town and get away from everything and everyone. I had basically shut down. I felt so alone. It wasn’t until much later that I would realize that no matter how far away I moved nor how much I tried to move on with my life, that I could never truly escape what had happened to me. For example, when I found out that the church had contacted my parents, years later, and asked their permission to bring Andy back on staff, it brought back a whirlwind of emotions. Of course, my parents said NO, but even learning of this was traumatizing. I am a grown woman now and although it’s been almost 20 years since everything happened, it still affects me to this day. There are triggers that take me back to that night, there are nightmares that haunt my dreams.


My hope in finally coming forward with my story is not only that I can begin to get closure and healing for all that has happened to me, but more so, that my story might have a positive impact on others and effect positive change in how these types of situations are handled within the church.


To anyone who has suffered from sexual abuse in the church and the subsequent cover up and pressure to remain silent, I want you to know that it is not your fault. Most importantly, I want you to know that you are not alone.
 
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Almost there

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But according to some we have all molested underage children at some point so it is ok, boys will be boys.
I've not heard that. I think it is a straw man. And deflection.
 
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Ok, reading this requires more than a 2 minute attention span. It is pretty grim, unless you think sexual assault is part of American rites of passage.

This is Jules' story in her own words. [*warning: contains graphic content]

One evening, in the early Spring of 1998, I was hanging out with my youth minister, Andy Savage, at my church, Woodlands Parkway Baptist Church located at 10801 Falconwing Drive. I was 17 years old at the time and a senior at The Woodlands High School. There had been multiple kids there at the church after school, but as the night got later I was the only student left, alone in the church with Andy. I did not have a vehicle at the church, so Andy offered to take me home to my Mom's house.

It was dark outside. As he was driving me towards my home, he passed the turn he should have made to go to my house. I asked him where he was going. I don't remember his exact response, but it was something along the lines of ‘you'll see’ or ‘it's a surprise.’ I know for sure he did not tell me where he was taking me. I remember feeling special and excited, as in my mind, he obviously wanted to spend more time with me before taking me home. I assumed we were going to get ice cream.

*He turned onto a dirt road and continued to drive. There were trees all around. I could not see the main road anymore, from which he turned from. I asked what was back here. He told me they were building a church. I thought, maybe that’s what this was about, maybe he has some secret to tell me, like perhaps he was moving to another church. We reached a dead end and he turned the truck around before putting it in park. We were stopped, and he turned the headlights off. Suddenly, Andy unzipped his jeans and pulled out his penis. He asked me to suck it. I was scared and embarrassed, but I did it. I remember feeling that this must mean that Andy loved me. He then asked me to unbutton my shirt. I did. He started touching me over my bra and then lifted my bra up and began touching my breasts.

After what I believe to have been about 5 minutes of this going on, he suddenly stopped, got out of the truck and ran around the back and to my side before falling to his knees. I quickly buttoned my shirt back up and got out of the truck. Now I was terrified and ashamed. I remember him pleading, while he was on his knees with his hands up on his head, ‘Oh my god, oh my god. What have I done? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You can't tell anyone Jules, please. You have to take this to the grave with you.’ He said that several times. My fear and shame quickly turned to anger. I had just been manipulated and used. I swore to him I wouldn't tell anyone just to get him to stop. We both got back in the truck. As he drove me home, I don’t remember there being any conversation. I was in shock.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed. I couldn't fall asleep fast enough. Please God, let this all be a bad dream, I thought. Yet the hurt I was beginning to feel soon snapped me back into reality. This was no bad dream, this was a living nightmare. The secret quickly began to eat away at my soul. I couldn't concentrate at school. I couldn't think about anything else. The fear, shame, anger and hurt consumed me. As embarrassing as it would be for me to tell all the ‘dirty’ details of this horrible secret, I had no other choice. What happened to me was not right nor had it been my fault. I had to report this. Little did I know, the very people I was about to entrust to protect me and help me would not only victimize me all over again but would also engage in a cover up to protect my abuser and the image of the church.


Larry Cotton was the Associate Pastor of Woodlands Parkway Baptist Church at the time. Steve Bradley was the head pastor. I mustered up the courage to go tell them what happened. For some reason, Steve wasn’t available, so I only spoke with Larry. I remember asking him if I could speak privately with him and he said yes. I started out by saying something awful had happened to me. I was already crying. Somehow, I felt brave enough to tell Larry every detail of what had happened with Andy. I was mortified but I thought I was doing the right thing as both Larry and Steve were over Andy in the church and I was way too embarrassed and scared to tell anyone else, especially my own parents.
Just as I had finished telling my story, Larry immediately spoke up and asked me to clarify. He said something to the effect of, ‘So you’re telling me you participated?’ I remember feeling like my heart had just sunk to the floor. What was he asking? More importantly, what was he trying to imply? This wave of shame came over me, greater than I had ever felt before. I had just gotten done telling him everything that Andy, my youth pastor, asked me to do. I didn't say that I screamed no, jumped out of the car and ran into the dark forest because I hadn't. I told him that Andy had asked me to perform oral sex and unbutton my shirt and I did. Every ounce of courage I had gathered, to walk in there and tell Larry the truth about what had happened to me, left in an instant. Not only did I suddenly feel this immense guilt for doing what Andy had asked me to do but I also started to feel that this was my fault somehow because I didn't stop him.


As you might imagine, I was beyond overwhelmed at the myriad of emotions I was feeling. I remember Larry telling me that he would have to share with Steve all that I had told him. I asked what was going to happen next and he said that him and Steve would be talking to Andy and that the church would be handling the situation. He told me not to speak with Andy and said that he would be telling Andy not to speak with me as well. Through the tears, I told him that I was too embarrassed to tell my Mom what had happened. He said not to worry, that they would talk to my Mother as well. He then told me not mention anything that had happened to anyone else. It was very clear to me that I was not to say a word to anyone.

As days passed I remember feeling more and more hopeless. I was confused as it seemed that Andy got to go about his day to day life, within the church and outside of it, as though nothing had ever happened. In fact, he led a 2-day event at the church, known as True Love Waits, promoting sexual purity not only in abstinence from intercourse before marriage but also abstinence in any physical contact, actions and thoughts which might lead to sexual arousal. The irony had not been lost on me. Yet, here I was sinking deeper and deeper into this pit of depression. I had no where to go, no one to talk to. After all, I was given one job by the person I had sought help from (Larry,) and that was to keep my mouth shut.

Not long after, I was meeting at the church with my all female discipleship group. I hadn’t had much interest in even being at church since everything that had happened but, deep down, I think I was just seeking some sort of solace in my faith for all the pain and hurt I was going through. Something came over me that night. I remember feeling disgusted and frustrated. What happened to me was not right! Why were my pastors not listening?! As if a final breath of courage filled my lungs, I opened my mouth and began to share some of what had happened to me. Looking back now, I know without a doubt, it was a cry for help. Tears ran down my cheeks. I remember feeling a slight sense of relief as this was no longer just a secret between myself, Andy, Larry and Steve. However, I too remember feeling as though I had just played my last card. I knew I had broken the rules of silence and that there would be consequences to my actions.



Word got back to Larry and Steve, almost immediately, that I had shared some things with my discipleship group. Now they had to do something. The youth group had a ski trip coming up and they announced to the families that Andy would not be going. Rumors were starting to spread that something had happened between myself and Andy. People thought/assumed that we had exchanged an ‘innocent’ kiss. The church, however, never came out with an official statement addressing what had happened and/or what was being done about it. Instead, they held a going away reception for Andy at the church in which he was allowed to simply say that he had made a poor decision and that it was time for him to move on from our church. Many people came to love on him, support him and say their goodbyes. There were hugs shared and tears shed. No one truly knew why he was leaving except myself, Andy, Larry and Steve. The gossip amongst my church family only continued to flourish. No one could imagine Andy doing anything bad or immoral, much less illegal, and so, it somehow became my fault that Andy was leaving.
I couldn’t have been more grateful that it was the spring of my senior year as all I wanted to do was to leave town and get away from everything and everyone. I had basically shut down. I felt so alone. It wasn’t until much later that I would realize that no matter how far away I moved nor how much I tried to move on with my life, that I could never truly escape what had happened to me. For example, when I found out that the church had contacted my parents, years later, and asked their permission to bring Andy back on staff, it brought back a whirlwind of emotions. Of course, my parents said NO, but even learning of this was traumatizing. I am a grown woman now and although it’s been almost 20 years since everything happened, it still affects me to this day. There are triggers that take me back to that night, there are nightmares that haunt my dreams.


My hope in finally coming forward with my story is not only that I can begin to get closure and healing for all that has happened to me, but more so, that my story might have a positive impact on others and effect positive change in how these types of situations are handled within the church.


To anyone who has suffered from sexual abuse in the church and the subsequent cover up and pressure to remain silent, I want you to know that it is not your fault. Most importantly, I want you to know that you are not alone.
I'm really sorry, but I've lived in the US for 64 years now, and I can say this: Some kid trying to make out with a girl he finds attractive on a back road in his car is not news. And her being "under 18" is nothing more than a legal technicality - and irrelevant now since anyone who would try to make a legal issue of it would be stopped by a long passed statute of limitations.

It is actually the american culture. You should listen to some "bro-country" music some time. It's not ok, but it IS pretty much the rite of passage in parts of the US where people don't get to high school by cab or city bus.

So, that part is not a story. It is "dog bites man".

What I DO think happened, assuming every word of her story is God's truth, is that he though she wanted to more than she really did, and probably figured it out after she said something that was not in her recent "testimony". I'm sure there was a lot more said by both parties that night than strictly what she remembers today.

But see, that's really not a story either. It is still "dog bites man".

Neither one of those things are a good thing, just like eating a lot of big mac's is not a good thing, but both are actually common staples of the American culture since kids started driving cars. Blame it on James Dean. Or Satan. But to be "shocked" by it is disingenuous at best.

So no, what he did was not ok. But it is not a story. It is still "dog bites man".

The perplexing part is the rest of the story.

It became known at his church and he apologized to everyone involved and asked for their, and God's forgiveness. And he got it, but he lost his position at the church.

So, now we're in 1999. It happened. It became public. He apologized. He lost his position at the church. This is a more common story than people really want to admit. Especially in the "youth pastor" area.

Nothing really out of the ordinary and not newsworthy, beyond his particular church and the people it happened to personally.

That is also not a story either. It is fairly common, though more often (IMO) such things never come out at the time. It is still "dog bites man".

Fast forward two decades.

Why again are we talking about this?

It is because she resurrected it. Now it's "man bites dog".

People want to know what terrible injustice she suffered and, dog gone it, something needs to be done. Is it too late to send him to prison? Can we at least sue the pants off him or get him fired? No? Why not?

Because it doesn't rise to that level. That's why not.

The real story is that thanks to social media and a thirst for ever more titillating news, a story like this sees the light of day.

Think of it as one of the last aftershocks from the earthquake called Weinstien/Moore.

Yes. boys will be boys, and my four daughters (now in their 30's and 40's) were warned about it, by a man that used to be a boy.
 
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JoeP222w

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Saw this in the New York Times. You know how Christians come clean with their past and how they've been redeemed?

Memphis Pastor Admits ‘Sexual Incident’ With High School Student 20 Years Ago

Of course, the crowd in the church he admitted this to cheered and gave him praise, however, the woman he sinned against (sexual assault), although this is many years later, turn him into the authorities just now after seeing his video and his congregation on YouTube.

She was in tears when saw this, and this was caused her to take action.

The situation he admitted to happened years ago in Texas when she was 17. He was a youth pastor at the time. The statute of limitations has run out.

But what is your opinion on this?

As a Christian, should he be rejoiced and cheered or be jeered?

If he truly has repented, then he is to be restored to the congregation. However, he should immediately step down from any leadership and/or Pastoral or teaching role. He should never be allowed to be a Pastor again.

Moreover, he may, with the assistance of the Elders of the church, go to this woman and plead for her forgiveness. He then needs to be in regular counseling and weekly, if not more frequently, be held accountable to his Elders in the church.

The congregation should be weeping with this woman for the harm she has received. And be incredibly sober over this.

If this man has truly repented, God should be praised for His work of grace in this man, not the man himself.
 
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Having a penis pulled out and being told to suck it. Not something you've ever experienced clearly. I have male friends who were raped, so be careful with the glib replies, they might not like it
I believe there is a little more to this story than that. And back at you with the "know people" remark. My wife worked with a guy in the early 90's that was an HIV positive homosexual. He bragged about getting a straight 17 year old boy to "give it a try" on one of his trips to Europe.
If he truly has repented, then he is to be restored to the congregation. However, he should immediately step down from any leadership and/or Pastoral or teaching role. He should never be allowed to be a Pastor again.

Moreover, he may, with the assistance of the Elders of the church, go to this woman and plead for her forgiveness. He then needs to be in regular counseling and weekly, if not more frequently, be held accountable to his Elders in the church.

The congregation should be weeping with this woman for the harm she has received. And be incredibly sober over this.

If this man has truly repented, God should be praised for His work of grace in this man, not the man himself.
This is essentially what happened. Twenty years ago. That was then. This is now. I'm reminded of David, and Paul.
 
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redleghunter

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Saw this in the New York Times. You know how Christians come clean with their past and how they've been redeemed?

Memphis Pastor Admits ‘Sexual Incident’ With High School Student 20 Years Ago

Of course, the crowd in the church he admitted this to cheered and gave him praise, however, the woman he sinned against (sexual assault), although this is many years later, turn him into the authorities just now after seeing his video and his congregation on YouTube.

She was in tears when saw this, and this was caused her to take action.

The situation he admitted to happened years ago in Texas when she was 17. He was a youth pastor at the time. The statute of limitations has run out.

But what is your opinion on this?

As a Christian, should he be rejoiced and cheered or be jeered?
My initial opinion is young girls, teens, women should be taught by older women of faith and not young male youth pastors.
 
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A71

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I don't really understand why it is being trivialized and normalized. Two consenting people is a completely different matter.
In this case I just see a sleazy guy taking advantage of a naive girl, and screwing her up doing something legally classified as rape. Not taking a girl home but driving to some dark lonely place is what rapists do. Ugh.
 
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Phil 1:21

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Two consenting people is a completely different matter.

From her email:
Do you remember how you acted like you loved me and cared about me in order for me to cooperate in such acts...
That's called consent.
 
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But what is your opinion on this?

As a Christian, should he be rejoiced and cheered or be jeered?

I am glad that he repented. However, he should be thrown out, and sent to counseling for the rest of his life, as that is the same thing that happened to the Catholic priests that were hounded from their church for similar actions.
 
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2Timothy2:15

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Saw this in the New York Times. You know how Christians come clean with their past and how they've been redeemed?

Memphis Pastor Admits ‘Sexual Incident’ With High School Student 20 Years Ago

Of course, the crowd in the church he admitted this to cheered and gave him praise, however, the woman he sinned against (sexual assault), although this is many years later, turn him into the authorities just now after seeing his video and his congregation on YouTube.

She was in tears when saw this, and this was caused her to take action.

The situation he admitted to happened years ago in Texas when she was 17. He was a youth pastor at the time. The statute of limitations has run out.

But what is your opinion on this?

As a Christian, should he be rejoiced and cheered or be jeered?

Sadly this is the counterfeit church. A student is just like his teacher...time to wake up folks and come out of the Babylonian system of hirelings.
 
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I don't really understand why it is being trivialized and normalized. Two consenting people is a completely different matter.
In this case I just see a sleazy guy taking advantage of a naive girl, and screwing her up doing something legally classified as rape. Not taking a girl home but driving to some dark lonely place is what rapists do. Ugh.
Rape is when she doesn't want to and makes it clear that she doesn't want to.

And I'd replace the word "sleazy" with "typical". And no, I'm not projecting, other than I've known a lot of young men and I was myself once. There is absolutely nothing unusual about this, from the guys perspective this is pretty common. I confess that in my case this would not include the particular "type" of act involved, but like any good baseball player I always tried for third base.

It is not the right thing to do and I'm not proud of it, but to suggest this is something terribly unusual and honestly believe it only proves you came to this planet on a flying saucer and really have only a basic understanding of the general human sexual condition and the life and times of the average American youth in particular.

BTW, Saturday Night Fever is free on Amazon Prime right now. It can be educational on this particular issue.
 
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Phil 1:21

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I am glad that he repented. However, he should be thrown out, and sent to counseling for the rest of his life, as that is the same thing that happened to the Catholic priests that were hounded from their church for similar actions.
You mean the Catholic priests who raped little boys and girls, were protected by the church, and shuffled from parish to parish where they enjoyed news crops of victims, re-offending over and over and over again, sometimes for decades? Yeah, that's absolutely the same thing as a 21 and 17-year old engaging in consensual sex. :doh:
 
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A71

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Sorry, I meant sexual assault.

Texas Penal Code Chapter 5. (22.011)
Title 5. Offenses against the person.
Chapter 22. Assaultive Offenses.
Sec. 22.011. Sexual assault.
(b) A sexual assault [...] is without the consent of the other person if: [...] 10) the actor is a clergyman who causes the other person to submit or participate by exploiting the other person’s emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman’s professional character as spiritual adviser …
Texas Penal Code 22.011(b)(9)
: “by exploiting [the patient or former patient's] . . . emotional dependency”; and (b)(10) “by exploiting the other person’s emotional dependency on the clergyman in the clergyman’s professional character as spiritual advisor”
 
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