Last week, my wife received a text message from our pastor which read,
"Hey, let's get together, just the two of us, I want to know whats on your heart. "
She shard the text with me and we discussed at depth. Candidly, I was surprised that he engaged 1:1, the playful context of the message, and that he didn't give me a heads up since we are so close.
I see more than one possibility.
Someone could be fishing for an affair, yes.
A pastor could feel you three have enough understanding together so he can one-on-one with either of you and not notify the other; he even could expect that she will let you know . . . if he considers you two to be companions in ministry.
Did she mention you while talking about her concerns? In case she did not talk about you, while talking about her concerns about dreams and hopes, someone could take this to mean she is feeling somehow separate or separating from you. But you make it clear, though, I would say, how you do share with each other.
You say >
my wife shared that she was struggling with some career ambiguity/satisfaction, the idea of getting older, and some hopes and dreams not coming to fruition.
Well, "hopes and dreams not coming to fruition" can be related to her marriage . . . with you. And so a person could take her to mean there is some problem in your marriage; and certainly for a lot of people marriage is connected with how they will meet their hopes and dreams. But as a pastor, I would not try to make a "date" alone with a woman who I felt could have marital issues. I might quickly make sure with her, with other people nearby, if she means there are marital problems. And I could offer for her to talk with my wife and have prayer together.
In case she said she has problems, I would need to pray about if I go directly to him, myself, or if I ask her to talk with him about talking with me. But if you are in ministry, it is the pastor's "business" to know what is going on, in any case, I would say. We need ministry people who are functioning as
"examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3) This means our example in the sight of God, not only what we show to others.
How much have you two talked about her concerns ? ? ? ? You say you talked "in depth" about this matter. This can mean you two already are sharing about her concerns, and so it can be good that both of you together share with him. And invite his wife, possibly a valuable resource for his ministry, including counseling. Make it a family thing.
Even so > my opinion > if he has developed some rapport with her, he could feel he's ok to talk with her alone. But I'm not sure it is good to isolate her with him away from others. Keep it family, with various people in the know; she shared personally with the group; so possibly there is where he can draw out your wife, knowing you will be in the know about the group's talking.
Of course . . . her saying she is concerned about her dreams and hopes could be, for an evil person, an invitation to see if he can take advantage of her situation.
Now, if she ministers independently of you, he already could have had some private talks with her. But it could be good to have them while they two are on the floor with others around them. Often I see men and women having quick talks, even about very personal things; it can be done efficiently right where other people are nearby. Probably no one will be reading your lips.
But if you have ministered as a couple, and he is singling her out . . . at least get things so all three of you are in the know about what you're talking about. After all, if his intentions are more "good", he is going to want to get every side of the story, about any marital issues, and not only go with what she says. Or else, does he trust you? And if not, why does he go along with you being in ministry, if he doesn't trust you?
I think where there is trust, a pastor includes his wife in ministering and counseling > she is his helper and a very valuable resource for input and prayer and her example to people counseled by the pastor. So, I can see the value of all four of you getting in on this.
You can
this to him.