Online dating experiences

[christiansoccerplayer]

I got a little closer. Was messaging a woman from North Texas (a four-hour drive from where I live) and like a lot of the others, she feels a good long-distance relationship can survive the geographical distance when I started expressing my personal reservations and wants about wanting to be with a person in-person on a regular basis, she stopped responding and blocked me. I thought it was strange she was ready to explore a relationship without finding out a little more about me but she seemed interested in the possibility. I guess maybe I should of told her of my desire to be in a relationship with someone semi close by.. I mean, it's in my profile. Her profile also listed her as living in a small town about 2 hrs away but she actually lives 4 hours away. 2 hours is practical for me on regular basis; 4 is not.

 

[bèlla]

Most people don't rush into relationships the first time they talk. Someone eager to form a connection early on would raise concerns. What's the hurry? Getting to yes is a process. Don't set it aside.

The two-hour threshold provided you local areas to explore. You can expand your reach and check out the places that have interesting events in the future. You won't be limited to your vicinity alone.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I’m close to erasing my profile and shutting off my subscription and trying another site. A lot of the people I message live in a different state than is stated in their profile. Plenty of them have asked for money; others who are out of state expect me to be their boyfriend just because we chat some even though I state in my profile that I will only date close to me driving wise. Don’t know what to think. I went into this trying to do something about being single and have gotten very little. Getting a little discouraged now

 

[bèlla]

Sometimes you have to diversify your approach to find your sweet spot. I dated men my age in the past. The majority were unbelievers. But attempting the same with Christian men didn't work. They're different demographics. The comparable experiences were gone and the gap was too great.

I made the decision to date younger for several reasons. His inexperience was less bothersome as was the tenure of singleness. We're in similar life seasons and aren't encumbered. Stepping outside my comfort zone was key.

When you're engaging with people who've been alone for a long time its a mixed bag. Some will be desperate, despondent, or okay. If you keep getting turned down it messes with your head. Some responses will be disturbing. It's do or die for them.

They want the same thing you're seeking. But they aren't going about it the right way. Rejection takes a toll. Dip a toe in different waters and see what happens.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

SoccerPlayer, don't be too concerned about the distance. I would think 4 hours is very doable for a once-a-week date. When you need to be seeing each other more than that, that's a good sign IMO.

But maybe it's because of my personality I would need to take it slower than more than once a week (which is probably also why I've never dated). I would not be expecting to have a date more than once a week & clicking w/ people can take time for me b/c I open up slowly.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

SoccerPlayer, don't be too concerned about the distance. I would think 4 hours is very doable for a once-a-week date. When you need to be seeing each other more than that, that's a good sign IMO.

But maybe it's because of my personality I would need to take it slower than more than once a week (which is probably also why I've never dated). I would not be expecting to have a date more than once a week & clicking w/ people can take time for me b/c I open up slowly.

A four-hour drive one way is too far in my book. I’m pretty much gonna go with 1.5 hr drive

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I cancelled my membership and deleted my profile on soccer-lovers.com. I put forth plenty of effort in responding to women who messaged first and i felt they could be a match. I also messaged people I get could be within an 1.5 hour drive of where I lived but most did not respond after the first couple of messgE and exchanges;the few that responded did not live where their profile said they did. I continued to get messaged by plenty of people who lived out of state but since my purpose for joining was to date And they lived far away, I did not respond as to not get their hopes up. Others tried to get money out of me. Overall, disappointed in my experience on this site and the fact that the money I invested produced little return so I will be trying one site called fitness-singles as I’m not giving up on online dating yet. Thanks for reading

 

[DragonFox91]

I cancelled my membership and deleted my profile on soccer-lovers.com. I put forth plenty of effort in responding to women who messaged first and i felt they could be a match. I also messaged people I get could be within an 1.5 hour drive of where I lived but most did not respond after the first couple of messgE and exchanges;the few that responded did not live where their profile said they did. I continued to get messaged by plenty of people who lived out of state but since my purpose for joining was to date And they lived far away, I did not respond as to not get their hopes up. Others tried to get money out of me. Overall, disappointed in my experience on this site and the fact that the money I invested produced little return so I will be trying one site called fitness-singles as I’m not giving up on online dating yet. Thanks for reading

I am sorry. That's just how it works. If it's any consolation, you're having better luck than me on dating sites.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I am sorry. That's just how it works. If it's any consolation, you're having better luck than me on dating sites.

Thanks for the nice response which is more than I say for the replay I got on another Christian message board where i was harshly criticized and personally attacked.

 

[DragonFox91]

Thanks for the nice response which is more than I say for the replay I got on another Christian message board where i was harshly criticized and personally attacked.

Sad! Why on earth would they do that? They must not get how hard the situation can be.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Sad! Why on earth would they do that? They must not get how hard the situation can be.

I have no earthly idea. Obvious to me in their response, they did not see the part where I said I was not giving up on online dating, just moving to use another site.

 

[bèlla]

Thanks for the nice response which is more than I say for the replay I got on another Christian message board where i was harshly criticized and personally attacked.

Lost opportunity for them.

 

[sampa]

Bumping the thread, this is the most recent that I could find on this topic.

For Christian dating I would suggest Christian Cafe (high quality Christians but possibly distances) and the new dating app called Upward. In the UK there is one called Salt but I can't be part of that since I'm in the states. Christian Cafe I've made many friends in my 30s and most recently two very strong Christians. One flew in to go on some dates with me through the site. So you just never know.

For secular, Match has a good search option. You pretty much have to pay for that app for any success. My logarithm has changed over the year that Christians pop up in the Discover a lot of the time now. The more you talk to other Christians the more it changes your logarithm. Even if you don't think they're a match and you just want to encourage them. Usually if you wait for a little bit you will get a 50% off offer. It's best to use that for 1 month. Recently I got an offer for $4.99 for one month. I don't think you can find that anywhere. I've been close to two relationships dating through this site within this past year.

Bumble is where the woman makes choices, but I've heard from others that it's supposed to be the hookup app. Strange since it's slogan is to empower women. Since May I have seen an uptick in Christians, but there are a lot of atheists and agnostics there.

Coffee meets bagel, I've made one friend through there that's 28 years old and local. I think it's good for a younger crowd and those starting out dating, it seems safe and friendly but I have had a scammer before.

The League, if your application gets accepted on average they say it takes 2 to 3 months to get in. I was able to get in 3 days, not sure if it was because of my LinkedIn profile. This is supposed to be for an elite crowd and big cities, so limited on distance. So far I have not seen very many Christians but they do have a forum that I think you can be part of for free while you're on the wait list. To become a member it's very pricey. And if you are using the free version and get accepted, you have to stay active within 30 days. Otherwise you will be kicked out and you would have to pay the membership fee to ever get back in. If you need to take a break it cost $0.99 to retain your membership for free.

Plenty of fish, I recently signed up and I was able to find a local date. I haven't seen much quality through there but more local and there has been genuine Christians that have contacted me. As the saying goes you get what you pay for, most are using this for free.

Ok cupid I've made one friend through there that lives a long distance away. We both connected over the biblical principal of abstinence before marriage. He likes this app because of the in-depth questions and says that he doesn't respond to anyone unless he is a 90% match. I like looking at what we disagree on, it usually will tell you the kind of Christian they are. I feel like I've had to swipe through 70 or so profiles to find a Christian on there. I've never done the paid membership, to me it seems pretty pricey for one month.

I've not had good experiences with Zoosk, Hilly, Tinder, Elite Singles (I only signed up for one month but have had free premium since),. and eHarmony. I had one date from eHarmony, and two other connections. I was disappointed with a one-year membership, so expensive and I think there were more results in those first two months. I think there are a lot of profiles that just sit there because anyone that doesn't pay can't see any of the photos. Some people swear by eHarmony because of the quality of matching with personality. I think it's worth a try though.

I just started Facebook Dating with a separate Facebook account the other week. But only tried it for one day. I got to the point of burnout and have been taking a break for 4 days. Sometimes I have to know when to have a reset time and step back. But then jump back into the ring. I also started an account with Our time and Silver singles even though I'm not over 50 yet. The free version I haven't seen much potential. Silver singles you can't see anyone and it's just like elite singles.

Really I think it comes down to what you are looking for. I know Facebook dating and Zoosk are probably the most popular from what I hear. Most like it because you will find someone closer. Other dating sites are for people that are more in major cities or willing to go the distance. Currently I have been balancing 10 to 12 apps. I wouldn't suggest it for everyone, but it is good to diversify because a lot of people stay on only on one site. Just my thoughts and best of luck to those that are giving it a try. It's been a real growing experience this past year and a half .... And as others have said on this forum this is just one tool, there are other ways for meeting others like social clubs, involvement in your church, forums, interest groups, and maybe just getting out and having a nice smile will get some conversation going. I highly recommend having some accountability when you are going through this process, others are going to see things that you can't. And of course pray for you and with you.

Additional note, some of these dating sites have social outings and meetups, many times only 24 hours notice though. Now with covid-19 being less restricted, those have been starting up again. At least I think so, I wasn't on some of them before but that's what I'm seeing now. There's also speed dating options through the League. They have two different nights a week that you have 3 minutes to talk with someone at a set time.

And 2020 has changed quite a few of the dating sites that they offer video chat options. So you don't have to worry about giving your personal information out to see someone by video. And instead of just posting photos quite a few sites now offer video to be posted, so get your best tick tock video ready

 

[sampa]

So there are plenty of articles on this but I have decided to post about bots, scammers and cons. I'm seeing more and more of this kind of activity. Fortunately I'm starting to weed out and figure it. But it is a hard process and I pray that none of you will be a victim of that. I hear horror stories of people who spend so much time talking to someone and finding out they are the opposite gender and a fake.

Tell-tale signs your online date may be an online fraud

So as for myself what I have mostly noticed with the fakes, and be sure to report them because you're doing a favor for everyone else, is distance and a lot of addresses.

The other big one is grammar and spelling, I know there are some guys that are bad with it... But you'll notice things are choppy.

Another thing that articles don't talk about is that when you ask them questions, they never answer them.They just will come on strong with words about how beautiful or attractive you are.

I'm not sure how it is for guys I'm only speaking from a female point. More than one time I've heard the word "babe" used also.

They immediately want to move to phone conversation and texting. I've had many guys that want to do this, and I understand but it's just one thing that I think one should be guarded. My rule of thumb is I say that I'm not ready to go to that next level, I usually need 48 hours to discern. They will usually fade away within those 2 to 4 days ... It not only reads out the fake ones it also weeds out potential long-term matches that were only in it for the short term.

I'm not sure why but military has been another one that seems to be used by fakes or scammers. Or the too good to be true photos like an entrepreneur.

A lot of times there will only be one photo. Sometimes to see if the person is legitimate, I'll say, "too bad you only have one photo up. Do you think you could put more up?" Many times they oblige. And if you are on the free version of Christian mingle, they have the ability to send you pictures through the messaging within the app. Don't be afraid to ask. The worst is they could say no and you just move on.

So my two experiences this week were kind of interesting. I won't mention the sites as it's just best to know that all of them have potential... Even the elite ones that have a wait list. So there was a guy in a military uniform that seemed interesting. I began conversation with him, but everything was pretty much general. He went on about his ex-wife being a drug addict and losing his son a 21 years. He also said he'd only been on for 3 weeks and was tired of women only wanting a hookup. I've only heard of this one other time. He also said that he doesn't like it that women are on more than one site and he doesn't want to waste his time. I had seen him earlier on another elite dating app. I had mentioned it and I had also asked him questions about faith and such and he never answered anything that I said. He was quite narcissistic, in the words of another friend that saw the text. He told me he was living 40 minutes from where I was but also had a house and Texas.

No matter how much I answered about being single and never having a serious relationship, he did not like it that I was conversing with others. He said I must not be serious about marriage and he doesn't want to waste his time. It was very manipulative. I decided to end and block it. And interestingly I saw him in a Christian forum on the elite dating site. He introduced himself, and I basically welcomed him and another person that was new. I also informed a couple friends of his shady character. He introduced himself as being from Kentucky. His age on his profile was different than it was on the other side. Which leads me to believe, something is off.

Case number 2, the guy was also military. We matched on a site, his profile said he was in Northern Chicago but he told me he was living in Florida with the military. He wanted to take our conversation by phone and text immediately after a couple sentences.

He had a picture of a Christian devotional. When I asked what book of the Bible he was reading he stated that it was on his profile. And then I guess he looked at it and then came back with an answer. His grammar was quite off and so was his spelling and punctuation. The timing of his answers was long, and he said it's because the dating app didn't have notifications. He never answered any of my questions but he was obsessed with my username and pictures. He said he was widowed and a non-trinitarian religion (non trinitarian is one of my non-negotiables). So 3 or 4 days after of a sentence or two conversations... He again wanted to talk by phone and I thought I was going to talk with him. But he asked me what I was cooking for dinner and said something that seemed inappropriate about physical affections. Last response was that he was "not looking for one night stand babe but that he was looking to wife" me. As I scrolled back over the text and look at his profile I saw all the signs there of flowery language, bad grammar, no questions answered and strong come on.

I have no proof of these two but I have in the past been in correspondence with someone and the site flagged them and told me about them being scammers or fake profiles and to have no contact with them again. I hope this information is useful and helps those that are in the process of online dating. It's unfortunate that things are like this but this is the world that we live in.

 

[bèlla]

Engaging on the Internet is challenging. You encounter all types. Religion takes things to another decibel. A lot of people hide behind God to mask their shortcomings. I've heard some pretty wild stuff that's left me shaking my head in disbelief.

There's too much projection. Dialing it down would bring better results. It's fine to feel good about yourself. But a lot of the things I've seen are unrealistic. The image and outcome don't correlate. They're trying to prove themselves. I'm a catch and so on.

But that isn't something you do. It's what others recognize when they're in your presence. Trying too hard can be a hindrance. It makes you seem desperate. And that isn't attractive.

Just be yourself. The real you. Not the Internet version. The warts will rear their head eventually. It's okay if you don't know, have challenges, or you're inexperienced. You want them to choose you. Not an ideal.

The key to attracting someone is being comfortable in your own skin. The more you are the better you'll communicate. The conversations are richer and they'll enjoy the experience.

If you don't like yourself you'll draw the same. If you're hiding you'll get that too. Love is the answer. Loving yourself and your imperfections. And accepting both.

Every one wants to hit a home run and focus on that. But how many happen in a game? Most of the hits don't come that way. That's a metaphor to keep in mind. It's the little things that make a relationship. Not the big stuff. Dwelling on the other will leave you wanting.

Find the person you can do life with as you are. Stop chasing rainbows. I've watched a lot of people do that. And they're wasting time. Best comes with expectations and more work than you'd imagine. You'll never feel good enough.

There isn't a dearth of opportunities. Oftentimes we're the stumbling block. Spend less time wanting someone and more on what they're getting. Why would they choose you? That's the question you need to answer.

~bella

 

[abandonentropy]

I've found it to be a complete waste of time. In 5 years I only found one person who was interested in going on a date, and I had to end it at that because she revealed she was bisexual, and I wasn't comfortable with that. I used plentyoffish. I hope you have more luck than I did lol.

 

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]

I find it amusing, regardless if a couple found each other on a dating site or in the world, when they think their relationship is supposed to consist on some fairy tale romantic balcony somewhere while they sip chardonnay and look thru some kind of distorted rose colored glasses. And Christians (above all people) should realize that this kind of mentality is a farce. Granted, sure, there will be times of intimacy and romance. But the majority of the time spent is going to be waged in warfare. (Hopefully not with each other) But let's face it. The devil, the flesh, and the world doesn't stop. And the home and family unit is the first place of usual attack.

 

[ReesePiece23]

I find it amusing, regardless if a couple found each other on a dating site or in the world, when they think their relationship is supposed to consist on some fairy tale romantic balcony somewhere while they sip chardonnay and look thru some kind of distorted rose colored glasses.

I think that applies to every facet of life.

And you can spend your entire life living that dream; and go the next forty years carefully selecting emotions from out of a tin like a tub of Quality Street until ALL of the goodies are gone, and all you're left with are the toffee pennies, the bland chocolate squares and those hard coconut things that break your teeth.

Looking for things to be a 'certain way' (or picking the orange creams from the tub) is setting yourself up for the ol' consumer curse. "The good sweeties have ran out and I want more!! Time to chase the dragon again and get somewhere for all of five minutes..."

I think this is why the bible contains so many references to farming, it teaches you to drill the seed, manage the ground, grow the crop, manage the crop through all the growth stages, harvest the beets, extract the sugar, produce the milk (that's milling the rice or processing the almonds for those are that way inclined), mix the ingredients, MAKE the sweets - and make plenty of them to last a lifetime. By nailing down each part of that process to a fine art, you also improve the life of everyone around you.

It's the old classic lesson of teaching a person to fish. It applies to personal (and interpersonal) satiety too. People just don't want to put themselves through it because it means enduring a process, and we ALL know that humans are naturally impatient and are happy to just slip on the rose tinted specs. Pick ANYONE, and whisk them away for the Instagram snaps.

Hopefully that made sense.