Online dating experiences

[christiansoccerplayer]

Totally useless. More often then not nothing, but once in a while a response back, then I reply, & then nothing. Waste of time for most guys IMO

Which ones did u use?

 

[DragonFox91]

Which ones did u use?

pof, free christian dating, tinder

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I must say using the website that I am (soccer-lovers.com) has been quite the opposite experience than what would normally occur when I use online dating. 1. I would say 80 percent of the time, it is the female user messaging me first. I think I've only actually sent the first message once or twice. 2. while I have not actually arranged any dates as I've started using it just on Dec. 24, I've gained a lot of texting pals (like the pen pals of the 1980s or 1990s), a lot of whom live in different parts of the USA than I do, they almost always want to switch to texting via phone or the Hangout app 3. going back to No. 1, a lot of the woman, when they first message me, tell me how cute or handsome I look. Funny as I never thought I was particular physically attractive 4. Had a couple of strange conversations most bizarre one was I was texting one of them and they pretty much expressed they were in love with me after a mere one day of messaging. I had to tell her it probably would not work because of living far from each other and poor girl pretty much had a small breakdown. But after I was able to settle her down and she accepted a friendship. 5. No scammers yet thank God although I do wonder about some of the users as their profile indicates a location (a lot of the time, Texas where I live) but when I message them further, I find out most of them actually live in another state. kinda of confusing. 6. And when the part comes where I have to admit I am 42 and never been in a serious relationship, the response is sympathetic although still inquisitive. they ask "Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend, you're cute/handsome" and I am very honest as to why. 7. I'd say the biggest minus is the price for the paid subscription, i paid $80 for a three-months.
I am thinking of looking at Hinge or maybe back to Christian Mingle if this one does not get me a couple of dates (and I have my eye on a couple of semi-locals, including one I am really, really interested in. She messaged me first and told me I could be what she is looking for and wants to talk more with me to see if we are a match then told me I was handsome.

 

[bèlla]

Well done! I’m glad to hear things are going well and you’re getting nibbles.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Well done! I’m glad to hear things are going well and you’re getting nibbles.

thank you

 

[sampa]

I must say using the website that I am (soccer-lovers.com) has been quite the opposite experience than what would normally occur when I use online dating. 1. I would say 80 percent of the time, it is the female user messaging me first. I think I've only actually sent the first message once or twice. 2. while I have not actually arranged any dates as I've started using it just on Dec. 24, I've gained a lot of texting pals (like the pen pals of the 1980s or 1990s), a lot of whom live in different parts of the USA than I do, they almost always want to switch to texting via phone or the Hangout app 3. going back to No. 1, a lot of the woman, when they first message me, tell me how cute or handsome I look. Funny as I never thought I was particular physically attractive 4. Had a couple of strange conversations most bizarre one was I was texting one of them and they pretty much expressed they were in love with me after a mere one day of messaging. I had to tell her it probably would not work because of living far from each other and poor girl pretty much had a small breakdown. But after I was able to settle her down and she accepted a friendship. 5. No scammers yet thank God although I do wonder about some of the users as their profile indicates a location (a lot of the time, Texas where I live) but when I message them further, I find out most of them actually live in another state. kinda of confusing. 6. And when the part comes where I have to admit I am 42 and never been in a serious relationship, the response is sympathetic although still inquisitive. they ask "Why haven't you ever had a girlfriend, you're cute/handsome" and I am very honest as to why. 7. I'd say the biggest minus is the price for the paid subscription, i paid $80 for a three-months.
I am thinking of looking at Hinge or maybe back to Christian Mingle if this one does not get me a couple of dates (and I have my eye on a couple of semi-locals, including one I am really, really interested in. She messaged me first and told me I could be what she is looking for and wants to talk more with me to see if we are a match then told me I was handsome.

You signed up at the right time. December 26th is supposed to be when peak season begins for online dating sign up. And goes till Valentine's day. And then they say peak season starts again in the spring. I hope those you have been corresponding with has been encouraging to you and seem to be going in the right direction.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

You signed up at the right time. December 26th is supposed to be when peak season begins for online dating sign up. And goes till Valentine's day. And then they say peak season starts again in the spring. I hope those you have been corresponding with has been encouraging to you and seems to be going in the right direction.

I did not know there was a peak season for online dating. While I have not gone out on a date yet, made plenty of texting pals but have had some strange interactions.

 

[sampa]

I did not know there was a peak season for online dating. While I have not gone out on a date yet, made plenty of texting pals but have had some strange interactions.

Going on a date could be just around the corner for you. Be ready!

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Going on a date could be just around the corner for you. Be ready!

I’m having very serious doubts. I’ve realized and have had to admit to these women that I don’t wish to do long distance relationships (which to me is driving more than about 2-3 hours to see them. I am starting to think I made a big mistake attempting online dating.

 

[sampa]

I’m having very serious doubts. I’ve realized and have had to admit to these women that I don’t wish to do long distance relationships (which to me is driving more than about 2-3 hours to see them. I am starting to think I made a big mistake attempting online dating.

You just never know if somebody will pop up in your neighborhood. I put that I won't relocate at the top of my profile. That eliminates a lot of conversations starting. But at the same time there are some guys that don't mind occupying the time in between with me and getting my opinions on different things. You know your limitations, especially when it comes to finances. There's more than just the heart there's also other considerations. No matter the case what you decide I hope that you can grow from this. And get one closer to meeting that nice gal in your own backyard.

 

[sampa]

Though, match is a paid site...I've found out that, say...I'm a paying member, and I contact a woman. I do not know whether or not she is a paid member...if she's not, I'm wasting an email on her, as she will never see it.

So match changed it that you can pay to have everyone message you for free. My subscription was about to run out and yesterday a guy paid so I could continue messaging him. Plus it also open doors that all the women that don't have subscriptions can answer him back. The pandemic has definitely changed I think a lot of sites that they offer more things now. eHarmony is probably the most behind in updates. And this is just based off of me doing this for a year and not having done it except for in my 30s.

I am thinking of looking at Hinge or maybe back to Christian Mingle if this one does not get me a couple o

So any updates? the consensus I seem to keep getting from guys that I talk to you from online dating is Christian Mingle doesn't seem worth it especially with the scammers. I haven't heard much about Hinge.
I think the free version of OkCupid is nice. You may not see the likes but I think that's okay because you can just search out yourself, you like them and then send a message. As far as I know not paying members should be able to see those messages also.
I always check the questions and what we disagree on. My first priority is to see if they believe in abstinence before marriage and if they are ready to get married. The section that talks about what length of a relationship they're looking for hookups and such is pretty easy to. but of course the first priority is in the profile then mentioning if there are Christian and if they don't I look at the questions and see if they mention religion and God being important for their relationship.

 

[bèlla]

I’m having very serious doubts. I’ve realized and have had to admit to these women that I don’t wish to do long distance relationships (which to me is driving more than about 2-3 hours to see them. I am starting to think I made a big mistake attempting online dating.

I think that's practical. Especially if the time is one way. You know your limitations. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Dating sites can be an option in your arsenal.

When I've engaged with men outside of my vicinity I settle the residence question quickly. I ask who's moving, discuss visits, time frames, and travel expenses. I'm practical.

I've witnessed numerous instances where it wasn't discussed and down the line (when feelings are greater) they discover relocation isn't possible or their resources won't accommodate meeting more than a couple of times per year. Evenly quarterly is too long in my opinion.

Long distance relationships rely on coping skills. You don't have the benefit of locality and must be able to withstand absence. Some can handle it more than most and others don't want to do it. That's fine.

I had geographical limitations and acknowledged them. I wouldn't relocate outside of the east coast. There's only two places I'm willing to move realistically. Admitting it is best.

You may want to include a statement regarding distance or keep your options open. You could encounter someone who compels you to compromise.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

I think that's practical. Especially if the time is one way. You know your limitations. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Dating sites can be an option in your arsenal.

When I've engaged with men outside of my vicinity I settle the residence question quickly. I ask who's moving, discuss visits, time frames, and travel expenses. I'm practical.

I've witnessed numerous instances where it wasn't discussed and down the line (when feelings are greater) they discover relocation isn't possible or their resources won't accommodate meeting more than a couple of times per year. Evenly quarterly is too long in my opinion.

Long distance relationships rely on coping skills. You don't have the benefit of locality and must be able to withstand absence. Some can handle it more than most and others don't want to do it. That's fine.

I had geographical limitations and acknowledged them. I wouldn't relocate outside of the east coast. There's only two places I'm willing to move realistically. Admitting it is best.

You may want to include a statement regarding distance or keep your options open. You could encounter someone who compels you to compromise.

I’ve amended my profile several times to say I will date only people with 1.5 hr drive of me but will have friendships with anyone regardless of them. I’ve had people say they are in love with me after one day of messaging/texting, including one that had a near breakdown. I’ve made several mad when I said I won’t do relationships if they live in a state far away; some also think messaging back and forth constitutes us dating. And I actually had to block a couple of them when they started asking for money. Like they don’t know anyone they are around in person to ask before asking someone they just met on a web site? I was initially messaged by someone who was semi-local but after I admitted I had messaged plenty of others since I joined, I have not heard from her. That was disappointing as I really wanted to get to know her better and see if she would meet me in person. I have mixed emotions. I almost have buyer’s remorse, like maybe I should not have gone back to online dating.

 

[bèlla]

I’ve amended my profile several times to say I will date only people with 1.5 hr drive of me but will have friendships with anyone regardless of them.

I like that. You're defining parameters and narrowing the field. That's wise.

Your experiences may be disconcerting. But let's look at them from a different vantage point. Where were you when you started this journey? How did you feel about yourself? What was your mindset? Do you remember? I do.

Now that you've stepped into the water you've discovered unexpected truths. You never imagined the words and actions you're experiencing. But if you recall my advice you'll understand why I said it. Operating from a place of lack produces desperation. It didn't make sense when I told you. But now you get it.

Your voice has changed! There's a confidence and certainty that wasn't present before.

You've come face to face with loneliness. You've met fear in the raw. Look where it carried them. Declarations of love to a stranger. Meltdowns and the like. Their need controls them.

You're not in that place. You're tempered and even keeled. Maybe you didn't realize what you had in your tank until you encountered its absence. In spite of the wonky reactions, you've learned a lot.

You're ready. Whether you pursue online prospects or those in person. You're ready to begin again. You aren't operating from a position of apathy. You know your worth. You can't attract a worthy suitor if you don't recognize the same in yourself.

It wasn't for naught. Keep going. Give your attention to the ones who exhibit the qualities you desire in a companion. You will draw your complement. You've overcome the hardest part. You aren't focusing on your inexperience.

Congratulations.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

What has really perplexed me is how many of these women I message and text, all of sudden decide we should be in a relationship even though we’ve never met and esp. don’t like it when I say no to long distance relationships because they live in California, Florida or some other state , and I live in Texas and I can’t go and see them because of my schedule and personal finances. I feel bad having to reject someone because of this reason

 

[sampa]

What has really perplexed me is how many of these women I message and text, all of sudden decide we should be in a relationship even though we’ve never met and esp. don’t like it when I say no to long distance relationships because they live in California, Florida or some other state , and I live in Texas and I can’t go and see them because of my schedule and personal finances. I feel bad having to reject someone because of this reason

Just a thought but could any of these be scammers? I've had it on more than one occasion and I've seen some brothers in Christ that have fallen for that also. Asking for money is a big red flag. And I've also read if it seems too good to be true it probably is. If you know for sure these women aren't, you're very lucky that it has never happened to you. Guys are disgusted with online dating when they find out it's a guy they've been talking to.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

Just a thought but could any of these be scammers? I've had it on more than one occasion and I've seen some brothers in Christ that have fallen for that also. Asking for money is a big red flag. And I've also read if it seems too good to be true it probably is. If you know for sure these women aren't, you're very lucky that it has never happened to you. Guys are disgusted with online dating when they find out it's a guy they've been talking to.

Yes, absolutely they could be. If they start asking for money I stop messaging and I block them

 

[bèlla]

What has really perplexed me is how many of these women I message and text, all of sudden decide we should be in a relationship even though we’ve never met and esp. don’t like it when I say no to long distance relationships because they live in California, Florida or some other state , and I live in Texas and I can’t go and see them because of my schedule and personal finances. I feel bad having to reject someone because of this reason

It would be disingenuous to establish a connection you couldn't cement. You're exhibiting prudence and respect for your sisters. California and Florida have many singles. Warm weather places a higher primacy on aesthetics than colder climates. I'd posit there's more to their circumstances and leave it there.

You live in the bible belt and given your temperament, I think a southern girl is best. An attentive belle would be good.

Yours in His Service,

~bella

PS. Ignore the money requests.

 

[TenthAveN]

Which part of Texas do you live in? Don’t tell me the city if you don’t feel comfortable, I’m talking more along the lines of west (Lubbock), east (Tyler), north (Dallas), etc. Again, don’t answer if you aren’t comfortable.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

The northern part of South Texas