Now what?

[JoeBradley]

To begin, I'm twenty-four, a christian and haven't had a girlfriend in four years. I've had a few interests in the past but somehow I couldn't get it right. Now, I don't want to hinder my chances by doing the wrong thing, so I need all the advice I can get (that, and I need to boost my confidence).

I've known this girl for about three weeks or so through my friends. She just got out of a relationship a month ago and has been hanging in my group of friends since then. I hadn't really expressed anything towards her until Saturday (Halloween of all times). We went to a costume party out of town and throughout the night we talked and talked. We left later that night and crashed at a friend's house. As fate would have it, we ended up having to share the spare bed. Because we're both christians and waiting until marriage, nothing happened. However, we did wake up in eachother's arms a few times in the middle of the night. The next morning we both parted ways and said goodbye. Nothing was awkward or uncomfortable, but nothing was said about it either. A friend of mine told me I should have gotten her phone number that morning, but I didn't feel it was appropriate.

Here's where it gets tricky; now what? How do I figure out if she was taking interest in me or whether she was just forced into somehow being polite in a less than ideal situation? The next night (sunday) we hung out with the same friends and watched a movie. She sat next to me, but nothing was said about the night. I neglected to ask her for her phone number again, because I didn't want to make a scene in front of friends (and because I'm chicken, I'll admit it). I can't read "the signs" that girls apparently give guys and I don't really know how to make another move without ruining things.

Does this sound like there's something there, or am I imagining things?

 

[SmileAndAHandshake]

Ask her.

"Would you like to go out sometime? If so, I'd love to get your number and we can chat about it later."

Yes: Win.
No: Oh well, that was the worst that could happen.

Done.

 

[Revived]

Ask her.

Hey Joe!

First, let me begin by saying how admirable and heartening it is to see you speak to the importance of maintaining your Christian values...that's awesome! As you know...and as you've demonstrated, you never have to sacrifice your faith or character to do so.

Having been in similar situations, I learned that my strong relationship with God made everything easier when I focused on the Holy Spirit's guidance and based my decisions on scripture. As men, we are not supposed to be passive. God is not passive and we are made in His image. As Christian men, we often find ourselves struggling with the balance between finding the courage to take initiative and resigning to take a passive approach in which we simply wait for the opportunity to be "given."

I suggest taking the time to read Proverbs 3:5-6 and James 2:17. Pray that God opens your eyes to the truth in these two passages and then think about what it means to be passive. Does it honor God? Does it even feel good? Isn't passivity just indifference? Don't you always feel awesome after being courageous?

Way more is under your control than you think. God doesn't ask of us anything impossible and with situations such as this, we tend to spin our wheels unless we take that first step. As BeyondAshes suggested, just ask. Be active, even if it's just a little bit more. Be more aggressive, even if it's just a little bit more. It costs us very little to try because our God is a God of second chances. When we move forward with wisdom and with the Holy Spirit as our guide, the first step will inevitably shine light upon the next.

Prayin' for ya bro!

 

[welshman]

Without wishing to sound judgemental, as I'm sure you're a really decent guy; I'll give you my opinion and be as honest as I can.

Firstly, I think you summed up a lot of how you're feeling in the first paragraph. You want to boost your confidence. That's a good thing. However, have you prayed to the Lord and asked Him if it is the right time in your life for a relationship? Maybe you feel having one will give you that boost you desire, but maybe God is saying to wait as He has other things for you at this stage in your life (you're only 24). That, only you can answer.

Second, and I'll try not to be too blunt...you just don't end up in bed with a girl by "fate". That's a cop out. Doing this created an artificial and false bond with this girl you barely know. Not only that, things now are extremely awkward between you. I'm not trying to be harsh, just truthful. I admire the fact you didn't cross any physical boundaries, but sleeping in the same bed as another girl is a recipe for disaster on so many levels. Don't get in that situation again.

I'd also think that this girl, as nice as she may be; needs time to get over her previous relationship. A month is very, very soon to be thinking of dating another guy. Serial dating will lead to a lot of problems.

If she genuinely seems a lovely girl...wait. Be patient.
Pray about it. A lot.
Don't rush into anything.

Things between you now are awkward as boundaries have been crossed...give it time. If you end up spending time together, do it as friends first. That doesn't mean after seeing her a couple of times you are ready to date. You know little if anything about her.

Find out about this girl first. Her beliefs, values, goals, how she is with other people/family, how strong her faith is etc...all of these will give you a much better chance of finding out if she is someone you want to date.

Good luck dude. I hope things work out for you. Just remember to pray about it and "if in doubt...it's dangerous" (God is not the author of confusion)...He will give you 100% peace about it if it is His will.

To begin, I'm twenty-four, a christian and haven't had a girlfriend in four years. I've had a few interests in the past but somehow I couldn't get it right. Now, I don't want to hinder my chances by doing the wrong thing, so I need all the advice I can get (that, and I need to boost my confidence).

I've known this girl for about three weeks or so through my friends. She just got out of a relationship a month ago and has been hanging in my group of friends since then. I hadn't really expressed anything towards her until Saturday (Halloween of all times). We went to a costume party out of town and throughout the night we talked and talked. We left later that night and crashed at a friend's house. As fate would have it, we ended up having to share the spare bed. Because we're both christians and waiting until marriage, nothing happened. However, we did wake up in eachother's arms a few times in the middle of the night. The next morning we both parted ways and said goodbye. Nothing was awkward or uncomfortable, but nothing was said about it either. A friend of mine told me I should have gotten her phone number that morning, but I didn't feel it was appropriate.

Here's where it gets tricky; now what? How do I figure out if she was taking interest in me or whether she was just forced into somehow being polite in a less than ideal situation? The next night (sunday) we hung out with the same friends and watched a movie. She sat next to me, but nothing was said about the night. I neglected to ask her for her phone number again, because I didn't want to make a scene in front of friends (and because I'm chicken, I'll admit it). I can't read "the signs" that girls apparently give guys and I don't really know how to make another move without ruining things.

Does this sound like there's something there, or am I imagining things?

 

[GQ Chris]

Go big or go Home.

 

[GQ Chris]

Only way to find out is to lay your cards down the table.

 

[JoeBradley]

Second, and I'll try not to be too blunt...you just don't end up in bed with a girl by "fate". That's a cop out. Doing this created an artificial and false bond with this girl you barely know. Not only that, things now are extremely awkward between you. I'm not trying to be harsh, just truthful. I admire the fact you didn't cross any physical boundaries, but sleeping in the same bed as another girl is a recipe for disaster on so many levels. Don't get in that situation again.

Welshman, although it's late in coming, I suppose it's never too late to respond. When I read the following reply to my topic, I'll admit it, I got mad. It's one of those things that I just didn't want to hear at the time. In order to close this post, I'll finally agree that I was an idiot. I should have listened, but instead I ran and decided to face things on my own. What a slap in the face this was. Through a momentary lapse of reason by creating this artificial bond between the two of us, I set myself up for failure. Something that shouldn't have been a big deal, ultimately was made out to be on my part. I need forgiveness for my actions with due time. Although, I didn't "sleep" with her, the physical prescense was, more or less, the same. Next time, I will heed the advice and not get into that situation again. We live and learn and now it's time to move on. So, thank you for your insight.

For more on my experience, read my latest topic.

 

[elephunky]

The only way you are going to find out if she is interested is if you ask her.

 

[Quoth]

Ask her.

"Would you like to go out sometime? If so, I'd love to get your number and we can chat about it later."

Yes: Win.
No: Oh well, that was the worst that could happen.

Done.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

.

 

[JoeBradley]

Personally, I don't think you should be dating anyone at this point in your life. You need to learn to be content in yourself as an individual, without a woman. It seems to me that you are one of those who clings to a woman and sucks the life out of her. You hop from one woman to the next looking for someone to latch onto like a leech. Instead you should focus on becoming whole, complete, and healthy as an individual.

Check the dates of this original posting. This one was made November 3rd, the other was made December 14th. So, the "two girls" are one in the same. I understand your anger and I would be upset as well, but please make sure you have all the facts.

 

[BarelyBreathing]

Check the dates of this original posting. This one was made November 3rd, the other was made December 14th. So, the "two girls" are one in the same. I understand your anger and I would be upset as well, but please make sure you have all the facts.

Gotcha..... but it wasn't an emotion of anger at all. More like incredulous.

My apologies for the misunderstanding. When this old thread was brought up again as "new" I didn't realize you were bringing up a 6 week old event.