New with lots of questions

[lifeinlavender]

Hello everyone!

I *just* began thinking about becoming quiverfull, this evening!

We have three children and had decided we were done. I used bc pills for many years, but then used FAM for the last 3 years. I am currently unsure as to whether or not I am pregnant. At first I was distressed at the thought, but since then I have had this very peaceful feeling about it.

I have recently met several people who are quiverfull and am intruiged by it. I've been getting this voice telling me over and over, don't worry about it, let the Heavenly Father decide. I feel compelled to start looking at verses in the scriptures that discuss children...as I have never really looked into it before!

I come from a family that thinks I have already overpopulated the world with the three that I have. So even though I do not feel that way at all, you can see why quiverfull has not even been a thought to me because I had no reason to think about I suppose.

I am struggling with this because it is so new. I mentioned it to my husband tonight and he said we'd discuss it when he got home from work. Of course we are worried about the financial aspect of it, and my health.....my health went downhill during my last pregnancy and still isn't back to normal. It caused all sorts of problems.

So on one hand I'm trying to learn what I can and trust the Heavenly Father. I will pray and talk to my husband but I would appreciate any guidance from people here. Passages, your stories...health issues etc.

I just need some guidance and encouragement please. As I said I just started looking into this a few hours ago. lol

Nice to meet you all and I can't wait to learn more!!

 

[sparassidae]

Welcome!

I am quiverfull, but DH isn't (his issues are mainly about wanting to be through the baby stage) so we are not really in a position to offer much advice.

Currently pg with #5, who was a surprise. DH was really not sure if we should have any more, we have been praying about it. When we found out, he was very excited and agrees that it was God's answer to our question.

So anyway, I don't know where we will go from here, but that's our (very brief) story.

 

[~Nikki~]

When I met my hubby we were both dead against having *any* children...

After almost a year of marriage we thought we'd have them someday...and then we decided to try for our first child. By the time he was born we were thinking that perhaps we shouldn't use any form of bc after that, but weren't feeling quite brave enough.

It was only a couple of weeks later that we felt convicted to let God be in charge of our family size, and since then we haven't used any form of bc, not even NFP.

We are really happy with our decision and are expecting #2 in 6 weeks, though there are moments that I wonder if we'll end up with a football teams' worth of children!

But we know for us it's the right thing to do...so yeah, we went from NO children, no way, not ever, to qf minded within the space of a couple of years.

I don't have any advice as such, but just wanted to share our story.

 

[jgonz]

If you're both not on the same page, then, IMO, take one child at a time and don't plan.

My best advice is to pray pray pray and seek the L-rd's will for your family. You're still young, you have lots of time, and G-d WILL give you & your DH a peace about what you should do in this area. Giving your fertility to Him can be scary, but at the same time, incredibly freeing.

 

[Sabertooth]

It's a wild ride. If you have health issues, do not neglect them. Some QF couples use temporary contraception until the wife has recovered; that's just good medicine. Just be mindful of possible side effects. We had to get a medically necessary hysterectomy after #10.

 

[RedTulipMom]

God can do amazing things. When i was 19 i had multiple cysts on both ovaries and i had to have surgery to remove the cysts and they were all twisted around my ovaries, the doctors had to remove a big part of each of my ovaries. They told me at that time that i had a very slim chance of ever concieving. Yet, here i sit with 3 children. My first son i adopted at 2 mos old, it was a family situation. My aunt was a drug addict, alcoholic with an abusive boyfriend and she wanted to give the baby away so i adopted him, he is now turning 20 yrs old in Sept. For years he was my only child, but i was thankful God gave me the opportunity to be a mom all those years. Then when my son was 15 yrs old i got pregnant after years of prayer and i just left it up to God whether i would ever have more kids. Luke is turning 4 in June. I then got pregnant again with Anna and her first birthday is may 8. All these years i have never used birth control. i have no idea if God has plans for more children or not but i know i will leave it in his hands. Some may think me crazy since i am about to turn 39. i have a blood clotting disorder which makes my pregnancies dangerous. We also have pre-eclampsia that runs in the family. With both Luke and Anna i got pre-eclampsia. luke was born 4 wks 5 days early and Anna was born 3 wks and 5 days early due to the pre-e. Both of them were healthy and neither had to go to ICU. Even with medical issues, i still just trust God to get me through. He hasn't let me down, i trust him. Thats my personal story, take it for what it is. I suggest staying in prayer about it and seeing where God leads you.

 

[lifeinlavender]

Thank you all for your stories!

I borrowed a book from a friend today called "Be Fruitful and Multiply". So I'm very anxious to get started on it.

I just can't stop thinking about it! I know He is telling me to trust Him. So I think at this point my plan is to read the book, pray pray pray, learn more about other families who do the same so that I can have a support system in place (since my family is so anti child), and discuss with my husband while allowing him to study the scriptures on it as well. I will start taking supplements and exercising to make sure I'm healthy if/when I do conceive again. I just wait on my husband's answer.

I think it wouldn't be as hard for me to accept if I wasn't very fertile. I've been pregnant 5 times and that's when we weren't using FAM...so I know if I were to stop using FAM I would likely be pregnant...all the time. Like someone above said, I'm sure I'll wind up with a football team full of children. Or that I'll keep getting pregnant weeks after the birth of one etc.

 

[Sabertooth]

...

I think it wouldn't be as hard for me to accept if I wasn't very fertile. I've been pregnant 5 times and that's when we weren't using FAM...so I know if I were to stop using FAM I would likely be pregnant...all the time. Like someone above said, I'm sure I'll wind up with a football team full of children. Or that I'll keep getting pregnant weeks after the birth of one etc.

That isn't necessarily so. Children aren't automatic. Otherwise the contraception/stewardship POV would be correct. QF holds that each successful conception is a deliberate and thoughtful act of God and we choose to either facilitate or resist His will in the matter. Though He CAN give children in rapid succession, it is not a foregone conclusion.

 

[~Nikki~]

That isn't necessarily so. Children aren't automatic. Otherwise the contraception/stewardship POV would be correct. QF holds that each successful conception is a deliberate and thoughtful act of God and we choose to either facilitate or resist His will in the matter. Though He CAN give children in rapid succession, it is not a foregone conclusion.

I agree.

I know it was me who said about the football team, but in reality it took seven months to conceive the first time. Then after the birth it took 9 months for AF to return, and another five months after that to conceive again. So in my experience it's not automatic to become pregnant straight away...

Though yes - it's the times of my self reliance that the whole football team thing seems to occur to me more, lol.

 

[jgonz]

My cousin & her DH married in their early 30's, were QF and never once used bc. Besides a string of miscarriages relating to my cousin's health, they only ever had 3 children before she hit menopause. You just never know....

 

[lifeinlavender]

I guess that's true. I guess it's just hard to see it that way. That He *could* close my womb and space them out.

My first one was conceived in 2 months without protection. My second one was conceived on one try. My third one we conceived in 3 months of trying, and my losses were all conceived on their first tries. So coming from my experience, every time I stopped using birth control it happened almost immedietly. So of course, in my mind, every time we *ahem* and I'm fertile I'll be pregnant.

Because I've used FAM for so long I know exactly when I'm fertile and when I'm ovulating...even without paying attention because I can feel it and it's the same time every month. I've become so aware of my body and watching it closely that surrendering it to the Father is causing some resistance for me. I know that's bad, but I'm working on it.

But you all are right...He could close my womb at any time so it doesn't necessarily mean that I will end up with 15 kids. :o

Do you know of any websites that might be helpful to learn more about being quiverfull?

 

[ICor1311]

above rubies has a whole ministry and she has a message board. Also MOMYS.com has a message board and CMOMB.com

Do you breastfeed? We are quiverfull and my wife breastfeeds and she is normally very fertile but it seems that breastfeeding slows that down with her...for example my oldest is 4 and the youngest is 15 months and we have never used any birth control and he is still breastfeeding some but she has not gotten pregnant

 

[lifeinlavender]

Thank you! I will check out those sites!

I do breastfeed until they decide to wean, but if I remember correctly the longes I was without a period was 6 months! However, I did not exclusively breastfeed, which I would be doing with any future children. So that could make a huge difference.

 

[ICor1311]

My wife, Mommabuckaroo, has more information on this than I could ever have. You could PM her, if you want.

But, she says that natural baby spacing occurs best if you exclusively breasfeed (no formula or solid foods) for at least the first 6 months. Also, babies can totally survive 100% on breastmilk for the first year of life.

There. I've said my piece. LOL. I never thought in a million years I would be on a forum talking about breasfeeding, but here I am...

 

[lifeinlavender]

And what a great husband you are for doing it!

Thank you. I knew about the exclusive breastfeeding but, unfortunately, I chose to take the lazy way out by letting my husband help feed them on some nights. But as I said, with any subsequent children I fully intend to breastfeed exclusively no matter what!

 

[ICor1311]

And what a great husband you are for doing it!

Thank you. I knew about the exclusive breastfeeding but, unfortunately, I chose to take the lazy way out by letting my husband help feed them on some nights. But as I said, with any subsequent children I fully intend to breastfeed exclusively no matter what!

Absolutely. It was important for me to feed our children, also. With our oldest, I was deployed to Iraq. But, with our youngest, I was here the entire time. We got a few bottles and my wife would pump into the bottle and allow me to feed him. He's still a momma's boy when it comes to nursing, but it was nice to be a part of something like that.

 

[RedTulipMom]

I guess that's true. I guess it's just hard to see it that way. That He *could* close my womb and space them out.

My first one was conceived in 2 months without protection. My second one was conceived on one try. My third one we conceived in 3 months of trying, and my losses were all conceived on their first tries. So coming from my experience, every time I stopped using birth control it happened almost immedietly. So of course, in my mind, every time we *ahem* and I'm fertile I'll be pregnant.

Because I've used FAM for so long I know exactly when I'm fertile and when I'm ovulating...even without paying attention because I can feel it and it's the same time every month. I've become so aware of my body and watching it closely that surrendering it to the Father is causing some resistance for me. I know that's bad, but I'm working on it.

But you all are right...He could close my womb at any time so it doesn't necessarily mean that I will end up with 15 kids. :o

Do you know of any websites that might be helpful to learn more about being quiverfull?

Here are a few things for you to consider.

Firstly, when you get into your 30's your generally not as fertile as you are in your younger years, so i really doubt you'll get pregnant quite as quickly as easily through all the rest of the fertile years.

Also, DEFINITELY exclusively breastfeed and you have a much higher chance of your fertility not coming back as soon. My cousin who is quiverfull, even though she got pregnant right away (on honeymoon) with the first, had her second 2 yrs 9 mos later and her 3rd 2 yrs and 8 mos later. She exclusively BF till about 7 mos and then Breastfed and fed solid foods until about age 2 with each of them. She never got her period back till 18 mos with each either. (and she was in her 20's with the first to and age 30 with #3).

Another thing to think about since you are very aware of when you ovulate. Why not avoid intercourse for a 5-7 day period around ovulation? You wouldn't be using man-made birth control. You would be upping your chances for spacing kids out further, yet you would still be open to children if God so chose. Some might not consider it 100% quiverful, but you have to do what is most comfortable for you. Even using FAM is something you might want to continue for atleast 1 yr after each baby for spacing reasons if you feel you are super fertile. Again, it might not be 100% quiverful, but in my eyes, your still trusting God and still open to life if God so chooses.

you have to do what you and hubby feel comfortable with.

 

[RedTulipMom]

And what a great husband you are for doing it!

Thank you. I knew about the exclusive breastfeeding but, unfortunately, I chose to take the lazy way out by letting my husband help feed them on some nights. But as I said, with any subsequent children I fully intend to breastfeed exclusively no matter what!

you can still let hubby feed a bottle each night by pumping one bottle a day! (just let him feed 3-4 ozs) so he has the experience and the bondiing, but it doesnt take a lot of pumping to do it. know what i mean?

 

[lifeinlavender]

Another thing to think about since you are very aware of when you ovulate. Why not avoid intercourse for a 5-7 day period around ovulation?

That's exactly what we were talking about last night! That might be a good way for us to "start out". I agree that it's not being 100% quiverfull since it's not prayer or fasting but it's a way for us to ease into it. We definately won't be using withdrawl anymore.

 

[jgonz]

Prolonging your infertility by breastfeeding Can be extremely effective especially if you co-sleep and night nurse on demand. The hormone that makes milk is the Highest at night, and is directly related to Decreasing fertility longer. A really good book on this subject is Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing by Sheila Kippley, seen here at amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Breastfeeding...=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1209242200&sr=8-1

I got my period back with my first 3 breastfed babies (I formula fed my fist two) at about 6 months... which coincidentally was when I transitioned them out of my bed at night and into the crib. I also cut out/drastically shortened night feedings at the same time. I had no idea that I was purposely bringing back my fertility.

With my next 3 breastfed babies, I co-slept and night nursed for over a year or so... and my periods didn't come back until 14 months, 15 months, and 17.5 months respectively. Night nursing made a Huge difference.

Also keep in mind that a woman's fertility is directly associated to her hormone balances. Some women get their periods back earlier, but they aren't really ovulating.... so these are infertile periods. The only way to know though for sure would be to chart.

HTH~