Need help

[Nottoosure]

after reading your last post, it doesn't seem he probably hasn't processed all that happened nor forgiven his mom

he really does need counselling himself and then maybe you two together
is there anyone who could convince him to go?

I’ve suggested and so has his dad. He’s not interested.

 

[Blade]

PLEASE PEOPLE....your looking from the out side in... what YOU would is is NOT what she needs to hear... PRAYER!

 

[Nottoosure]

PLEASE PEOPLE....your looking from the out side in... what YOU would is is NOT what she needs to hear... PRAYER!

What do you say when someone is at
The end of their rope after years of unanswered prayers?

 

[anna ~ grace]

What do you say when someone is at
The end of their rope after years of unanswered prayers?

Pray. Follow Christ. Pray. Love him in spite of his bad moods and weirdness. Hope, pray, and do not worry. God is merciful, and will hear your prayer.

 

[Dalmasy]

By fine I mean I’ve gotten over it and it’s only a matter of time before I get hurt enough to say something the next time in which he won’t respond and the cycle repeats itself.

He’s hiding his world from you and hiding you from his world.

 

[Tom 1]

hi guys,

I’m in need of some advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are both almost 30 years old with no children. Long story short - we’ve been together since we were 15. He was so sweet, kind, and affectionate when we first got together. His family went through a huge crisis (mom had affair and parents divorced) 1 year into marriage. Since then our relationship has drastically changed. He stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, I’m locked out of his phone, and can’t follow him on social media. He’s changed all passwords and has locked me out. I’ve brought all of this up to him and he gets really mad and doesn’t say a single word. He shuts down and then days pass and we’re fine. Would you stay or go?

Sounds like he got pretty freaked out by his mother's affair and the divorce. He might be wondering (wrongly) if he can really trust you, given his mother's behaviour. It might just take him a long time to process it. Guys often process things through doing rather than talking, it might help over time if you do activities together, sports or whatever, things that he likes doing. It might sound odd but for a guy just doing something practical together without talking much can be very bonding and build trust etc.

 

[BJoyful256]

I believe that you should pray for him, don't ask him any questions or look at any of his things. In fact, maybe even go as far as to ask him things like "hun, where would you like your mail?" or simple things so that he knows you are not interested in it. Is he wrong to a degree not having that openness with you? Perhaps. But we do not know his struggle. Is he wrong shutting you out and not allowing you to help him? Perhaps. But his parents divorced for a reason and he probably does not have a good model to go by. Pray, pray pray!!! In the mean time, make yourself happy. Go to women's Bible study, volunteer to help those less fortunate, Meet with friends you haven't seen in years. Go on a little road trip and Pray, pray, pray!!! It is not your job to make him happy, nor his to make you happy. That is your choice. You choose to be happy. Maybe when he sees you have moved into a different direction and he can choose to pull out of the squaller too and reach for his partner's hand, he just may. Always be kind to him though and do your best as a wife to meet his needs. He can accept or decline and you will show confidence and happiness whether or not he accepts. He may see a new light in you that he needs. Jesus will guide you and you will find your happiness in Him. Something I read and love is James 3:16-18, For where envy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil. (this would be like coveting others marriages, or any kind of sin) 17) But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. 18)And the fruit of the righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. I also love the verse that says Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Good luck Sister!

 

[paul becke]

Why do you not trust him and go snooping on his electronic devices?

Having done so, it seems she might well have had good reason to suspect he was up to no good in relation to her. If not, he should have defered to her from kindness. Women have historically been extremely insecure - even more when single. To my mind, It's a matter of astonishment that she'd been asking so little of him, that when he decided to be nice, she'd thought they were getting along fine.

It was only prudent of her to be disturbed by his new secrecy. Not a matter purely of intuition, but of good sense.

 

[JCFantasy23]

I know a lot of people don't wear wedding rings, but I don't understand why he won't tell you a reason. I can get wanting privacy on a phone -- the thing that bugs me the most is not to connect with you any way on social media. If he is on Facebook and refuses to be your friend on there, or Twitter or something else, I find that highly suspicious and unusual.

I'm sorry you are going through all this and that the marriage is having so much stress. Sounds like it's been going on a long time. I'm not sure what to advise in the situation. I'm sure you've brought this up and you said that makes him shut down further. For the time being I would pray and just try to ignore the situation hoping it improves. Counseling is an option but unless he is receptive to it, that won't work - however, individual counseling for you alone is a good idea.

 

[Lory Valencia]

Honestly, most of these responses are basically telling you to shut your feelings out and pray. Yes prayer is key, but you can't just turn off your feeling until he decides to come around. Talk to him like an adult, tell him how you feel and ask him what's going on. No, Christ doesn't like divorce but wouldn't likeyr husband basically abondening your marriage mentally and emotionally. Tell him exactly how you feel and be completely honest, and ask him if he still even wants to continue the marriage, because you're having doubts. You can't make this marriage work on your own. Let him know that.

 

[Nottoosure]

Honestly, most of these responses are basically telling you to shut your feelings out and pray. Yes prayer is key, but you can't just turn off your feeling until he decides to come around. Talk to him like an adult, tell him how you feel and ask him what's going on. No, Christ doesn't like divorce but wouldn't likeyr husband basically abondening your marriage mentally and emotionally. Tell him exactly how you feel and be completely honest, and ask him if he still even wants to continue the marriage, because you're having doubts. You can't make this marriage work on your own. Let him know that.

Yes I agree. This is exactly what I’ve already done for multiple years. Pray and pretend it isn’t happening. That isn’t realistic anymore and I feel like this cannot be the life I was created to live and can’t help but doubt my faith at this point. In the past when I’ve mentioned these things he shuts down, as I’ve mentioned, but I feel it is worth one last shot before I make my exit. I’ve also scheduled a counseling session for myself

 

[Lory Valencia]

Yes I agree. This is exactly what I’ve already done for multiple years. Pray and pretend it isn’t happening. That isn’t realistic anymore and I feel like this cannot be the life I was created to live and can’t help but doubt my faith at this point. In the past when I’ve mentioned these things he shuts down, as I’ve mentioned, but I feel it is worth one last shot before I make my exit. I’ve also scheduled a counseling session for myself

Do you two attend church together? If not, it may be time to start. Maybe have some bible studies together. Also, try talking to him at a good time. For example, when he's relaxed on the couch after he's just eaten, and don't come at him in a nagging way. Let him know if he doesn't shape up and behave like a husband, you're thinking of terminating the marriage. His reaction when you say that will show you how he truly feels. God bless you both. I hope it works out.

 

[devin553344]

hi guys,

I’m in need of some advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are both almost 30 years old with no children. Long story short - we’ve been together since we were 15. He was so sweet, kind, and affectionate when we first got together. His family went through a huge crisis (mom had affair and parents divorced) 1 year into marriage. Since then our relationship has drastically changed. He stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, I’m locked out of his phone, and can’t follow him on social media. He’s changed all passwords and has locked me out. I’ve brought all of this up to him and he gets really mad and doesn’t say a single word. He shuts down and then days pass and we’re fine. Would you stay or go?

I see you your point, that does sound like a problem, I will pray for you. I don't think divorce is in order unless there's violence or adultery that is evident to you.

 

[trulycommitted]

hi guys,

I’m in need of some advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are both almost 30 years old with no children. Long story short - we’ve been together since we were 15. He was so sweet, kind, and affectionate when we first got together. His family went through a huge crisis (mom had affair and parents divorced) 1 year into marriage. Since then our relationship has drastically changed. He stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, I’m locked out of his phone, and can’t follow him on social media. He’s changed all passwords and has locked me out. I’ve brought all of this up to him and he gets really mad and doesn’t say a single word. He shuts down and then days pass and we’re fine. Would you stay or go?

Have you ever been to marriage counseling? My suggestion would be getting in front of a SKILLED and EXPERIENCED marriage counselor and start talking. Genuinely seek to listen and understand, to explain why you feel like you do – what is hurting and how things could be different. Pray about it and seek the counsel of the Lord. I know your situation may seem impossible right now, but I do believe there is hope. Stay strong. Sending hugs & prayers your way!

 

[Tommy Norton]

hi guys,

I’m in need of some advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are both almost 30 years old with no children. Long story short - we’ve been together since we were 15. He was so sweet, kind, and affectionate when we first got together. His family went through a huge crisis (mom had affair and parents divorced) 1 year into marriage. Since then our relationship has drastically changed. He stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, I’m locked out of his phone, and can’t follow him on social media. He’s changed all passwords and has locked me out. I’ve brought all of this up to him and he gets really mad and doesn’t say a single word. He shuts down and then days pass and we’re fine. Would you stay or go?

 

[Tommy Norton]

That is for you to decide. These are disturbing signs that you mention, common to all who defile their marriage by adultery (still, I'm not saying this is your husband's case, simply that the signs are there as according to your words.)
You may put away your spouse for fornication, this is the Word. Firstly, I would somehow make absolutely certain that this is the case. You mentioned a family upheaval concerning his mother being unfaithful. Perhaps this sullied his opinion of woman, and marriage, and this is a possible explanation for his emotional withdrawal from the marital unit. I'm just imagining scenarios, but for the purpose of pointing out possible alternate realities other than adultery.
If you do find proof of infidelity, you are free to leave, and remarry. But even then, I would take it to God, with fasting and prayer. Any of us can offer advice, but The Almighty Father will give you an answer. Sometimes, God places us somewhere to help another, even if it is painful to us. Only you and Father can answer this. I will pray for you.

 

[lsume]

Ive bought him 5 different wedding rings. They are all in the same spot. He deliberately chooses not to wear them after I have asked him to wear one. It is not a matter of losing them.

One more possible reason is that certain jobs require rings be removed. Many fingers have been lost because they were wearing a ring. Otherwise, it’s time to be straight with him about your feelings.

 

[Andrew77]

hi guys,

I’m in need of some advice. My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We are both almost 30 years old with no children. Long story short - we’ve been together since we were 15. He was so sweet, kind, and affectionate when we first got together. His family went through a huge crisis (mom had affair and parents divorced) 1 year into marriage. Since then our relationship has drastically changed. He stopped wearing his wedding ring years ago, I’m locked out of his phone, and can’t follow him on social media. He’s changed all passwords and has locked me out. I’ve brought all of this up to him and he gets really mad and doesn’t say a single word. He shuts down and then days pass and we’re fine. Would you stay or go?

I think your husband is cheating on you. I wager you haven't been intimate much.

Regardless, I would leave him immediately. If he wants you back, he has to give you the passwords to everything, and put his ring back on.

No compromise on this.

But I think you are going to find this will go badly. Sorry you are facing this. Next time, you confront stuff like that instantly. Like the same day. You find out you are locked out of his social media, you leave the house until you are allowed back in. You find his ring is taken off, you leave the house until it is back on.

Don't let stuff like this go on for any amount of time.

 

[paul becke]

I know a lot of people don't wear wedding rings, but I don't understand why he won't state the reason. I can get wanting privacy on a phone -- the thing that bugs me the most is not to connect with you any way on social media. If he is on Facebook and refuses to be your friend on there, or Twitter or something else, I find that highly suspicious and unusual.

What give me the shudders is that sociologists have discovered that the worst indicator of the end of a marriage is not constant rowing but quite the opposite, the indifference that reveals itself in stopping communicating at all. And this is a finding that has been convincingly confirmed.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Sounds like he got pretty freaked out by his mother's affair and the divorce. He might be wondering (wrongly) if he can really trust you, given his mother's behaviour. It might just take him a long time to process it. Guys often process things through doing rather than talking, it might help over time if you do activities together, sports or whatever, things that he likes doing. It might sound odd but for a guy just doing something practical together without talking much can be very bonding and build trust etc.

Yep. With us, it's me sitting with him and watching TV. Such a tiny thing, but it means the world to him.