My questions

[Goodbook]

What is childbirth really like?
For the dad, are you there when your wife gives birth?
For the mum, how painful is it really?

When you get married are you supposed to have children right away and what happens if you dont? Do you practice abstinence or what. When the wife is on her time of the month do you refrain cos that would be messy? I was thinking of one of the questions below on this forum and forgot about that and how it says in the bible when a woman is unclean on her period thats a time to be apart.

I mean I wouldnt want that and mess up the bed sheets.

 

[Goodbook]

Also reading some of the other threads on this forum..upon getting married its the wives who go on pills, the men dont have to?! I hate taking pills and drugs as it is.

Also i heard those birth control pills mess up your body and risk of cancer and strokes later. You might be getting short term benefit but what about long term?

 

[ValleyGal]

Your questions - childbirth, yes, it really is that painful for some people. For others it's not quite so bad. No, you don't have to have children right away. It's not always the woman who goes on a pill. There are other forms of birth control, only maybe not so effective. And there are other forms of "the pill" - as in an injection. No, the hormones don't ruin you for later. I suppose if you smoke, yes, your risk of stroke increases, and there may be an increased risk of cervical cancer if you are on the pill for a very long time. Those are risks you should discuss with your doctor if you are planning on getting married. Taking the pill is not like "taking drugs." It is a hormone in the form of a very tiny little pill or an injection.

There are no pills for men to take that would prevent pregnancy. Men can use condoms, but that is not a very effective form of birth control. After having children, it is most often (among the people I know) for the man to have a vasectomy as opposed to remaining on birth control or a woman having tubal ligation.

Sex during period - something to discuss with your partner. If you don't want to, then don't. There are some people who do.... but that is a private thing between a husband and wife, and should be also private between you and your partner.

 

[Dave-W]

What is childbirth really like?
For the mum, how painful is it really?

Bill Cosby once said his wife described it as taking your bottom lip and stretching over the back of your head.

For some it is that painful. For others it seems to be rather easy. On friend of ours almost had her 2nd during a shower. She did not notice her water broke and then she felt the head starting to come out. No pain at all.

For the dad, are you there when your wife gives birth?

I was there for 2 of the 3 deliveries, first and last. On the middle one, it was twins in breach (heads up) so they opted to move my wife to a different hospital, and I had not been thru THEIR classes so I was not allowed in.

When you get married are you supposed to have children right away and what happens if you dont? Do you practice abstinence or what.

The church we attended during those years suggested waiting a year or 2 before having kids to give the couple some time alone together. I still consider that wisdom. We used a diaphragm to avoid pregnancy that first year.

When the wife is on her time of the month do you refrain cos that would be messy? I was thinking of one of the questions below on this forum and forgot about that and how it says in the bible when a woman is unclean on her period thats a time to be apart.

I mean I wouldnt want that and mess up the bed sheets.

LOL!!! you can mess up the bed sheets just as much in other ways.

I do believe that it is commanded in scripture (Acts 15) to avoid intercourse during that time. There are 4 prohibitions listed and the Greek word behind "fornication" is inappropriate contentia. As far as I can tell that word was used in the Greek speaking Jewish diaspora communities to mean anything that violated OT sexual morality, including sex during menses.

But I do not take it as meaning that if you need a release, ([bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse]) you are prohibited from doing other things to accomplish that.

Good and important questions.

 

[Dave-W]

Also reading some of the other threads on this forum..upon getting married its the wives who go on pills, the men dont have to?! I hate taking pills and drugs as it is.

Also i heard those birth control pills mess up your body and risk of cancer and strokes later. You might be getting short term benefit but what about long term?

BC pills have been around for women since the 1960s. There has never been an effective pill for men.

It is no secret that messing up hormones can have unintended side effects. I have not heard of strokes or cancer, but I would guess in some women with the right body chemistry and genetic make up; it would be possible. Paul Byerly who is the site owner of the christian marriage site TheMarriageBed says research he has dug up claims that BC pills change the immune system with unknown results.

 

[Goodbook]

I think in the bible its the husband takes the first year off to please his wife.

 

[Goodbook]

I dont really know that much about contraception devices i suppose you would need to once getting married.

You cant just say no can you, or sleep in separate beds?

 

[Goodbook]

From what I know is if a woman really wants a child and theres no pregnancy happening she will get really worried.

Ive heard of patches that women wear that make them infertile. I dont know about diaphragms and tubal ligations are only after the wife has already had children.
What about condoms, or are diaphragms easier.

Taking a pill everyday is just really not going to work in my case, not that im married, but just cant imagine it. Although theres some christians wives that just will have baby after baby. What would be the limit do you reckon of how many children you can have? With one wife. Before she gets overwhelmed.

 

[ValleyGal]

I think in the bible its the husband takes the first year off to please his wife.

In Deuteronomy, a man recently married should not be sent to war. That does not mean men need to take a year off work to spend with his wife. Also, that was OT law for Israel....not for 21st century Gentile.

 

[ValleyGal]

I dont really know that much about contraception devices i suppose you would need to once getting married.

You cant just say no can you, or sleep in separate beds?

You're not supposed to just say no. The Bible is clear that men and women should not deprive each other of sexual gratification except by mutual consent and for a time to devote to prayer. Besides, when you're married, why would you want to say no? Sex is enjoyable when you love the one you're married to. Usually there is attraction....

 

[ValleyGal]

From what I know is if a woman really wants a child and theres no pregnancy happening she will get really worried.

Ive heard of patches that women wear that make them infertile. I dont know about diaphragms and tubal ligations are only after the wife has already had children.
What about condoms, or are diaphragms easier.

Taking a pill everyday is just really not going to work in my case, not that im married, but just cant imagine it. Although theres some christians wives that just will have baby after baby. What would be the limit do you reckon of how many children you can have? With one wife. Before she gets overwhelmed.

This is all something you should discuss with your physician. He or she can help you figure out a method that will work for you and your spouse.

 

[Jane_Doe]

What is childbirth really like?

Labor is Boring. Super super boring. And then incredibly painful. And then INCREDIBLY worth it.

For the dad, are you there when your wife gives birth?

In the US, this is excepted. I don't know the culture other places.

For the mum, how painful is it really?

Incredibly beyond anything else you've felt. Which is why they have drugs to block the pain.

When you get married are you supposed to have children right away and what happens if you dont? Do you practice abstinence or what.

Nobody is forcing you to have children at any time. That's up to the couple. If they wish to delay, the methodology of such delay is also up to the couple. There are lots of options and plenty of experts to give info.

When the wife is on her time of the month do you refrain cos that would be messy?

Typically refrain.

Also reading some of the other threads on this forum..upon getting married its the wives who go on pills, the men dont have to?! I hate taking pills and drugs as it is.

Hormonal male birth control is still in development. Female is well established. There are other methods besides the pill.

Also i heard those birth control pills mess up your body and risk of cancer and strokes later. You might be getting short term benefit but what about long term?

This is something to consult a doctor with, not a forum.

I dont really know that much about contraception devices i suppose you would need to once getting married.

Hence, a visit to the doctor. This should be done well before actually getting married and even before getting engaged. It is something that should be discussed with doctor and significant other when the prospect of marriage is being considered. You and potential spouse should be 100% on the same page before getting engaged (this is a big deal).

You cant just say no can you, or sleep in separate beds?

Lol, you could- but what's the fun in that? Sexual intercouse provides more than reproduction-- it also provides a great bonding and way of showing affection between spouses.

From what I know is if a woman really wants a child and theres no pregnancy happening she will get really worried.

Ive heard of patches that women wear that make them infertile. I dont know about diaphragms and tubal ligations are only after the wife has already had children.
What about condoms, or are diaphragms easier.

Taking a pill everyday is just really not going to work in my case, not that im married, but just cant imagine it. Although theres some christians wives that just will have baby after baby. What would be the limit do you reckon of how many children you can have? With one wife. Before she gets overwhelmed.

Again, consult your doctor.

 

[Goodbook]

Lol so basically if you want to be married, ask a doctor. OR marry a doctor. OK got it.

 

[Goodbook]

Doctors dont even bother to do home visits anymore so im just gonna forget about it. Sounds too complicated, and expensive.

 

[Goodbook]

Also my brother is a doctor and I wouldnt trust him for marital advice.

 

[Goodbook]

He would be like, why you asking me for? Im a doctor not a pre-marriage counselor.

 

[Goodbook]

Im thinking of Mary asking the angel, how can I have a baby? I'm not even married.

Angel answers..consult your doctor. Im just an angel.

 

[Goodbook]

The fun in sleeping apart is..dont have to put up with someone elses snoring and can spend all night praying I suppose. Can write in your prayer journal, Lord my husband is asleep, so I can do my things now while he doesnt know. Like wrap up christmas gifts and put them under the tree and pretend santa came.

Then he wakes up and asks where did the milk and cookies go.

 

[Dave-W]

I think in the bible its the husband takes the first year off to please his wife.

Deut 24.5 When a man takes a new wife, he shall not go out with the army nor be charged with any duty; he shall be free at home one year and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken.

That is specifically on military service. It is not a year off of regular work.

And notice the phrase "happiness to his wife." It is comments like this all thru the OT scriptures that gave rise to the Jewish maxim:

"Sex is a wife's right and a husband's obligation."

That would have been the cultural understanding of all the NT authors, and the Lord Himself.

 

[Dave-W]

You cant just say no can you, or sleep in separate beds?

Paul restricts that in 1 Cor 7 to "mutual consent for a [short] time.."

That was an expansion of the cultural norm - which would expect the women to be needing a lot of sex - more than the men. So in 2nd temple Jewish culture, it would be the men saying no to their wives.