• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
  3. Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share.

My questions

Discussion in 'Questions From Singles About Marriage' started by Goodbook, Dec 6, 2016.

  1. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    i thought since this is singles asking marrieds and Im not allowed to comment on others just do all my questions in one thread.

    Some questions.

    Is there an age where you are supposed to be married or thinking of marriage? Is there an upper age limit?
    Do age gaps matter or is it entirely based on how spiritually mature you are?
    How healthy physically do you have to be, like do both of you need to see a doctor before marriage?
    Whose parents consent do you have to have or is that only for young couples.
    The firstborn child...do they have priveliges over the latter born?
    How do you go about finding a place to live, together, or is it the husbands main responisbilty?
    What is the wifes main responisbilty?
    How do your bank accounts work is it a joint account?
    What church do you go to, the wife or the husbands or do you try and find a new church? Anyone marry someone in their own church?
    Parents in law. How often do you have to see them? Are you still responisble for them in their old age?

    Thats all for now.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Psykes

    Psykes Follower of Christ

    44
    +27
    Christian
    Private
    As far as pursuing god goes while in marriage, as said somewhere in the bible (can't remember where), once married you have more responsibility so being that pursuing god has a major responsibility, it's more of a task!
    Not that you can't do it!
    Try looking up biblical verses on marriage!
    It's all I got.
     
  3. Maddox

    Maddox Member

    218
    +128
    Agnostic
    Married

    Is there an age where you are supposed to be married or thinking of marriage? Is there an upper age limit?


    No, just realize that before your marriage you have more options on what to do and what level of risks to take in life.

    Do age gaps matter or is it entirely based on how spiritually mature you are?

    Age caps matter, spiritual maturity is great if you can get it.

    How healthy physically do you have to be, like do both of you need to see a doctor before marriage?


    You do not have to be anything. If you are both healthy the marriage might be less stressful.

    Whose parents consent do you have to have or is that only for young couples.

    Adult people can get married. Parents consent is nice but not legally required.

    The firstborn child...do they have priveliges over the latter born?


    Depends on your culture I guess.

    How do you go about finding a place to live, together, or is it the husbands main responisbilty?

    Again culture, but I would imagine most people do not want to live with their parents. Women usually like to have discussion about these things......

    What is the wifes main responisbilty?

    Culture. The discussion thing is pretty relevant again.

    How do your bank accounts work is it a joint account?

    Can work very well with equal contributions and roughly equal spending. Can work very badly with unequal earnings or breakup. Certainly would not recommend it to new couples.

    What church do you go to, the wife or the husbands or do you try and find a new church? Anyone marry someone in their own church?
    Parents in law. How often do you have to see them? Are you still responisble for them in their old age?

    Discussion, culture, common courtesy and common sense.
     
  4. Andrewofthetribe

    Andrewofthetribe Well-Known Member

    815
    +217
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Lol can Christians not even decide when to get married now lol. Surely your mother or father could tell you this. Shall we continue to hide the real truth?
     
  5. Psykes

    Psykes Follower of Christ

    44
    +27
    Christian
    Private
    Let's calm down now, it is an important life decision and people especially of God, want to do what is rightest.
    Let's not antagonize somebody, especially if they have courage to reach out for christian help.
     
  6. Andrewofthetribe

    Andrewofthetribe Well-Known Member

    815
    +217
    Non-Denom
    Private
    But what real help will they get, will they get 10 answers and then choose a path? Is that not surely picking the answer that suits them?
     
  7. Psykes

    Psykes Follower of Christ

    44
    +27
    Christian
    Private
    I don't think you understand what Jesus does for us all.
    Either way, understand or not, respect that they want help.
    Picking the answer that helps them is fine, but notice they have asked us, why is not of importance.
    The family of God is a loving one, let it be.
     
  8. Andrewofthetribe

    Andrewofthetribe Well-Known Member

    815
    +217
    Non-Denom
    Private
    Can I just say my mind is not feeling well today and the questions are part of my sickness. But I understand your message even though I think it has no authority!
     
  9. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    This is asking about christian marriage, not just any old marriage. Obviously my parents arent christians otherwise I would be asking them.

    So culture isnt really relevant but what God says in the Bible matters, and what married christians (married for many years) experiences are is helpful.
     
  10. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Thanks pyskes for thoughtful reply. Not sure why ppl jumping all over my thread now just because Im asking questions, this is a forum for asking questions is it not.
     
  11. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Was studying the book of Ruth before and basically its a picture of courtship leading to marriage. Why its in the bible? There must be stuff to learn from..but whats with the whole uncovering feet episode?
     
  12. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    I thought this was a christian forum so, if you agnostic its not going to be helpful for me.
     
  13. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,729
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    This was a cultural thing and her sleeping there had to do with his being the kinsman-redeemer. Something we don't need anymore. But it does demonstrate that women can also make their intentions known.
     
  14. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,729
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    Is there an age where you are supposed to be married or thinking of marriage? Is there an upper age limit?
    No. I think this is cultural as well as biological. In my culture, very young girls start thinking about big weddings, etc. But seriously thinking marriage usually happens in the 20s and 30s, especially if there is a desire for children. There is no upper age limit. My great grandmother married in her early 70s and they spent about a decade together before he passed away.

    Do age gaps matter or is it entirely based on how spiritually mature you are?
    Age gaps don't matter - imo to a point. There are some marriages that survive for many years with big age gaps, but most people prefer someone closer to themselves in age because era in which you grow up contributes greatly to how you think, what you enjoy, etc.

    How healthy physically do you have to be, like do both of you need to see a doctor before marriage?
    Anyone can get married, healthy or not. I would recommend at least being emotionally and relationally healthy, as that usually has a huge effect on the function of the marriage itself, but vows include in sickness and in health, so as long as each party is aware of the other's sicknesses, why not...

    Whose parents consent do you have to have or is that only for young couples.
    Where I live, consent is not required unless the bride or groom are under age 19.

    The firstborn child...do they have priveliges over the latter born?
    No child should ever be favored over another child. This is extremely toxic and damaging to the ones who are not favored as it contributes to negative self worth. It is extremely toxic to the privileged one as it contributes to their sense of entitlement and narcissistic ways of thinking.

    How do you go about finding a place to live, together, or is it the husbands main responisbilty?
    Should be together. After all, you both have to live there.

    What is the wifes main responisbilty?
    Whatever they decide together.

    How do your bank accounts work is it a joint account?
    Separate. The only time I would recommend joining is if it`s the first marriage for you both, or if you have one joint account in addition to your own separate accounts.

    What church do you go to, the wife or the husbands or do you try and find a new church? Anyone marry someone in their own church?
    Wherever both feel comfortable.

    Parents in law. How often do you have to see them? Are you still responisble for them in their old age?
    We see his parents every year or two because they live across the continent and in a different country. We see my father once or twice a year for short visits, and we see my mom every month or two because she only lives half a day`s drive away. Imo, we are responsible to help them all in their old age, if help is needed. That might mean arranging care from a distance, it might mean helping them find a facility, it might mean one or more coming to live with us for part of the year and another sibling for part of the year, etc. It is only up to the parent how and if they want us to be involved in their care.
     
  15. Poppyseed78

    Poppyseed78 Well-Known Member Supporter

    +3,279
    Christian
    Married
    Age - I think this really depends on the individual/couple. Some people are ready at 18, some at 40. I don't think there is any rule to adhere to on this.
    Age gaps - Spiritual maturity is more important. An age gap is okay within reason. I think both people should be in a similar life stage. 28 and 44, probably okay. 18 and 34, maybe not.
    Physical health - Again, I don't think there is any rule to this. You try to take care of yourself as much as you can, eat right, exercise. I don't think it's necessary to see a doctor before marriage UNLESS there is a sexual past, so Std testing should be done.
    Parental consent - I see it more as parental "blessing". Ideally the parents are supportive. But if they are not, the couple can still marry as they are adults. This can, of course, be problematic.
    Children - I don't see why a firstborn would have privileges over the others, except in regards to age. For instance, an older child gets to learn to drive before the others etc. But he is not given preferential or favored treatment simply based on birth order.
    Housing - I think this is up to the couple. Personally, I think both people should have some say in where they live. Your home is important, it's not something to take lightly.
    Wife's responsibility - To be loving and supportive of her husband.
    Bank accounts - My husband and I have a joint account. Some couples choose to have their own accounts, or joint as well as separate. Whatever works for them.
    Church - I started attending my husband's church when we married. However, I was also new to the area and didn't have a "home" church, whereas he did. So it made sense to attend his.
    Parents in law - We see my parents once a week and my husband's parents every two weeks. Both sets of parents made it clear they don't want us responsible for them when they are elderly.
     
  16. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Well there seesm to be a bit of stuff in the bible about being firstborn with regards to inheritance, but maybe now its just all divided equally.

    I dont know maybe its culture, but it does tend to be sons inheriting over daughters.

    Also provison for parents and in laws, there is things in the bible about that, Jesus did make sure his mother was provided for, as it seems like she was widowed and none of his brothers and sisters were the carers (it was John)

    If a woman marries does that mean she doesnt inherit anything from her parents, she belongs to the husbands family. Or does it mean she now has both. I find that confusing.

    One of my christian friends who is married told me when her mum dies, her house then goes towards her children, and she has two brothers living at home, so it seems like they will inherit it. But then i said well thats fair because her brothers are looking after her mum and they need a roof over their head but you have your husbands house you dont need ANOTHER house.

    So not sure what her issue is. Maybe she will inherit something else but not the property. But i thought once you married as a wife and you have a home its yours to share. Why would you worry about your parents if you left them to get married.
     
  17. ValleyGal

    ValleyGal Well-Known Member

    +1,729
    Canada
    Anabaptist
    Divorced
    Inheritance is a cultural thing. In my great grandparent's day, the culture was that the first-born (whether male or female) would take what they want first, then the second-born would get to go through it and take what they want, and the last-born would get the remnants. The thinking was that the older siblings would take care of the younger ones. Since that is not necessary anymore, neither is the idea of the eldest receiving inheritance. The same applies with men and women. Women can make a living on their own and do not rely on men so much, therefore it does not go to the men of the home to care for unmarried women. So inheritance in the Bible is cultural, not a commandment.

    The same holds true for taking care of aging parents. In the Bible, they didn't have retirement plans and RRSPs and GICs and investments and Wall Street. They didn't have home health aides or long term facilities or retirement communities. We do now, so older people do not require the same kind of care they did in the Bible, when they had no one to care for them except their children.

    When you read your Bible, and you come across things like this, it might help to ask yourself whether what you are reading is a command or a context.
     
  18. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

    +15,726
    United States
    Messianic
    Married
    US-Others
    Welcome Good, and good questions they are.

    Is there an age where you are supposed to be married or thinking of marriage?
    From cultural and biblical sources, it would seem that the early to mid-teens were when most got married. That would correspond to the onset of puberty.

    Is there an upper age limit?
    None that I know of

    Do age gaps matter or is it entirely based on how spiritually mature you are?
    Biblical examples show wide variations of age. Abraham remarried after Sarah died, he was way over a hundred years old and he married a woman young enough to bear children. (Gen 25)

    How healthy physically do you have to be, like do both of you need to see a doctor before marriage?
    In the US that is required by law for a marriage license. It is for blood tests for common diseases.

    Of course if there are known medical issues they should be discussed before marriage. C.S. Lewis married his wife when she had terminal cancer.

    Whose parents consent do you have to have or is that only for young couples.
    It is good to get both sets of parents' approval and blessing. But not necessary.

    The firstborn child...do they have priveliges over the latter born?
    That is entirely cultural.

    How do you go about finding a place to live, together, or is it the husbands main responisbilty?
    Again that may be cultural, but I would suggest looking together if practicable.

    What is the wifes main responisbilty?
    Same as the husband's: serve God with your whole being.

    How do your bank accounts work is it a joint account?
    We have a joint account and have had for almost 40 years. Most sizable stuff we do together. If my wife wants to buy something she always asks me first to make sure we have enough funds on hand to do that. (even though she really does NOT have to do that)

    What church do you go to, the wife or the husbands or do you try and find a new church?
    Another choice to be made together. The answer may be different for each couple.

    Anyone marry someone in their own church?
    We were in the same congregation. It happens often.

    Parents in law. How often do you have to see them?
    Depends. If you live in town, a lot more than if you live 3000 miles away on the other side of the country. I know of no minimum unless your culture has something to address that issue.

    Are you still responisble for them in their old age?
    Yes. Husband and wife are one scripturally, and we are commanded in scripture to honor father and mother. The historical understanding of that was to support them in their old age. So my wife's parents became my own and my parents became hers.

    If you have more, you know where we are. :)
     
  19. Goodbook

    Goodbook Reading the Bible

    +5,046
    Christian
    In Relationship
    Who is meant to ask who, the man or the woman?
    What kind of blood test do you do?

    I dont know if you allowed to marry someone who is dying...that marriage sounds a bit suss to me.

    Thanks for replies, i dont know anyone who gets married these days who actually can afford a house. Most still live with their parents even after marriage. There may be a separate dwelling on the property though, or shared accomodation. Or renting.

    Is having a separate home importnst?what if you both just cant fford it. ?
     
  20. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

    +15,726
    United States
    Messianic
    Married
    US-Others
    We rented for several years.

    Who is meant to ask who, the man or the woman?
    That is a modern invention. In bible times most marriages were arranged. So spiritually it probably does not matter. There may be cultural issues though.

    What kind of blood test do you do?
    many states have recently dropped their requirements for this; but the test is for Rubella, venereal diseases, and genetic disorders like sickle cell anemia.

    I don't know if you allowed to marry someone who is dying...that marriage sounds a bit suss to me.
    Why? Watch the movie Shadowlands with Anthony Hopkins playing C.S. Lewis and tell me that was "suss."

    Is having a separate home important?
    Yes - especially for the first year. Having others around and in your home on a constant basis (especially parents) can put a big chill on your sexuality.

    what if you both just cant afford it. ?
    That is a legit concern. Just make the best of it you can.
     
Loading...