My family is threatening to disown me if I get married to my fiance

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

No, she was born with male parts.

He was born male.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I can't return to something I don't believe in & that makes absolutely no sense to me. Nor would it change the way the way I feel about my fiance.

And you cant force your family to believe in something that makes absolutely no sense to them, aka transgenders.

 

[Neostarwcc]

Thanks for your kind reply. Regarding the homosexuality bit, neither of us consider ourselves homosexual. My fiance considers herself female, & so in her mind, she is completely heterosexual. It is the same with myself. I wouldn't have been attracted to her if she had looked or acted male. When I asked her out the first time I had no inkling that she had male parts. I have only ever dated women. That said, we both have homosexual friends, so personally, we have no problem with those who are. We don't judge others based on their sexual preference.

Oh I know. You don't consider it homosexuality but God does and it sounds that way. To you they're completely female but to God they're still a highly confused male. Believe me I understand. I thought I was transgendered at one point too. I struggled with it for a long time and I even came out to my mom as transgendered. It almost destroyed my relationship when I came out to my wife so believe me I understand what transgendered people go through. But with the help of God I overcame it. Had I actually gone through with the surgery though I probably never would have gotten married and I would have lost somebody dear to me. Idk just something to think about I guess.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I dont like the replies so far. You're being a tad insensitive to a person who just came to these forums asking for advice. Regardless if its true or not it is his decision ultimately to follow Christ or not. We cannot force that opinion on him. Now to the OP. I am completely against homosexuality or men who become women or women who become men ...etc because I think that it violates what God created us all to be. Humans were created to be attracted to the opposite sex and to be the sex they were created as. It is sin that makes us want to be another sex or to have attractions to the same sex.

But I still think you guys should get married anyway. Why? Because you guys clearly love each other and why not enjoy the life that you're going to have without Christ? Think about it. If I was going to reject Christ for my entire life I would want to commit as much sin as possible. So yeah... If you guys want to get married go ahead. Enjoy the rest of your lives together and you guys have MY full support.

That is a very nice way of saying, "Have fun on your way to Hell."

 

[Kenny'sID]

We have two denial issues here, and one is "Love is blind"

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

I was in a similar situation - my Mom was going to disown me if I married my husband, my Dad didn't want us to get married but he wasn't going to stop it either or disown me. We waited a few more years - my parents got to know my hubby better, I did a lot of praying, and things worked out. My hubby spoke to my Mom first, my Mom apologized for her behaviors towards him, they talked to my Dad (who still was "don't think it is the best, but I'm not going to stop them"), and a year later we were married.

If you know you two are meant to be, don't stop the marriage because of your parents. That is called having "conditional love" for you - which is WRONG. If they truly love you, they will want to be a part of your life. If not, that's on them. I don't agree with people changing their gender - God created him as a him, not what he thinks he is (genetics backs that up too). But that's just my opinion and understanding of the matter.

The only issue with your story is that your hubby doesn't have a vagina. As a father, its one thing to not like a boy because he comes across as a punk with tattoos. But it is completely a whole different issue if the girl your son is dating has a penis!

 

[Neostarwcc]

That is a very nice way of saying, "Have fun on your way to Hell."

Like I said. Wouldn't you do it if you didn't believe in hell? I know that when I was an atheist and didn't believe in God or hell that I was a pretty sinful guy. And I tried to commit as much "sin" as was physically possible because I didn't believe in sin or hell or God for that matter. So why not enjoy your life on this world as much as possible before entering the next? Like I said we cannot force Christianity on him. He's not going to believe in something without proof like he said. So why not enjoy life?

 

[Theo Barnsley]

I was in a similar situation - my Mom was going to disown me if I married my husband, my Dad didn't want us to get married but he wasn't going to stop it either or disown me. We waited a few more years - my parents got to know my hubby better, I did a lot of praying, and things worked out. My hubby spoke to my Mom first, my Mom apologized for her behaviors towards him, they talked to my Dad (who still was "don't think it is the best, but I'm not going to stop them"), and a year later we were married.

If you know you two are meant to be, don't stop the marriage because of your parents. That is called having "conditional love" for you - which is WRONG. If they truly love you, they will want to be a part of your life. If not, that's on them. I don't agree with people changing their gender - God created him as a him, not what he thinks he is (genetics backs that up too). But that's just my opinion and understanding of the matter.

Thanks for your reply. My dad is one of these 'old white males' who seems stuck in the past & very stubborn, & my mum just seems to go along with what he says.

My fiance is very female both in her thinking, & in her behaviour. I don't think this is something she learnt. It is what she was born with. If God doesn't like transgender persons then he shouldn't allow persons with male genitals to be born with female brains.

The 'conditional love' bit I thoroughly agree with. Its one of the reasons I stopped believing in the Christian god. It seems that god places too many conditions on his love to me. If its wrong for our parents to love like that, then its wrong for god to as well.

 

[Kenny'sID]

So why not enjoy your life on this world as much as possible before entering the next?

As I already mentioned, because of the higher price for that enjoyment in the next world....that's why.

 

[Dave G.]

We love people by introducing them to the Lord, we plant seeds if nothing more. We aren't helping someone find the Lord when we pass off what they do that will send them to hell as being ok. If that's love it's the sickest form. We as Christians on earth have a job, and that is promoting Jesus Christ, it is not saying " oh that's ok marry another man, your Christian parents will understand in time".. Because that is a feel good thing to say, it isn't truth. If we stop promoting spiritual truth we stop being Christians right then and there.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

I don’t know if it’s feasible or not, but as her parents are also Christian and have come to accept the situation would asking them to talk to your parents be a possible idea? It might help them see from another point of view.

We already invited both parents to dinner to meet one another. My parents politely listened, but i dont think it swayed their opinion.

 

[(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)]

Like I said. Wouldn't you do it if you didn't believe in hell? I know that when I was an atheist and didn't believe in God or hell that I was a pretty sinful guy. And I tried to commit as much "sin" as was physically possible because I didn't believe in sin or hell or God for that matter. So why not enjoy your life on this world as much as possible before entering the next? Like I said we cannot force Christianity on him. He's not going to believe in something without proof like he said. So why not enjoy life?

I understand that. The problem is that I assume that you believe in Hell. Why would you so casually watch someone off to hell like a kid going to their first day of school?

 

[Kenny'sID]

If God doesn't like transgender persons then he shouldn't allow persons with male genitals to be born with female brains.

You seem to be concluding being born that way is a fact and we don't know for certain if the child was born that way or if it was a product of the child's environment. You simply cannot say for sure so I wouldn't be so fast to blame God.

I do understand that's what you want to believe but that doesn't make it true. I recommend you make an effort to push past some of these assumptions as they are likely the product of only what you want to believe
due to being blinded by love. And I know that's easier said than done, but there it is just the same.

 

[High Fidelity]

Another poster hit the nail on the head.

You aren't able to return to faith, which is your choice, so may be you just have to accept your parents choice.

If this relationship is worth more than that, you have your answer. That's the only question at this moment in time.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I understand that. The problem is that I assume that you believe in Hell. Why would you so casually watch someone off to hell like a kid going to their first day of school?

Oh yes, I believe in hell NOW. But it doesn't matter what we say to the OP we aren't going to change his mind. When I finally converted from atheism to Christianity it was God who did the converting not me. Because trust me there was no way in hell that I was going to become a Christian I laughed at Christians. God chose me. God would be perfectly just to send every person to hell but he chose before the foundation if the world those who will be saved. It sounds unfair but it's truth and if God has called the OP than the OP would come to faith on his own like I did.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

Like I said. Wouldn't you do it if you didn't believe in hell? I know that when I was an atheist and didn't believe in God or hell that I was a pretty sinful guy. And I tried to commit as much "sin" as was physically possible because I didn't believe in sin or hell or God for that matter. So why not enjoy your life on this world as much as possible before entering the next? Like I said we cannot force Christianity on him. He's not going to believe in something without proof like he said. So why not enjoy life?

I dont know why a loving god would consider it sinful or two people who love one another to get married. It isnt a matter of wanting to commit 'sin'. itis a matter of two people who love one another wanting to get married & live together. If god thinks thats a sin then he sounds like a fairly screwed up god.

 

[Sparagmos]

Hi everybody,

I grew up in a fairly strict Christian family. Around the age of 19, I started to doubt the religion I had been raised in, & now consider myself agnostic. This in itself caused a lot of problems with my parents, however, they have sort of accepted it, probably because they are hoping I will change my mind again later in life & return to Christianity.

At the age of 21, I met my current fiance, who I am very much in love with, & we are going to get married in 6 months time. When my family 1st met my fiance about 2 years ago, they had no problems with her & seemed very happy that we were together. They also seemed happy when we announced our engagement 6 months ago. My fiance is also from a Christian family, so I think they were relieved about that.

So whats changed? Well, my fiance was born with male genitals, but from an early age, she thinks as early as 4 years old, she started behaving & identifying as a girl. She is on hormone treatment, & as female as any other female I know, & I have never seen her as anything but female. 2 months ago we decided that we should tell my parents about her transition, as they had no idea before. Now my parents are convinced if I marry this girl I will be going straight to hell. They have said that they won't attend our wedding, & if I marry her they will disown me.

My fiance is very upset about this, & I don't know what to do. She thinks we should call off the wedding until my parents accept it, but I don't know if they ever will, & I don't think my parents should dictate who I marry.

My fiances own parents are Christian, but they accepted many years ago the reality that their son is now their daughter, & they are happy for our marriage.

Just looking for advice from the perspective of other Christians I guess.

Hi Theo. I don’t think you are going to find much from Christians on this forum but condemnation for transgender people. So I’m sorry if you see posts here that are hurtful.

I am one of the exceptions. Please don’t let your parents’ bigotry keep you from marrying the person whom you love. Imagine if interracial couples had done that in the past. You’re parents are likely to “come around,” over time, but if you give up the person you love and your personal happiness for someone else’s religious beliefs, you will not be happy and will resent your parents for years to come.

 

[Sparagmos]

So put another way, you are a man and you are planning to marry another man. Do I have that right?

He has already referred to his fiancé as a woman so I think you know he considers his fiancé a woman.

 

[HTacianas]

He has already referred to his fiancé as a woman so I think you know he considers his fiancé a woman.

So what seems to be the problem?

 

[Neostarwcc]

I dont know why a loving god would consider it sinful or two people who love one another to get married. It isnt a matter of wanting to commit 'sin'. itis a matter of two people who love one another wanting to get married & live together. If god thinks thats a sin then he sounds like a fairly screwed up god.

Because when God designed marriage he designed it to be between a man and a woman. But within the confines of the law you're allowed to do it and you don't care about what God thinks so I say you should go for it and be happy for the rest of your life. The most important goal of life besides Christ is to be happy and if he makes you happy than I say go for it you know?