• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.

My family is threatening to disown me if I get married to my fiance

Discussion in 'Struggles by Non-Christians' started by Theo Barnsley, Jan 4, 2019.

  1. Theo Barnsley

    Theo Barnsley Member

    137
    +81
    New Zealand
    Agnostic
    Engaged
    Hi everybody,

    I grew up in a fairly strict Christian family. Around the age of 19, I started to doubt the religion I had been raised in, & now consider myself agnostic. This in itself caused a lot of problems with my parents, however, they have sort of accepted it, probably because they are hoping I will change my mind again later in life & return to Christianity.

    At the age of 21, I met my current fiance, who I am very much in love with, & we are going to get married in 6 months time. When my family 1st met my fiance about 2 years ago, they had no problems with her & seemed very happy that we were together. They also seemed happy when we announced our engagement 6 months ago. My fiance is also from a Christian family, so I think they were relieved about that.

    So whats changed? Well, my fiance was born with male genitals, but from an early age, she thinks as early as 4 years old, she started behaving & identifying as a girl. She is on hormone treatment, & as female as any other female I know, & I have never seen her as anything but female. 2 months ago we decided that we should tell my parents about her transition, as they had no idea before. Now my parents are convinced if I marry this girl I will be going straight to hell. They have said that they won't attend our wedding, & if I marry her they will disown me.

    My fiance is very upset about this, & I don't know what to do. She thinks we should call off the wedding until my parents accept it, but I don't know if they ever will, & I don't think my parents should dictate who I marry.

    My fiances own parents are Christian, but they accepted many years ago the reality that their son is now their daughter, & they are happy for our marriage.

    Just looking for advice from the perspective of other Christians I guess.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    At the onset, she had no female parts of her own?
     
  3. Theo Barnsley

    Theo Barnsley Member

    137
    +81
    New Zealand
    Agnostic
    Engaged
    No, she was born with male parts.
     
  4. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    Okay, thanks. That was just something that would have been asked eventually/needed clearing up, but at this point I have no comment.
     
  5. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +2,880
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    This can be wrapped up in a few words. In your life so far Satan wins. You have rejected Jesus Christ and His established Church The Body Of Christ and you don't understand how haywire things have gone. Satan has your eyes fully cloaked. But you can return to Christ, it is the only option that matters.
     
  6. Theo Barnsley

    Theo Barnsley Member

    137
    +81
    New Zealand
    Agnostic
    Engaged
    I can't return to something I don't believe in & that makes absolutely no sense to me. Nor would it change the way the way I feel about my fiance.
     
  7. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    Had this child been at the age of accountability when she made this choice, I'd say you and her both have a problem...a big one.

    However, for all i know, the child picked up a doll as a child and the parents maybe being overly politically correct, ran with it, and had a big part in bringing up or even creating a female..something that is not the child's fault.

    So that, to me, makes this a dilemma that I'd have to think more about.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  8. HTacianas

    HTacianas Well-Known Member

    +4,074
    United States
    Eastern Orthodox
    Single
    So put another way, you are a man and you are planning to marry another man. Do I have that right?
     
    • Agree Agree x 6
    • Winner Winner x 2
    • List
  9. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    Aside from the hormone therapy, she has made no physical transition as of yet?
     
  10. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +2,880
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    As I said, your eyes are cloaked, even to the point that you don't see that she is actually a he. You reject Jesus Christ, Satan is your ruler now and anything goes with Him as long as it destroys someone. You're letting that someone be you. I know that you don't see it that way at all because you are deceived.

    But the Lord is telling me to let this go, so I must let it go. I'm done here.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • Informative Informative x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
    • List
  11. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc Eternal life is a free gift. Amen. Supporter

    +2,366
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I dont like the replies so far. You're being a tad insensitive to a person who just came to these forums asking for advice. Regardless if its true or not it is his decision ultimately to follow Christ or not. We cannot force that opinion on him. Now to the OP. I am completely against homosexuality or men who become women or women who become men ...etc because I think that it violates what God created us all to be. Humans were created to be attracted to the opposite sex and to be the sex they were created as. It is sin that makes us want to be another sex or to have attractions to the same sex.

    But I still think you guys should get married anyway. Why? Because you guys clearly love each other and why not enjoy the life that you're going to have without Christ? Think about it. If I was going to reject Christ for my entire life I would want to commit as much sin as possible. So yeah... If you guys want to get married go ahead. Enjoy the rest of your lives together and you guys have MY full support.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  12. Angeldove97

    Angeldove97 In the Lord, my labor is not in vain Supporter

    +1,922
    United States
    Traditional. Cath.
    Married
    I was in a similar situation - my Mom was going to disown me if I married my husband, my Dad didn't want us to get married but he wasn't going to stop it either or disown me. We waited a few more years - my parents got to know my hubby better, I did a lot of praying, and things worked out. My hubby spoke to my Mom first, my Mom apologized for her behaviors towards him, they talked to my Dad (who still was "don't think it is the best, but I'm not going to stop them"), and a year later we were married.

    If you know you two are meant to be, don't stop the marriage because of your parents. That is called having "conditional love" for you - which is WRONG. If they truly love you, they will want to be a part of your life. If not, that's on them. I don't agree with people changing their gender - God created him as a him, not what he thinks he is (genetics backs that up too). But that's just my opinion and understanding of the matter.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2019
  13. Theo Barnsley

    Theo Barnsley Member

    137
    +81
    New Zealand
    Agnostic
    Engaged
    I dont think its a matter of the parents 'creating' a female. She has a totally female brain. Nobody would ever mistake her as anything but female. My parents never once had any inkling she was anything but female in the time they spent with her. I dont think you can just take a male brain & turn it into a female brain by letting a child play with dolls. It is something she was born with.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  14. Neostarwcc

    Neostarwcc Eternal life is a free gift. Amen. Supporter

    +2,366
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Also another thing I disagree with is Christian parents who disown their children because they don't follow Christ or because they marry the wrong person. Parents should be encouraging their children and should be happy for them no matter what. We may not AGREE with the particular sin that they are dealing with but we don't have to. Our jobs as parents is to just support it while voicing our opinions.
     
  15. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    As i understand it, non Christians will be both judged and punished according to their deeds. so if that ends up being an eternal thing, it seems to me it would be unwise for them yo marry. But that is for basic homosexual marriage, this case may or may not deserve the consideration of extenuating circumstance before we advise.
     
  16. whereloveandmercymeet

    whereloveandmercymeet There but for the grace of God...

    383
    +574
    United Kingdom
    Christian
    Private
    I don’t know if it’s feasible or not, but as her parents are also Christian and have come to accept the situation would asking them to talk to your parents be a possible idea? It might help them see from another point of view.
     
  17. Theo Barnsley

    Theo Barnsley Member

    137
    +81
    New Zealand
    Agnostic
    Engaged
    Thanks for your kind reply. Regarding the homosexuality bit, neither of us consider ourselves homosexual. My fiance considers herself female, & so in her mind, she is completely heterosexual. It is the same with myself. I wouldn't have been attracted to her if she had looked or acted male. When I asked her out the first time I had no inkling that she had male parts. I have only ever dated women. That said, we both have homosexual friends, so personally, we have no problem with those who are. We don't judge others based on their sexual preference.
     
  18. Dave G.

    Dave G. Well-Known Member

    +2,880
    United States
    Christian
    Married
    "There will come a time where they can not endure sound doctrine and with itching ears they will seek what they want to hear". Sure give the OP what he wants to hear and send him straight to Hell. Good job guys.
     
    • Agree Agree x 5
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  19. Kenny'sID

    Kenny'sID Well-Known Member Supporter

    +4,997
    Christian
    Single
    I agree, she may well have a female brain, but the question is, was that a product of up bringing?,

    On the doll thing, that's not what I was saying. I meant she may have picked up a doll or the like/acted similar to a female in one way or another early on as some boys tend do do, but the parents being overly politely correct, or too careful and not stepping in and pointing the child in the right direction, they may have encouraged here mind go female instead of male.

    I also have no doubt what your parents saw, but I think it's absolutely possible up bringing can change a mind just that much.
     
  20. (° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ)

    (° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °) (ᵔᴥᵔʋ) Well-Known Member Supporter

    +2,761
    United States
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Well, it appears to me that your reason for coming onto a Christian forum is to get some advice either on how to convince your Christian parents to see things your way or to try to understand their point of view. First, I will say that you more than likely will not get support from Christians on this forum to help convince your parents to compromise their Christian values. I can't help you with that. But what I can do is help you understand the biblical reasons why your parents feel so strongly about their position so you can really understand what exactly you are asking from them. Only then can you fully grasp why they are so resistant. First, from a scientific perspective, there is absolutely no evidence that your fiancé is a anything more than a male who thinks he is a female. Your parents do not see your fiancé as a female, so they probably see you no differently than simply being gay with a cross dressing boy who thinks he is a girl. I know this is a hard pill to swallow. But more than likely, this is what your parents believe is the truth and the truth don't care about your feelings or "self identification".

    Now from a Christian standpoint, you have to read Romans 1:18-32 to really understand why your parents are upset. Pay particular attention to v.32 to see what Christians believe about people who condone and encourage your behavior and decisions. Of course you are not a believer so I cannot expect you to be held to a Christian standard. But you cannot expect for your parents to compromise on their standards for anyone to include their own son. Sorry. That is all I have for now.
     
    • Winner Winner x 4
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
Loading...