My family is threatening to disown me if I get married to my fiance

[Kenny'sID]

Not obvious to me at all. I’m not aware of a situation where parents disowned a kid and the kid came around to their way of thinking.

You don't have to be.

 

[Sparagmos]

You don't have to be.

Why would you expect that to be obvious though?

 

[2PhiloVoid]

Why are you asking Christians about something you're doing as an unbeliever in Christ?

You are obeying your own master. If your master is not Christ, then Christians can't say anything about what you do. It's none of our business.

What business is it of mine to judge outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. -- 1 Corinthians 5

It is a wonder why any non-Christian would come to CF to muster questions regarding their personal lives.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Why would you expect that to be obvious though?

Because it's very obvious to me. You seem way too concerned about the comment, relax, not a big deal, it doesn't have to be obvious to you.

 

[Sparagmos]

Because it's very obvious to me. You seem way too concerned about the comment, relax, not a big deal, it doesn't have to be obvious to you.

It did shock me. I thought it was generally agreed that it’s not cool or helpful to threaten to disown your kids. But I guess not everyone sees it that way.

 

[Kenny'sID]

It did shock me. I thought it was generally agreed that it’s not cool or helpful to threaten to disown your kids. But I guess not everyone sees it that way.

Your making far too much out of it/seeing only what you want to see. I seriously doubt anyone thinks it "cool". You aren't aware parents often do what they'd rather not to their kids?

 

[eleos1954]

Thanks for your kind reply. Regarding the homosexuality bit, neither of us consider ourselves homosexual. My fiance considers herself female, & so in her mind, she is completely heterosexual. It is the same with myself. I wouldn't have been attracted to her if she had looked or acted male. When I asked her out the first time I had no inkling that she had male parts. I have only ever dated women. That said, we both have homosexual friends, so personally, we have no problem with those who are. We don't judge others based on their sexual preference.

Being agnostic does not place ones moral beliefs into adhering to the moral principles of Gods written word ... being christian does. Being christian adheres to the teachings and principals of Gods word and following in the footsteps of Jesus.

People are free to think what they want and do what they want and should be treated with kindness regardless. I have a sister that is gay and agnostic and even though we have different principles we live by we still love each other and are friends.

Biblically, each are responsible for themselves.

2 Corinthians 5

GOD'S WORD® Translation
All of us must appear in front of Christ's judgment seat. Then all people will receive what they deserve for the good or evil they have done while living in their bodies.

 

[RDKirk]

It did shock me. I thought it was generally agreed that it’s not cool or helpful to threaten to disown your kids. But I guess not everyone sees it that way.

I have a friend who became a Christian in a Muslim family in Mali when he was 14.

His parents didn't immediately disown him.

First his father chained him to a tree in their back yard, then his mother tried to poison him.

They only disowned him after that failed.

 

[Sparagmos]

I have a friend who became a Christian in a Muslim family in Mali when he was 14.

His parents didn't immediately disown him.

First his father chained him to a tree in their back yard, then his mother tried to poison him.

They only disowned him after that failed.

Ugh that’s horrible. Did they ever reconnect?

 

[Theo Barnsley]

And you cant force your family to believe in something that makes absolutely no sense to them, aka transgenders.

I am not trying to force my family into believing anything. The fact is that my parents were perfectly comfortable with my fiance BEFORE they were informed she was transgender. They had even said they were happy about our engagement. My mum & my fiance had even spent time together cooking & other activities that mums & daughter inlaws normally do together.

My fiance is the same person that she was before they were informed. I dont think you realise how hurtful this is to her, & to me.

I also find their position extremely hypocritical. My eldest sister married quite young, & 6 years later their marriage ended. They jusr werent that compatible. 4 years later she married again.

I have read the bible before, & I seem to remember Jesus saying that if a divorced woman remarries, that they are committing adultery, & the husband she has married is also committing adultery (my memory is a bit hazy, but that is the gist of it). Yet this NEVER seems to present as an issue with the church or Christians in general. My parents were perfectly fine with it, & the church they married in was perfectly fine with it (yet the same church refuses to marry same-sex attracted couples). Isn't this a case of cherry-picking the sin & extreme hypocrisy?

 

[RDKirk]

Ugh that’s horrible. Did they ever reconnect?

No.

People in many other countries indeed give up everything else in their lives when they accept Christ.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

You seem to be concluding being born that way is a fact and we don't know for certain if the child was born that way or if it was a product of the child's environment. You simply cannot say for sure so I wouldn't be so fast to blame God.

I do understand that's what you want to believe but that doesn't make it true. I recommend you make an effort to push past some of these assumptions as they are likely the product of only what you want to believe
due to being blinded by love. And I know that's easier said than done, but there it is just the same.

I don't know how it could be considered a product of the child's environment, when my fiance has an older brother & a younger brother with only 4 years between the eldest & youngest, neither of which exhibit any female tendencies. My fiance was often bullied by her elder brother for being too girlie in her behaviour, & her parents said they resisted for quite a no. of years, however they could see how unhappy she was until they accepted her as female.

In the same way I cant be 100% certain she was born this way, you also cannot be sure that she wasnt. However the evidence seems to suggest that she was. This is quite a new area in science, so we have no idea what will be found in the future that we dont know today.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

So put another way, you are a man and you are planning to marry another man. Do I have that right?

No, I am marrying a woman, who happens to have male parts. Her genitals don't match her brain chemistry. Call it a deformity if you will, however, I am marrying her for who she is as a person, & how compatible we appear to be, not just for her genital parts.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

Aside from the hormone therapy, she has made no physical transition as of yet?

She has had breast augmentation, & laser to remove any leg & face hair, & that is all she has had. We have discussed other surgery, but we have both agreed that she should not have any further surgery. It is very expensive & very invasive, & I don't want her to have to go through that, especially if it could lead to any problems. Any surgery can turn out wrong. I accept her for who she is, I am marrying the person, not the genitals.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

Hi Theo. I don’t think you are going to find much from Christians on this forum but condemnation for transgender people. So I’m sorry if you see posts here that are hurtful.

I am one of the exceptions. Please don’t let your parents’ bigotry keep you from marrying the person whom you love. Imagine if interracial couples had done that in the past. You’re parents are likely to “come around,” over time, but if you give up the person you love and your personal happiness for someone else’s religious beliefs, you will not be happy and will resent your parents for years to come.

Thanks a lot for your support. I find that many Christians, my parents included, cherry pick the sin they will condone & the sin that they wont. Homosexuality & Transgender always seems to be at the top of the list, yet adultery, which from a biblical viewpoint is probably in the same category, is usually looked on as a much lesser sin by most christians. How many politicians who expouse 'family values' & claim to be christian are caught having affairs, yet they are still supported by Christians because they might be against SSM or something else that christians want passed into law.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

You have said you have dated women before this person. You possibly learned to be attracted to a certain sort of appearance > how a woman of your culture tones her voice and behaves.

I think, by now, that you have seen how a professional actor can have you experience him or her to be whoever the actor is pretending to be. Women can play the role they decide they are supposed to play. But how much does any woman keep a few items from view? A number of us have fallen in love with acting.

But this is not what gives a woman her real identity. Either we are children of God or of Satan. This is what our real identity is. Identity is not really made up of how we prefer to get pleasure, or which gender of person we choose to use.

If we live in God's love, love does not have us using any person, never mind only or mainly use someone we hope to marry.

Oh, and you claim your parents could not tell the difference and they were ok with this person.

How do you know what they really were thinking?

What really were they experiencing about this person; what were they going through in prayer about you two? Did they tell you what they really were feeling and thinking before they were told about this person's physical structure?

In case they knew you were agnostic while dating - - if they are Biblically Christian people and not merely church culture copy-cat people, they were praying for you to be saved and trust in Jesus who died for all of us. And we know how all of us who were born in sin were therefore born wrong, by the way. All of us need how only Jesus can save us and change us into how God has us loving any and all people; "and you will find rest for your souls," Jesus says in Matthew 11:28-30.

Our real identity is not male or female, then. In God's love we become able to relate and care in the best way of how both a father and a mother care for children > you might consider 1 Thessalonians 2:4-12 . . . how Paul and Silvanus and Timothy related with the Thessalonians, as family. In God's love, they related in the best of how both a father and a mother can cherish and care for their children.

I know that my parents had no idea she was not born as female, because they were fully supportive of our engagement until we told them 2 months afterwards. The situation of her genital status has never been discussed with them, so they have no idea if she has had full reassignment surgery or not. It appears to be a plain case of bigotry to me.

 

[step_by_step]

Thanks a lot for your support. I find that many Christians, my parents included, cherry pick the sin they will condone & the sin that they wont. Homosexuality & Transgender always seems to be at the top of the list, yet adultery, which from a biblical viewpoint is probably in the same category, is usually looked on as a much lesser sin by most christians. How many politicians who expouse 'family values' & claim to be christian are caught having affairs, yet they are still supported by Christians because they might be against SSM or something else that christians want passed into law.

Christians condoning some sins and rejecting others is a big issue but it doesn't make the sins any less severe. God sees them all the same even if your parents or others do not.

 

[Theo Barnsley]

So, you agree that a human can be wrong and not know the difference????

By the way . . . welcome to Christian Forums

All of us can be wrong. At times in history before the advent of science, practically the whole of humanity has been wrong about certain things. We used to believe that the earth was the centre of the universe, & that the sun revolved around the earth. That was from a biblical standpoint (the catholic church declared gallileo a heretic for promoting this idea). Practically nobody believes that any more. Some religions will say that there is no science to prove that anybody is born transgender. That is only from our current knowledge, & nobody knows what science will find in the future. Our understanding of certain issues is expanding all the time. It took humanity around 100,000 years to discover the earth orbits the sun. Some people expect science to have the answer to everything, & if it dosnt YET have the answer, this is supposed to be proof of their narrow point of view. All it proves is that science dosntt yet know the cause.

 

[Darkhorse]

This thread has shown me another benefit of nudism;
at least I know my sons' girlfriends are really girls!

 

[Radagast]

No, I am marrying a woman, who happens to have male parts.

I am not trying to force my family into believing anything. The fact is that my parents were perfectly comfortable with my fiance BEFORE they were informed she was transgender.

As far as your parents are concerned, you're marrying a man, and (like the majority of Christians) they think that's wrong.

It would be unrealistic to expect them to change their minds.