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My Christian husband just started drinking...

Chinchilla

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Galatians 5:19-21 King James Version (KJV)
19 Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,

20 Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,

21 Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.

1) Your husband is reaping to the flesh not walking in Spirit
2) Flesh will always do these things , if you don't crucify it daily it will end up like that soon or later
3) It's not talking about salvation issue but inheritance , tell your husband that with every drink he is losing his inheritance in heaven and ask him if he can afford it and won't weep later on .

There is no other way than crucify flesh daily , any consuell or something like that won't help it's personal battle inside of you which every Christian has .

1 Corinthians 9:27 King James Version (KJV)
27 But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
 
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bekkilyn

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All wine back then was fermented. Grace juice ferments naturally into wine within days. People regularly drank wine back then, and the idea of wine being forbidden merely because it was pleasurable wouldn't have factored into their thinking.

I myself tend to avoid alcohol now days because of my health (I have mild alpha antitrypsin deficiency, which is something that typically makes drinking alcohol problematic for the liver) but I don't think drinking wine is sinful and its actually very unhelpful to treat alcohol consumption in such a moralistic fashion. Drinking alcohol in moderation is at best a private decision that only becomes a problem if people are drinking and driving or it causes actual harms to ones health. Drinking a glass of wine a day is not considered abusive consumption by any recognized medical authority.

It's alot better to drink alcohol with meals, it's less connected to abusive patterns of drinking (because it isn't as rapidly absorbed and the liver has more time to perform metabolism).

Most liver failure in the US isn't even caused by alcohol, it's caused by fatty liver related to obesity and the American diet.

I've heard good arguments on both sides of the fermentation issue, but it's not something I particularly care too much about one way or the other as I don't think it is sinful to drink wine in and of itself (provided it's not to excess.) The problem here is that it is causing harm to this relationship. It's also very strange that after a lifetime of not drinking, now the husband is suddenly drinking in order to "relax" when he's never done that before, and gets angry and defensive when his wife speaks up about it. It's not about what other people are or are not doing, or if they are using alcohol responsibly, but it's about how alcohol is affecting *this* particular situation. Rather than just saying something like, "Oh wife, just get over it. He's fine. Drinking is harmless and everyone does it, even Jesus." it seems there is a deeper issue here.
 
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AnnaDeborah

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OP, there is nothing wrong with your husband enjoying a glass of wine at a wedding or on holiday. My only concern would be that he feels he has to do this to 'relax' and he is getting very defensive when you ask him about it and refusing to stop even though it is upsetting you so much. These can all be indicators of addiction. BUT, according to your posts, he drank 2 glasses of wine in October, 2 in May and 1 on his current holiday. 5 glasses of wine in 9 months do not indicate an alcoholic. If he is drinking more than this, then yes, you may have a problem. But if this is all it is, I think you need to look at why he is so adamant he won't give up 5 or 6 glasses of wine a year to please you. Might it have something to do with the fact that you 'put your foot down and asked him to respect you'?

I was slightly concerned to read that you considered ending your relationship before the marriage over the fact that he had become drunk ONCE several years before. Considering that you were 'very young' when you were dating, he must have been extremely young when he got drunk, so your response does seem like an overreaction.

There seems to be more going on here than just concern about a few glasses of wine when you don't even know why you don't like it but are so devastated that he won't give it up. Do you have a fear of addiction? Maybe seeing someone who has a drink problem and being afraid that will come into your own life? Whatever it is, I don't think the drinking is the real problem, it's just a symptom of something deeper.
 
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FireDragon76

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I've heard good arguments on both sides of the fermentation issue, but it's not something I particularly care too much about one way or the other as I don't think it is sinful to drink wine in and of itself (provided it's not to excess.) The problem here is that it is causing harm to this relationship. It's also very strange that after a lifetime of not drinking, now the husband is suddenly drinking in order to "relax" when he's never done that before, and gets angry and defensive when his wife speaks up about it. It's not about what other people are or are not doing, or if they are using alcohol responsibly, but it's about how alcohol is affecting *this* particular situation. Rather than just saying something like, "Oh wife, just get over it. He's fine. Drinking is harmless and everyone does it, even Jesus." it seems there is a deeper issue here.

We really only have one side of the story.

There's a right way to express concern about somebody's behavior, on the other hand its entirely possible to be alarmist, moralistic or judgmental. After all, if women like autonomy over their own bodies and respect for their personal agency, so do men.
 
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bekkilyn

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We really only have one side of the story.

There's a right way to express concern about somebody's behavior, on the other hand its entirely possible to be alarmist, moralistic or judgmental. After all, if women like autonomy over their own bodies and respect for their personal agency, so do men.

However, there is much less personal agency when one is married and has a family. There is accountability to each other that needs to be considered, especially when a drug, even a legal one, is involved in the relationship.
 
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mmksparbud

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Sounds familiar.

A lot of times I come home from work and my wife is out with the girls. When they return, they're carrying leftovers from expensive restaurants, shopping bags, etc.

Men are not the only ones with addictions--and people do get addicted to shopping! It seems we can get addicted to just about anything!
 
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mmksparbud

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I just realized how much I don't like women.

I'm tapping out before I start raising hell again.


Ahh---that explains a lot! thank you for your honesty and letting us know exactly what we can do with your advice!! Perhaps less dwelling on your problems and more dwelling on Jesus may help you. Helps everyone else.
 
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Saucy

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The only harm being caused is by the wife being unable to concede something that's harmless. You demand he gives in, but she can't just relax? Alcohol isnt a drug. And again, considering that Jesus was known for "eating and drinking", there's no moral issue with having a drink or two.

He works, he provides, he's not doing anything wrong or sinful, and she has no reason to demand this of him. To expect that he concedes without any compromise on her part is ridiculous. The women in this thread are being completely unreasonable.
 
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AnnaDeborah

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To expect that he concedes without any compromise on her part is ridiculous. The women in this thread are being completely unreasonable.

Since not all the women on this thread are saying the same thing anyway, your comment is the thing that seems a bit unreasonable to me! Can we try to keep this focussed on helping/advising the OP and not turn it into another men v women argument?
 
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Saucy

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Since not all the women on this thread are saying the same thing anyway, your comment is the thing that seems a bit unreasonable to me! Can we try to keep this focussed on helping/advising the OP and not turn it into another men v women argument?
Well, most of the women I've seen post in this thread seem to be of the belief that the wife has every right to make demands of her husband and he must obey her, but it is the wife who has to submit to her husband and he needs to follow the Lord's example, who, by the way, drank his fill. He seems to be a very responsible, Godly husband and father and if having a drink or two is what he wants to do, he should be able to do it. He's not hurting his marriage...she is by being unreasonable.
 
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bekkilyn

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The only harm being caused is by the wife being unable to concede something that's harmless. You demand he gives in, but she can't just relax? Alcohol isnt a drug. And again, considering that Jesus was known for "eating and drinking", there's no moral issue with having a drink or two.

He works, he provides, he's not doing anything wrong or sinful, and she has no reason to demand this of him. To expect that he concedes without any compromise on her part is ridiculous. The women in this thread are being completely unreasonable.

Yes, alcohol *is* a drug. It is a legal one and one that is more socially acceptable, but it is as much a drug as any other controlled substance.

Which makes me wonder what the response here would be if the husband had taken up casually smoking marijuana on special occasions, provided of course that it is legal in his area.

What is wrong and/or sinful here isn't so much the drinking, but that he decided on his own that he was going to start drinking despite her wishes. When making a decision this major, it should be a decision made mutually with both husband and wife in agreement. It's part of marriage.

Working and providing (which she may also be doing) is not a license to be free of any accountability.
 
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bekkilyn

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Well, most of the women I've seen post in this thread seem to be of the belief that the wife has every right to make demands of her husband and he must obey her, but it is the wife who has to submit to her husband and he needs to follow the Lord's example, who, by the way, drank his fill. He seems to be a very responsible, Godly husband and father and if having a drink or two is what he wants to do, he should be able to do it. He's not hurting his marriage...she is by being unreasonable.

The husband also has to submit to the wife. What do you think "Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her" means? Christ sacrificed himself for the church. He came here to earth as a *servant* for his church.

And Paul also instructed, "Be subject to one another out of reference for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)

People who interpret these scriptures to mean that the man has some right to dominate his wife and that she must submit to his every whim while he gets to do as he pleases is a FALSE interpretation and is extremely unbiblical and un-Christlike.

I'd be saying exactly the same thing if it was the husband coming on here with concerns that his wife just suddenly started drinking in order to "relax" and then got angry and defensive about it.
 
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Saucy

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The husband also has to submit to the wife. What do you think "Husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church and gave himself up for her" means? Christ sacrificed himself for the church. He came here to earth as a *servant* for his church.

And Paul also instructed, "Be subject to one another out of reference for Christ." (Ephesians 5:21)

People who interpret these scriptures to mean that the man has some right to dominate his wife and that she must submit to his every whim while he gets to do as he pleases is a FALSE interpretation and is extremely unbiblical and un-Christlike.

I'd be saying exactly the same thing if it was the husband coming on here with concerns that his wife just suddenly started drinking in order to "relax" and then got angry and defensive about it.
Having a drink isn't dominating his wife. His wife being overbearing and demanding he stop IS trying to dominate her husband. You don't have to do something just because someone tells you to do it. He's not being unloving to his wife because he drinks. He's not being unloving because he doesn't obey every word she has. To somehow think that any verses wipe away "Wives, submit to your husbands", which she's refusing to do, is what's unbiblical.

He's not cheating on her. He's not hurting her. He's not abusing the relationship. This has nothing to do with her. He takes good care of her and the kids, and this gets in the way of NONE of it.
 
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mmksparbud

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Well, most of the women I've seen post in this thread seem to be of the belief that the wife has every right to make demands of her husband and he must obey her, but it is the wife who has to submit to her husband and he needs to follow the Lord's example, who, by the way, drank his fill. He seems to be a very responsible, Godly husband and father and if having a drink or two is what he wants to do, he should be able to do it. He's not hurting his marriage...she is by being unreasonable.

That is blatantly untrue. Nobody is making unreasonable demands on anybody. A wife is expressing concern over what may easily become a huge problem that, unless you have lived with it, you have not one once of understanding about it.
 
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Saucy

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That is blatantly untrue. Nobody is making unreasonable demands on anybody. A wife is expressing concern over what may easily become a huge problem that, unless you have lived with it, you have not one once of understanding about it.
I have more understanding than most about what alcohol can do. But it's like anything else in this life...moderation is key. You can be a responsible drinker. It's unreasonable to me to demand your husband quit something that's not harming anyone.
 
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Saucy

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Regardless, this will be my last post here. I don't have time to keep going back and forth debating men's rights within a marriage.

Overall, I think what is best here is you need to communicate better with your husband. I'm not saying you haven't, as I don't know about any conversation you might've had. But outright demanding and getting angry won't solve the problem. It will just make him dig in further. When you're alone, just sit down with him and try to understand why he started drinking.

For the vast majority of us, it's not a big deal, especially when done responsibly. He's not sinning and he's not being irresponsible if he's not even getting buzzed. It seems like you guys have a great life together other than this one issue. I suggest finding a way to make peace with it, but if you can't, talk with him about it. Be calm, rational, and understand his side.

If it is stress at work, maybe you both can find different ways to destress together. Exercise is good. Getting massages occasionally is another. Eating right is important.

If you look at the damage stress does to the body, it's much worse than a little bit of alcohol. I'll pray for you both!
 
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bekkilyn

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Having a drink isn't dominating his wife. His wife being overbearing and demanding he stop IS trying to dominate her husband. You don't have to do something just because someone tells you to do it. He's not being unloving to his wife because he drinks. He's not being unloving because he doesn't obey every word she has. To somehow think that any verses wipe away "Wives, submit to your husbands", which she's refusing to do, is what's unbiblical.

He's not cheating on her. He's not hurting her. He's not abusing the relationship. This has nothing to do with her. He takes good care of her and the kids, and this gets in the way of NONE of it.

If what she says is true in her second post, she's been submitting to whatever he wants for the 13 years of their marriage, and now he refuses to submit to one single request on her part. So because she wants him to agree to one single request in a decade, she's now trying to dominate him? How is submitting to him 100% being subject to each other in a relationship? I've had a lot of experience with math, but nearly anyone could look at 100% on one side and 0% on the other to see that the numbers are unbalanced.

There are many ways you can hurt people you love besides cheating on them or other obvious acts.
 
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mmksparbud

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I have more understanding than most about what alcohol can do. But it's like anything else in this life...moderation is key. You can be a responsible drinker. It's unreasonable to me to demand your husband quit something that's not harming anyone.

It is only the wife thst can determine how much damage it is doing, she is there we are not.
 
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Saucy

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It is only the wife thst can determine how much damage it is doing, she is there we are not.
Yeah, and she said he's not even getting buzzed. He's quite able to decide for himself too. She's not the only decision maker in their family.
 
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AnnaDeborah

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@bekkilyn I don't see how this man's refusal to stop drinking half a dozen glasses of wine a year is 'dominating' his wife. I think it may be the other way round. I'm rather concerned by a wife who regards the fact that she 'did not forbid' her husband to drink as somehow worthy of comment. We are not talking about a disobedient household pet, but a grown man, a husband and father and an elder within the church. 'Forbidding' is not a word that should be used in a relationship between mature adults.
 
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