Mean Girls

[SearchingWisdom]

Mostly for the girls:
Men can answer if they see fit.

Men (not all men) can be sexist and try to keep women from having certain jobs. Some men will keep things from women at work just so they will not suceed (or in hopes that they don't). Therefore, why do women make it even harder on themselves? Many women will not share things they know and they will do everything to try to make the other women cry. I see this all the time where I work and I work at a very respected place.

My question: How do you girls deal with mean girls? Are you a mean girl; if so, why?

 

[white dove]

As a former mean girl: No, I'm not a mean woman now. At this point in my life, I just don't care about those petty little things, so when a woman (or anybody) needs some encouragement, I offer it. I want to see people succeed, period. I'm not a big fan of backstabbing or conniving tricks, either.


I'm also not a big fan of being secretive about what kind of perfume you're wearing. If I compliment some women, they act like it's the biggest to-do ever to tell me what they're wearing. Are you seriously that competetive? Or, if I have a fabric softener sheet hanging from me... and you don't tell me because? I don't fight over men, either. I'm not shady or drama-induced like that. I'm just not that way. And perhaps, I am too nice in some ways... but I sometimes just put other people above myself.

In my career, I am striving to change that though. At least, when it comes to me promoting myself - because no one will look out for me but myself. And that's not to say that I would step on anybody to get ahead, either. It just means I try to help and encourage others, but I also try to get my own career move ready.

 

[mina]

Girls are always so mean to each other!!! I don't know why and i have given up trying to find out. Most girls are mean b/c they are insecure and are jealous or competive with each other. I have mostly experienced it as I do something they don't understand or they don't like and then they talk about me behind my back and try to get mean little digs in to my face. I just don't hang around them and try not to be vindictive or act like them. It drives me crazy though. I was pushed out of a friend group b/c of mean girls and it really can hurt, even now. I pray that they find the peace and assurance in Christ so that they don't have to do that to others to feel a fleeting security. It's in the same vein as putting others down to make yourself feel better. I have never experienced it in the work place or with women older than myself.

 

[white dove]

When I was mean, I was very insecure about myself.

 

[Inkachu]

Never been a mean girl. Had plenty of girls be mean to me. I'm blessed to not work with any "mean girls" at my current job; been there for almost 5 years. I work with some wacko women, but no mean girls, lol.

 

[LoneSheep]

I don't know of any men that try to keep women down. Most of the women I know are overqualified, so maybe it's the men with the work experience warring against the women with the better degrees?

That mean girl stuff boggles my mind. What's the ultimate purpose? It sounds like some people never leave high school.

 

[CoachR64]

Business world is pretty cut throat at times. Most of the men that will keep things from the women also keep things from other men as well. To them, it is not about being sexist, but about advancing themselves in their profession.

And it does seem like women are worse to each other than men are to each other. I never understood it. I see it in a lot of different areas, such as among the pro-gun crowd... why would they waste time attacking and fighting each other when the energy could best be spent working together to educate and promote their cause.

I think the same thing applies to Christians... instead of fighting each other, we would be better served working together to preach the gospel of Christ.

Coach

 

[white dove]

That mean girl stuff boggles my mind. What's the ultimate purpose? It sounds like some people never leave high school.

Indeed.


I don't think it helps when people have unresolved issues, as well. When I was a mean girl, I was quite literally a girl. I was in grade school.

I wanted to hurt other people because I was hurt. I guess I didn't want to be alone in my pain. *shrug* It seems really distant from me now (I'm a 30yr old woman), so I can only assume what was in my head - and heart - at the time.

 

[LoneSheep]

I wanted to hurt other people because I was hurt. I guess I didn't want to be alone in my pain. *shrug* It seems really distant from me now (I'm a 30yr old woman), so I can only assume what was in my head - and heart - at the time.

So you are saying it's because misery loves company? I can believe that.

 

[white dove]

So you are saying it's because misery loves company? I can believe that.

Doesn't it? Nobody truly wants to be alone. We are designed to want to connect with others and share in experiences... even if those experiences are painful. We want to know that someone else understands. In the case of the mean girl, it is forceful though and it is because that (the cruelty) is what the mean girl knows, that that is why she offers it to others.


Mean girls have the chance to turn it around though, and to grow from experience that doing such horrible things is not right... and that there are other ways to connect with people. In ways that are fruitful and not destructive.

 

[IamHeather]

I don't believe in this mean girl nonsense. I am as compassionate and loving as I can be with people and they generally return the kindness. Well, sometimes it takes a while for them to warm up to me, but it does generally happen. People are people, they need love and compassion and they'll respond to that given time. You just have to love them past that hard exterior.

 

[Trashionista]

First off, I do think many women in the business world get the Mean Girl or more accurately, the b-word label, whereas if they were men, they'd just be seen as aggressive or assertive. It's cuthroat, and sometime's you have to be the bad guy to get things done.

I work with all men, and all the women in my department are generally a bit older than me. I can't say I've had any serious problems with other women in my department, but the other department? I'll say there's some women there I'd rather not deal with in any sort of capacity. There are more women I'd rather not deal with versus men at the office, despite my job having twice the amount of men as women. If I'm being truly honest, I'd also say I'm a lot more critical of women I don't consider the sharpest knife in the drawer than I am men who aren't all that bright at the office.

I won't lash out at people - I'm not the confrontational type. But I'm more likely to give a not so swift man who makes a mistake the benefit of the doubt versus a woman. Granted, this is just a job that pays for things, so I'm not really all that invested in it, and I certainly don't plan on working where I am as a career. If this were a career, perhaps I'd be getting into arguments. For now, our department just tends to roll our eyes at the water cooler and comisserate.

 

[SearchingWisdom]

Thank you for all of your opinions. We all come from different walks of life.

Trust me when I say there are sexist men who will only share information with other men and that will literally say to the woman...women don't belong in the work force. But on the other hand...there are men that support women and tell them they can do ANYTHING a man can do. I believe that there are probably more supportive men than sexist men...just depends on where a person works or lives.

As for mean girls...there are many different reasons they are mean and yes, some seem "mean" when assertive, but I'm not talking assertive. Assertive is good, I mean "mean" as in trying to get girls in trouble, fired, back them up against the wall with intent to cause physical harm or just to get them to cry 'mean'.

 

[overit]

 

[SearchingWisdom]

****LOL**** You make me laugh overit!!!!! Thanks for the mood change!!!!!!!

 

[Inkachu]

Another at Overit!

 

[Tamara224]

Therefore, why do women make it even harder on themselves? Many women will not share things they know and they will do everything to try to make the other women cry. I see this all the time where I work and I work at a very respected place.

I've wondered this too. I think it has a bit to do with the myth that women have to be mean and cut-throat to get ahead. I think that since this behavior does not come as naturally to most women as it does to men we tend to overcompensate. (I am obviously speaking in generalities here which means there are exceptions. There are men who do not have any natural cut-throat ambition, too). It has worked for some women but for most women, it just makes them miserable and friendless. In my experience, men tend to have an easier time with separating business from personal than women do. This is certainly not true in all instances - but I have found that men are more likely to be able to say, and believe "it's not personal, it's business."

Also, there is a double standard and it isn't only men who find aggressive "male" behavior in a woman to be b-wordish. Women expect other women to be more empathetic, compassionate and nurturing of one another and when we are confronted with another woman who is self-interested and goal-oriented (displaying the traits we usually see and even prize in men), we have a difficult time with it. We label it "mean" in a woman when it wouldn't be seen as "mean" in a man.

My question: How do you girls deal with mean girls? Are you a mean girl; if so, why?

I hope I've never been considered a mean girl. I don't think I am one. Although, I know at times I get rather aggressive - it is a job requirement. I deal with mean girls the same way I deal with sexism from men and mean boys...by ignoring it. I treat them the way I would like to be treated and do my job. I've found that people who try to get ahead by being mean to others usually end up getting what they deserve without my having to do anything about it.


JMHO.

 

[Luther073082]

I have noticed that it seems as though a girl is much more likely to be backstabbed by her girlfriends then a guy is to be backstabbed by his guy friends.

I think its because there are certain unwritten "man laws" (I know that came from a commercial but its true) as to how you act as a man and how you treat other men. And a lot of it seems to be an unwritten code of honor or decency. And it seems to be enforced by other men. If a man backstabs one guy, the other guys seem to take notice and think "gosh that guy's a jerk" and suddenly he finds a lot less people trust him.

It just doesn't seem like women have that sort of system a lot of times. And so it really does become cutthroat.

I sort of think it might have to do with the fact that women are relativily new to a lot of things. While men where hammering codes of behavior out and they slowly evolved (such as duels have gone by the wayside), women where this whole time just basically staying in the home and having babies.

And now only about 50 years ago has society made any radical change to where women do more then that. And I just don't think they have hammered out any code of honor by which they operate. Or at least not hammered out how to enforce it. I think it will happen over time, but I don't think its something that just happens. And its not like you can set up a meeting and try to create woman laws. They sort of just evolve.

 

[Thomas1984]

So you are saying it's because misery loves company? I can believe that.

Doesn't it? Nobody truly wants to be alone. We are designed to want to connect with others and share in experiences... even if those experiences are painful. We want to know that someone else understands. In the case of the mean girl, it is forceful though and it is because that (the cruelty) is what the mean girl knows, that that is why she offers it to others.


Mean girls have the chance to turn it around though, and to grow from experience that doing such horrible things is not right... and that there are other ways to connect with people. In ways that are fruitful and not destructive.

I read these two posts and thought of this:

YouTube - Metallica (Black Album) - My Friend of Misery (1991).

There's not much I can add to the topic, but what it boils down too, is that hurt people, hurt people. Add that to our fallen world, and you get more pain and division.

 

[white dove]

LOL!!
!!!