Marriage Help

[Zhand]

To start this off, my wife and I are both spirit filled Christians, dated for 5 months, proposed, married 1 day after our first year of dating. My wife and I have been married for just over 9 months and things have been going down hill...I know this is negative thinking, but she's been throwing divorce left and right but won't follow through because it's against our religion, but she says "why don't you just cheat instead so we can be done?" I tell her no, and that I want to fight for this marriage because it's something worth fighting for, and she goes on to list things like: why I hate you, I've been sad lately because I realize I'm stuck with you, etc.

Since our honeymoon, sex has been difficult because she gets it in her head that it hurts and won't bother to try and do anything to make it not hurt.

I'm just so frustrated and I'm hurt and I don't know what else to do, every time I quote some scripture, she says "oh look at you pretending to be a good Christian, I'll give it 2 hrs"...it's just hurting me and we have no friends to talk to about this, I don't want to look like a failure with my first marriage, but I'm running out of hope and ideas...she's already given up...and I don't know what do to...

 

[Poppyseed78]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. The first year of marriage is often the hardest. There are a lot of adjustments to make, and often expectations are unrealistic. Marriage takes hard work for everyone, including Christians. Do you have anyone at church to talk to? Have you considered a Christian counselor? That could be helpful.

When you're both calm, I think it would be good to lay out some ground rules. Take the word "divorce" off the table. It's very hurtful to throw that around. It's a strong emotional weapon and only escalates an argument. Also, saying things like "you're pretending to be a good Christian" is also very hurtful. Calling into question the strength of one's faith doesn't usually go over well and is hitting "below the belt".

Oftentimes, arguments are fueled by pride. If you both are willing to put pride aside, apologize, and own up to things you've done wrong, it would be a great first step. Sitting down and praying together, reading scripture, asking God together to guide you in your relationship would also help. Remember why you got married in the first place.

Concerning pain during intercourse: There are things that can help with that. More foreplay, using lube, going slower, being relaxed. It's not uncommon for sex to be somewhat painful/uncomfortable, especially at first. If it's very painful, there could be a physical issue that a gynecologist could treat. The expectation of pain makes people tense up, and tensing up will make it more painful for sure, so it can be a circular problem.

I wish you the best. I hope with God's help your marriage is restored.

 

[quietbloke]

Hi 'Zhand'. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. All married couples have struggles. You are right in saying,that 'Your marriage is worth fighting for'. We all say things that we should'nt when we are hurt but we need to forgive and persevere in love. Many adjustments have to be made in our lives when we are married. It's a continuous process of reconciliation to each other. I don't have all the answers to your situation,but I shall be praying for you both and suggest that you both keep praying together and seek counsel from christian marriage guidance. Don't let frustration make you give up. You are winners in Christ! God bless you.

 

[musicalpilgrim]

Dear Father, join this couple with strong ties of love and grant them the rich experience of knowing you with real certainty and clear understanding. Protect them from the evil one, in Jesus name

 

[quietbloke]

Praying for you both today 'Shand'.