Marine/Military Humor

[Gunny]

Differences In The Military
Submitted by: George F. Blanton (USMC 1956-1960)

In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness among the military services, Congress has approved the following changes to basic principles of recruit training:

Haircuts:

• Marines: Heads will be shaved.
• Army: Stylish flat-top's for all recruits.
• Navy: No haircut standard.
• Air Force: Complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny Jones show.

Training Hours:

• Marines: Reveille at 0500, train until 2000.
• Army: Reveille at 0600, train until 1900.
• Navy: Get out of bed at 0900, train until 1100, lunch until 1300, train until 1600.
• Air Force: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train from 1100 to 1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to 1400, nap at 1400, awaken from nap at 1500, training ceases at 1500.

Meals:

• Marines: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
• Army: One hot meal, 2 MRE's.
• Navy: 3 hot meals.
• Air Force: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping Gourmet, Julia Child, and Wolfgang Puck and Emeril Lagasse. All you can eat.

Leave And Liberty:

• Marines: None.
• Army: 4 hours a week.
• Navy: 2 days a week.
• Air Force: For every four hours of training, recruits will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.

Protocol:

• Marines: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to them (i.e., Sgt. Smith).
• Army: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless they are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel "Sarge."
• Navy: Will address all officers as "Skipper," and all enlisted personnel as "Chief."
• Air Force: All Air Force personnel shall be on a first name basis with each other.

Decorations/Awards:

• Marines: Medals and badges are awarded for acts of gallantry and bravery only.
• Army: Medals and badges are awarded for every bullet fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and bed made.
• Navy: Will have ships' engineers make medals for them as desired.
• Air Force: Will be issued all medals and badges, as they will most likely be awarded them at some point early in their careers anyway.

Camouflage Uniforms:

• Marines: Work uniform, to be worn only during training and in field situations.
• Army: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
• Navy: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not camouflage you on a ship. (Ship Captains will make every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
• Air Force: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and colorful squadron patches all over them.

Career Fields:

• Marines: All Marines shall be considered riflemen first and foremost.
• Army: It doesn't matter, all career fields promote to E-8 in first enlistment anyway.
• Navy: Nobody knows. The Navy is still trying figure out what sailors in the ABH, SMC, BNC and BSN rates do anyway.
• Air Force: Every recruit will be trained in a manner that will allow them to leave the service early to go on to higher paying civilian jobs.

 

[Gunny]

Customs and Courtesies vs. Common Sense
Submitted by: Kyle R. Fix, Former SGT, USMC

The following exchange was witnessed when exiting an on-base barber shop at MCAS New River, NC.

An Army Second Lieutenant attempted to verbally reprimand a Marine Sergeant Major for not rendering a hand salute when they crossed paths. The Sergeant Major was wearing his Service Alpha uniform and of course had service stripes up to his elbow. Without even so much as breaking his stride the salty old SGTMAJ replied, " Take a friggin' walk on my hash marks, boy!" The embarrassed soldier had the common sense to remain silent and walk away, hopefully taking with him a valuable learning experience.

 

[Gunny]

Generals' Meeting

There was a brief meeting of several Generals and an Admiral. The Air Force General said, "I think I have finally found a way to show you true guts. "Airman, come here!"

The airman trotted over and came to attention with a brisk, "Yes, sir?"

The Air force General said, "Airman, climb to the top of that flag pole".

"Yes, Sir", came the quick response and up the pole he went.

When the airman reached the top, the General told him to jump. The airman shouted, "Yes, Sir", and dropped to his death.

The General turned to his peers and said, "now that is guts."

The Army General did the same and the Admiral did too, with the same results as the Air Force poor airman. The Marine General told them they were all full of **** and called a Marine Private over. "Private, climb that flag pole!"

"Sir, yes, Sir!" was the quick response and up the pole he went. The Marine General than told him to jump. The Marine Privates response was, "Sir, no, Sir!". The General than turned to his peers and said, "now that's guts."

 

[Gunny]

"Sweat dries, blood clots, bones heal. Suck it up. Be a Marine"

 

[Gunny]

A History Teacher

It seemed from the conversation that this fellow, despite his appearance, had flunked his physical examination and the officer was giving him the bad news. The blonde guy pleaded for an exception that would allow him to become a Marine. The captain listened quietly, staring straight ahead, thought for a moment, the said "An exception could be made only if you have some special skills or training that the Corps needs. In that case, we might consider a waiver in order to take advantage of those skills."

"Tell me, young man what is your profession?"

"Teach history sir."

The captain stared into the blonde man’s eyes, spoke slowly and deliberately.

"Son we don’t teach history, we make it!"

 

[Gunny]

Almost Marine Proof

Maj. Jim Cummiskey flung his laptop computer across the stage at the October 16 Las Vegas computershow. He then stomped on it. Picked it up and turned it on.

"Now you see, this is a pretty tough box. I wouldn't characterize it as Marine proof, but it's clearly Marine resistant."

 

[Gunny]

Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."

 

[Gunny]

Marine Corps Countdown Calendar

How Short Can I Get?

Remember This???

 

[Fonzy]

lol

 

[WarSong]

Recruit gone AWOL

As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL. A search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?"

The recruit replied, "My first day here you issued me a comb, and then proceeded to cut my hair off. The second day you issued me a toothbrush, and sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull all my teeth. The third day you issued me a jock strap, and I wasn't about to stick around and find out what would follow that SIR."

LOL....

 

[LostnFound]

ROFL...I see an email coming on!