@ If not for grace
It's not just dos and donts. Also advice like "you simply need more intimacy with God and then you overcome temptation" isnt really helpful. What if you simply dont know how to get this intimacy? What if you have been like me trying for years to get a breakthrough and somehow experience God and werent able to then what do you do?
Some of my friends would be totally shocked to hear me say this. My relationship with God is my own. I don't look for breakthroughs. I keep my eyes open in whatever I'm doing, because that is how God speaks to me. God has spoken to me in anything from video games to the words of a 7 year old child. When I spend time with God, it's not time I intentionally set aside. You might say it's like He's by my side all the time. He's the father I never had, one who pays attention to me and loves me when I'm at my strongest and at my weakest. And He doesn't refrain from correcting me either.
Advice like 'you just need more intimacy with God' is pish posh. Look at the disciples. They were with Jesus all the time, hanging onto His every word. They wanted to be like Him, think like Him, act like Him. Peter went so far as to talk like Him (Tabitha's resurrection). The best advice anyone can give you is to be yourself. Meet with God daily. Think about Him, talk with Him. Open up to Him. Are you into reading? Check out Ted Dekker and Bill Bright's
Blessed Child and
A Man Called Blessed (in that order). They illustrate very well what it means to experience God.
Then how does it help me at all when somebody brings up such a topic as intimacy or relationship with is already a totally red flag for me which directly sadens me?
They can't know that. I doubt anyone is purposely throwing a wrench your way just to get under your skin.
I dont even want to hear about this because it hurts. I dont want to think about it because I dont know how to get it.
Hold it right there. Avoiding pain is a natural human response, but that is not what we are called to do. We are called to grow in suffering. James 1 speaks to this. Not thinking about it and not dealing with it aren't going to help you. I have family issues. My dad is a wonderful person, but he doesn't get it emotionally. He doesn't know how to connect with people, and he doesn't know how to express his love. I grew up with that. So I had to figure out how to show people that I care and not make the same mistakes he does- and I'm still figuring that out. It hurts knowing that you don't have family you can share your life with. I've been going out with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, and I'm often reminded that my parents didn't make it. They divorced, and then remarried- my father to a perfectionist snob and my mother to a then alcoholic (he's recovered and is now in the hospital). That alone is a lot to deal with. I don't know why talking about intimacy and relationship hurts for you, but I didn't find it a particularly thrilling topic for quite some time.
You're in pain. Acknowledge the pain, figure out why you're in pain, and deal with the pain. Only by facing it can you hope to make real progress.
How shall I conquer a sin with something I dont have and which also totally drags me down? Then I only get more depressed trying to get this intimacy with God and then I will be even more vulnerable to sin. I have experienced this many times. In those times were I was really hungry for God and thought only about God most of the time I realized that I simply dont know how to get to God and this was totally frustrating and it only burned me out so I had to shift my focus again to other things. Trying to attain something and not knowing how is really painful. I'm scared of this.
If you want to get closer to God so you don't sin, then stop worrying about the sin and worry about getting closer to God. Take it one step at a time. If you can, find a Christian counselor. They can help you work through this stuff. So can close friends.