I think you can count on it that the God you know is not what you thought He was, just as it is true for the rest of us. If you take infinite Love and infinite Justice upon infinite Crime upon infinite Creator by mere creatures, it does not invoke sweetness and human goodness, but severity is implied —razor's edge disaster and God's will alone as salvation of those who have offended the Almighty. That is not evil, but mercy.
Again, note, none of us is able to understand the Love of God. WE are the ones who come up with our constructions, our concepts, our words, our use of God's Word —and I mean, all of us, including myself. I easily and happily admit that I don't know either, but we do have some understanding of the truth. My heart is touched to hear your heart concerning the nature of God. You have experienced his mercy and goodness, but you are wrong if you think the only alternative to what you think of him, is that he is an evil god.