I'd rather not speculate beyond what the bible says.
I appreciate your attempt to reconcile the 2 views, but other than tradition, the eternal torment view doesn't have much much going for it. If eternal torment had not gained the upper hand in the dark ages, would we be "discovering" it by reading our bibles? I don't think we would. Without a preconceived notion of eternal torment, we wouldn't need to redefine death to mean "eternal torment in hell", and destruction to mean "loss of well being in hell", and perish to mean "eternal life in hell."
The wineskins are destroyed but still exist....(they are merely marred according to vines dictionary)
Luke 5:37
And no man putteth new wine into old bottles; else the new wine will burst the bottles, and be spilled, and the bottles shall perish(apoleia).
secondly, apoleia can mean LOST
Things are lost, but still exist
Luke 15:9
And when she has found it, she calls her friends and her neighbors together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost(apoleia).
Luke 15:4
4What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose (apoleia) one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost (apoleia), until he find it?
Luke 15:6
6And when he cometh home, he calleth together his friends and neighbours, saying unto them, Rejoice with me; for I have found my sheep which was lost (apoleia).
Luke 15:24
24For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost (apoleia), and is found. And they began to be merry.
Luke 15:32
32It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost (apoleia), and is found.
John 17:12
12While I was with them in the world, I kept them in thy name: those that thou gavest me I have kept, and none of them is lost (apoleia), but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled.
and we all know that Judas still existed, though He was definitely "lost"
other meanings of "destruction"
notice the following verse means you can pluck out your eye (cause it to perish) and not utterly destroy it (the eye still exists).
Matthew 5:29
29And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish (apoleia), and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Notice in the following verse that a piece of hair can fall out and yet still exist.
Luke 21:18
But there shall not an hair of your head perish (apoleia).
along with this verse
Acts 27:34
34Wherefore I pray you to take some meat: for this is for your health: for there shall not an hair fall (apoleia) from the head of any of you.
again a hair can fall out and yet still exist, and this is the word for destroy that people are using to say that we "cease to exist"
John 6:27
27Labour not for the meat which perisheth (apoleia), but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give unto you: for him hath God the Father sealed.
again another instance of loss of "well being" ...meat rots, meat decays, but it never ceases to exist. It simply takes up
another form of energy for bacteria or what not.
Thirdly, I gave a definition from a legitimate source stating that Destruction means loss of "well being" not "ceasing to exist"
The idea is not extinction but ruin,
loss, not of being,
but of wellbeing. This is clear from its use, as, e.g., of the marring of wine skins, Luke 5:37; of lost sheep, i.e., lost to the shepherd, metaphorical of spiritual destitution, Luke 15:4, 6, etc.; the lost son, 15:24; of the perishing of food, John 6:27; of gold, 1 Pet. 1:7. So of persons, Matt. 2:13, “destroy”; 8:25, “perish”; 22:7; 27:20; of the loss of well-being in the case of the unsaved hereafter, Matt. 10:28; Luke 13:3, 5; John 3:16 (v. 15 in some mss.); 10:28; 17:12; Rom. 2:12; 1 Cor. 15:18; 2 Cor. 2:15, “are perishing”; 4:3; 2 Thess. 2:10; Jas. 4:12; 2 Pet. 3:9. Cf. B, II,
Vine, W. E. ; Unger, Merrill F. ; White, William: Vine's Complete Expository Dictionary of Old and New Testament Words. Nashville : T. Nelson, 1996, S. 2:164
and here is another Greek Dictionary that agrees
"Apoleia and the verb apollumi, to destroy , lose, perish , must never be construed as meaning extinction. One dies physically when his spirit and his body separate. Neither the body becomes extinct, nor the spirit. The body decomposes and ceases to exist in the form it was. Its constituent parts, however, continue to exist in a noncohesive form. The spirit takes a new existence, separate from its previous existence joined with the Body. The lost sheep which was wandering away from the shepherd and the rest of the flock is called apololos (Luke 15:4, 6), also the coin which the woman lost (Luke 15:9, apolesa [the aor. of apollumi, to lose]) and the prodigal son who was lost (Luke 15:24, 32), but none of them ceased to exist. They simply were lost to the relationship which they had before and which was desired again by the owner."
Zodhiates Greek Dictionary, 1992, Chattanooga, AMG publishing.