"It is not good for man to be alone..."

[bèlla]

He all but said I was in sin for doing so. How quickly personal preferences and convictions become law and a basis for judging others.

That's unfortunate. I've heard some wacky things and a host of should's myself. But I've gotten rid of them and stripped my faith to the studs. It's bare-bones and took a few years to complete.

I like the place I'm in. I wait for His green light now. I don't join anything, do anything, or forge a connection without His involvement. If He doesn't open the door and put me there Himself; I don't move.

Removing the superfluous has taken me higher in Him. I'm looking for anointing and blessings. Not routine or tradition. That has no appeal.

~bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

That's unfortunate. I've heard some wacky things and a host of should's myself. But I've gotten rid of them and stripped my faith to the studs. It's bare-bones and took a few years to complete.

I like the place I'm in. I wait for His green light now. I don't join anything, do anything, or forge a connection without His involvement. If He doesn't open the door and put me there Himself; I don't move.

Removing the superfluous has taken me higher in Him. I'm looking for anointing and blessings. Not routine or tradition. That has no appeal.

~bella

Good for you! I have a brother (out of state thankfully) who is a pastor. At least he calls himself one but has only pastored a church he started for about 1.5 years. He did go to seminary though and has an MDiv. I don't think he wanted to give up his high-paying tech job to be a lowly pastor so he's tried to be an elder, Sunday school teacher, etc. He is extremely legalistic and likes to act holier than thou since he's a "pastor." He thinks you should attend every everything the church offers. No slacking off at home! I could not go to the same church as him. He tried to have me put under church discipline for planning to move from N. California to Idaho. My sin? It was moving away from "those who could hold me and my wife accountable" since our marriage was not doing well. Oddly, he didn't propose putting her under church discipline. Maybe he would have had I told him she gave me an ultimatum. It was move away from my brother or get a divorce! I called his bluff and said bring on the church discipline. He backed down.

 

[bèlla]

I don't think he wanted to give up his high-paying tech job to be a lowly pastor so he's tried to be an elder, Sunday school teacher, etc.

Why did he do it?

He is extremely legalistic and likes to act holier than thou since he's a "pastor." He thinks you should attend every everything the church offers. No slacking off at home!

I knew someone who'd tell me the same. But the Lord intervened and began pulling me back from activities. I had too much on my plate. Some people use guilt to push their agenda.

I could not go to the same church as him. He tried to have me put under church discipline for planning to move from N. California to Idaho. My sin? It was moving away from "those who could hold me and my wife accountable" since our marriage was not doing well. Oddly, he didn't propose putting her under church discipline. Maybe he would have had I told him she gave me an ultimatum. It was move away from my brother or get a divorce! I called his bluff and said bring on the church discipline. He backed down.

That's really sad. He could have been a source of support and encouragement during a difficult season. That's why many seek assistance elsewhere. They can't find it at 'home'.

Sanctification is individual. The methods the Holy Spirit undertakes for one may differ for the next. Sharing your experience is fine. But turning it into a formula is errant. We don't have the same struggles, temptations, gifting, or hurts. He customizes the remedy to bring to us closer to God.

There are many who'd tell me the Lord wouldn't call someone to fashion. And they'd be eating their words. That's why you have to stay close to Him and test everything. Many speak from the flesh. They aren't praying.

Heck, my church wanted me to go to seminary. That's a hot mess. But the Lord told my daughter it wasn't necessary. I hadn't received my calling. It came a little later. Needless to say she was right. Imagine if I'd listened to them? The time and money I'd waste. It's shameful.

~bella

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

Why did he do it?



I knew someone who'd tell me the same. But the Lord intervened and began pulling me back from activities. I had too much on my plate. Some people use guilt to push their agenda.



That's really sad. He could have been a source of support and encouragement during a difficult season. That's why many seek assistance elsewhere. They can't find it at 'home'.

Sanctification is individual. The methods the Holy Spirit undertakes for one may differ for the next. Sharing your experience is fine. But turning it into a formula is errant. We don't have the same struggles, temptations, gifting, or hurts. He customizes the remedy to bring to us closer to God.

There are many who'd tell me the Lord wouldn't call someone to fashion. And they'd be eating their words. That's why you have to stay close to Him and test everything. Many speak from the flesh. They aren't praying.

Heck, my church wanted me to go to seminary. That's a hot mess. But the Lord told my daughter it wasn't necessary. I hadn't received my calling. It came a little later. Needless to say she was right. Imagine if I'd listened to them? The time and money I'd waste. It's shameful.

~bella

My brother wanted to be a psychologist at first. Then that morphed into becoming a pastor. He likes being in charge, telling people what to do, etc. Now he thinks he automatically knows more because he's got a seminary degree. I self-educated. I took a few classes but read a ton of seminary books and the Bible. I taught myself the Greek alphabet and had to parse Greek verbs and other grammar. I got some great reference books and read a lot of theology. Then I taught a lot. I think I have close to the same education my brother has but way cheaper. It's not about degrees or books though. It's your heart, your faith, your walk with the Lord. Knowledge is useful if not used to puff yourself up.

A couple of months ago I shared with him in an email how I'm still trying to lose a little weight I gained when my thyroid went haywire. I am very athletic and and lean and muscular everywhere except this little belly I now have thanks to my thyroid. My brother weighed 230 for many years but finally dieted and got down to 170. Now he thinks anyone can lose weight no matter what their health condition. So he got on my case and said when he weighed what I weigh he knew he was obese and looked horrible. He said he could never witness to anyone if he still weighed that much as no one would respect him. I gave him an earful for that one. I am not obese. I am a muscular 215 but with a little stomach. I work out like crazy and eat very well. My body is just not quite there yet with the hormones. I don't see in Scripture any disqualification from ministry if you are overweight. His words were not only insulting but unscriptural. When I shared this with him he accused me of being in sin for attacking him and said I needed to repent. End of discussion.

He lacks compassion and understanding. He is judgmental. Those are things seminary can't fix.

 

[bèlla]

My brother wanted to be a psychologist at first. Then that morphed into becoming a pastor. He likes being in charge, telling people what to do, etc.

People like that are drawn to positions of authority and trust. They crave power and validation. The best gift my parents gave us were teachings on leadership and independent thought. We were chastised for going along with others or failing to think for ourselves. It's saved my neck more times than I count.

It's your heart, your faith, your walk with the Lord. Knowledge is useful if not used to puff yourself up.

It takes a lot of discipline and hard work to do what you've done. You should be proud. I look for fruit. When the Lord is moving in your life there's tangible evidence of His presence. Knowledge doesn't impress me. I zero in on the relationship and knowing they possess about God.

A lot people have clever words and a boatload of scriptures. But they're crying in private and begging others to pray for them. It's all an act. They want to give the impression of strength and certainty. But I value the one who can acknowledge the truth. Today isn't a good day. I'm trying. I hope tomorrow is better. That's the one I'll walk beside as a friend or more.

Now he thinks anyone can lose weight no matter what their health condition. So he got on my case and said when he weighed what I weigh he knew he was obese and looked horrible. He said he could never witness to anyone if he still weighed that much as no one would respect him.

Is he reading a manual on what not to say to someone in need?

I have an acquaintance. He's 50. He's in better shape than every man I know. Christian or otherwise. Six feet and cut from head to toe with a 6-pack. He takes care of himself. And he's genetically proposed to thinness. He's always been slim. Now he's buff.

You have to consider the genes and circumstances. You can't hold everyone to the same standard. Good grief.

He lacks compassion and understanding. He is judgmental. Those are things seminary can't fix.

You can't teach that. It's innate. Stay close to Him. He's not done.

~bella

 

[exitstageright]

That's because marriage and family are meant to teach us about God's relationship with us and the church. In heaven, we will all be family and the Bride of Christ. So the family isn't going anywhere. We will all be mature and the lessons of child-rearing are no longer needed. There is nothing wrong with marriage, family, or our sexuality but some of that was designed for this life so we would reproduce and populate the earth. Heaven will be a different type of life and God has yet to reveal to us all we will do and experience there but we will have everlasting joy.

The sacrificial system in the OT was a central part of Jewish worship yet not meant to be permanent. It was to point to Christ who became THE sacrifice for sin. I'm not worried about the lack of marriage, sex, or child-rearing in heaven. God's got amazing things in store for us. Some things were meant for this life and not the next. Jesus made it clear there would be no marriage in heaven. As I said, I'm not worried.

No marriges in heaven? I guess that it is why it is called Heaven.

 

[VCR-2000]

That's because marriage and family are meant to teach us about God's relationship with us and the church. In heaven, we will all be family and the Bride of Christ. So the family isn't going anywhere. We will all be mature and the lessons of child-rearing are no longer needed. There is nothing wrong with marriage, family, or our sexuality but some of that was designed for this life so we would reproduce and populate the earth. Heaven will be a different type of life and God has yet to reveal to us all we will do and experience there but we will have everlasting joy.

The sacrificial system in the OT was a central part of Jewish worship yet not meant to be permanent. It was to point to Christ who became THE sacrifice for sin. I'm not worried about the lack of marriage, sex, or child-rearing in heaven. God's got amazing things in store for us. Some things were meant for this life and not the next. Jesus made it clear there would be no marriage in heaven. As I said, I'm not worried.

What is the point of looking forward to something that is so different I can't imagine it? Can't these people "see" why I feel? And we will be made to not want or desire anymore, that is pretty much a manipulation of free choice. If I can't attain something up there I looked forward to, then there is no hope in either Heaven or Hell.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

God created us for fellowship with Him and each other. In Heaven, we will be able to fully embrace God's love and know Him to the fullest. That love will surpass anything we could ever experience in this life. The fellowship of God and our brothers and sisters in Christ will fill our souls to overflowing. It is something we can't imagine now but once we know that love we won't be thinking about marriage. It will be like one big marriage to God and each other.

Heaven is not a place of no desire or want but a place where our greatest desires will be fulfilled in our God. This is hard to see now. Our perspective is still limited constrained by our earthly lives. God's Word promises that in Heaven there will be no more sorrow, no more tears. You are not going to be in Heaven bummed that you can't marry or that marriage from this life did not carry over. You will experience something greater than marital love. Trust God that He has something in store for us that would blow our minds away today if He revealed it to us. Until we are there, we can't comprehend what He has in store for us.

 

[BeyondET]

We are in an awkward transitional stage in human history where being single is going to be increasingly common. There are 70 million more men in China and India than women.

that's not to bad about 100 women to 106 men.

 

[angelsaroundme]

that's not to bad about 100 women to 106 men.

Sadly, that is just part of the issue. This video isn't too long and gives you a good idea of the situation.

A brief synopsis is that the scarcity has increased women's relationship bargaining power and allowed them to be more demanding. At one point they state there are 12 million bachelors between the ages of 30-39 and 6 million bachelorettes. They mention that this would result in at least six million men dying alone in that group, however, that assumes they will choose the men while many will not. If a man in China is born in a poor family his odds are terrible as he is unlikely to ever get enough money to be appealing to a woman. Other factors like college degrees and height are brought up too. I do recommend watching the video but it is sad.

 

[BeyondET]

Sadly, that is just part of the issue. This video isn't too long and gives you a good idea of the situation.

A brief synopsis is that the scarcity has increased women's relationship bargaining power and allowed them to be more demanding. At one point they state there are 12 million bachelors between the ages of 30-39 and 6 million bachelorettes. They mention that this would result in at least six million men dying alone in that group, however, that assumes they will choose the men while many will not. If a man in China is born in a poor family his odds are terrible as he is unlikely to ever get enough money to be appealing to a woman. Other factors like college degrees and height are brought up too. I do recommend watching the video but it is sad.

being single isn't such a sad thing

 

[bèlla]

Sadly, that is just part of the issue. This video isn't too long and gives you a good idea of the situation.

They had a 1 child policy. I'm surprised they didn't anticipate the imbalance.

ETA: That's a good way to weed out undesirables. I doubt they were clueless.

~bella

 

[angelsaroundme]

being single isn't such a sad thing

Not for everyone, but for many it is. Being single in China seems harsher than say Japan based on how Chinese culture views singleness.

They had a 1 child policy. I'm surprised they didn't anticipate the imbalance.

ETA: That's a good way to weed out undesirables. I doubt they were clueless.

~bella

Yes, it ultimately gives more weight to men with money, college degrees, a good family name, and so on. As evil as it sounds, it's not unthinkable that the elite knew that going in and decided letting the poor suffer was worth their value going up.

 

[BeyondET]

Not for everyone, but for many it is. Being single in China seems harsher than say Japan based on how Chinese culture views singleness.

hmm wonder where the culture got that view.

 

[bèlla]

Yes, it ultimately gives more weight to men with money, college degrees, a good family name, and so on. As evil as it sounds, it's not unthinkable that the elite knew that going in and decided letting the poor suffer was worth their value going up.

Lineage, wealth, attractiveness, career, and network were always the most preferable attributes. You see that in Austen and earlier pieces. Anyone who believed otherwise was deceiving themselves.

~bella

 

[Sir Robbins]

I fall into that life that is in between married and single by gift. I like single but hate it too. I was never really ever physically given affection from my parents who were emotionally distant and being 33 with never being on a date, I can honestly say I don't know what love feels like in the sense people tell me it is. I know it as pain, nothing more. I know this can't be true but I feel I will never know and chose being single and celibate to avoid any further pain but I am in no position and have no desire for a life of service. There is certainly a middle ground today that may not have existed many moons ago

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I fall into that life that is in between married and single by gift. I like single but hate it too. I was never really ever physically given affection from my parents who were emotionally distant and being 33 with never being on a date, I can honestly say I don't know what love feels like in the sense people tell me it is. I know it as pain, nothing more. I know this can't be true but I feel I will never know and chose being single and celibate to avoid any further pain but I am in no position and have no desire for a life of service. There is certainly a middle ground today that may not have existed many moons ago

I am sorry for your upbringing. Sounds like mine. I agree with you that it's not a simple as saying you either have the "gift of singleness" or you are meant to be married. Maybe in theory but sin has a way of messing things up. Kids raised in emotionally distant homes or in homes with alcohol or drug problems that early nuturing that teaches us to give and receive affection and love can be short-circuited. We grow into adults that have trouble making emotional connections, showing affection, or being truly bonded to another. I had one pastor suggest that if that is your background then that must have been God's way of giving you the gift of singleness. That seemed like a strained explanation to maintain his binary view that you either have the gift of singleness or should be married.

We are all called to a life of service but that manifests itself in many ways. For many, it is through marriage and raising a family and perhaps some outside ministry. For some, it is to go into full-time Christian work like being a pastor or a missionary. A few might remain single, but still serve in their churches and are a blessing to many friends, strangers, and family. I don't believe remaining single means you have to sign up for full-time Christian ministry and go be a missionary somewhere or spend every free moment volunteering for something at church. God will lead each of us to serve if we just listen to His guidance.

I think this emphasis on "get married or go into full-time Christian ministry" is an overreaction to the trend for more young Christians to put off marriage. They see that as a recipe for sexual sin, building habits of selfishness, lacking accountability, and reducing the number of years you can later be godly grandparents. Young people should get married and start a family. That will keep them busy and away from Satan's temptations. They won't build up years of selfish habits that make marriage a more difficult proposition. They and their spouse will hold each other accountable to live godly lives.

I get where they are coming from but we live in a different time and culture than hundreds of years ago when that would have been the norm. People are living longer. Many young people want to get an education and careers established before taking on the responsibilities of marriage and parenting. Does it risk some selfishness? Sure. Can it lead to temptation? Sure. We have to be grounded and walk faithfully. With a divorce rate within the church being nearly 50%, waiting for some might lead to better choices and going into marriage better prepared.

In a sinless world, that binary view might be valid. Reality is somewhat different and I for one won't judge those who are single and yet not in full-time Christian ministry.

 

[Sir Robbins]

I agree that your pastor friend may be trying to hard to accept that sin can corrupt God's plans but it is so evident time and time again. Myself being 33, I actually took a prescription antidepressant for the sole purpose of its number one side effect, killing a certain drive. I no longer take it and oddly after years of it, it seems to have lasting effects. I just go about my life (I work on the road as a video engineer) so I am almost never home so getting close to anyone seems an impossibility in my life. I do not associate with church as most don't like singles anyways and it always felt awkward to sit alone anyways. I don't want kids so I don't appeal to women in the church anyways.

 

[dayhiker]

It restate what I hear you guys saying in my own words.
God loves variety ... so many different animal types, so many different plant types, so many different types of landscapes, so many different personalities, so many different church denominations, yet there is suppose to just be married or single with one type of marriage or one type of single! Ge even in the Bible there are a few different types of marriage. But now we can only have one! It doesn't fit reality let alone how relationships work! I also shows another type of monism, singles should work full time for the Lord as in there is only one way to serve the Lord. This is why there are hundreds of para-church organizations, we have defined church so narrowly that for people to fulfill God's calling their have to go outside the church proper!
I say embrace variety just as God does. If it's loving accept it. After all, love is the only way to fulfill the law. Love can never be put in a box, just as God can't

 

[Sesame Seed]

I hope one day I can meet a women who I share my belifs with and hopefully marry.