Is it ok to be a hermit?

[Godcrazy]

I read different percentages when it comes to what percentage of the population are introverts. I would suspect that maybe 25% are introverts, 25% extroverts, and the other 50% are a mix. As you know, there are degrees of introversion and extroversion. I would say I am somewhere in the middle of the introversion scale (middle of that 25%). Probably where I am most severe is in my ability to go for long periods of time with no social contact. I am comfortable in small groups or one-on-one when I am social. Not so much in big groups. I just don't seek it out.
I recently spent 5 days in the Czech Republic with a group doing photography. We all stayed in one big house and shared meals. Two Americans, two Germans, one Austrian, and 5 Czechs. That was fine. I had a great time. Now I am home again and something like that might not happen for a long time again. Normally, I don't socialize. I don't feel the need to. I enjoy it when it happens, but the rest of the time I am good.

I do agree with what another poster wrote about how society is changing due to so much being digital. Covid really accelerated churches having services online. I know we are told to not forsake assembling together, but we now have the ability to fellowship in digital ways that did not exist in the past. I have many online Christians friends and probably have more fellowship that way than I ever did in person. When I have attended church in person, I always sit alone and am the first person out the door when the service ends. I usually did not have a single, meaningful conversation. I tried small groups but they are mostly about fellowship. They might have a small Bible study and prayer time but mostly it is about fostering connections between people. That is admirable but for an introvert it feels forced and uncomfortable. My two Christian siblings are big on accountability and feel that if you are around people in person they can observe your lifestyle, ask you the tough questions, and keep you on the straight and narrow. To them, a Christian like me is not much of a Christian.

I can understand that people wants to be on the straight and narrow.. but same time I have always wondered about the strictness of if one is not exactly the same.. if you know what I mean.. it`s got nothing to do with if one is christian or not. To me, everyone that believe is a christian, wether they are not is between them and God. It is not up to me.. Same with if someone is different in some ways.. love them anyway.. I have always appreciated and cultivated an open mind, and I do not like at all the opposite. I don`t understand how that can have something to do with anything, at all? more like man made.. Sure, I go in for holiness trying despite not saved in own effort well aware and believe, still.. the freedom we have in Jesus is something out of the ordinary. I feel it within me every day. He does not judge like that or expect. All I hear is, do your best. He is only supportive, could never be any other way. It is HARD to find the right church, even if you are introvert or not. Because of the deception. Because of so little talk about repentance and sin and holy Spirit active. Because of how it is like. I have heard, as soon as you don`t hear about that, something is wrong if you never hear about it. I think do your best is what matters. you are good to go, when you believe.
I am probably ambivert. More intro than extro however. But classical introvert signs. I can do in small doses social as well, but it has to give meaning or joy. It does give meaning and joy talking about God and do something for Him. I absolutely love silence. Having to recharge more than others. Sleep more too due to medical conditions. Just having your own space and do your own things. No disturbance. Noise drains me a lot as well as chatter. sure head phones or ear snails helps a lot but only to a point. I often shop when not much people. Now I work nights so it is fortunate. More calm. I work in health care. I was thinking studying psychology, I got in, but I am not sure. It is definitely something I have flair for. Have helped many. Know a lot about it beforehand. Maybe archeology draws too. I like to do both question is how one is online however so maybe. Development and learning interest me. I am not content seeking pleasure with no purpose or meaning or not doing something that does not take me further and helping others/the planet. But that is in the nature of ambi introvert again.
sounds great you had a great time in nature. I bet you took some amazing pictures. Nature is very good for those like us. I feel God the most when I see the night sky. I feel like David, when he was praying. I just had the thought, that people are not used to go deeper or to talk about something different. Some might want to but not giving it a thought. I saw someone suggest stating a question a bit differently. Like, what drives you today? One thing I absolutely don`t like is when people ask you about your job, marital status as soon as they meet you. I`m like, I understand you try to go through the motions, but, this is offensive, you do not even know me.
It grates me even if I glide off. Or most times I answer something general politely. As well being stereotyped into jobs or what have we. Not my thing. We are actually more open about such things in my home country Sweden. We do not do this as much. We do not stereotype as much neither are we close minded to singles, half the population are and it is seen as normal. I just read something about use of phones and the internet for young kids and the effects it has on them now as adults, many have adhd and anxiety contributed by it and a really hard time to focus on anything. Which leads me to the need to go into nature or activites or read a book buy an actual book. I am bad, as I don`t have people around so internet is a natural thing. On the other hand I use it in my e learning and research, and later on studies so can`t really escape it. Also keep in touch or do normal things like emails and everything. I really really love to read, and there is so much to read. I love to be different live after my own tune and change lanes or what I do as I see fit. It is very refreshing and developing to me. while to others it might seem crazy or scare them to death I thrive. As a natural consequence this is now my third country I live in. But now I`m like, where ever you want God. I have a desire to do something for Him, wake the remnant, shake up as we don`t hear about certain things, getting the fire back. Especially about the new age deception and general deception as we are living in it. So it is something I pray about. I came out of it so it is something I have lived and I know the depth of it it is so deceptive and so hard to come out of, it is literally used altered states of consciousness, induced to change your brain waves and get you into the deception. It is something I am upset about and I see so many in it not able to see or get out. I once had a vision of the antichrist in an auditorium of sorts, he was talking to a lot of people and they swallow everything and they were literally hypnotised by him. I heard Jesus say do not go there you will be hypnotised he hypnotise people. And recently I fell over Constance Combey`s work(the hidden dangers of the rainbow, highly recommended) and she had actually been to a meeting, where a Benjamin Creme, now diseased was and talked about matreya the coming antichrist and he actually used hypnosis and the techniques on stage and talked about it hinting that one would. So it fits. Did you know in her book she shows evidence for how in 1924 evil(with theosophic society) tried to indtroduce an antichrist named krishnamurti but he pulled out, they had groomed him and became angry he pulled out he saw the deception and wanted no part of it. It is very interesting. God has given us time and grace. I am so grateful he got me out of all that.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I can understand that people wants to be on the straight and narrow.. but same time I have always wondered about the strictness of if one is not exactly the same.. if you know what I mean.. it`s got nothing to do with if one is christian or not. To me, everyone that believe is a christian, wether they are not is between them and God. It is not up to me.. Same with if someone is different in some ways.. love them anyway.. I have always appreciated and cultivated an open mind, and I do not like at all the opposite. I don`t understand how that can have something to do with anything, at all? more like man made.. Sure, I go in for holiness trying despite not saved in own effort well aware and believe, still.. the freedom we have in Jesus is something out of the ordinary. I feel it within me every day. He does not judge like that or expect. All I hear is, do your best. He is only supportive, could never be any other way. It is HARD to find the right church, even if you are introvert or not. Because of the deception. Because of so little talk about repentance and sin and holy Spirit active. Because of how it is like. I have heard, as soon as you don`t hear about that, something is wrong if you never hear about it. I think do your best is what matters. you are good to go, when you believe.
I am probably ambivert. More intro than extro however. But classical introvert signs. I can do in small doses social as well, but it has to give meaning or joy. It does give meaning and joy talking about God and do something for Him. I absolutely love silence. Having to recharge more than others. Sleep more too due to medical conditions. Just having your own space and do your own things. No disturbance. Noise drains me a lot as well as chatter. sure head phones or ear snails helps a lot but only to a point. I often shop when not much people. Now I work nights so it is fortunate. More calm. I work in health care. I was thinking studying psychology, I got in, but I am not sure. It is definitely something I have flair for. Have helped many. Know a lot about it beforehand. Maybe archeology draws too. I like to do both question is how one is online however so maybe. Development and learning interest me. I am not content seeking pleasure with no purpose or meaning or not doing something that does not take me further and helping others/the planet. But that is in the nature of ambi introvert again.
sounds great you had a great time in nature. I bet you took some amazing pictures. Nature is very good for those like us. I feel God the most when I see the night sky. I feel like David, when he was praying. I just had the thought, that people are not used to go deeper or to talk about something different. Some might want to but not giving it a thought. I saw someone suggest stating a question a bit differently. Like, what drives you today? One thing I absolutely don`t like is when people ask you about your job, marital status as soon as they meet you. I`m like, I understand you try to go through the motions, but, this is offensive, you do not even know me.
It grates me even if I glide off. Or most times I answer something general politely. As well being stereotyped into jobs or what have we. Not my thing. We are actually more open about such things in my home country Sweden. We do not do this as much. We do not stereotype as much neither are we close minded to singles, half the population are and it is seen as normal. I just read something about use of phones and the internet for young kids and the effects it has on them now as adults, many have adhd and anxiety contributed by it and a really hard time to focus on anything. Which leads me to the need to go into nature or activites or read a book buy an actual book. I am bad, as I don`t have people around so internet is a natural thing. On the other hand I use it in my e learning and research, and later on studies so can`t really escape it. Also keep in touch or do normal things like emails and everything. I really really love to read, and there is so much to read. I love to be different live after my own tune and change lanes or what I do as I see fit. It is very refreshing and developing to me. while to others it might seem crazy or scare them to death I thrive. As a natural consequence this is now my third country I live in. But now I`m like, where ever you want God. I have a desire to do something for Him, wake the remnant, shake up as we don`t hear about certain things, getting the fire back. Especially about the new age deception and general deception as we are living in it. So it is something I pray about. I came out of it so it is something I have lived and I know the depth of it it is so deceptive and so hard to come out of, it is literally used altered states of consciousness, induced to change your brain waves and get you into the deception. It is something I am upset about and I see so many in it not able to see or get out. I once had a vision of the antichrist in an auditorium of sorts, he was talking to a lot of people and they swallow everything and they were literally hypnotised by him. I heard Jesus say do not go there you will be hypnotised he hypnotise people. And recently I fell over Constance Combey`s work(the hidden dangers of the rainbow, highly recommended) and she had actually been to a meeting, where a Benjamin Creme, now diseased was and talked about matreya the coming antichrist and he actually used hypnosis and the techniques on stage and talked about it hinting that one would. So it fits. Did you know in her book she shows evidence for how in 1924 evil(with theosophic society) tried to indtroduce an antichrist named krishnamurti but he pulled out, they had groomed him and became angry he pulled out he saw the deception and wanted no part of it. It is very interesting. God has given us time and grace. I am so grateful he got me out of all that.

Here in the United States, so many Christians and churches have gotten caught up in Trump and Christian nationalism. Whether or not you support Trump has become a litmus test for many. It is so ridiculous. I want nothing to do with it.

What scares me as an introvert is that the local churches that sound good theologically seem to be very big on accountability and pushing people into small groups and elder visits. I just want to be able to come, worship, and participate when and if I feel comfortable doing so. I don't want anyone pressuring me to participate beyond Sunday morning. I also don't like joining churches. Many churches have a concept of membership. I don't feel the need to join. If I attend regularly, is that not enough? A former pastor friend of mine once told me that membership is important in some churches because the courts here in the US have ruled against churches that have disciplined non-members in a public way (assuming that person brought a lawsuit against the church). Their belief is that if you join a church, then you are giving them permission to hold you accountable, but as a non-member, they do not have that right. I don't plan on doing anything worthy of church discipline, but am sensitive because after my divorce, my crazy ex kept calling my church, insisting they put me under church discipline for divorcing her. We were not attending that church at the time of our divorce. I had moved to it on my own after the divorce. Fortunately, the pastor told her I was not a member and therefore they would not act. He called me up and asked me how to get her to stop calling! What he told her was true but they didn't even know me at that point. I had gone to the elder board at our previous church and got permission to divorce her (after months of her refusing counseling and attacking the elder board). When the divorce was nearly final, she suddenly agreed to counseling in a last-ditch effort to keep me from divorcing her. She had told me privately that she expected me to remain married to her for financial support, but we could otherwise live separate lives and not even live together. I know her well and knew she was just doing this in the hopes the elders would ask me to pause the divorce proceedings. It worked. They wrote me and said that in light of her "change of heart" I should put the divorce on hold. At that point, there was no turning back for me. I had spent tens of thousands of dollars and been treated to nothing but contempt from her throughout the divorce. She has contacted all my family and friends, accusing me of things and urging them to tell me to stop. She painted herself as the victim who had done nothing wrong. I knew she was bluffing to try to force me to stay. I ignored the letter from the elders and apparently they later announced to the church that I was refusing their counsel, although they did not put me under church discipline. That all left a bad taste in my mouth. I had gone to them, did everything they asked, while she refused. They gave me permission. Nothing had changed. Her heart was as hard as ever. The divorce was nearly final. More importantly, she never came to me personally and asked me to pause the divorce. She never asked my forgiveness or made a pledge to change. She was grandstanding for the elderboard. I was too emotionally drained at that point to play any more games. For that, I got publicly called out. Now I just don't want to join a church. I will attend, but I won't join. I don't see that as a Biblical requirement. There are churches, though, that will look down on you if you attend regularly but don't join. They label you as trying to hide from their oversight.

I think Christians are often toughest on their own. We love to judge each other. Maybe we feel holier if we put down others. There is a proverb about tending your own garden rather than your brother's. Matthew 18 says if "you see your brother in sin..." but it does not say you should put your brother under a microscope and examine his every decision and act looking for sin. That is how some feel it needs to be. Not for me.

 

[Godcrazy]

Here in the United States, so many Christians and churches have gotten caught up in Trump and Christian nationalism. Whether or not you support Trump has become a litmus test for many. It is so ridiculous. I want nothing to do with it.

What scares me as an introvert is that the local churches that sound good theologically seem to be very big on accountability and pushing people into small groups and elder visits. I just want to be able to come, worship, and participate when and if I feel comfortable doing so. I don't want anyone pressuring me to participate beyond Sunday morning. I also don't like joining churches. Many churches have a concept of membership. I don't feel the need to join. If I attend regularly, is that not enough? A former pastor friend of mine once told me that membership is important in some churches because the courts here in the US have ruled against churches that have disciplined non-members in a public way (assuming that person brought a lawsuit against the church). Their belief is that if you join a church, then you are giving them permission to hold you accountable, but as a non-member, they do not have that right. I don't plan on doing anything worthy of church discipline, but am sensitive because after my divorce, my crazy ex kept calling my church, insisting they put me under church discipline for divorcing her. We were not attending that church at the time of our divorce. I had moved to it on my own after the divorce. Fortunately, the pastor told her I was not a member and therefore they would not act. He called me up and asked me how to get her to stop calling! What he told her was true but they didn't even know me at that point. I had gone to the elder board at our previous church and got permission to divorce her (after months of her refusing counseling and attacking the elder board). When the divorce was nearly final, she suddenly agreed to counseling in a last-ditch effort to keep me from divorcing her. She had told me privately that she expected me to remain married to her for financial support, but we could otherwise live separate lives and not even live together. I know her well and knew she was just doing this in the hopes the elders would ask me to pause the divorce proceedings. It worked. They wrote me and said that in light of her "change of heart" I should put the divorce on hold. At that point, there was no turning back for me. I had spent tens of thousands of dollars and been treated to nothing but contempt from her throughout the divorce. She has contacted all my family and friends, accusing me of things and urging them to tell me to stop. She painted herself as the victim who had done nothing wrong. I knew she was bluffing to try to force me to stay. I ignored the letter from the elders and apparently they later announced to the church that I was refusing their counsel, although they did not put me under church discipline. That all left a bad taste in my mouth. I had gone to them, did everything they asked, while she refused. They gave me permission. Nothing had changed. Her heart was as hard as ever. The divorce was nearly final. More importantly, she never came to me personally and asked me to pause the divorce. She never asked my forgiveness or made a pledge to change. She was grandstanding for the elderboard. I was too emotionally drained at that point to play any more games. For that, I got publicly called out. Now I just don't want to join a church. I will attend, but I won't join. I don't see that as a Biblical requirement. There are churches, though, that will look down on you if you attend regularly but don't join. They label you as trying to hide from their oversight.

I think Christians are often toughest on their own. We love to judge each other. Maybe we feel holier if we put down others. There is a proverb about tending your own garden rather than your brother's. Matthew 18 says if "you see your brother in sin..." but it does not say you should put your brother under a microscope and examine his every decision and act looking for sin. That is how some feel it needs to be. Not for me.

I`m so sorry brother for the situation. This must have been so hard for you in so many ways. It doesn`t sound right to me for the elders to backtrack in the last minute like that. Not the way it happened at least. I mean, they gave their permission so it should be biblically correct. When it is biblically correct you are not obliged what so ever. I think alimony should not go on forever at least in countries where you might be able to support your self, more like, helping you to get on your feet and help with what ever is needed for that. But not forever as too many are taking that for granted when really, you can`t go on like that forever can you.
Biblically when taking the stand it is biblical they can`t force it. It doesn`t seem good that she is lying and going behind back either. It is hard to carry on when it is not honest and open communication. Did you ever try councelling?
It sounds like a mess and on a psychological plane too. Probably some deep seated issues.
Anyone adult enough and mature enough would not put up with telling things to others and go behind back and lying. If that continued, it would end right there. And especially not taking a stand without all facts on the table. I know that disordered ones or even more than that can manipulate and everything, it sounds like a manipulative situation which is why it is usually best to get people in that are not connected in any way so they can be neutral in their ways of dealing. That way they can`t get a foot in. you might want to consider that if it persists.
And some that are neutral and want all facts analysed first.
Those things are crucial you really don`t get anywhere without.
I can understand you feel judged unfairly I would felt the same way. They might have felt squeezed. Salvation is not about joining a club or a church. I don`t think Jesus meant that. But believe. We are to freely give and freely recieve. Not being forced. How it is crucial we approach problems the right way or if we see something, more in a way that shows care and our concern not judging or pointing. More like, I can see there might be a problem and ask questions and offer help and offer biblical advice and scriptures not the other so they really know there is someone that care and that you can turn to, that you can pour your heart to. How different that would be. Because when you are deep in sin, that is what you really need.
Helping instead. Jesus went to those that were outcast and judged and pointed at. He eat with them, he listened and helped them. He was gentle. He might have been firm on things too but He never gave that impression. You can very well be firm but gentle. Because He knew they needed healing. And help. What matters the most is that you stand right with God. When you know you are, and have done everything you possibly could, you can rest. It does not matter what man say or do. I will pray for your situation and your x wife.
Are you still separated or married?
I think it is wrong about the financial as I said. It is better to help get a job or education and pay for everything until then. Etc. I think that is fair when we live in countries where you can get your own job or education.
Even better to put money away for such situations every day of a marriage. Then if you really are unfortunate then they have a ballast.
I am currently not visiting any church ongoing either, I am looking, I am very scared to meet more of what I have met before. But I am more about it is only about God and me than it was. I am also concerned about the deception and how it creeps in. I was thinking of visiting a church tomorrow where it is majorly black but seems to have the Spirit. I say seems as I don`t know. Believe in the gifts and all that. I think it is more charismatic than not but I don`t think it is overly. Don`t know yet. There is also a baptist church I want to check out. I am concerned about depth, superficiality, singleness and more of the same I have experienced. Just have to go for God not others. The first one I had a look at their website, they wanted to disciple people and teach them when they join the church and do bible studies. I was like, yes and no, because what will they teach me is it gonna be the bible or something added? is it a control mechanism or like you say about numbers? I would like to see before anything. It is a bit too much in my face. I mean I am just visiting. I already believe, so what then what would they teach me. why should I have to. The bible is enough in my book and belief. I know I would flip on that. At least you don`t get any problems in a baptist church, I would assume. It is more like bible and bible only done. I would assume. I hope. Got no problem to give, when I have something to give of, but being forced to join it is not my cup of tea to be forced I tend to give a hard no. Force is not of God. No matter what area. It seems to me it is a lot of issues here at the end times. If it is not one thing then another hopefully it will all end well.
Yes it doesn`t matter what sin is we all sin we cannot do what we want to do we can only do our best but even our best is nothing compared to his free gift as we cannot measure up so no point in judging or pointing. we are all in the mud.

 

[Godcrazy]

check out the watchmen on youtube and Russ Dizdar truly a man of God with millions of conversions and driving out demons and preach after God`s heart I would say. Quite intense and scary can be but very truthful.

 

[NotUrAvgGuy]

I have to laugh because the strategy most churches take for visitors is the exact opposite of what introverts want. Big churches often have welcoming people who keep an eye out for visitors and then want to greet you, take you to an information booth, get your name and address, and try to make you feel welcomed. That is all understandable, but if I am visiting a church, I don't want any attention. I am a grown-up and can ask for help or information. I don't need someone taking me by the hand and showering me with attention. I want to go unnoticed and just an observer. Find out what they are all about. I am certainly not going to give them my personal information. I may not even be back. I don't want a follow-up phone call, email, or visit. Probably most people want that, though, so I have ways of avoiding all that. I find a side entrance to use to avoid all the lobby people.

I also hated when churches have a weekly card in the bulletin that they want you to fill out. They say it's so they know you were there and can reach out if you don't show for several weeks to make sure you are ok. They also allow you to write prayer requests or indicate that you want more information, or whatever. I never filled those out. I don't want anyone keeping track of me.

I tried to get my ex to go to counseling for 10 years. She refused. I once got her to go to a weekend Christian marriage seminar. She wouldn't do any of the exercises they gave us to do. They would have a teaching time, then send you off to go through some exercise together before returning for more teaching. She didn't want to do the exercises, so we got very little out of that. I finally gave up. I had tried diligently for 10 years. I had gone to marriage counselors alone. Her belief was that I did not have Biblical grounds to divorce her, so I would stick it out. All she cared about was my financial support. In the end, she got a generous amount of money, although she lied to our children and told them I left her destitute. She even crammed the four of them into a small trailer for 2 years, saying it was all she could afford. She was getting $3400 a month from me at that time and could have easily afforded to rent a house. I also left her over $100,000 in cash plus future retirement savings. Her goal was to turn the children against me, so she lied about everything. My boys eventually saw through it, and we have a good relationship, but my daughter, who is now 30, has not spoken to me in 13 years. I never said bad things about her to the kids, but she made it her mission in life to make them think I was the worst sinner imaginable. In the end, I concluded she was not a believer, although only God knows. I never saw the love of God in her. She could not forgive people. Not just me. I was not perfect, but I never cheated on her or did anything bad. At worst, my introversion might have been a flaw, but she was pretty introverted too.

I don't take divorce lightly, and I never wanted to get a divorce. I thought I could stick it out and prayed that I could. What spurred me to act was the stress and how it was affecting my health. I was on strong meds for it and falling apart. At one point, they thought I might have MS due to all the bodily symptoms. Thankfully, I did not, but my doctor told me the stress was going to kill me. Now I feel like I have the scarlet "D" (divorce) in the church. I am no longer a "man above reproach." I can never be in leadership (not that I want to be) or do any serious teaching. I used to teach a lot. I was even asked to deliver a Sunday morning sermon twice. I led major Bible studies and am self-taught to a seminary level. I have written extensively. None of that mattered once I was divorced. I have seen pastors "restored" after being found unfaithful or accused of sexual harassment, but I can't be trusted again because I was divorced. I know God hates divorce, but it is not the unpardonable sin. Yet many churches treat it like it is. So, not going to join a church again. I might attend or attend online but I won't formally join one.