Infertility and God's plan.

[Doctor.Sphinx]

I understand your point and it makes perfect sense. Infertility, however, does make it harder to marry. How do I go about telling a woman my age who wants children (the kind of woman I was (am?) looking for) that she will not have any if she loves and marries me? You know, I've been utterly crushed.

Indeed, I am praying to God. Actually, I just tell him that I am in trouble. I avoid asking anything from God and I do not expect anything from God these days. It hurts less when it becomes evident that his plans do not include anything I was hoping for.

How do you even know its true? Unless you have some sort of injury, it's really just a doctor's guess, and we all know how bad doctors are at guessing.

 

[mama2one]

Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

my husband was not open to adoption at first, either
whereas, I'd thought about it back in highschool

when I asked why, it turned out he was afraid

we prayed for this child and God answered our prayers
adopting a child has been the biggest blessing
we can't imagine our lives without our child

 

[Peble]

How do you even know its true? Unless you have some sort of injury, it's really just a doctor's guess, and we all know how bad doctors are at guessing.

Average of two tests:
0. Sperm concentration in sperm: 0.0000/ml (yep, the lab does quote the figure up to 4 d.p. which I find rather interesting)
1. Sperm concentration in sperm upon closer inspection (i.e. centrifuging etc): 0.0000/ml
2. The coup de grace: my FSH is ~24 u/mL (that's the same level as a post-menopausal woman)

Conclusion: No sperm is produced in the testicles. It's probably SCO.
Probability of achieving pregnancy: nil by the most optimistic of estimates.

The doc said that he's sorry following the announcement which I thought was rather kind of him. He didn't have to.

 

[Peble]

my husband was not open to adoption at first, either
whereas, I'd thought about it back in highschool

when I asked why, it turned out he was afraid

we prayed for this child and God answered our prayers
adopting a child has been the biggest blessing
we can't imagine our lives without our child

Very happy for you and thank you for sharing.

 

[DamianWarS]

Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

here's your problem

I'm not saying you need to adopt but serving Christ is about surrendering the things we refuse to surrender (it's easy to surrender the stuff we don't care about). If your "no adoption policy" is your line in the sand it might just be the line God will require you to cross.

 

[JoeP222w]

Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

Do you consider yourself a Christian?

 

[Jon Osterman]

I was in a similar position to you. I was told I was infertile and could never have a child. I was already married and we had been trying to have a child for quite a while. I also am uncomfortable with adoption. However, we got a second opinion and the second doctor said that it would not be impossible for us to have a child with IVF. We did this and I now have a wonderful daughter. So don't give up hope.

Also, remember that medical technology advances rapidly. What may not be possible today may well be commonplace in 10 years time.

 

[JackRT]

Also, remember that medical technology advances rapidly. What may not be possible today may well be commonplace in 10 years time.

The in-vitro technology that resulted in my grandson 5 years ago did not exist 7 years ago.

 

[FatalHeart]

Infertility is treated on a couple of occassions in the bible. Unfortunately, due to the assumptions and beliefs of the day, it tends to be attributed to the female, which makes it harder for infertile men nowadays to relate to the message the bible or God wants to convey about the matter. Well, I happen to be (100%) sterile (found out recently), 34 and male, and somewhat sad about it all. You know, I was hoping to get married and perhaps put up family till a few days ago. Now I know that that is impossible for me. Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

Nevertheless, I have now taken up the belief that God has a plan for each and everyone of us - including myself -, so I am assuming that this did not happen by accident. I was wondering what his plan could/might be for someone in my situation. I'd appreciate any advice or opinions you might have to offer on the matter.

Thank you.

PS: Thank you for your input on my previous thread as well.

I was hoping to find someone to marry, but because of the increase in wickedness, have found myself single, and, as I get older, I know more and more that I will be alone. It was hard to accept, but after enough troubles I am getting to the place of loving God despite broken dreams. It's obvious in scriptures that trouble leads to joys and that pain leads to blessing for the person in Christ. That the testing, whatever it is, that we go through as people builds our character and rewards us in the final day with something that isn't to be compared with what we lost. Now, aside from this, the specific will of God may be up in the air as to the exact reason this exact thing is happening to you. I prayed that God would save my brother from materialism, then, his wife got in an accident and functioned with less brain power for two years. Praying again for God to have some mercy to learn their lesson another way because I myself empathized with the pain of losing someone, she finds out from "better" doctors that all of a sudden the brain stem was "measured wrong" and is closer than it was and she will make a full recovery with counseling (because they now cannot explain her condition.)

A specific case, but you really have to look into what God is forming in you and why. As God, He gets to decide what we deal with, and, if it didn't absolutely mean something to us, it wouldn't be an absolute change. This life is God's and what we endure is to God. The reasons He made life this way is a mystery, but what exists exists for His glory and directs all things into appreciation of what is good and right and just -His majesty. "All my ways are pleasant ways." Well, God doesn't leave us without answers. I am sure if you analyzed your heart it would be very easy to see the positive reasons God might work with you this way, it's just, do you truly understand how important He is and what you should be living for? "To shun evil -that is understanding." Especially major tests are put to purify us. Like Job, God saw his heart, and, though his life looked perfect, he still had pride and still had not fully accepted God's sovereignity. "What I had feared has happened to me."

But this love that makes us perfect and lack nothing isn't one that accepts who we are. It works in our lives to be better and doesn't stop until it has fulfilled it's purpose. God won't change, but He will demand it from us and it is our due to Him. Until we get to that point are we not only worshiping ourselves? "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." "For whose sake I have lost all things."

 

[messianist]

I started a thread on IVF but only got one response, I listened to a sermon on Sunday, and the preacher had the same problem as your self, he used IVF treatment, but I'm not sure, what scripture says on this.

 

[Neostarwcc]

I don't place much faith in doctors saying a person is infertile. Why? My sister was supposed to be barren and unable to have children. She's currently pregnant with her third child. Sarah in Genesis was supposed to be barren and she had Isaac. So doctors are just full of it. I'm supposed to be infertile but yet I have faith that one day God will give me a child also. There's a chance you'll be able to have children also. So my advice is don't give up. If God wants you to have a wife he will give you one. It might not be today or tomorrow but if its in Gods plan he will give you one. I was 28 years old when I met my wife and 29 when I married her. Also if its in Gods plan for you to have children barren or not he will give you one. It'll be at Gods chosen time though and you might not like his answer. I might be 50 years old before I start having children. Doesn't matter though Gods will will be Done.

 

[melder.ar]

I understand your point and it makes perfect sense. Infertility, however, does make it harder to marry. How do I go about telling a woman my age who wants children (the kind of woman I was (am?) looking for) that she will not have any if she loves and marries me? You know, I've been utterly crushed.

Indeed, I am praying to God. Actually, I just tell him that I am in trouble. I avoid asking anything from God and I do not expect anything from God these days. It hurts less when it becomes evident that his plans do not include anything I was hoping for.

Peble- why do you not ask God for things? He knows this has crushed you and how much you want children, call out to Him for help and peace. Ask God That He might give you peace and make His purpose for this known to you. You might not understand now why this has happened, but some of the other posters are right maybe He will bless you with fertility again one day or children in another way; or maybe he won't, but either way your life is for His glory. But you can definitely ask for understanding! Draw near to Him Peble! Pray that He would heal you from this deep pain and that in someway you can learn how to glorify Him through it.

I also hope you consider adoption although you don't find it very appealing. It is a beautiful testament to what God has done for us- Jesus saved us and adopted us into his eternal family.

I pray you will draw near to Him through this trial!

 

[drich0150]

Infertility is treated on a couple of occassions in the bible. Unfortunately, due to the assumptions and beliefs of the day, it tends to be attributed to the female, which makes it harder for infertile men nowadays to relate to the message the bible or God wants to convey about the matter. Well, I happen to be (100%) sterile (found out recently), 34 and male, and somewhat sad about it all. You know, I was hoping to get married and perhaps put up family till a few days ago. Now I know that that is impossible for me. Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

Nevertheless, I have now taken up the belief that God has a plan for each and everyone of us - including myself -, so I am assuming that this did not happen by accident. I was wondering what his plan could/might be for someone in my situation. I'd appreciate any advice or opinions you might have to offer on the matter.

Thank you.

PS: Thank you for your input on my previous thread as well.

well I'm 10 years older and in the same boat. thought always ne day we could have kids but as time goes on the possibility looks less and less.

Here's what I learned. It's not about you/me. it is about the child. if you/I cant learn to love a child no matter it's origin then at the same time having a child coming from me and loving it... is the wrong kind of love. Or put it simply you are not willing to work on love any deeper than what comes naturally. if this is true then you are not ready/worthy. I know harsh words, but so are no child is worthy of my love unless it comes from my loins. which like it or not is essentially what you said. it is what I said. my sister your age same boat, and she adopted, and has lived in hell with this child for 4 years, then I saw the change. the love she was not willing to give the hard fought love she held back she offered to this adopted child, and now she is prego with her own, after so many different tries/medical procedures and doctors saying it is not possible. There was a selfishness about her that I still have, she gave it up and I've come to terms with it.
I still don't want to adopt and I am ok with no kids. why? because I get to do the things i want to and travel with my wife. if we get wanting the family experience we invite the nieces and nephews over and at the end of the day we are good for another month or so.

In truth God's plan for infertility is to see those children who lost parents from one thing or another a way to grow up in a loving home. if you do not want to be apart of what God has done to provide for those children in desperate need, then you are not in a place/selfish to have a child on your own. Some of us simply are not meant for kids even if you think you are. (by your own admission you are not) So then seek out other ways to serve God. there are many who fall through the cracks full time parents can not manage on their own. try and push past your want and seek to serve God as a big brother or someone who can help a struggling family in some way. (what I did/do)

 

[EagleScout88]

Hello Peble, I am really sorry about your current situation. Having read the bible cover to cover several times, and learning new and amazing things each time, I have come to the humble conclusion that God can do anything…and I mean ANYTHING! He is the God who sees, the God who heals, and the God who protects. Only God knows His plans for you, but it is not too far or too wide for Him to fix your current problem if it is in His will. So, if you do not feel like you have “the gift of singleness”, then marriage should not be ruled out.


I do have one question that I would like you to consider, though. What is it about adoption that is not “appealing” to you? The only reason that I ask is that there have already been 1,600 abortions today and 60.7 million since 1973. With that many babies being executed because they are not wanted post-natal, is there a need for people willing to adopt?

 

[FutureAndAHope]

I would appreciate that very much as my only hope is indeed a miracle. Having said that, I must admit that I am unworthy of such grace, so I'd be quite pessimistic about my chances. Nonetheless, I like the idea very much and I thank you and your church in advance. I will let you know on here should something unexpected happen.

Hi I will get the church to pray. As for feeling unworthy, we can all improve in our lives, and I am sure God's opinion of you is not a negative one. If healing occurs you will have something new to praise God for, if it does not don't blame yourself. One of the greatest prophets in the bible died of a sickness, sickness is not an indication of lack of faithfulness. All that said I will be believing God for a good outcome.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Infertility is treated on a couple of occassions in the bible. Unfortunately, due to the assumptions and beliefs of the day, it tends to be attributed to the female, which makes it harder for infertile men nowadays to relate to the message the bible or God wants to convey about the matter. Well, I happen to be (100%) sterile (found out recently), 34 and male, and somewhat sad about it all. You know, I was hoping to get married and perhaps put up family till a few days ago. Now I know that that is impossible for me. Also, I do not find adoption appealing, so I do not consider that to be an option for me.

Nevertheless, I have now taken up the belief that God has a plan for each and everyone of us - including myself -, so I am assuming that this did not happen by accident. I was wondering what his plan could/might be for someone in my situation. I'd appreciate any advice or opinions you might have to offer on the matter.

The call on a believers life is to be one of the Lord's Ambassadors....whether you be married, single, fertile or infertile, rich, poor etc.


Thank you.

PS: Thank you for your input on my previous thread as well.

I'm curious now...What prompted you as a single christian guy to go get tested to see if you be sterile?

 

[Peble]

Do you consider yourself a Christian?

I do.

 

[Peble]

I was in a similar position to you. I was told I was infertile and could never have a child. I was already married and we had been trying to have a child for quite a while. I also am uncomfortable with adoption. However, we got a second opinion and the second doctor said that it would not be impossible for us to have a child with IVF. We did this and I now have a wonderful daughter. So don't give up hope.

Also, remember that medical technology advances rapidly. What may not be possible today may well be commonplace in 10 years time.

I love success stories. Very happy for you and your wife and thanks for sharing.

 

[Peble]

I was hoping to find someone to marry, but because of the increase in wickedness, have found myself single, and, as I get older, I know more and more that I will be alone. It was hard to accept, but after enough troubles I am getting to the place of loving God despite broken dreams. It's obvious in scriptures that trouble leads to joys and that pain leads to blessing for the person in Christ. That the testing, whatever it is, that we go through as people builds our character and rewards us in the final day with something that isn't to be compared with what we lost. Now, aside from this, the specific will of God may be up in the air as to the exact reason this exact thing is happening to you. I prayed that God would save my brother from materialism, then, his wife got in an accident and functioned with less brain power for two years. Praying again for God to have some mercy to learn their lesson another way because I myself empathized with the pain of losing someone, she finds out from "better" doctors that all of a sudden the brain stem was "measured wrong" and is closer than it was and she will make a full recovery with counseling (because they now cannot explain her condition.)

A specific case, but you really have to look into what God is forming in you and why. As God, He gets to decide what we deal with, and, if it didn't absolutely mean something to us, it wouldn't be an absolute change. This life is God's and what we endure is to God. The reasons He made life this way is a mystery, but what exists exists for His glory and directs all things into appreciation of what is good and right and just -His majesty. "All my ways are pleasant ways." Well, God doesn't leave us without answers. I am sure if you analyzed your heart it would be very easy to see the positive reasons God might work with you this way, it's just, do you truly understand how important He is and what you should be living for? "To shun evil -that is understanding." Especially major tests are put to purify us. Like Job, God saw his heart, and, though his life looked perfect, he still had pride and still had not fully accepted God's sovereignity. "What I had feared has happened to me."

But this love that makes us perfect and lack nothing isn't one that accepts who we are. It works in our lives to be better and doesn't stop until it has fulfilled it's purpose. God won't change, but He will demand it from us and it is our due to Him. Until we get to that point are we not only worshiping ourselves? "A man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." "For whose sake I have lost all things."

Brings to mind Romans 8:18. Thanks for sharing. It was very helpful.

 

[JoeP222w]

I do.

Then why are you against adoption? The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about adoption.