In need of honest relationship advice

[Poliskis]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

 

[Annner]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

My thought is if you arent even married yet and seeking therapy, theres already a big problem.

Yes i believe she should understand you arent a cuddler, instead of making you feel uncomfortable. You dont want a girl who will nag at you and not accept you for who you are.
Its thoughtful you try to meet her desires, but she sounds plain unhappy.
i would say rethink your relationship if you are already having to attend couples therapy. Thats a sure flag something is wrong with the relationship this early on.

 

[Poliskis]

My thought is if you arent even married yet and seeking therapy, theres already a big problem.

Yes i believe she should understand you arent a cuddler, instead of making you feel uncomfortable. You dont want a girl who will nag at you and not accept you for who you are.
Its thoughtful you try to meet her desires, but she sounds plain unhappy.
i would say rethink your relationship if you are already having to attend couples therapy. Thats a sure flag something is wrong with the relationship this early on.

Thank you... its great to get an unbiased opinion. It's difficult to think logically after everything. God bless!

 

[Sophrosyne]

If you have a close as possible relationship with a woman for 4 years and things aren't working out well, then they likely will continue to not work out well for another 4 years regardless of marriage or not.
I am leaning toward moving on. You could try getting some counseling if you think you are the most of the problem between you two as it is possible you have some hangups that you aren't mentioning here but that would be IMO likely for the next relationship so as to understand why this one doesn't seem to be working out so you won't be willing to go another 4 years in an incompatible relationship.

 

[Poliskis]

If you have a close as possible relationship with a woman for 4 years and things aren't working out well, then they likely will continue to not work out well for another 4 years regardless of marriage or not.
I am leaning toward moving on. You could try getting some counseling if you think you are the most of the problem between you two as it is possible you have some hangups that you aren't mentioning here but that would be IMO likely for the next relationship so as to understand why this one doesn't seem to be working out so you won't be willing to go another 4 years in an incompatible relationship.

Thank you... God bless you!

 

[SabbathBlessings]

My philosophy when it comes to relationship (before marriage) it either works or it doesn’t. When it works you won’t be asking these questions and would have already been married by now.

 

[PeterJames0510]

My philosophy when it comes to relationship (before marriage) it either works or it doesn’t. When it works you won’t be asking these questions and would have already been married by now.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was walk away from a relationship I knew wasn't going to work. All we ever did was yell at each other during normal every day tasks; it was only during the 'loving' times we were nice to each other. But Lord knows most of life are every day tasks.

I remember making such a break; she invited me to take a walk with her and then asked me to put my arm around her. I knew it was an 'invite' to restore the relationship. (I was in Bible college at the time and I was just out of a relationship that took me years to get over.)

My heart was so torn; on the one hand I wanted her cuddles (I was a touch language person). On the other hand, I just kept seeing - why are we going to stop yelling at each other if that's all we do? I walked away, she began crying profusely ... I naturally want to help crying people, but I knew if I did - it would be an invite back into her life. I just didn't see it or feel it ... I had comforted her a million times ... that night, I had to walk away and never return.

Whether I made the right or wrong decision, I'm with a beautiful woman now and we don't yell at each other all day long. I say all that to say I agree - if something doesn't work, don't try to force it.

 

[Soul-searching]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

I´m sorry, that is a complicated situation.It seems to me, that your girlfriend needs a lot of reassurance and love, which is hard for you to give, since you are so introverted. You need to adjust to each others expectations, which can be very difficult, if you expect completely different things.She wants to hold your hand, if she was fed up with you, and really thought everything about you was wrong, she would never want to hold your hand. She wants reassurance from you, she wants to get closer to you, but she can´t get close to you at all, and that is a huge part of the problem.You must both work on a lot of things, if you want to make it work. You can choose to walk away, but if you can´t give more than what you do now, then I seriously doubt you would find anyone else, who can live with that. It´s not your fault at all, that you are the way you are, but it just makes it hard for you to connect with anyone, for anyone to feel close to you, and I think that is what makes your girlfriend react like she does. She might feel she does not have a relationship with you, rather a friendship. So what can she do to get close to you? that is what you must figure out. Is there a way you can lower your guards? let her in? What is a relationship to you? what is it to her? Ask her things like that, to get to know where you both stand, and to learn what is important to you in a relationship. You both need to learn how to communicate, she must lower her demands, and you must try to give her more, open up, for you to meet in the middle, if you want to fix it. I wish you the best.

 

[Albion]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?

If you want the relationship to continue, you'd better try. Her requests concerning hand holding (!) are pretty modest and, also, easily met by you.

2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself?

Absolutely.

Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me?

No.

Should I change?

If you want to keep her as your girlfriend, yes.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

Successful love relationships involve both parties making the other one happy. Sometimes, one party has unreasonable demands or requests, but that's not the case here. Far from it. So you are faced with the likelihood of the relationship failing sooner or later because of an unwillingness on your part to show affection in even a way that 99% of courting couples would consider nothing special. If it does fail, you will look back and mentally kick yourself for being unwilling even to try.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

Welcome. I am sorry to say that if your girlfriend has problems with your personality you will never be able to lead your family as she will slowly destroy your self esteem. Walking on eggs shells is no way to live. Find a woman that is more compatible or if you truly love her you will do anything to make her happy.

 

[Pop D.]

Have you tried inquiring of the Lord?

 

[Poliskis]

If you want the relationship to continue, you'd better try. Her requests concerning hand holding (!) are pretty modest and, also, easily met by you.


Absolutely.


No.


If you want to keep her as your girlfriend, yes.


Successful love relationships involve both parties making the other one happy. Sometimes, one party has unreasonable demands or requests, but that's not the case here. Far from it. So you are faced with the likelihood of the relationship failing sooner or later because of an unwillingness on your part to show affection in even a way that 99% of courting couples would consider nothing special. If it does fail, you will look back and mentally kick yourself for being unwilling even to try.

Thank you for this comment... it's giving me a much needed reality check. God bless you

 

[Albion]

Thank you for this comment... it's giving me a much needed reality check. God bless you

Thank you for that follow-up. I didn't want to be unnecessarily abrupt, but sometimes it seems better to be point-blank, and I felt that this is what you wanted.

One thing I may not have treated properly, though, is that because her hand-holding, etc. request is quite mild, you should be able to go with it without risking much. If you try and you still feel compromised, very uncomfortable, or something along those lines, you can give it up and you'll at least have let her know that you care enough to give it that try.

On the other hand, you may find that such small acts of touching really are more meaningful to the other person than we'd think they ought to be AND that they also enhance your own feelings towards her and the relationship. "Little things mean a lot" when it comes to relationships. It took me awhile to learn that myself.

 

[Poliskis]

Have you tried inquiring of the Lord?

I have been in prayer, asking the Lord for guidance. God bless you my friend!

 

[Hazelelponi]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

As you've likely already assessed, there's far more to a good relationship than beleifs, values and goals. At any point in life those things can change - I changed my entire religion/belief set in my 40's.. while it's nice to start out with such major similarities, we learn and grow and do change as we walk through life.

What you look for in a spouse is someone who is complementary to you. Assess your strengths, be honest with yourself about what they are, and assess your weaknesses - again with an eye toward serious introspection and honesty.

Those are the things we almost never change even as we go through life, this is the most innate and natural portions of your personality that you usually either cant or dont control.

Now look for the woman who accepts you as you stand, and is strong where you are weak and is weaker where you are strong... that is your perfect spouse to walk through life with. You need some commonalities, for sure, some areas where you come together, but they can be smaller than you might think. There are plenty of happy couples with different political ideologies, different hobbies, different ideas.... we don't have to be clones of one another, what we have to be is, to use a Biblical term, "helpmeet" to one another.. look for the person who standing with, makes for one whole person, instead of a part of one.

P.S. you don't have that now...

 

[Hazelelponi]

Thank you for that follow-up. I didn't want to be unnecessarily abrupt, but sometimes it seems better to be point-blank, and I felt that this is what you wanted.

One thing I may not have treated properly, though, is that because her hand-holding, etc. request is quite mild, you should be able to go with it without risking much. If you try and you still feel compromised, very uncomfortable, or something along those lines, you can give it up and you'll at least have let her know that you care enough to give it that try.

On the other hand, you may find that such small acts of touching really are more meaningful to the other person than we'd think they ought to be AND that they also enhance your own feelings towards her and the relationship. "Little things mean a lot" when it comes to relationships. It took me awhile to learn that myself.

I'm not sure everyone feels comfortable with that though... my husband never held my hand in whatever you want to call the lead up to our marriage .. never once touched me.

However, before we were married but after we had finalized the arrangement, he did lightly touch the middle of my back and rub tiny circles ever so lightly - kind of like checking to make sure I was real yet not wanting to disturb me. .. lol

We still dont hold hands in public or have any public display of affection outside of my using his arm for support in walking some... but he still does the tiny circles sometimes...

It's just the way we are... everyone is different, and sometimes trying to force yourself to act differently than your comfortable with causes resentment, most especially in people within the autism spectrum who may not realize they are.

My husband is seriously intelligent, real IQ of 170, but I've sometimes wondered if he's somewhere on that spectrum myself, just because of his interpersonal lacking at times - or maybe it's just extreme intelligence which causes a lack of social ability in him... lol

At any rate, I think the person we are with should accept certain basics of our personality... otherwise it's just a consistent trying to change things people may have little ability to change...

finding the person who truly knows you, yet still accepts you is important... too many are out seeking to change their significant other into something else, and that never works...

 

[SANTOSO]

Hi all, I have a two part question. I've been courting my girlfriend for almost 4 years. After a while of being together, I noticed she tended to point out all the negative things about me but didn't seem to notice the positive things. If I did something she didn't like, it would usually end up with her crying and accusing me of "always doing" or "never doing" whatever it is I did and accusing me of not caring about her. Fast forward to 3 years in, I realize it's not getting any better and we go to couples therapy to see if we can salvage this relationship. Long story short, I see improvements which motivates me to continue. And looking back I realize that her frustration was because we were speaking different love languages. But I have a problem. The 3 years of being accused of so many things took a toll on me. I found it almost impossible to find joy being around her. And even after I see improvement, every time we argue my old feelings come up and I find myself resenting her.

Part 2: The arguments that we have usually stem from something that has to do with my personality. I'm a reserved, introverted person and I have difficulty opening up to people. She would get upset at me for not sharing more about my personal life and for not asking her more about hers, which would get me accused of not caring about her personal life. I'm also not big into physical touch, it's just unnatural for me to show affection by touching. I'm more of a quality time type of person. She would get mad at me for not touching her, and specifically she wanted me to hold her hand. I understand that her love language is physical touch so I try to show her some love by putting my arm around her while we walk or sit. I've always been uncomfortable with holding hands so I tried to find a compromise with the arm around her. Sometimes she's fine with it, other days she still gets mad at me for not holding her hand, it's a toss up. And we have discussed it and I've shared how I feel.

My questions are:
1) is there hope of me letting go of this resentment and moving forward?
2) is it fair of her to expect me to change those things about myself? Is it fair for me to expect her to accept those things about me? Should I change? Should she accept me how I am? Where is the line between finding healthy compromise and trying to change someone?

In terms of compatibility (values, beliefs, goals) we're great which is what makes this so difficult. Seems like ending it would be a huge mistake because of that.

Your input is greatly appreciated thank you all.

Dear one,
I try to give you input but I am not trying to answer your questions.

What’s to be considered in relationship? Thoughtfulness.

What’s thoughtfulness ?

to be thoughtful, is not a matter of whether we are more right than others or vice versa.

but rather to humble ourselves or humble our self rights that we might win love of whom we are called to love.

That is to be more desirable because love covers a multitude of sins. This love is so powerful.

How little I have known? God has been thoughtful toward us.
How wonderful we owe such love to God !
How much we should comfort His griefs by being thoughtful to others.

Why be thoughtful?

When you are in love ! Don’t you think about the person whom you love ! Don’t what they say and do matters ! Just as our Lord have said and done matters ! Why! Because we love Him. Yes, we think of Him because we love Him.

So then don’t let whose is more right than the other matters ! — isn’t that self righteousness — can we be made right with our self righteousness? No!

But let us be found in righteousness that comes from God, that is, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Likewise, don’t let anger or frustration get in the way of our relationship with others whether they are our loved ones or whom the Lord called to love. Why ? Because anger give room to the enemy. We can’t allow it ! So we must resist the Adversary in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For this is what we have heard:

but now, put them all away — ANGER, EXASPERATION (ANNOYANCE) , MEANNESS , slander and obscene talk. - Colossians 3:8 CJB

So we need to put away all anger, annoyance, and meanness away in relationship.
And we put on the new nature in Christ !

Are we thoughtful of the need of other people? Do they need love; love that accords with God’s will ? Yes, they do.

Let us be mindful of others, and love one another as the Lord commands.

Let us have a godly thoughts and be thoughtful.

So dear one , whether you both choose to be together or apart in this relationship, you need to be reconciled.

For we have heard:
At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. -1 John 2:8
Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. -1 John 2:9
Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. -1 John 2:10
But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. -1 John 2:11

So dear one, you must see your relationship in new light. When you both are united in Christ ! There is no cause for both of you to stumble in your relationship. Why? Because those who loves one another in the Lord abides in the light. Then you know where you are going !

So dear one, in this life of love, build memories of love and affection by being thoughtful !

God bless you !

 

[Poliskis]

Dear one,
I try to give you input but I am not trying to answer your questions.

What’s to be considered in relationship? Thoughtfulness.

What’s thoughtfulness ?

to be thoughtful, is not a matter of whether we are more right than others or vice versa.

but rather to humble ourselves or humble our self rights that we might win love of whom we are called to love.

That is to be more desirable because love covers a multitude of sins. This love is so powerful.

How little I have known? God has been thoughtful toward us.
How wonderful we owe such love to God !
How much we should comfort His griefs by being thoughtful to others.

Why be thoughtful?

When you are in love ! Don’t you think about the person whom you love ! Don’t what they say and do matters ! Just as our Lord have said and done matters ! Why! Because we love Him. Yes, we think of Him because we love Him.

So then don’t let whose is more right than the other matters ! — isn’t that self righteousness — can we be made right with our self righteousness? No!

But let us be found in righteousness that comes from God, that is, in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Likewise, don’t let anger or frustration get in the way of our relationship with others whether they are our loved ones or whom the Lord called to love. Why ? Because anger give room to the enemy. We can’t allow it ! So we must resist the Adversary in the mighty name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

For this is what we have heard:

but now, put them all away — ANGER, EXASPERATION (ANNOYANCE) , MEANNESS , slander and obscene talk. - Colossians 3:8 CJB

So we need to put away all anger, annoyance, and meanness away in relationship.
And we put on the new nature in Christ !

Are we thoughtful of the need of other people? Do they need love; love that accords with God’s will ? Yes, they do.

Let us be mindful of others, and love one another as the Lord commands.

Let us have a godly thoughts and be thoughtful.

So dear one , whether you both choose to be together or apart in this relationship, you need to be reconciled.

For we have heard:
At the same time, it is a new commandment that I am writing to you, which is true in him and in you, because the darkness is passing away and the true light is already shining. -1 John 2:8
Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. -1 John 2:9
Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. -1 John 2:10
But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. -1 John 2:11

So dear one, you must see your relationship in new light. When you both are united in Christ ! There is no cause for both of you to stumble in your relationship. Why? Because those who loves one another in the Lord abides in the light. Then you know where you are going !

So dear one, in this life of love, build memories of love and affection by being thoughtful !

God bless you !

Amen! Thank you God bless!