I'm Neglected a Lot

[Junia]

Goodness. I hit a barrier in a drive thru. It was one of those moments where you couldn't believe what just happened. I was avoiding the silly think and still hit it. I pulled into a parking spot to eat. Trying to stay calm, I couldn't. I sat my food on the dash and I just started to cry. Then I started breathing hard freaking out and I thought I was going to throw up. I had to calm myself down fast because I didn't have the time, so I just calmed down best I could. Ate. Went to my mechanic to pay for my car and he tried to see what he could do for that place on the truck bc I thought I was going to just let my husband find it himself. When he got home, I didn't tell him since his behavior sucks when he gets home. Later on after we picked my car up, I showed him and I was balling my eyes again before telling him. I'm always so afraid he's going to be mad at me. He's not even the mad type. He's the type who just wont talk to you. He told me he wasn't mad over the truck. Then he huffed and puffed in the house for 30 min and came back downstairs and laughed at me. He also made a joke about it yesterday and it set off that panic in me- I thought he was mad about it. Maybe I am too busy looking for perfect. He even said he didn't know why I would think he would be mad. I don't know what kind of person im getting when he gets home, so yeah, I was nervous as a cat! I tell my mom everything. She told me itll probably work out. We are working on it. It's been pretty good this weekend, but that doesn't mean I will have that sweet version one my husband tomorrow through Thursday.

This reminds me of someone. My mother. My fatehr mistreated my mother and us kids horribly. Sometimes there was physical abuse and often threats of physical abuse, (even with weapons and death threats) but also he was very good at yelling, belittiling, screaming namecalling. my m,other would get the panic reactions you described here over incidents liek with the barrier. in fact I remeber an incident when my mother did the same with her car and a barrier and my father actually asked God to curse her with death. He asked God to strike her dead.

You are being abused, like my mum was. even if in your case there is no physical stuff. You are Biblically allowed to separate. I am not sure if Biblically youa re allowed to divorce per se but you can leave and go to a refuge or move somewhere, (maybe to another state if possible?) to get far away from him. Best to not tell him where you have gone- jujst a pack bags and leave.

This man may have MH issues like narcissism, and that is a legitimate illness and yes, he is suffering, but so are you! Your own mental health is suffering (OCD and panic attacks). FWIW, i aldo have diagnosed OCD, panic and other MH issues. When I was around my dad they got 100x worse.

 

[Junia]

I’m so sorry!
Women often tend to marry a version of their father, (my mother did) because they think it’s the opposite.
Don’t fear. Not all hope is lost. Try to make the first loving step. I don’t know how hard his job is, but love never hurt a thing. I’m not saying this has to be one way, physically or just spiritually. We need balance. Let him know you appreciate him.
As for the in-laws....
well, sometimes people, especially when we aren’t around them a lot, don’t tend to change.
Keep praying- it helps. Always.
I know I’m single but this was based off of my parent’s marriage.

am single too or same reason. I understand.

 

[Gentle Lamb]

Dear Carrico, I have been reading your thread and I would like to share this video with you about the subject of divorce. I hope that it will be helpful to you.

I think that the best thing for you to do is to continue to seek Godly advice as you are doing here, seek to draw nearer to God, rebuild and rekindle your relationship with Him, and be very very prayerful about your marriage. The Word of God says that He gives us peace that passes all understanding Philippians 4:7. Pray until you have peace and keep praying daily for yourself and for your husband. Study the Word of God - even if you only have a little bit of time to do so daily, just be sure to be diligent about it - and apply the Word of God to your life. Satan loves division, hates marriage, loves divorce. I read a post here some years ago where someone mentioned their marriage was falling apart and one day they turned to their spouse and said You know what I think would help? He got a sarcastic response, but continued, I think we should pray about our marriage, give it into the hands of God. The couple did so and remained married. By involving God in their marriage things began to get better. They stood the test of time, they stood throughout their marital storms because they involved God in their marriage. When you involve God, the situation will not remain the same. It's also important to pray about your family members - the in-laws as well as your immediate family members. It may take time, it may take patience, you may feel frustrated at times and hurt, but please do place your feelings into the hands of God because He truly does care and will help you through them. God will help you. God bless you.

 

[grace4ever]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us. I am truly sorry for what you are going through. It seems that you have been through a lot lately. It is understandable for the way you feel. Even in the darkest moments in our lives, there is always hope. Have you ever heard that when the people get married, they bring their own luggage from their own family? That does mean that they bring wounds from their own families. No one is perfect; therefore, no marriage is perfect. Can you explain a little bit more why do you live in your husband’s mother house? When a couple get married it is better to find a place to live together, that you can grow as a couple and start a new foundation as a new family. It is not good idea to live with his or your relatives. In regards to your marriage, there’s a verse in Proverbs that says: kindness and prayer change the hearts. As wives our own conversion and testimony is very important for our DH. Have you ever seen the movie “The War Room”? I encourage you to watch this movie. It has a beautiful message about how to fight for your marriage. There are some spiritual battles that we need to give to God that He fights for us. I’m truly sorry that you DH. Have you ever thought of seeking Christian marriage counseling or therapy? Counseling can help to determine what is causing your husband’s behavior to change erratically. In marriage, couples bring their own baggage, however that does not mean that spouses should abuse or neglect each other. However, his behavior may be a sign of wounds from his childhood; maybe his father abused him when he was a boy and/or someone abused or tormented him in his young age. But he can take initiative to overcome his behavior, he needs to be encouraged. In regards to his mother’s house, it is best that you both should move on from your MIL house and not allow his relatives to interfere with your marriage. In spite of this situation let me tell you that you are important and valuable person and you are a person of worth of dignity. God loves you very much because He made you in His likeness and image. You may be having a hard time believing this, but that doesn’t disqualify you from being loved and valued for exactly who you are. Hope this helps. Sending you hugs. I will keep you in my prayers for both of you my sister in Christ.

 

[now faith]

NO. You misread. Husband works for a union, not my family. I think I've said that like 3 times. My dad has COPD, has had a collapsed lung and now is on dialysis. Won't define those, check out WebMd. I don't think I have an emotional relationship online in a cheating fashion. I have no desire for that. I pray away the emotions and thoughts I feel which I believe are temptation and I don't want that. My husband knows I talk to a ton of friends online. I'm not sure if he'd approve of what I've posted here. He probably would tell me to ignore your post, but I won't. And he already knows the situation. Still don't know why I am explaining myself here, I guess I just want to clear some things up since you posted a questionnaire. I wouldn't approve of my husband flirting on Facebook since I DO NOT flirt on Facebook, I just talk to friends. If he was talking about me, so be it! He revealed to me last night that he has talked to his friends at work both men and women. Just like I have. I revealed to him that I had spoken to this guy online last night. I told him how I actually messaged that guy to apologize for being a jerk to him back in the day (I wasn't being a jerk to him, but I found old messages that made me feel like anyone could take those messages wrong). After that, he just vented to me and I vented to him. He will try to say things as a joke, but I will brush them off because I can't reply to something that seems flirty because I have nothing. We do not have plans to meet up, I don't send pictures, etc. I'm actually glad I never went for that guy, but I always have this really weird feeling when he texts me and he gets stuck in my mind, but I feel extremely bad for him because he has lived a life that of being very unloved by his family. It's almost like I keep getting this fantasy version of him stuck in my mind. I pray to get away from thoughts of him. I feel awful bad for him. If you want to know more, I really encourage this person to do the best he can in life. To keep believing and submitting to God (he was mad at Him), and to keep praying for that perfect woman because I want him to have that. I try to be this guys friend.

Ok. back to the questionnaire. His family only talks to me when they feel like it. I never said they ate too much, but they are very much obese. I feel like this offended you. Sorry if it did. I don't understand why you are questioning this, but I am not like them and I wonder if this has anything to do with the way they treat me. Even their pets are like 30 lbs overweight. My husband makes $32.11/hr and I make $20/hr. We can afford a better home than this and if we were to buy our own, it would be what we actually want, the biggest factor being WHERE we want to be. I never said anything is anyone's fault here, I'm just explaining how I feel about MY POSITION in MY marriage. Again, I don't have an online relationship. I have said nothing to him about having feelings for him and he's not my boyfriend. Why I am aware of emotional cheating is because I had a friend tell me her ex husband did this to her and I never understood it, that being why I don't believe its actual cheating. It's temptation in my opinion because I really don't get it. Maybe there's more to it than I understand because I'm not doing anything but replying to messages like this one right here. Nothing physical. I have no desire once again. So, I'm not sharing my heart. Just my problems. To be honest, he shares more of his and I just counsel him. He lost his job three weeks ago- still not interested in what he has or him. I'm just afraid that having those weird feelings is "an emotional affair," which is confusing to me. It's not something I am trying to do. Maybe tempted? I just keep shutting it down. I pray to somehow kill the conversation and just get it over with. I barely know how to identify my own feelings. So when someone shows me care, I just have these weird bubbly feelings. Everyone is always bringing me their problems. I'm a school counselor, not an actual counselor for big issues, but I'm always glad to help. I'm also too friendly and caring. I worked so hard to be more of an extrovert and now I'm wishing I was more of an introvert again. Yeah,I have thought about the d word, but mostly separation to give my husband that obvious space he wants. I don't want the D word- he brought it up. I overthink so I think of it when I'm mad. I feel like everyone is pulling me from all sorts of directions. Sure, this post can seem ambiguous, and you can assume whatever you want. Thanks for there prayers...

My apologies for the negative questions,God Bless you Sister.
My eyes are off some,and I often read late night outside.
praying For your Dad and His health.
Praying for your marriage and Husband.
Living in close quarters with InLaws can be horrible,its true I have been married before,divorced and remarried.
Keep on the high road,rebuke sinful thoughts.
I sincerely hope your joy returns.

 

[TexFire316]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good.
I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

The Scripture addresses all of this. And no, I am not going to point you in the direction of a bunch of verses. If it's important to you to know what the Father has to say about it, then you will find those verses. But, I suspect that your mind is already made up. You are NEGLECTED. How dare he?
Don't harden your heart just yet, see what the Father has to say.

 

[carrico]

My apologies for the negative questions,God Bless you Sister.
My eyes are off some,and I often read late night outside.
praying For your Dad and His health.
Praying for your marriage and Husband.
Living in close quarters with InLaws can be horrible,its true I have been married before,divorced and remarried.
Keep on the high road,rebuke sinful thoughts.
I sincerely hope your joy returns.

Your prayers have worked. Thank you. My marriage was better within a week later from this post.

 

[carrico]

The Scripture addresses all of this. And no, I am not going to point you in the direction of a bunch of verses. If it's important to you to know what the Father has to say about it, then you will find those verses. But, I suspect that your mind is already made up. You are NEGLECTED. How dare he?
Don't harden your heart just yet, see what the Father has to say.

I haven't been on in a few weeks. Things have gotten so much better. It got better quickly.