I'm Neglected a Lot

[lsume]

We are born again. We just have problems. I think our problem is his job.

Getting to be a bigger problem for many. The lack of Christian reality in most of American business is very sad.

 

[carrico]

Getting to be a bigger problem for many. The lack of Christian reality in most of American business is very sad.

Mercy! You have that one right! I have another post about needing workplace advice if you wanna pop over there. I'm stuck with a mean, mean, lesbian at the school I work at. She acts like she's my supervisor and treats me like the kids there. I can't believe she has been able to stay there!

 

[Mountainmanbob]

I'm stuck with a mean, mean, lesbian at the school I work at.

Some are known to be very bossy.
M

 

[carrico]

Some are known to be very bossy.
M

From time to time, I pray we can become friends.

 

[carrico]

Thanks everyone for reaching out. A lot of you were a lot of help. Some of you, I think you misunderstood some things. My husband and I decided to reconnect yesterday. We went out for my birthday. I turn 30 on Wednesday. I hope my 30s are waayyyy better than what my 20s were. I will miss my 20s despite how hard it was. We have decided to date more over the weekends since we haven't had much to do with each other lately. We talked about a lot of things. All the things that were discussed here. Please continue to pray for us. He says he has fallen in love all over again. I realized today that we never really fell apart, we just have a ton of stress on that has spilled over into our home. It's like an atomic bomb. A lot of times, I just want to give up. Deep down, I dont want to do that. Thats why I stay. I'd rather stay and argue than to throw in the towel. I'm also going to try to keep our business off of social media including this one. I really shouldn't have vented so much here. I just wanted someone to talk to. Thanks to everyone with their prayers and help.

 

[longwait]

Hi. We have been married for 5 years. I will say the first year was the hardest. All I ever heard was about his exes. I also heard all about them the first almost year we were dating. We got married after dating for 10 months. It's just like I always saw him with someone else in my mind instead of me. He told me too much. His family would also bring up all these girls too. He's everything I want. He still is.

I sometimes wonder about other guys that I was interested in and if I would have been happy there. I'm actually kinda haunted by those thoughts because one of them is a friend, but I often think I'm soooo glad I dodged that bullet and I remember why I left him in the friend zone. I pray those thoughts away. A lot of thoughts come flowing through about other guys. It's terrible. Overwhelming. My husband travels a lot, so when I'm lonely, all these thoughts just run over me. The friend in the friend zone will oftentimes message me on FB and I will message him with info or just check on him. He was abused as a child and his attitude shows it. Everything is just so negative with him. He will start talking to me and tell me things like how he wished that we worked out. I never went out with this guy. I just reconnected with him on FB like 8 years ago and I haven't seen him since I was like 8. He had a crazy grandpa who would whip him with a belt. Not the one on his pants, the lawn mower belt. I will often get stories from him in text about his childhood because it's so interesting and you would never know this was going on down the road while you were just chilling in the pool or playing and having fun and a kid who rides your bus is being beat. I end up venting to this guy about marriage because I know he isn't going to tell anyone since he doesnt know many of the people I know and talk to. I feel so guilty that I talk to him because all these guilty feelings and thougths overbear me. I've read something about emotional cheating and adultery which I don't really believe in that. I believe cheating is going out with someone while married and adultery is actually having that sexual relationship with that person. I haven't done either and I won't to my husband. He knows I talk to guy friends on FB and stuff because I'm not a sexual freak and I don't have intentions. I think the emotional part of that theory is temptation. I do encourage this friend to find the best woman for him and he checks on me to see if things are better and if I'm ok. He's just a good person and I pray for him. I just feel like I feel something for him when I answer these messages, but I didn't want him for a reason and I'm not looking to go get him. I feel so much emotion and guilty. I'm emotional anyways. I used to have a crush on him. I just couldn't date him due to the position I was in and the people he came from.

Sorry to write a book. I just want to confess some things and get some help from friends/ bros and sisters. I'm all over the place. Also, OCD. I guess that's why I can't stop thinking and over thinking. My husbands family- the sisters were raised like the perfect spoiled brats. He was treated different even though his dad was always traveling to work. I go out and do more than they do and I'm sure there's some jealousy in there. I take care of myself, they don't. I went and got a good career. Their jobs don't need a diploma which is what their mom wanted. So there's all of that. They were different when I dated my husband. I've been cussed out for being supportive and for coming over to the house later than a sister expected. I went to church and grocery shopped and took a 15 minute nap because I thought I was going to pass out and got cussed. That's life with them! Over it! Thanks for your kind words.

Oh! sorry to hear of all that you have to go through. 5 years of marriage is not long at all. I believe things will change for the better. If you are living in the same house with his jealous sisters then if you and hus can find some other place, I believe it will be much more peaceful for you and easier to bear.

Its okay, no need to apologize for all that you have written. I know its a burden and you need to let it out. After all you can't pour out your heart to someone who can see you and might use it against you in gossip and slander.

About the emotional cheating part, there's some truth to it as the Lord sees the heart intent even though one might not do anything physically wrong. But if you don't have any desires towards anyone other than your hus then you don't need to worry about it. If you do even slightly then I think you should not continue with the messaging. It could be dangerous since you are so burdened in your heart. Try not to look at the good life that others have. Then it will be easier for you to cope with yours. Just treat it as a test. God is testing you. You need to pass it. Take care and God Bless You.

 

[lsume]

Mercy! You have that one right! I have another post about needing workplace advice if you wanna pop over there. I'm stuck with a mean, mean, lesbian at the school I work at. She acts like she's my supervisor and treats me like the kids there. I can't believe she has been able to stay there!

I’m hope that you have earnestly prayed about this situation. It seems to be everywhere. We have 4 adult children all somewhere in their 40’s. They all have stressful jobs. They are all reasonably successful but as a parent I don’t really care as much about the worlds idea of success as I do about happiness and joy. Our grandchildren are for the most part over 21. The situation here seems to promote incompetence which begets more of the same. I’m retired but worked in very high stress jobs during my career. Getting in Christ and letting Him guide is part of The Way. I imagine that the stress carries over into many aspects of your lives. I plan to pray for you situation. Something I’ve learned to be true follows; The person that you have the problem with needs to be the focus of your loving prayer. Let God be The Judge and have a little faith. I strongly believe that if you are able to genuinely pray for the female who is causing you trouble in The Love of Christ, your problem will be gone in under 2 weeks. Please let me know. Our God is a God of Power.

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Goodness. I hit a barrier in a drive thru. It was one of those moments where you couldn't believe what just happened. I was avoiding the silly think and still hit it. I pulled into a parking spot to eat. Trying to stay calm, I couldn't. I sat my food on the dash and I just started to cry. Then I started breathing hard freaking out and I thought I was going to throw up. I had to calm myself down fast because I didn't have the time, so I just calmed down best I could. Ate. Went to my mechanic to pay for my car and he tried to see what he could do for that place on the truck bc I thought I was going to just let my husband find it himself. When he got home, I didn't tell him since his behavior sucks when he gets home. Later on after we picked my car up, I showed him and I was balling my eyes again before telling him. I'm always so afraid he's going to be mad at me. He's not even the mad type. He's the type who just wont talk to you. He told me he wasn't mad over the truck. Then he huffed and puffed in the house for 30 min and came back downstairs and laughed at me. He also made a joke about it yesterday and it set off that panic in me- I thought he was mad about it. Maybe I am too busy looking for perfect. He even said he didn't know why I would think he would be mad. I don't know what kind of person im getting when he gets home, so yeah, I was nervous as a cat! I tell my mom everything. She told me itll probably work out. We are working on it. It's been pretty good this weekend, but that doesn't mean I will have that sweet version one my husband tomorrow through Thursday.

We might be getting somewhere now I had an incident the other day where someone hit me in the car, but I didnt realise so drove off. I'm still huffing and puffing (to use your words) about it because I'm not happy it happened and there is a crack and scuff on my bumper. I also find quite often I cant say ANYTHING to my wife or she accuses me of having a go even though Im just trying to help. For example she quite often wont pay attention to what she is doing and when clearing left overs off plates will throw knives and forks in the bin. I might say something like just look at it when youre putting it in the bin and youll see it as a bit of advice to try to help not keep repeating the same thing. Does she see it as advice? No, she accuses me of having a go. Is it possible you are like that, when he tries to say something helpful you misinterpret it as having a go when its not intended that way? Do you wind yourself up because you dont believe him when he says he's not angry? Maybe he even said a joke to show he wasnt mad but you took it the wrong way and panicked anyway? It might be he doesnt talk to you because he knows whatever he says you'll see it as having a go, try just believing him. My wife and I are fine but this can be a source of stress.

 

[carrico]

Oh! sorry to hear of all that you have to go through. 5 years of marriage is not long at all. I believe things will change for the better. If you are living in the same house with his jealous sisters then if you and hus can find some other place, I believe it will be much more peaceful for you and easier to bear.

Its okay, no need to apologize for all that you have written. I know its a burden and you need to let it out. After all you can't pour out your heart to someone who can see you and might use it against you in gossip and slander.

About the emotional cheating part, there's some truth to it as the Lord sees the heart intent even though one might not do anything physically wrong. But if you don't have any desires towards anyone other than your hus then you don't need to worry about it. If you do even slightly then I think you should not continue with the messaging. It could be dangerous since you are so burdened in your heart. Try not to look at the good life that others have. Then it will be easier for you to cope with yours. Just treat it as a test. God is testing you. You need to pass it. Take care and God Bless You.

Thanks for being awesome. I don't live with the in-laws we just live in their old house. It really gets to me because I know my MIL wants to kinda control this place. I have been here alone before and she didn't know I was home and she came over here with Halloween candy. Not sure if she would have came inside. She does have a key. My husband will not change the door knobs here. They really need to be replaced. Sometimes you can't get the doors open. Makes me wonder what would happen in a time of fire. I certainly do feel burdened. It's just that I don't know if it was even emotional cheating. I've felt a lot recently. June 2020 = worst month ever! The words my husband said about us being friends if we divorced didn't feel good, but seemed so small compared to what I was feeling over my dad. I'm not close to my dad, but being in our old house, I had never felt more at home. It made my heart heavy. It made talking to my friend in the messages we had miss being a kid since that's how I knew him, made me sad my parents divorced (it hits me like a big ol school bus from time to time that they are divorced still), seeing my dad not function properly and seeing him being 63 years old was a big pot of feels. I haven't really messaged him in a week. I was always waiting for the messages to end. Most of them were about serious deep stuff about him when he was a kid. Whenever he sent some risky jokes, I shut them down. I'm just worried I started to feel something.

 

[carrico]

I’m hope that you have earnestly prayed about this situation. It seems to be everywhere. We have 4 adult children all somewhere in their 40’s. They all have stressful jobs. They are all reasonably successful but as a parent I don’t really care as much about the worlds idea of success as I do about happiness and joy. Our grandchildren are for the most part over 21. The situation here seems to promote incompetence which begets more of the same. I’m retired but worked in very high stress jobs during my career. Getting in Christ and letting Him guide is part of The Way. I imagine that the stress carries over into many aspects of your lives. I plan to pray for you situation. Something I’ve learned to be true follows; The person that you have the problem with needs to be the focus of your loving prayer. Let God be The Judge and have a little faith. I strongly believe that if you are able to genuinely pray for the female who is causing you trouble in The Love of Christ, your problem will be gone in under 2 weeks. Please let me know. Our God is a God of Power.

I just prayed about it. I'm praying for friendship and not battles. I mean, if I have to work with her, I'd rather get along with her. I'm sure she's in there for another 7-10 years. I also pray for her life because something could be really hard for her too, you know. It seems like she plows over most people (even the kids). All except for the principals. I hope she doesnt create problems for me to where I have to turn her in... I'm sure it would be a "just the way she is," deal.

 

[carrico]

We might be getting somewhere now I had an incident the other day where someone hit me in the car, but I didnt realise so drove off. I'm still huffing and puffing (to use your words) about it because I'm not happy it happened and there is a crack and scuff on my bumper. I also find quite often I cant say ANYTHING to my wife or she accuses me of having a go even though Im just trying to help. For example she quite often wont pay attention to what she is doing and when clearing left overs off plates will throw knives and forks in the bin. I might say something like just look at it when youre putting it in the bin and youll see it as a bit of advice to try to help not keep repeating the same thing. Does she see it as advice? No, she accuses me of having a go. Is it possible you are like that, when he tries to say something helpful you misinterpret it as having a go when its not intended that way? Do you wind yourself up because you dont believe him when he says he's not angry? Maybe he even said a joke to show he wasnt mad but you took it the wrong way and panicked anyway? It might be he doesnt talk to you because he knows whatever he says you'll see it as having a go, try just believing him. My wife and I are fine but this can be a source of stress.

I do and I don't get wound up. Time of the month plays a big role too, but that truck was a serious thing. I felt TERRIBLE!

 

[Josheb]

Thank you. This is very helpful. Your tips and pointers are very reasonable and are in a calm approach. Sometimes I just get so over it, I can fly off the handle because I'm exhausted with his ways. We did spend a lot of time together today and yesterday. He seems really happy. We also talked a little and he is very sorry and so am I.

I have my moments . Give God the glory.

 

[longwait]

The words my husband said about us being friends if we divorced didn't feel good

Why did he say that? Does he want a divorce?

 

[lsume]

Why did he say that? Does he want a divorce?

Unfortunately that does not sound very encouraging. Perhaps a heartfelt prayer together and then maybe a hard talk or counseling with your pastor. If your pastor is someone whom you trust, then maybe he could help. Your husband sounds like their is something else going on. Honesty is essential. However not every thing needs to be known. By that I mean that unpleasant issues from either of your pasts that don’t need to be known might be best to remain left in the past. Of course by the end, everything will be exposed to The Light. I’ve been going through this revelation and forgiveness of hidden sins now for some years. I don’t need to know all truths. Many truths are evil and vile. However, everything that I need to know must be Truth. Christ makes that happen.

 

[Junia]

You don't have sufficient grounds for divorce. A separation will not make things better. You need a mediator, someone he will listen too. A pastor would be a good mediator. Ask your pastor to get him on the usher team, events, or venue team, the pastor can build a relationship with him and guide you both through getting reacquainted.

Is emotional abuse not sufficient grounds for divorce?

 

[carrico]

Why did he say that? Does he want a divorce?

I'm not sure. He says we don't get a long, but we were not spending a lot of time together.

 

[Junia]

I'm not sure. He says we don't get a long, but we were not spending a lot of time together.

but DO you want a divorce? what do you want?

 

[Junia]

I'm not sure. He says we don't get a long, but we were not spending a lot of time together.

my personal opinion is that an abusie marriage liek this one is toxic and you would be in your rights to leave IF you wanted to. God wants you to feel safe and treated well. BUT if you want to work at it, and your husband is willing maybe it can happen? counselling of some sort?

 

[SeekingGloryOnThisJourney]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there. He wasn't talking counseling either. I'm in utter shock considering he told me we don't use the D word (divorce). I had a post a few days ago, and things got a little better. He comes home and I'm all happy and talking to him while I'm on the phone with my mom. She said to tell him "hi and that he is my favorite son-in-law!" He's coming around his car with the most hard, mad face (just like his mom), telling me to get in the house. I did and he cuts right by me and won't even acknowledge my mom starts slamming the door over and over to shut it. This attitude happens like three times a week or more. I'm over it. He went on how he didn't have a good day. I wouldn't know that. I don't work with him, but he was filled in on how I was used by my dad earlier (which hurt and was disappointing) and he continued to give me the silent treatment and treat me like I've done something so bad. I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of a non-caring husband. Or one that is distant and could care less. He even ignored my mom! He told me I do the same to his parents. No, I sit in their house and watch their family enjoy each other. I'm not family. I talk to them when spoken to if im allowed to even answer. Usually one of his jealous sisters usually yells or talks over me and if I speak to someone without permission (like not spoken to), they will turn to someone else and start talking and here you are basically talking to nobody. I just always wanted to be married into a good, Christian family. I thought I had that. Turns out it's Facebook posts and praying before we eat (they're all like 300+ lbs). Not much love anywhere else.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good. He just makes me feel like we don't need to be together. Like he doesn't care if I'm there or not. From time to time, I kinda regret marriage, but I don't want a divorce. I don't want to sin that way. I want to honor God, but feels like I never wanted it to be like this and stay that way. By the way, I had left the front door open on the house I live in (I wish I could say my house). Not wide open. The screen door was there. It was open maybe 15 minutes. I'm over pettiness. I did take up for myself. I said things I shouldn't have. I was very blunt and told him to go on. I'm not sleeping with him tonight. I'll have to lay there and be ignored by him again because I will talk try to talk to him. I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

I’m so sorry!
Women often tend to marry a version of their father, (my mother did) because they think it’s the opposite.
Don’t fear. Not all hope is lost. Try to make the first loving step. I don’t know how hard his job is, but love never hurt a thing. I’m not saying this has to be one way, physically or just spiritually. We need balance. Let him know you appreciate him.
As for the in-laws....
well, sometimes people, especially when we aren’t around them a lot, don’t tend to change.
Keep praying- it helps. Always.
I know I’m single but this was based off of my parent’s marriage.

 

[carrico]

my personal opinion is that an abusie marriage liek this one is toxic and you would be in your rights to leave IF you wanted to. God wants you to feel safe and treated well. BUT if you want to work at it, and your husband is willing maybe it can happen? counselling of some sort?

We are working very hard at making ends meet. It has been very good this week. Do I want a divorce? No. I actually don't. I had a lot of emotions last week and the week before and the week before. June 2020 was the worst month of my life! My dad being sick, my husband questioning us, I had thoughts on marriage and felt regret because I thought it was going south. Sometimes I feel like I could walk away from this, but deep down inside, I don't want to. I just want to talk to someone about it A LOT!