I'm Neglected a Lot

[carrico]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there. He wasn't talking counseling either. I'm in utter shock considering he told me we don't use the D word (divorce). I had a post a few days ago, and things got a little better. He comes home and I'm all happy and talking to him while I'm on the phone with my mom. She said to tell him "hi and that he is my favorite son-in-law!" He's coming around his car with the most hard, mad face (just like his mom), telling me to get in the house. I did and he cuts right by me and won't even acknowledge my mom starts slamming the door over and over to shut it. This attitude happens like three times a week or more. I'm over it. He went on how he didn't have a good day. I wouldn't know that. I don't work with him, but he was filled in on how I was used by my dad earlier (which hurt and was disappointing) and he continued to give me the silent treatment and treat me like I've done something so bad. I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of a non-caring husband. Or one that is distant and could care less. He even ignored my mom! He told me I do the same to his parents. No, I sit in their house and watch their family enjoy each other. I'm not family. I talk to them when spoken to if im allowed to even answer. Usually one of his jealous sisters usually yells or talks over me and if I speak to someone without permission (like not spoken to), they will turn to someone else and start talking and here you are basically talking to nobody. I just always wanted to be married into a good, Christian family. I thought I had that. Turns out it's Facebook posts and praying before we eat (they're all like 300+ lbs). Not much love anywhere else.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good. He just makes me feel like we don't need to be together. Like he doesn't care if I'm there or not. From time to time, I kinda regret marriage, but I don't want a divorce. I don't want to sin that way. I want to honor God, but feels like I never wanted it to be like this and stay that way. By the way, I had left the front door open on the house I live in (I wish I could say my house). Not wide open. The screen door was there. It was open maybe 15 minutes. I'm over pettiness. I did take up for myself. I said things I shouldn't have. I was very blunt and told him to go on. I'm not sleeping with him tonight. I'll have to lay there and be ignored by him again because I will talk try to talk to him. I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

 

[BobRyan]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there. He wasn't talking counseling either. I'm in utter shock considering he told me we don't use the D word (divorce). I had a post a few days ago, and things got a little better. He comes home and I'm all happy and talking to him while I'm on the phone with my mom. She said to tell him "hi and that he is my favorite son-in-law!" He's coming around his car with the most hard, mad face (just like his mom), telling me to get in the house. I did and he cuts right by me and won't even acknowledge my mom starts slamming the door over and over to shut it. This attitude happens like three times a week or more. I'm over it. He went on how he didn't have a good day. I wouldn't know that. I don't work with him, but he was filled in on how I was used by my dad earlier (which hurt and was disappointing) and he continued to give me the silent treatment and treat me like I've done something so bad. I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of a non-caring husband. Or one that is distant and could care less. He even ignored my mom! He told me I do the same to his parents. No, I sit in their house and watch their family enjoy each other. I'm not family. I talk to them when spoken to if im allowed to even answer. Usually one of his jealous sisters usually yells or talks over me and if I speak to someone without permission (like not spoken to), they will turn to someone else and start talking and here you are basically talking to nobody. I just always wanted to be married into a good, Christian family. I thought I had that. Turns out it's Facebook posts and praying before we eat (they're all like 300+ lbs). Not much love anywhere else.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good. He just makes me feel like we don't need to be together. Like he doesn't care if I'm there or not. From time to time, I kinda regret marriage, but I don't want a divorce. I don't want to sin that way. I want to honor God, but feels like I never wanted it to be like this and stay that way. By the way, I had left the front door open on the house I live in (I wish I could say my house). Not wide open. The screen door was there. It was open maybe 15 minutes. I'm over pettiness. I did take up for myself. I said things I shouldn't have. I was very blunt and told him to go on. I'm not sleeping with him tonight. I'll have to lay there and be ignored by him again because I will talk try to talk to him. I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

Find a good church - attend a strong Bible believing evangelizing church.. invite him to join you . Get into a prayer fellowship.

God says friendship with the world is hatred against God - in James 4 which means half-way-measures simply invite the devil into the home to torment those who live in it.

God will provide the help you need but you cannot turn half-way to God - has to be 100%

 

[A_Thinker]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there. He wasn't talking counseling either. I'm in utter shock considering he told me we don't use the D word (divorce). I had a post a few days ago, and things got a little better. He comes home and I'm all happy and talking to him while I'm on the phone with my mom. She said to tell him "hi and that he is my favorite son-in-law!" He's coming around his car with the most hard, mad face (just like his mom), telling me to get in the house. I did and he cuts right by me and won't even acknowledge my mom starts slamming the door over and over to shut it. This attitude happens like three times a week or more. I'm over it. He went on how he didn't have a good day. I wouldn't know that. I don't work with him, but he was filled in on how I was used by my dad earlier (which hurt and was disappointing) and he continued to give me the silent treatment and treat me like I've done something so bad. I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of a non-caring husband. Or one that is distant and could care less. He even ignored my mom! He told me I do the same to his parents. No, I sit in their house and watch their family enjoy each other. I'm not family. I talk to them when spoken to if im allowed to even answer. Usually one of his jealous sisters usually yells or talks over me and if I speak to someone without permission (like not spoken to), they will turn to someone else and start talking and here you are basically talking to nobody. I just always wanted to be married into a good, Christian family. I thought I had that. Turns out it's Facebook posts and praying before we eat (they're all like 300+ lbs). Not much love anywhere else.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good. He just makes me feel like we don't need to be together. Like he doesn't care if I'm there or not. From time to time, I kinda regret marriage, but I don't want a divorce. I don't want to sin that way. I want to honor God, but feels like I never wanted it to be like this and stay that way. By the way, I had left the front door open on the house I live in (I wish I could say my house). Not wide open. The screen door was there. It was open maybe 15 minutes. I'm over pettiness. I did take up for myself. I said things I shouldn't have. I was very blunt and told him to go on. I'm not sleeping with him tonight. I'll have to lay there and be ignored by him again because I will talk try to talk to him. I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

Sounds like counseling is in order.

There seem to be issues that your relationship isn't touching.

I would wager that neither of you know how to minister to the other. A counselor might be able to help with that ...

 

[carrico]

Find a good church - attend a strong Bible believing evangelizing church.. invite him to join you . Get into a prayer fellowship.

God says friendship with the world is hatred against God - in James 4 which means half-way-measures simply invite the devil into the home to torment those who live in it.

God will provide the help you need but you cannot turn half-way to God - has to be 100%

We have been going to a church that is newer to us since Easter time. I don't really like it all that much. I mean, they had something about a greek goddess on their church calendar since the name June came from that goddess. I didn't understand. And that was a baptist church!

I read James 4:4. I really don't want to be a friend of the world, but if my husband makes me divorce or I feel like I have to get away from this, does that mean I'm an enemy of God? I don't want to be because I love God! I also love my husband, but I don't feel a whole lot of love from him.

 

[carrico]

Sounds like counseling is in order.

There seem to be issues that your relationship isn't touching.

I would wager that neither of you know how to minister to the other. A counselor might be able to help with that ...

He barely talks to me so I don't know if he'd even go to counseling. I'm over the silent treatment and emotional abuse. I try to stay rooted in the Word. He's usually in front of the TV when I'm reading the Bible. All I can think about is that he needs to love me like how Christ loves the church. I just never say it.

 

[tturt]

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

There's hundreds on youtube.

 

[carrico]

Encourage you to watch "Marriage Today" Those televised programs are on Daystar. Plus their website marriagetoday.com/category/tv-episodes/ has probably 60 free episodes including "What a man really needs" and 'What a woman really needs" by Jimmy Evan's ministries. All teachings are Biblically based. Plus there's books, videos, etc.

Thanks. What if my husband just doesn't want me anymore? What do I do? I thought about emptying my house out and living with my mom for a while to give him some space.

 

[Renata8]

You don't have sufficient grounds for divorce. A separation will not make things better. You need a mediator, someone he will listen too. A pastor would be a good mediator. Ask your pastor to get him on the usher team, events, or venue team, the pastor can build a relationship with him and guide you both through getting reacquainted.

 

[carrico]

You don't have sufficient grounds for divorce. You need a mediator, someone he will listen too. A pastor would be a good mediator. Ask your pastor to get him on the usher team, events, or venue team, the pastor can build a relationship with him and guide you both through getting reacquainted.

He's very anti-social. But can I ask you... if we stayed together and nothing ever got better- let's say we just barely talked to each other, he traveled, I saw him once a month, we just didn't care to spend time together, we wouldn't cheat, we would be just distant or even more distant would that be equal to divorcing if we didn't even live like were married, but still lived together and just kinda accepted that we're a crappy couple?

 

[Renata8]

He's very anti-social. But can I ask you... if we stayed together and nothing ever got better- let's say we just barely talked to each other, he traveled, I saw him once a month, we just didn't care to spend time together, we wouldn't cheat, we would be just distant or even more distant would that be equal to divorcing if we didn't even live like were married, but still lived together and just kinda accepted that we're a crappy couple?

You're not very optimistic or hopeful. A lot of what-ifs. I think you already know what you want to do.

 

[anna ~ grace]

He's very anti-social. But can I ask you... if we stayed together and nothing ever got better- let's say we just barely talked to each other, he traveled, I saw him once a month, we just didn't care to spend time together, we wouldn't cheat, we would be just distant or even more distant would that be equal to divorcing if we didn't even live like were married, but still lived together and just kinda accepted that we're a crappy couple?

Everyone, everyone has problems. Many, many men have anger issues. This is not uncommon.

Try counseling. Try that. Something that has helped me is struggling to be a better listener to my husband, even if he's in a crummy mood, and I don't feel like listening. I force myself to listen, and not talk about myself. For a while, at least. This has helped.

 

[carrico]

You're not very optimistic or hopeful. A lot of what-ifs. I think you already know what you want to do.

Thanks... it's just that when he travels for work that's what it's like. So I wonder...

 

[carrico]

Everyone, everyone has problems. Many, many men have anger issues. This is not uncommon.

Try counseling. Try that. Something that has helped me is struggling to be a better listener to my husband, even if he's in a crummy mood, and I don't feel like listening. I force myself to listen, and not talk about myself. For a while, at least. This has helped.

Thank you for bringing a positive light here. I feel like a lot of other people kinda assumed things. There's only so much I can type here without making it too much. Counseling is looking like a theme.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Thank you for bringing a positive light here. I feel like a lot of other people kinda assumed things. There's only so much I can type here without making it too much. Counseling is looking like a theme.

Yeah, do try counseling. A marriage is precious. A first, Christian marriage is a gift from God, and keeping things a float is a two-way street between husband and wife. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like the other person is doing much of anything to help. Love them anyway. Love them in spite of their issues and grouchiness and immaturity. Love the hurting, upset person behind all the lousy actions.

This takes grace. This totally take God's grace, mercy, strength, and help. So spend a decent amount of time in prayer. Take time out for your soul. Don't forget to pray for your husband, too.

 

[carrico]

Yeah, do try counseling. A marriage is precious. A first, Christian marriage is a gift from God, and keeping things a float is a two-way street between husband and wife. Sometimes, it doesn't feel like the other person is doing much of anything to help. Love them anyway. Love them in spite of their issues and grouchiness and immaturity. Love the hurting, upset person behind all the lousy actions.

This takes grace. This totally take God's grace, mercy, strength, and help. So spend a decent amount of time in prayer. Take time out for your soul. Don't forget to pray for your husband, too.

Before all of this happened, I went to get groceries for my dad. My dad is healing from being put on dialysis. It's hard looking at him as an old man who is sick. I haven't been very close to him, but I have prayed to be closer. I got my prayer answered! My dad is very hateful, judgmental, and bossy. I was being used at his house to do everything for him (extremely lazy, he can wash dishes and clothes). He doesnt have my mom anymore because he cheated, did drugs, and pretty much threw us away. Back to my husband, when all of this started to happen, he didn't really seem to like me helping my dad out. He had no idea how I felt. I felt terrible. My dad pushed me away and then needed me. My dad left me and my sis sick on a couch with pneumonia to die when I was a kid, and I just can't let my dad struggle. I obviously survived. My uncle who was in town to visit took me and my sister to the hospital.

And I also have PMDD so I feel outrage right before my monthly. I always let him know and my husband hammers away harder at me in this time to make it worse.

 

[anna ~ grace]

Before all of this happened, I went to get groceries for my dad. My dad is healing from being put on dialysis. It's hard looking at him as an old man who is sick. I haven't been very close to him, but I have prayed to be closer. I got my prayer answered! My dad is very hateful, judgmental, and bossy. I was being used at his house to do everything for him (extremely lazy, he can wash dishes and clothes). He doesnt have my mom anymore because he cheated, did drugs, and pretty much threw us away. Back to my husband, when all of this started to happen, he didn't really seem to like me helping my dad out. He had no idea how I felt. I felt terrible. My dad pushed me away and then needed me. My dad left me and my sis sick on a couch with pneumonia to die when I was a kid, and I just can't let my dad struggle. I obviously survived. My uncle who was in town to visit took me and my sister to the hospital.

And I also have PMDD so I feel outrage right before my monthly. I always let him know and my husband hammers away harder at me in this time to make it worse.

I would definitely seek Christian counseling, at least for yourself. Sounds like there is a lot going on here.

The past can hurt. We can't change the past, or force people to make better choices, but we can love them, help them, forgive them as best we can (this doesn't mean the pain and anger immediately go away: often we will struggle with bouts of anger and sadness often), and work on ourselves first and foremost.

This is not meant to be a criticism, but a help. We can't change people. We just can't. But we can work on ourselves, love others, spend time with Christ in prayer, cultivate an interior life, and take care of our souls as we help others.

 

[carrico]

I would definitely seek Christian counseling, at least for yourself. Sounds like there is a lot going on here.

The past can hurt. We can't change the past, or force people to make better choices, but we can love them, help them, forgive them as best we can (this doesn't mean the pain and anger immediately go away: often we will struggle with bouts of anger and sadness often), and work on ourselves first and foremost.

This is not meant to be a criticism, but a help. We can't change people. We just can't. But we can work on ourselves, love others, spend time with Christ in prayer, cultivate an interior life, and take care of our souls as we help others.

You're right. Definitely not looking at this as criticism. You have lifted my spirits and helped me to have a sense on how to talk to him tonight. He is in bed, but not our bed. He's in the spare because I wanted to give him space.

 

[carrico]

You're not very optimistic or hopeful. A lot of what-ifs. I think you already know what you want to do.

I forgot to tell you what I do want. I want it to work out. I just don't want to fake a marriage and it feel like we're divorced for lack of love and engagement.

 

[anna ~ grace]

You're right. Definitely not looking at this as criticism. You have lifted my spirits and helped me to have a sense on how to talk to him tonight. He is in bed, but not our bed. He's in the spare because I wanted to give him space.

Ask Christ to help you to keep loving your husband. And to help your husband according to the needs of his body, mind, and soul. These are things that I pray for my husband often, and they help. God bless you, Carrico, and let us know how things are going.

 

[mourningdove~]

My husband told me we needed to see if we were happier with each other in December and go from there. He wasn't talking counseling either. I'm in utter shock considering he told me we don't use the D word (divorce). I had a post a few days ago, and things got a little better. He comes home and I'm all happy and talking to him while I'm on the phone with my mom. She said to tell him "hi and that he is my favorite son-in-law!" He's coming around his car with the most hard, mad face (just like his mom), telling me to get in the house. I did and he cuts right by me and won't even acknowledge my mom starts slamming the door over and over to shut it. This attitude happens like three times a week or more. I'm over it. He went on how he didn't have a good day. I wouldn't know that. I don't work with him, but he was filled in on how I was used by my dad earlier (which hurt and was disappointing) and he continued to give me the silent treatment and treat me like I've done something so bad. I want this to be the last time. I'm so sick of a non-caring husband. Or one that is distant and could care less. He even ignored my mom! He told me I do the same to his parents. No, I sit in their house and watch their family enjoy each other. I'm not family. I talk to them when spoken to if im allowed to even answer. Usually one of his jealous sisters usually yells or talks over me and if I speak to someone without permission (like not spoken to), they will turn to someone else and start talking and here you are basically talking to nobody. I just always wanted to be married into a good, Christian family. I thought I had that. Turns out it's Facebook posts and praying before we eat (they're all like 300+ lbs). Not much love anywhere else.

Not to mention, I am so miserable in mammas house (we live in his moms old house- I want to leave so bad). We have hopes to move. I'm treated like this often and he even knows my issues and when they arise is when he hammers me the most. Idk if he is wanting me to leave or what. He has told me that if I wanted to go, he just wants me to be happy that he wouldn't make me come back. Which makes me think maybe he doesn't want me. I'm neglected a lot. I might get a sit-down meal with him weekly. He makes sure time spent is quick so he can get back home and watch TV alone. His attitude is in waves. He's the sweetest man I've ever had and he has treated me pretty good. He just makes me feel like we don't need to be together. Like he doesn't care if I'm there or not. From time to time, I kinda regret marriage, but I don't want a divorce. I don't want to sin that way. I want to honor God, but feels like I never wanted it to be like this and stay that way. By the way, I had left the front door open on the house I live in (I wish I could say my house). Not wide open. The screen door was there. It was open maybe 15 minutes. I'm over pettiness. I did take up for myself. I said things I shouldn't have. I was very blunt and told him to go on. I'm not sleeping with him tonight. I'll have to lay there and be ignored by him again because I will talk try to talk to him. I am debating a separation to teach him a lesson. I wouldn't doubt he'd take a travel job (he's union) and leave. He's said he'd do it and I told him I'm not living in a place I don't want to live in alone. So I'd still leave. I just can't keep living here. Especially alone!

While you contemplate what others here have said ...
there is something else I would suggest, if you are not already doing it:

If you will take advantage of the 'alone' time that you have ...
and spend it in prayer and conversation with God ...
reading His Word, too ...
you will find that He is right there with you,
and that you are never truly alone.

And God will listen ... He will comfort and guide you ... direct your steps ...
as you spend time 'abiding' in Him ...

John 15:1-12

God bless