I wish I had a guy that...

[aloou]

I met Skee Low at a concert when I was in high school. I have a picture with him. So weird!

 

[MacFall]

At the risk of sounding dreamy P), I've heard that word used before and I use it at times not in talking about pursuing a woman physically, but pursuing her heart. That is all.

But that's exactly what I meant. Emotional pursuit is based on the same principle: A doesn't want B's company, but B insists that A have it nonetheless. It's not pursuit if someone isn't running away. That is what the word "pursuit" means. And before someone accuses me of appealing to semantics, the idea of pursuit does come from the Victorian/Edwardian idea that women should play coy and hard-to-get and force men to flash their plumage, lavish them with gifts, and "fight" for them. In the movies this works out fine: A eventually comes to find B's persistence "sweet" or moving in some way, there's a slap-slap-kiss moment, then they get married.

But that only works in the movies. In real life, if you insist that another person accept your affection when they don't want it, then you are not respecting them. You're not really loving them. Indeed, you're being selfish. If A doesn't want B, then according to the Golden Rule, B cannot rightfully insist that A associate with B. Because B would want that same respect from others. And if A secretly does want B, then A is being deceitful and manipulative by forcing B to "pursue" him or her.

Also, regarding "fighting" for someone - I only fight my enemies. Who, exactly, is supposed to be my enemy when I am "fighting" for the love of a woman?

 

[Paulie079]

But that's exactly what I meant. Emotional pursuit is based on the same principle: A doesn't want B's company, but B insists that A have it nonetheless. It's not pursuit if someone isn't running away. That is what the word "pursuit" means. And before someone accuses me of appealing to semantics, the idea of pursuit does come from the Victorian/Edwardian idea that women should play coy and hard-to-get and force men to flash their plumage, lavish them with gifts, and "fight" for them. In the movies this works out fine: A eventually comes to find B's persistence "sweet" or moving in some way, there's a slap-slap-kiss moment, then they get married.

But that only works in the movies. In real life, if you insist that another person accept your affection when they don't want it, then you are not respecting them. You're not really loving them. Indeed, you're being selfish. If A doesn't want B, then according to the Golden Rule, B cannot rightfully insist that A associate with B. Because B would want that same respect from others. And if A secretly does want B, then A is being deceitful and manipulative by forcing B to "pursue" him or her.

Also, regarding "fighting" for someone - I only fight my enemies. Who, exactly, is supposed to be my enemy when I am "fighting" for the love of a woman?

Eh, it really is a difference in understanding. If you think of it in a certain way that doesn't suit the way you would go about getting into a relationship, that's fine. I see pursuit as not just something you do in order to get into a relationship, but something that you do throughout the span of the relationship and marriage. I look at it more as intentionally going after her heart, so I think of it in the sense of a pursuit that is wanted, not a pursuit that isn't wanted. But I mean whatever, tomato, tomahto.

 

[MacFall]

I just don't believe that you would have to pursue someone who loves you. Ever. If you have problems with someone you love, you work with that person to overcome your problems. You don't chase them down in any sense.

 

[Paulie079]

I just don't believe that you would have to pursue someone who loves you. Ever. If you have problems with someone you love, you work with that person to overcome your problems. You don't chase them down in any sense.

If you define pursue as "to chase down" then what I'm saying won't really register with you at all.

 

[MacFall]

But that's what it means. The use of the word "pursuit" in the context of relationships comes from the idea that a woman has to run and the man has to give chase, which is plain enough if you just read the novels of the mid to late 1800s. And that idea is not biblical, and not even basically decent. If you don't mean what the word means, then why use the word?

 

[Paulie079]

But that's what it means. The use of the word "pursuit" in the context of relationships comes from the idea that a woman has to run and the man has to give chase, which is plain enough if you just read the novels of the mid to late 1800s. And that idea is not biblical, and not even basically decent. If you don't mean what the word means, then why use the word?

I use it in a different way. Sorry if that's a problem :/ I like that you bring the unbiblical part into it, though.

 

[Paulie079]

P.S. I like that two single guys are arguing about this. #irony

 

[NoodlesNoodlesNoodles]

No wonder I never succeeded a pursuing a degree. Damned thing was running away from me all the time.

 

[MacFall]

This is what I hate about the English language - the ambiguity.

The problem with using a word with multiple meanings is that you will be misunderstood. The vast majority of women who have told me they wanted men to pursue them meant withholding their affection until the man had proved himself. So if you say in general that you mean to "pursue" women, then no matter what you mean by it, chances are good that you will attract the attention of the sort of woman who wants you to prove yourself worthy of her, without any intention of reciprocating - because that attitude depends on the object of pursuit believing that she is already worthy of such proof, whereas you are not.

Because of that, you imply by talking of "pursuit" (again, whether you mean to or not) that you are not worthy of a woman's affection, while she is worthy of yours. I.e., that you are inferior to her. Which may seem nice enough as a superficial view of chivalry, but it's not healthy in reality. (Note, the principle applies equally when it's women seeking the affection of men, but it is usually expressed differently.)

I'd just suggest using a different word, that's all. But whatever works for you. Maybe your experiences have been/will be better than mine.

 

[Blank123]

No wonder I never succeeded a pursuing a degree. Damned thing was running away from me all the time.

I hate when that happens.

 

[Paulie079]

I think it depends on the individual woman too. Some have been hurt to the point where it's hard for them to trust another guy, even though they really do desire to get married someday. Those women aren't playing hard to get, they're just not going to trust a guy as soon as some others might. Of course there are those who do just play hard-to-get, though. In the way I use the word "pursue," I could maybe instead say "intentionally seek," but that's strange to say and it takes more breath I say this with the humility and possible naivity of a single guy, but I do think that relationships are so much more rewarding when the guy has to put in some effort to draw out the heart and beauty of the special woman in his life. The more he seeks to draw out her heart and affections through whatever means that she best feels loved, the more beautiful and radiant she gets as she feels safer and cared for. That's why I really believe that, in a general sense, you could take a room full of newly married couples and get snapshots of each couple, and then do the same thing 30 years later and you would be able to tell which husbands loved their wives well.

 

[Rose of Eden]

Pursuing and chasing are not one and the same, guys. They're very similar, but the connotations and implications are slightly different. Chasing, for instance, tends to imply speed, very quick decisions without much thought made in the moment, and sometimes going after something or someone that's running away. Pursuit, on the other hand, typically implies a slightly slower pace and a more thought-out and calculated plan of going after someone or something. A pursuit also tends to be a lengthier process, whereas a chase lasts for a shorter period of time. Hence, you chase the mugger who just stole your wallet, but you pursue an education...not the other way around. To really see the difference between the implied meanings of the two words, think about the images and ideas you associate with a police officer chasing a criminal versus a police officer pursuing a criminal. Not the same exact idea, at least to me.

Anyway, you're welcome for the English lesson, gentlemen. And now to answer the OP's question, I don't think it's weird at all. I would definitely want a man to pursue me and do all of those things. I think that's what men should do...as long as the woman is responding positively and encouraging it all of course. Harassment is never healthy haha!

 

[vanillakay]

I dont think theres anything wrong with you either! personally if i heard a guy tall that way about me, i would melt inot puddle of water.lol.Sadly though its very very rare to find men like that who TRULY mean it and want to do God's will. Hang in there girl, im same age as you and going through same thing! *hugs*

 

[Takkles]

Stuff Christians Say - Comedy Videos

That video? Do Christian guys really talk like that?? I don't talk to many guys at my church because they weird me out, so I mostly just chill with the women and they never say stuff like that.