I really need some advice about enlisting with a depressed girlfriend

[jaj]

Hi guys. I've been having a problem and I don't know where to seek advice. None of the forums seemed to match my question, so if this is posted in the incorrect forum, please feel free to move it and accept my apologies. I posted in the Christian sub-reddit at reddit.com with the following:

I have been with my girlfriend since February. She's been amazing to me and I love her to death. I posted about her in this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/Christiani...girlfriend_is_having_some_serious_depression/ last week in hope of finding help.

Now, I come to /r/christianity with a new problem. Well, it's not exactly new, but this is the first time I've reached out for help. Let me begin.

I am 23 years old and I have had a significant interest in enlisting into the military my entire life. At the age of 17 I was considering becoming a Marine, but backed out upon graduation because I was afraid of leaving home. Fast forward to 2013, the same thing happened. At one point in time, I wasn't a Godly person, but called myself a Christian. The other time, I wasn't even very religious at all...borderline atheist.

Fast forward again to this past 1-2 months. I've been looking very seriously at the Army. Unlike the other times, I've prayed on this quite a bit. This is the first time in my life, besides high school, that I've held interest in enlisting for a significant period of time. I feel ecstatic every time I think about it. It's something that I am very serious about -- I've seen a recruiter and have began the process of entering into MEP's. I was talking to my girlfriend about it and I told her that I thought the continuous feeling and eagerness to enlist could be my sign that it's right. It's something I had never had previously.

Right now I'm pretty down about the job I currently work. I see no satisfaction from it. I feel useless at work because I don't see myself benefiting society in any way, shape, or form doing what I do (security). I want to serve and the Army is how I want to do that.

The problem: my girlfriend suffers from anxiety and depression, as stated in the thread I linked to earlier. At first she was OK with me enlisting and shipping in late May or June. After she talked to a few people about the Army, she became concerned that she would be alone and would lose feelings for me and would not want to be in a relationship. She told me tonight that she wants me to wait until the next fiscal year (next October) to enlist so that her depression and anxiety is more under control so that she can make a more informed decision as to whether or not she could handle the military lifestyle.

I want to help her with her depression. I've been helping and doing everything I can since February. She says that she's not close to God right now and doesn't feel his presence in her life and until then, we're at a standstill on the military. The same with her anxiety and depression.

I want to help her get better. We've talked to her doctor and she's prescribed medicine for her and a psychologist, but I don't know what else to do.

I feel like I could be being called to become a soldier, but at the same time I want to make sure that my girlfriend is taken care of and that her anxiety and depression is manageable. But at the same time I understand that depression could last years with no true 100% solution.

What do I do? I want to enlist. I also want to help my girlfriend get better and I don't want her to stop loving me as I fully intend on marrying her. From the beginning after going to church (I'm new to Christianity) I thought that if we both put God first, everything would be OK with me enlisting. I thought that if we both put him at the center of our relationship, everything would be OK -- hard, of course, but nothing destructible. Is that wrong?

One thing that bothers me about waiting until next October is that I'll be 25 years old before I step foot into basic training. That puts me at getting out at the age of 30. To some people that's not a big deal, but to me it is.

I just need some advice or some help.
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The advice that I was given by many of the members was along the lines of "You should not feel obligated to put your professional career on hold for your girlfriend." I was curious as to whether or not you guys could share your opinions on this.

 

[ToBeLoved]

I have clinical depression and anxiety and one of the most important things is to have a good support system.

You do not have to answer these questions, but you may think about:

What is her family like? Are they close and supportive? Her friends? Does she have hobbies and other interests that she pursues on her own?

The reason that I ask this is because it is not good for anyone with depression and/or anxiety not to have a support system. Sometimes when we fall in love, we put all of our needs on that one person, our significant other. But chances are very good that she will have this the rest of her life. So what she needs to do is have a good support system with or without you. If she has good relationships, she needs to nurture those for her own mental health. Friendships and significant others (if unmarried) may come and go and she needs to prepare herself to deal with those things and nurture the relationships that she does have so they stay strong. Too often depressed people withdraw, it is very, very common thing to do. We almost all do it and people DO NOT UNDERSTAND this behavior. It makes no sense to them, but mental illness is not always about what makes sense, but just giving support.

I would also wonder if you could do like the Army Reserves or a limited like 3 month deployment. Although unless you two are to be married, that is a strong commitment to make to a girlfriend.

I would also say to pray together. It helps the weaker of the two in their faith and brings you closer together.

I hope that you come to the best decision for your life. God bless.

 

[Truthearthdefender]

I think from reading your post that the question you might ask as a Christian is: am I destined to be a husband, a soldier, or both... and is this the woman I am meant to marry. Instead of judging things by how they feel, ask Jesus for guidance and go with what Jesus says. Also consider that as a christian it is a sin to kill but in self-defense of your life or of the innocent. I am a veteran and I would have to really take a look at the current motivations of the government before swearing an oath to them. If you feel that they will uphold the laws of God before world law, then go for it... but trust Jesus BEFORE you trust your feelings. That is what your relationship with Jesus affords you.

That way you will make the right choice. Otherwise we risk letting others control us, and acting out of worldly desire.

I hope this perspective is helpful. Good luck! More christian soldiers are always needed... America must atone for the sins of some of its leaders and more Jesus in the ranks is never a bad thing!