I just want to Type

[justLife]

I just want to put down in words what I'm feeling with no real purpose but just to relay it somewhere. I suppose when I need to speak this will give me an avenue to do it.

How I got here? Next month will be one year since I was fired from my employer after 30+ years. It broke my heart when I was told they were letting me go. Not completely their fault but my manager did absolutely nothing to help me turn things around. I was told that I probably wouldn't make it to the next performance review. Very encouraging words from your manager (whom only had maybe 2 years in the position) when you're trying to do your best and not make mistakes. I was making mistakes but never the same mistake just a new one from time to time. Even some of those mistakes were questionable but it was still a mistake and my accountability for it. I made the mistakes so they let me go. I really wish they would have worked with me more but it is what it is. I can do nothing about it now.

This was right before COVID-19 hit so getting a job and, being older, wasn't in my favor. Finally, God opened a door for me and I was able to land a part-time position working 3 days a week. Basically, the same salary but with reduced FTE. I don't bring home the same pay because of the reduced FTE but anything helps. It allows us to pay for the house.

My problem has been I just can't get over it. I go to bed at night and it's all I think about. I wake up in the middle of the night and my past job is on my mind. I feel like I slip into depression/being happy. I just can't kick it.

I feel like a loser. Our daughter can no longer stay on college campus. Can't afford it. It breaks my heart knowing she can no longer have that college experience. That was taken away from her. Do we have any millionaire/billionaire Christians that would like to sponsor her eduction and/or college housing? Or even make a large payment on our house to lower our payment and we'll pay for the eduction and/or college housing.

I don't say anything to my wife or daughter because I feel that would complicate things. My mind just goes in and out all the time and I thought this might help in just expressing myself with words.

No one has to answer. I just needed some type of outlet and will use this post from time to time.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I just want to put down in words what I'm feeling with no real purpose but just to relay it somewhere. I suppose when I need to speak this will give me an avenue to do it.

How I got here? Next month will be one year since I was fired from my employer after 30+ years. It broke my heart when I was told they were letting me go. Not completely their fault but my manager did absolutely nothing to help me turn things around. I was told that I probably wouldn't make it to the next performance review. Very encouraging words from your manager (whom only had maybe 2 years in the position) when you're trying to do your best and not make mistakes. I was making mistakes but never the same mistake just a new one from time to time. Even some of those mistakes were questionable but it was still a mistake and my accountability for it. I made the mistakes so they let me go. I really wish they would have worked with me more but it is what it is. I can do nothing about it now.

This was right before COVID-19 hit so getting a job and, being older, wasn't in my favor. Finally, God opened a door for me and I was able to land a part-time position working 3 days a week. Basically, the same salary but with reduced FTE. I don't bring home the same pay because of the reduced FTE but anything helps. It allows us to pay for the house.

My problem has been I just can't get over it. I go to bed at night and it's all I think about. I wake up in the middle of the night and my past job is on my mind. I feel like I slip into depression/being happy. I just can't kick it.

I feel like a loser. Our daughter can no longer stay on college campus. Can't afford it. It breaks my heart knowing she can no longer have that college experience. That was taken away from her. Do we have any millionaire/billionaire Christians that would like to sponsor her eduction and/or college housing? Or even make a large payment on our house to lower our payment and we'll pay for the eduction and/or college housing.

I don't say anything to my wife or daughter because I feel that would complicate things. My mind just goes in and out all the time and I thought this might help in just expressing myself with words.

No one has to answer. I just needed some type of outlet and will use this post from time to time.

I'd like to answer anyway. Been there, done that, a number of times. Where is God in all this? Surely He has promised to meet all our needs? Surely He's promised to make all things work together for our good? I had a CV that was either amazing or frightening depending on the reader's perspective. I had many jobs. Every time I left one, either voluntarily or otherwise, it turned out for the best. I was in one job for 13 years and then I was retrenched. I did not know it at the time, but the company was being sold off and they wanted to get the salary figure down. I was being paid very well. My severance pay was extremely generous and I got another job quickly. I was in my 50's at the time.

I don't know any billionaire Christians. I do know the God who has promised to take care of His people. His idea of what constitutes a "need" may not be ours, but He has promised that we will never go without. My experience was not "luck" - there is no such thing. Our part is to seek God, ask Him for His help, check out our motivation and thanks Him for supplying - even before we receive.

In less than a year, I will be homeless. I'll have an opportunity to practice what I preach! I'll let you know how it goes.

I discovered an unpleasant truth about myself. My life revolved around my job. I was unemployed for nearly two years at one time. God ensured that all my needs were met in that time. We are meant to work, but God's supply is not hindered if circumstances stop us. Work is also a means to an end, not the be all and end all of our lives. Work was my idol. My attitude needed to change and God did exactly that. Praise His name!

 

[Lost4words]

Lay your concerns at the feet of Jesus.

Trust in Jesus.

Pray and pour your heart out to Him. He will help you.

God bless you

 

[Lost4words]

I'd like to answer anyway. Been there, done that, a number of times. Where is God in all this? Surely He has promised to meet all our needs? Surely He's promised to make all things work together for our good? I had a CV that was either amazing or frightening depending on the reader's perspective. I had many jobs. Every time I left one, either voluntarily or otherwise, it turned out for the best. I was in one job for 13 years and then I was retrenched. I did not know it at the time, but the company was being sold off and they wanted to get the salary figure down. I was being paid very well. My severance pay was extremely generous and I got another job quickly. I was in my 50's at the time.

I don't know any billionaire Christians. I do know the God who has promised to take care of His people. His idea of what constitutes a "need" may not be ours, but He has promised that we will never go without. My experience was not "luck" - there is no such thing. Our part is to seek God, ask Him for His help, check out our motivation and thanks Him for supplying - even before we receive.

In less than a year, I will be homeless. I'll have an opportunity to practice what I preach! I'll let you know how it goes.

I discovered an unpleasant truth about myself. My life revolved around my job. I was unemployed for nearly two years at one time. God ensured that all my needs were met in that time. We are meant to work, but God's supply is not hindered if circumstances stop us. Work is also a means to an end, not the be all and end all of our lives. Work was my idol. My attitude needed to change and God did exactly that. Praise His name!

Homeless? Please God, no.

 

[Michie]

I just want to put down in words what I'm feeling with no real purpose but just to relay it somewhere. I suppose when I need to speak this will give me an avenue to do it.

How I got here? Next month will be one year since I was fired from my employer after 30+ years. It broke my heart when I was told they were letting me go. Not completely their fault but my manager did absolutely nothing to help me turn things around. I was told that I probably wouldn't make it to the next performance review. Very encouraging words from your manager (whom only had maybe 2 years in the position) when you're trying to do your best and not make mistakes. I was making mistakes but never the same mistake just a new one from time to time. Even some of those mistakes were questionable but it was still a mistake and my accountability for it. I made the mistakes so they let me go. I really wish they would have worked with me more but it is what it is. I can do nothing about it now.

This was right before COVID-19 hit so getting a job and, being older, wasn't in my favor. Finally, God opened a door for me and I was able to land a part-time position working 3 days a week. Basically, the same salary but with reduced FTE. I don't bring home the same pay because of the reduced FTE but anything helps. It allows us to pay for the house.

My problem has been I just can't get over it. I go to bed at night and it's all I think about. I wake up in the middle of the night and my past job is on my mind. I feel like I slip into depression/being happy. I just can't kick it.

I feel like a loser. Our daughter can no longer stay on college campus. Can't afford it. It breaks my heart knowing she can no longer have that college experience. That was taken away from her. Do we have any millionaire/billionaire Christians that would like to sponsor her eduction and/or college housing? Or even make a large payment on our house to lower our payment and we'll pay for the eduction and/or college housing.

I don't say anything to my wife or daughter because I feel that would complicate things. My mind just goes in and out all the time and I thought this might help in just expressing myself with words.

No one has to answer. I just needed some type of outlet and will use this post from time to time.

Praying for you. These types of things can really shake your confidence and cause anxiety. Again, prayers for you and your whole family.

 

[justLife]

I wonder at times if I'm cursed or my family is cursed. At times my wife thinks so. When I was around 20 years old or so I told my Dad that I thought our family was cursed. He rebuked me for saying that. I kind of wondered if he thought me saying it made it actually happen.

My daughter is involved in "Young Adults" (college age to young marrieds) at church and does some of the activities at church. She has a really nice camera and have taken some nice photo shoots of some of the couples. She's actually quite good and has done photo shoots of the pastor and other staff members. I believe she is well liked by people who know her but either sits with us or sits alone if we are not there. Basically, hasn't made any friends and doesn't even get invited out when the group gets together. The group went out for New Years Eve and didn't invite my daughter. Same thing on another occasion. Just makes me wonder if what I said back when I was 20 has followed me and my family.

We also drive older cars that are always needing some sort of repair. I think the alternator is going out in one of them, as I speak. I take it in to the shop next week. My wife always complains about that and wonders why. We drive older cars because we don't have the money for newer cars.

I really don't think we are but I do wonder at times. I even bought a Power Ball ticket (something I normally don't do) hoping our situation would change. Didn't win anything. Go figures.

So much running around in my head.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Homeless? Please God, no.

It's fine. I've faced this situation before and God has always provided. Right now, I don't know how.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I wonder at times if I'm cursed or my family is cursed. At times my wife thinks so. When I was around 20 years old or so I told my Dad that I thought our family was cursed. He rebuked me for saying that. I kind of wondered if he thought me saying it made it actually happen.

My daughter is involved in "Young Adults" (college age to young marrieds) at church and does some of the activities at church. She has a really nice camera and have taken some nice photo shoots of some of the couples. She's actually quite good and has done photo shoots of the pastor and other staff members. I believe she is well liked by people who know her but either sits with us or sits alone if we are not there. Basically, hasn't made any friends and doesn't even get invited out when the group gets together. The group went out for New Years Eve and didn't invite my daughter. Same thing on another occasion. Just makes me wonder if what I said back when I was 20 has followed me and my family.

We also drive older cars that are always needing some sort of repair. I think the alternator is going out in one of them, as I speak. I take it in to the shop next week. My wife always complains about that and wonders why. We drive older cars because we don't have the money for newer cars.

I really don't think we are but I do wonder at times. I even bought a Power Ball ticket (something I normally don't do) hoping our situation would change. Didn't win anything. Go figures.

So much running around in my head.

There is always a reason. I was in a similar situation to you for years. God was speaking to me about giving. My argument was always that I did not have enough to meet my own needs, let alone give to others. God finally broke through. I started giving (not just tithing) and my finances improved almost immediately. I'm not into prosperity preaching any more - I tried giving for all the wrong reasons and all I got was broke. That was in the first few years of my Christian life. It was a part of the reason that I was reluctant to give.
Some of things I noticed:
Expenses were less. Before I gave, there was always something draining my finances - including, like you, car repairs and high running costs. Then I got a job with a company car - huge difference to the budget
Money from unexpected sources. And exactly when I needed it
More than generous severance pay from two jobs. Both were a result of the company being sold so making me redundant
Better paid jobs
Even my investments have paid off big time. I prayed about what shares to buy and mostly they have done very well. (I retired and invested some of my super).
If we do things God's way we will be blessed. God cannot lie, so you can trust Him without question.

 

[Lost4words]

It's fine. I've faced this situation before and God has always provided. Right now, I don't know how.

God bless you my friend

 

[Aussie Pete]

God bless you my friend

Thank you. You too.

 

[justLife]

There is always a reason. I was in a similar situation to you for years. God was speaking to me about giving. My argument was always that I did not have enough to meet my own needs, let alone give to others. God finally broke through. I started giving (not just tithing) and my finances improved almost immediately. I'm not into prosperity preaching any more - I tried giving for all the wrong reasons and all I got was broke. That was in the first few years of my Christian life. It was a part of the reason that I was reluctant to give.
Some of things I noticed:
Expenses were less. Before I gave, there was always something draining my finances - including, like you, car repairs and high running costs. Then I got a job with a company car - huge difference to the budget
Money from unexpected sources. And exactly when I needed it
More than generous severance pay from two jobs. Both were a result of the company being sold so making me redundant
Better paid jobs
Even my investments have paid off big time. I prayed about what shares to buy and mostly they have done very well. (I retired and invested some of my super).
If we do things God's way we will be blessed. God cannot lie, so you can trust Him without question.

I suppose that could be it. We do tithe and go above our tithes in giving. For years, we supported a missionary family every month. That stopped when I lost my job. We couldn't afford it. Although, I suppose one could make the case that we continue to support that family and leave it to God to make up the difference. That's hard to do when your income has been slashed. I suppose that's what people mean when stepping out in faith. I'll have to check with the wife but I think we dropped the missionary family and started supporting a recovery program at the church but only half of what we were giving to the missionary family.

I feel like we are good stewards but maybe we are not. We haven't missed a tithe since we've been married. Maybe God is working on me about the above and beyond the tithe and the cause of all these problems.

 

[justLife]

Thank you. You too.

Here I am whining about my life when you might have a dire situation unfolding around you.

At least, it sounds like you are very grounded and are just waiting on God to lift you up knowing he will do that exact thing.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I suppose that could be it. We do tithe and go above our tithes in giving. For years, we supported a missionary family every month. That stopped when I lost my job. We couldn't afford it. Although, I suppose one could make the case that we continue to support that family and leave it to God to make up the difference. That's hard to do when your income has been slashed. I suppose that's what people mean when stepping out in faith. I'll have to check with the wife but I think we dropped the missionary family and started supporting a recovery program at the church but only half of what we were giving to the missionary family.

I feel like we are good stewards but maybe we are not. We haven't missed a tithe since we've been married. Maybe God is working on me about the above and beyond the tithe and the cause of all these problems.

I could be entirely on the wrong track. However, it was my attitude to giving that was my problem. I do not believe that God expects you to do the impossible. I tried giving everything I had at one time. I nearly had my car repossessed. My motivation was wrong. I fell for the "prosperity" teaching, which seems so logical and biblical and yet is wrong.

I see things differently now. Everything that I have is from God. I give it back to Him. He ensures that my needs are met. For example, shares I have went up $2,000 in a week. That will pay next month's lease on our office. We are not renewing the lease so that burden will go. But I can see that God can meet my need in different ways.

Your problem may not be the same as mine. What I can say is that circumstances are God's way of getting our attention. He wants to bless you, not punish you. But we have to be in line with God's will before He blesses us, especially if we have been saved for a while.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Here I am whining about my life when you might have a dire situation unfolding around you.

At least, it sounds like you are very grounded and are just waiting on God to lift you up knowing he will do that exact thing.

As the old (and wonderful) song says, "Oh for grace to trust Him more"!

 

[justLife]

I really like what you have been saying. Not to put you on the spot but feel free to give advise or wisdom in anything you would like to say to me. I find your words very encouraging to me at this point in time.

 

[justLife]

I must say I have slept better here recently. My old job hasn't been on my mind as much while I sleep. The few times that I have woken up in the middle of the night my old job doesn't keep me awake hours on end. My mind has been at ease more since I started this post. I suspect because of the people who prayed in this post and just getting things off my chest. I think I was a very tormented man this past year.