I just don’t get it

[biblicalbro]

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

 

[Willing-heart]

Pat Morley wrote the following in his book (Man in the Mirror), “I think most men could recruit six pallbearers for their funeral, but hardly anyone has a real friend he can call at 2:00am.” I think most men desire the approval of others but the fear of rejection often keep them from initiating a deeper relationship. Vulnerability is a price of true godly friendship, but it is a very small price to pay if your identity is in Christ alone above all else.

Everlasting Godly Friendship

 

[miggles]

i've always been the same way. i thought i was the only one. i read your post and it was like reading my own thoughts. i guess some of us were not meant to have friends and spouses.

 

[biblicalbro]

Pat Morley wrote the following in his book (Man in the Mirror), “I think most men could recruit six pallbearers for their funeral, but hardly anyone has a real friend he can call at 2:00am.” I think most men desire the approval of others but the fear of rejection often keep them from initiating a deeper relationship. Vulnerability is a price of true godly friendship, but it is a very small price to pay if your identity is in Christ alone above all else.

Everlasting Godly Friendship

wow you hit it right on the forehead, yeah I desire such relationships but then I shy away. If anything, I reject myself, feeling so inadequate to everyone else, never feeling like I have anything to say.

And I don’t want to prove myself to anyone either as that isn’t the answer.

 

[biblicalbro]

i've always been the same way. i thought i was the only one. i read your post and it was like reading my own thoughts. i guess some of us were not meant to have friends and spouses.

Eh I wouldn’t go that far. Maybe marriage may not be the case but we’re called to connect regardless of how we feel. It just sucks to feel this way.

 

[lismore]

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl.

Hello biblicalbro. Thanks for sharing your struggle here, it must have taken a lot of courage. That's the good thing of a community like this, you can know that you are not alone and that others can empathise with you, to a great or lesser extent. One suggestion I would make, is there a sub-group in your church that you could join, a home group for example, or a group for a similar interest?

God Bless You

 

[biblicalbro]

Hello biblicalbro. Thanks for sharing your struggle here, it must have taken a lot of courage. That's the good thing of a community like this, you can know that you are not alone and that others can empathise with you, to a great or lesser extent. One suggestion I would make, is there a sub-group in your church that you could join, a home group for example, or a group for a similar interest?

God Bless You

I’m in one actually and been going weekly yet still feel this way. always feel awkward even when talking to folk or feeling left out when I’m not talking.

 

[Willing-heart]

wow you hit it right on the forehead, yeah I desire such relationships but then I shy away. If anything, I reject myself, feeling so inadequate to everyone else, never feeling like I have anything to say.

And I don’t want to prove myself to anyone either as that isn’t the answer.

Just be yourself. Infact, we should always be willing to take the risk of making a fool of ourselves even to the point that others might perceive us as idiots. To think about it, did Jesus, the Son of God, did He not look like an idiot when he hung on that cross for our sins, and looked down from the cross, especially when He looked at those who nailed Him to that cross and spat upon Him, and cried out saying, “crucify him!” Yet, above all else, for the greater good, He cried out to the Father saying, “Forgive them!” Did He not look like an idiot for our sake?

On the other hand, pride is the one sin that makes us self-conscious at all the time. There is a saying, “swallow your pride.” But pride really is not something that is meant to be swallowed, it is there to be broken into pieces and offered as a sacrifice unto the Lord so He can replace it with godly purity, righteousness and true humility.

True Humility

 

[lismore]

I’m in one actually and been going weekly yet still feel this way. always feel awkward even when talking to folk or feeling left out when I’m not talking.

Might it feel easier in time as you get to know folks better? Sometimes connection can take time. God Bless

 

[mama2one]

follow

 

[biblicalbro]

I am just a rare breed my friends. Love it

 

[biblicalbro]

Exactly how I feel

 

[biblicalbro]

Might it feel easier in time as you get to know folks better? Sometimes connection can take time. God Bless

Eh I’m also introverted so it can be draining

 

[biblicalbro]

follow

follow?

 

[biblicalbro]

Just be yourself. Infact, we should always be willing to take the risk of making a fool of ourselves even to the point that others might perceive us as idiots. To think about it, did Jesus, the Son of God, did He not look like an idiot when he hung on that cross for our sins, and looked down from the cross, especially when He looked at those who nailed Him to that cross and spat upon Him, and cried out saying, “crucify him!” Yet, above all else, for the greater good, He cried out to the Father saying, “Forgive them!” Did He not look like an idiot for our sake?

On the other hand, pride is the one sin that makes us self-conscious at all the time. There is a saying, “swallow your pride.” But pride really is not something that is meant to be swallowed, it is there to be broken into pieces and offered as a sacrifice unto the Lord so He can replace it with godly purity, righteousness and true humility.

True Humility

you keep linking to a blog. That’s yours?

 

[renniks]

I have always been a loner. I know the feeling well. I like being alone and at the same time sometimes I hate it. I do have a spouse and I have kid's fortunately, but as they leave the nest, I find myself alone more often. I've had close guy friends a couple times in my life, but not for a long time, and I feel like I've lost the drive to try and make close friends. Not sure what advice to give, but be yourself. My ideal would be to find a young man who I could mentor in outdoor skills, shared passions like that makes for a close bond.

 

[bèlla]

Greetings,

There are a lot of people on the site with similar struggles. Why don’t you start a thread (e.g., Lonely Believers) to draw others like yourself and form a fellowship group for mutual encouragement.

~Bella

 

[biblicalbro]

Wouldn’t this count as one?

 

[ajcarey]

There is freedom in giving up trying to be accepted, to have a social life, to not be lonely, etc- but not giving up in the sense of despair nor having spite towards others nor becoming a hermit-like figure like many in the world do. I mean giving up in the sense that you just resign yourself to do what is necessary to love God, keep His commandments, and love your neighbor as yourself. There is no shame in being awkward socially, but there is shame in one's interaction with people being primarily for one's own benefit and happiness. And that is true whether you are naturally social and personable or not. I'm not saying that anyone who steps out of their way to make friends, have fun with others (that doesn't involve doing evil) or to find a spouse is necessarily sinning, but life isn't about these things and they can also be a source of idolatry which interferes with living unto the Lord and walking in Truth. And if you just give up on your own social life altogether and only seek to do what is pleasing to the Lord you just might save yourself a lot of frustration; and you just might make some great friends and have some fun without even seeking for that. You see someone in your church or a neighbor who needs, help them; you have a chance to share the gospel with an unbeliever or say something edifying to another Christian, do it. Ask Bible questions to those with proven godly wisdom so you can understand really God's Word better and keep His Word better. You might even see someone who is lonely, be a friend and talk to them, not because you're seeking a friend, but because they just may be weaker than you and really need a friend. At the very worst then you'll be no less lonely than you already are, you'll be living more godly, and you'll be in a lot better position to be a faithful Christian to the end who ultimately inherits eternal life. And you might even find blessings here beyond what you thought possible in addition- but leave that part totally up to the Lord as you focus on doing what is right in His eyes.

 

[biblicalbro]

There is freedom in giving up trying to be accepted, to have a social life, to not be lonely, etc- but not giving up in the sense of despair nor having spite towards others nor becoming a hermit-like figure like many in the world do. I mean giving up in the sense that you just resign yourself to do what is necessary to love God, keep His commandments, and love your neighbor as yourself. There is no shame in being awkward socially, but there is shame in one's interaction with people being primarily for one's own benefit and happiness. And that is true whether you are naturally social and personable or not. I'm not saying that anyone who steps out of their way to make friends, have fun with others (that doesn't involve doing evil) or to find a spouse is necessarily sinning, but life isn't about these things and they can also be a source of idolatry which interferes with living unto the Lord and walking in Truth. And if you just give up on your own social life altogether and only seek to do what is pleasing to the Lord you just might save yourself a lot of frustration; and you just might make some great friends and have some fun without even seeking for that. You see someone in your church or a neighbor who needs, help them; you have a chance to share the gospel with an unbeliever or say something edifying to another Christian, do it. Ask Bible questions to those with proven godly wisdom so you can understand really God's Word better and keep His Word better. You might even see someone who is lonely, be a friend and talk to them, not because you're seeking a friend, but because they just may be weaker than you and really need a friend. At the very worst then you'll be no less lonely than you already are, you'll be living more godly, and you'll be in a lot better position to be a faithful Christian to the end who ultimately inherits eternal life. And you might even find blessings here beyond what you thought possible in addition- but leave that part totally up to the Lord as you focus on doing what is right in His eyes.

So basically, be like Christ. “Not my will, Yours be done”