I just don’t get it

[Corbin Jackson]

I thought I’d chirp in. I know very much what you’re going through. I’m kinda nerdy and I tend to pick topics or interests and exhaustively pursue them. In a way it’s a good way to meet people. You have an interest in common and it feels like you’re long lost bro’s. Ive found this to be tricky with church because generally most people are generalists. Some people excel at that but I’d say your at a disadvantage being a single male. You don’t have immediate family to leverage while building relationships. If you pick a type of service activity at your church this could help immensely. Music, greeting, whatever. Then become super passionate about it. People will notice your work and conversation can easily flow from that. Granted, it could stay shallow but it can be a good start. Maybe another tip, look for the nicest and most approachable people in your church. People that are listeners and patient. Create conversation with them. Thats low hanging fruit. I found one guy that would put up with my camping stories. He was never big into camping. You know what, we're planning a trip to the grand canyon now. I've also taken maybe an unusual approach and that is have no expectations over connecting with people. By this I mean go to church, talk to people, interact, show up to insignificant events. If no one really interacted with you that day its fine you made the effort. Always meet people halfway even if they don't. Put yourself in all and every situation in that church. Church is a place where you should never be penalized for reaching out, interacting, or being awkward. That's the framework and believe that. In actuality people can be jerks and reject you. But that's not what God made. God made church your family and you believe that no matter what. This mindset will burn through the fog. For many people social interaction is tough but so is exercise. Treat it like exercise and climb that mountain.

 

[Dave L]

Are you married? If so it is best to make your spouse your best friend and keep all others in a business only relationship.

 

[Willing-heart]

you keep linking to a blog. That’s yours?

Yes. Hope you're blessed by reading it.

 

[Shrewd Manager]

Seems there's an abnormally high quotient of leonine avatars on this thread.

 

[-Luca]

You aren't the only one. I don't have any friends in real life. My only friend is Jesus, admittedly. I come home every day and I always feel despair. I guess we just got to have faith in Him, and push through. Everyone has their problems.

Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.

 

[biblicalbro]

It takes a while to build relationships, even at church. I would say trying to build relationships on a Sunday alone is quite hard, and takes time. If you could get involved in a church home group, or small group, you will find that people open up a little more, and you may find what you are looking for.

already in one. For a while too. Still feel that way. Being around ppl actually makes me feel lonely than being alone that brings me comfort

 

[biblicalbro]

I can relate. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. I was the one everyone took out their spite, anger, pain, etc... on. It left me feeling very isolated and lonely. I won't bother you with all the story as it really doesn't apply to this thread. However, I will tell you what has always helped me the most. That's to get involved in working for God. Doing what He tells us is love for our fellow man. Get involved in leading people to Him. Get involved in helping others as Jesus did. Get involved in things bigger than yourself. Lay all of this out before our heavenly Father and ask Him for healing and guidance. Ask Him what He would have you do. He will heal you if you stick to Him and just keep on asking and believing. Jesus said, it will be done unto us according to our faith. Thus, like the blind man Jesus told to go wash his eyes in the pool of Siloam, just believe Him and do what He lays out for you to do. He will answer the prayer of faith.

When you do the above self disappears in service to others and in seeking to do God's will. And when self disappears God shines through both to you and to others. His love will become very real to you, and when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God loves you that will cause you to accept yourself and allow God to heal your hurts and pains. That is what God has done for me, and I have no doubt He can do the same for you. As screwed up as I was and the healing I've experienced from Him leaves no doubt in my mind that God can heal any amount of psychological pain and suffering. We just need to turn to Him and trust Him to heal us. He is the answer to what you are experiencing.

Jesus became a human being to do these kinds of things for us. He is reaching out to us, we just need to recognize that and respond to it in a positive way.

God bless you friend. Thanks for sharing this amazing testimony

 

[biblicalbro]

You are an INTROVERT. Read all about it. OK You might not feel any better but at least you will be able to understand yourself then you can ask God to help out.

Introvert and proud of it!

 

[-Luca]

Seems there's an abnormally high quotient of leonine avatars on this thread.

Mine is a fox

 

[biblicalbro]

Seems there's an abnormally high quotient of leonine avatars on this thread.

And it’s abnormally awesome

 

[biblicalbro]

Mine is a fox

Lol you fox!

 

[2PhiloVoid]

No matter what, I can’t shake this feeling of loneliness and insignificance when around ppl. It’s one thing to not be of this world and be rejected but it’s bad when you feel this way around beloved believers.

It’s not that I don’t try to connect. Been pushing myself more lately to talk, etc. But the end result is always the same. It’s agonizing to see other ppl have fun together and sharing a close bond.

Or how ppl have a significant other. Now for a while none of these things bothered me as I was more content in my own. Yet at the same time I knew I had to connect. I don’t know. It’s like establishing significant relationships become a rarity but the day. Especially as you get older. Most of the time it’s down to just small talk and nothing more. You reach out to hang out, Ppl are busy. You text to say hi, ppl take forever and a day to respond. And then when you’re actually around ppl to talk, you just don’t want to be there because you feel like you don’t matter, and are of no contribution to anyone.

Just wanted to share my thoughts for your prayers. I realize that this has been a pattern for a long time in my life. Never been a people person, hard to build new relationships and those I do build don’t last. And it’s usually me trying to hold such relationships together. But even in those relationships, there are times where I don’t want to be around as I feel like I don’t belong.


Nevertheless, I feel lonely whether or not I am around people. Thanks for reading.

I often feel exactly the same, but fortunately I have some healthy interests to fill in the time gaps between solid Christian fellowship and just mulling around......and feeling blue. (And I have a wife and son, so...........that's helps quite a bit!)

Part of the problem today is that despite ALL of the extra (and excess) interconnectivity we have, much of it is of a superficial nature and conditions folks for quick entry and easy exit connections with other people. People then become conduits for convenient "feel good moments" when really people, such as yourself, are significant entities made in the Image of God who deserve at least "a little more." Add to this the fact that Western Culture has become highly Pluralistic and one is bound [emphasize the term "Bound"] to feel aloof or actually be alienated from other people, even within one's own culture.

So, maybe kind of start thinking about these factors, existential and social factors, in which you and I live that make up our daily mental lives and social connections.

You're right! It is very difficult to connect, and for good reason. But, maybe do two things. Learn to relax and just be yourself (in healthy spiritual ways, of course), worrying less about what other think about you and more about where opportunities might be for you to better connect. And also pray. And if that doesn't work.............you'll have to learn to be a bit more patient in the process of mulling around in this complicated world in which you and I have been placed. In the meantime, use your down time to learn something new and useful.

Peace.

 

[Megan Nicole]

I wish I could offer you some sage advice, but unfortunately I'm in the same boat. It's exhausting to go through the cycle of getting close to people, losing those relationships, being lonely, and then repeating again, all while feeling like an outcast among even fellow believers. I completely understand it.
But know that you aren't alone. You are a part of God's family. He bought you at a price and he loves you. Though that might not feel like much in the moment, I promise that it is! And you also aren't alone in feeling that way. Just cling to him, trust that he has a plan greater than you can imagine, and keep taking it to him in prayer. Often when I'm feeling overwhelmed in my loneliness, I pray this:
"I don't understand, but I trust you. I can wait and be patient, I just need you to give me peace and comfort me through the trial."
Because he is working in your life! It's just sometimes hard to see and it can painful to wait. Just cling to him for your fulfillment and comfort and I promise some day he will give us more than we ever imagined. Just hang in there!

 

[faroukfarouk]

You aren't the only one. I don't have any friends in real life. My only friend is Jesus, admittedly. I come home every day and I always feel despair. I guess we just got to have faith in Him, and push through. Everyone has their problems.

Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering.

John's First Epistle has a lot about fellowship; if we have fellowship with the Father and with His Son Jesus Christ, then other relationships are greatly affected.

 

[justme6272]

Maybe another tip, look for the nicest and most approachable people in your church. People that are listeners and patient. Create conversation with them. Thats low hanging fruit.

Fair enough, but just a word of warning about such people. I've had a bad experience with what I thought was a good listener, but it turned out to be a one-way street where he probed all the personal inside scoop on me and my life (still does) but doesn't want to divulge much about himself. He likes to talk one on one with lots of different people. He went so far as to ask me personal questions about my finances, which I never should have given a clue about cause it's none of his business. But I did, and it was a mistake. Then when I asked HIM what HE did for a living, he just said he was a 'bureaucrat' and stopped. Very coy and secretive. I later surmised that he worked for some level of government, which he then confirmed, but I have no idea which government or what kind of work he does. Then when I talk about my long-term goals like wanting to write Christian music, or buy an RV and travel around the country, or settle someplace other than where I am, or even become a truck driver for income, he accuses me of having 'all these dreams and fantasies' just because I'm keeping my options open, and tells me instead that I need to 'go back to work' and get a REAL job. That hurt. Problem is, I feel I've been led by the Holy Spirit to at least try to write songs, and to not do something God tells you to do is a form of disobedience, even when it probably won't pay much if anything. I should have said 'get behind me Satan.' I now resent this otherwise friendly guy and when he sits down to chat, I'm tight lipped. If he asks what's going on, I just say, 'Not much, how about you?' and since he's always been tight lipped about himself, now we sit there and no one says anything. Except one time he asked if I've read any interesting scripture lately, wanting to me my source of enlightenment if I express something about the Bible which I found that doesn't make sense to me. But I prefer to not even do that.

There's also the issue of church gossip. I've developed my own motto which says,

"If there's even ONE person ANYWHERE who you don't want to know something in particular about yourself, you can't tell ONE person."

The idea of prefacing with 'this is to go no further' before divulging something is a farce. They may not tell anyone for a month, or a year, or several years, but eventually they will. I've had best friends who swore to secrecy and still couldn't keep their traps shut, given the right situation with the right person. They'll 'slip up' as one person put it, and blab your business as if it were an accident when it was no accident. No one but no one but no one can keep a confidence. It's not in people's nature. I'm the only one on the planet who seems to be able to do it.

Point is, when another person holds their cards close to their vest, hold yours closer. That's not a person who needs to know anything about you cause you know nothing about them. They answer questions vaguely, if at all. But they still enjoy conversation coming from YOU, so they can prob more info from YOU and then blab it to God knows who.

 

[faroukfarouk]

I wish I could offer you some sage advice, but unfortunately I'm in the same boat. It's exhausting to go through the cycle of getting close to people, losing those relationships, being lonely, and then repeating again, all while feeling like an outcast among even fellow believers. I completely understand it.
But know that you aren't alone. You are a part of God's family. He bought you at a price and he loves you. Though that might not feel like much in the moment, I promise that it is! And you also aren't alone in feeling that way. Just cling to him, trust that he has a plan greater than you can imagine, and keep taking it to him in prayer. Often when I'm feeling overwhelmed in my loneliness, I pray this:
"I don't understand, but I trust you. I can wait and be patient, I just need you to give me peace and comfort me through the trial."
Because he is working in your life! It's just sometimes hard to see and it can painful to wait. Just cling to him for your fulfillment and comfort and I promise some day he will give us more than we ever imagined. Just hang in there!

Hi, there; as regards trusting the Lord, I'm constantly amazed by Job: "Though He slay me, yet will I trust in Him" (Job 13.15).

 

[-Luca]

Fair enough, but just a word of warning about such people. I've had a bad experience with what I thought was a good listener, but it turned out to be a one-way street where he probed all the personal inside scoop on me and my life (still does) but doesn't want to divulge much about himself. He likes to talk one on one with lots of different people. He went so far as to ask me personal questions about my finances, which I never should have given a clue about cause it's none of his business. But I did, and it was a mistake. Then when I asked HIM what HE did for a living, he just said he was a 'bureaucrat' and stopped. Very coy and secretive. I later surmised that he worked for some level of government, which he then confirmed, but I have no idea which government or what kind of work he does. Then when I talk about my long-term goals like wanting to write Christian music, or buy an RV and travel around the country, or settle someplace other than where I am, or even become a truck driver for income, he accuses me of having 'all these dreams and fantasies' just because I'm keeping my options open, and tells me instead that I need to 'go back to work' and get a REAL job. That hurt. Problem is, I feel I've been led by the Holy Spirit to at least try to write songs, and to not do something God tells you to do is a form of disobedience, even when it probably won't pay much if anything. I should have said 'get behind me Satan.' I now resent this otherwise friendly guy and when he sits down to chat, I'm tight lipped. If he asks what's going on, I just say, 'Not much, how about you?' and since he's always been tight lipped about himself, now we sit there and no one says anything. Except one time he asked if I've read any interesting scripture lately, wanting to me my source of enlightenment if I express something about the Bible which I found that doesn't make sense to me. But I prefer to not even do that.

There's also the issue of church gossip. I've developed my own motto which says,

"If there's even ONE person ANYWHERE who you don't want to know something in particular about yourself, you can't tell ONE person."

The idea of prefacing with 'this is to go no further' before divulging something is a farce. They may not tell anyone for a month, or a year, or several years, but eventually they will. I've had best friends who swore to secrecy and still couldn't keep their traps shut, given the right situation with the right person. They'll 'slip up' as one person put it, and blab your business as if it were an accident when it was no accident. No one but no one but no one can keep a confidence. It's not in people's nature. I'm the only one on the planet who seems to be able to do it.

Point is, when another person holds their cards close to their vest, hold yours closer. That's not a person who needs to know anything about you cause you know nothing about them. They answer questions vaguely, if at all. But they still enjoy conversation coming from YOU, so they can prob more info from YOU and then blab it to God knows who.

This is the one of the reasons as to why I don't want to go to church. The only reason I would go to church is to meet like-minded people, but its far from the truth. My bedroom is my church.